On My Knees
by mangoaddict
Summary: Tess centered. Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.
1. Prologue: Every New Beginning

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: The quote at the beginning of the chapter is from Green Day's_Closing Time_. Any dialogue you recognize is from _Departure_.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Prologue: Every New Beginning

…_every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end…_

This is what it feels like when you realize you are a murderer. Your heart stops beating and your lungs start burning and everything seems to go into slow motion and speed up at the same time, and the volume rises and falls like an old out-of-tune radio, while the air thickens and you want to start screaming in horror, but you've forgotten how to make any sound at all.

Alex was crumpling at her feet while Kyle stood in the doorway, confused and unsure, and she thought the world might actually stop spinning.

* * *

"Max, stop, it was Tess! Tess killed Alex. She mind-warped Alex and sent him to Las Cruces to decode the book, but he broke out of the mind-warp and she killed him." Liz's words, shouted with fury and fear, echoed in the suddenly silent chamber. The only noise was the whirring of the Granolith, the great machine that had come to life, promising them a way home.

"It's true," Kyle added, his words quieter, but no less furious. "I was there, I witnessed it."

_Kyle, I didn't mean… I'm sorry._

Max stared at Kyle, trying to understand his words. Tess was a murderer? That just didn't make sense… how could it… how could she...? "Why didn't you ever say anything?" he demanded, incredulous. All this time searching for Alex's killer and the answer had been right there all along?

"Because she mind-warped me!" Kyle spat. His gaze turned from Max to Tess, and he added viciously, "You lived in my home, you were like my sister."

Max looked at Tess as well. She was staring at Kyle, her mouth partially open as though she wanted to say something else. But the look in her eyes… cold and angry and cruel… "How long?" he asked, gesturing with one hand towards the Granolith's clock.

"About 3 minutes," was Michael's hesitant answer.

"Everyone out," Max ordered tersely. He would get to the bottom of this. He would find out exactly what she had done and why she had done it. He would look this cold-hearted, traitorous liar in the eyes and force her to explain what she had done.

He'd loved her. Not like he loved Liz, but he had loved her. She was the mother of his baby, the woman he was planning on starting a family with. And she…

His fury must have shown clearly on his face, because Michael gave him one look and said worriedly, "Max?"

"Now!" Max spat, and the others left the chamber. Until he stood alone, staring down at the small blonde girl in front of him.

The others scrambled out of the cave. The ground was shaking underneath their feet, the Granolith was humming with a frightening intensity, but Tess was oblivious to all of this as she stared up at Max. He towered over her, eyes filled with a rage so inhuman that her breath caught in her throat and she was afraid, despite herself.

"Did you kill Alex?" Max demanded.

_Yes. I tried to save him, I tried, but I couldn't…_

The words that came from her mouth weren't hers. They were the words of the monster that had taken over her mind, the enemy that had trapped her within her own body, unable to break free.

"I didn't want to, I wish I hadn't, but I did," she answered, backing away slowly.

"Why?" Max spat.

"Look, Max… the clock's ticking, we don't really have time…"

"Tell me why!" Max ordered, moving towards her so quickly that she almost thought he would attack her.

_Because I couldn't stop. Because they had me under their control. I screamed, I begged, I did everything I ever could, but it wasn't enough. I didn't want to kill Alex, but I… I couldn't fight them._

"He would have told you what I did and I couldn't let that happen," she answered.

"So you just, you just killed him?"

_No!_ she screamed within her mind, begging for him to hear her. But the monster spoke, and she was left to watch in helpless horror as her mouth spat out lies.

"I didn't mean to. His brain was just so weakened by the mind-warp and... Look, none of this matters now."

They were still controlling her. Didn't they realize they had lost? Didn't they understand that he wasn't coming with her? Didn't they see the truth?

_Let me go. Please, please… just let me go. Don't do this to me._

"Life matters, Tess. My life, your life, his…" Max stared at her, and in his eyes she saw all the disbelieving questions he wanted to ask, all the things he couldn't understand.

The skins, Tess reflected, were brilliant. Even if they had failed, they had still succeeded in so many ways. Maybe they wouldn't get the four royals, but did it matter? They would still have her and her son.

"What matters is going home," she snarled. "But you could never understand that, could you? I might have been able to teach you, but that stupid bitch had you wrapped around her…"

"Don't you ever call her that!"

_I didn't. I didn't call her that. Can't you see it's not me? Max, please… help me. Save me. Kill me if you have to, just get me out of this. Don't let them use me._

Months. Months of periodically being controlled. Months of struggling to say what was happening to her. Months of desperately wanting someone, anyone, to come to her rescue. And none of them even noticed that something was wrong.

"See!" Tess retorted, flushing a deep crimson with pure hate. "Look how fast you run to her defense. Why couldn't you ever feel that way about me? I'm your wife, Max. I'm carrying your child!"

Her words, and yet not her words. Her thoughts, and yet not her thoughts. Someone else in her body, someone else controlling her.

"This was all some kind of plan to get pregnant and go home, wasn't it? Home to what, Tess? To Khivar? To our enemies?" Max asked.

His words, and she remembered Alex. His words, and she felt the same eruption in her chest, the same screams of helplessness wanting to tear from her throat. She'd killed Alex. Not in motive, but in every way that actually counts…

She should have been able to save him. She should have been able to fight back. She should have been able ti win.

_I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I'm sorry, Alex, I'm so sorry…_

"They're not my enemies, Max," she answered. They were so much more than that. They were her nightmares, her deepest fears, her greatest threats. They were the horrors that had haunted every waking moment of the past several months.

"You made a deal with them, with Khivar," Max said bluntly. It wasn't a question. He already knew her, already understood everything about her.

Or, at least, he thought he did.

She would have made a deal, she realized. If it had meant saving Alex, she would have given Khivar anything he wanted. Anything to keep her from becoming a murderer.

"No, Nasedo made a deal, forty years ago," she answered. Again, a lie, but she was not the one speaking.

"What was the deal? Tell me!" Max hissed, moving towards her again. She stepped away, putting more distance between them.

"To return home with your child and deliver the three of you to Khivar."

"And what would happen to us once you delivered us?" She didn't answer Max, and he shook his head, disgusted. "How did I ever fall in love with someone like you? How did I ever marry you?"

Struggling to tell the others what was happening, opening her mouth to spill her secrets before it was too late… and no words coming out.

No, words were coming out. Just not the ones she wanted. Not _her_ words.

"You were different, you were a king. Now you're just a boy," she replied, wondering if it was true. Anything to make him hurt, anything to push him just a little bit further away from her. She still loved him, no matter what, and she hurt the people that she loved. For both their sakes, she had to push him away.

He moved towards her, lifting his hand to her throat. Murder for the murderer. It seemed a just punishment.

Her son kicked.

"You kill me, Max, and you kill our son."

Alex, falling to the floor. Alex, lifeless eyes staring at her from the car as she staged the accident. Alex… dead.

"Go. This isn't over, Tess."

_Forgive me._

* * *

In space, there is nothing but a great emptiness. There is nothing but a void of darkness that not even the light from the brightest star will ever fully illuminate. In space, there is nothing, no past, no future. Just…

Just now.

Just this one moment, this split-second extended forever into eternity. Just the overwhelming pressure of silence, just the faint echo of light and noise that never reaches anywhere, like the resurfacing resonance of a long-forgotten memory.

"_You destroyed my mind. How could you do this to me?"_

Just words.

* * *

Tess leaned back against the cold, hard metal of the ship, clutching her stomach, trying to soothe her unborn son. She drew a long breath and ran a hand through her hair, trying to control her own erratic breathing.

And she felt it. The slow fading of the presence that had kept her under control for so long. The possession slipped away, leaving her alone in space, suddenly fully aware of what had happened, what she had done. She could see Alex, crying out in pain as he collapsed at her feet. She could see Kyle's horrorstruck expression as he realized what she had done. And she could see Max, livid and terrified and aghast, as he advanced towards her.

It was as though the floodgates had broken and the heavy pool of water in which she had been submerged burst forward, rushing away from her in torrents, spilling across the ground. She had been under their control, and their plan had still failed, and now they'd abandoned her to do what she could with the ruined pieces of her life.

Had she killed Alex?

Max had asked her that.

It was a fair question.

Had she killed Alex?

Not of her own accord. But he was dead and it was by her powers that he had met his end and…

She'd tried to stop, tried to gain control, tried her best to save Alex, but it had been too late and the boy was still dead. And she still remembered every excruciating detail of it.

Had she killed Alex?

In every way that actually mattered…

Yes.

The first shiver ran through her, up her spine. She swallowed the bitter fear that rose in her throat and blinked once or twice, wishing away the tears that threatened to fall. She felt an icy hand grip down on her arm, felt the tug of something pulling at her shoulder, memories she only wanted to forget.

The first time she lost control of her body was in the abandoned building as she knelt on the cold, damp floor. Congresswoman Whitaker loomed over her, tall and fearsome and filled with smirking triumph. _I can make you do anything,_ she had said, and as though to prove her point, she'd forced her own powers into Ava's mind, forced her to her feet, forced her to blast the wall with so much energy that the air crackled and her own body hummed. _I can make you kill_.

The second time she lost control of her body, it was in the New York sewers, and she was crouching on the dank floor as Lonnie and Rath stood over her, laughing. In the distance, she had heard Max screaming her name, and she had thought of all the people she didn't want to leave behind. _Sweetheart, you can scream all you want, nobody's gonna hear you_, Lonnie had mocked her, _and you ain't ever going to be able to change that_.

She'd returned to Roswell and found that Lonnie had been right about one thing; she couldn't tell anyone. Every time she tried, she'd open her mouth, and the words would get stuck, unwilling to come out, and she was left with her mouth hanging open, unable to talk.

It only got worse from there. While the others had discovered the strange girl buried alive who had some bizarre connection to them and to Michael, she'd found herself haunted by a living nightmare she couldn't escape. They'd taken control of her once again, forcing her to mind-warp Alex over and over and over until his brain melted into nothing more than a mass of broken neurons and cells.

She fought, she screamed, she yelled, she clawed, trying in vain to break their control over her mind. She bit back the fear that welled up inside her as she felt Alex slowly fading, struggled to keep the rage at bay when she realized they meant to use her to destroy the others, and concentrated all her might on fighting the battle that she never won.

The last time she'd lost control of her body had been in the safety of her own room, which was no longer safe. She'd mind-warped Alex until there was nothing left to mind-warp, and he fell to the ground while Kyle watched, and she'd realized that everything had been destroyed with the last gasp of breath from Alex's barely parted lips. _You'll betray them all, Ava, darling_, Nicolas had told her as he forced her to fake the car accident. And she opened her mouth to argue, to tell Max the truth, to beg forgiveness for not being strong enough to stop their enemies, and once again the words would not come. _You can't speak if we don't let you_.

And they hadn't let her. Hadn't let her do anything of her own accord until she was faced with Liz's accusations and Kyle's bitter fury and Max's utter hatred and everything was lost.

And now she was here.

A twisting of gears, a shattering screech, a blast of noise.

And then she was on Antar.

And Nicolas and Khivar's royal army where there to greet her.

* * *

Destiny and fate. They're interesting ideas, when you think about them long enough. If something is fated to happen, can you ever truly take credit for it? Be blamed for it? If it was out of your control, if you really _can't_ choose your own destiny, how can you ever say any of it was your fault?

But, even if you knew it had to happen, even if you knew nothing you did would ever change it, when it does happen, when a body collapses on the floor in front of you, no matter what your head knows, can you ever really convince your heart that it _wasn't_ your fault?

* * *

Tess felt the tickling sensation of sweat on her neck, felt the burn of her own lungs as she gasped for air. She was running, her feet stumbling over the ground, hands clenched tightly around her newborn son. Her companion ran a few steps in front of her. He was taller and stronger and faster, and he kept one hand gripped tightly around her arm, practically dragging her behind him. Every time she stumbled, he'd just keep pulling, intent on reaching their destination safely.

At the intersection of two long corridors, the man paused and glanced left and right. They could hear the sounds of battle floating through the heavy walls, the shouts and cries of the wounded, the victorious screams of Khivar's royal army.

"Oh God… they're all going to die," Tess whispered.

Her companion gave her a cold stare. "Of course they're going to die," he snapped. "We're all going to die. _We_ don't matter. Only you do." And he turned right, yanking her into motion once again.

At the end of this corridor was a large set of double doors. Her companion stopped in front of them, glancing over his shoulder through a large set of windows and towards the sound of distant fighting. The acrid smell of smoke was getting closer, filling the air with a heavy haze. In the distant darkness, a sudden flash of light illuminated the scene, the fallen bodies, the wounded fighters.

He turned back to the doors and thrust out his hand. The doors swung open on their own accord, reacting to the power trembling in his fingers. They could see the outlines of the ship, the only one the Resistance had ever managed to gain access to, the one that would carry her far away from this war.

"Go," the man ordered.

Tess shook her head. "I can't just leave you all," she whispered, horrorstruck at the idea of having more lives, more blood, on her hands.

But the man was listening. He had already turned away, and his gaze was now focused on the darkness outside the windows. The soldiers were coming closer, and the rebels could only hold them off for a limited amount of time. The fear that flowed through his veins was coming stronger, he knew soon it would all be over.

How it ended was up to the hybrid standing beside him, staring through the double doors at her only chance of survival, unwilling to leave.

"You must go," he said at last, turning back to her.

"I…"

They heard it then, the sound of footsteps in the hallway just beyond the corner. He knew, the new king knew what they were doing, and he'd sent men after then. It was now or never. He dropped his hands to his side, preparing himself for the upcoming battle, knowing it would be his last.

He did not want to die, but there were things is this world more important than his life. And this, this chance at freedom, this one tiny beating heart residing in the boy clutched tightly in the Queen's arms, this was their only hope. This was something worth dying for.

"If you do not go now, they will capture you, and all our efforts, all our deaths, will be in vain. You did not kill us, your Majesty. Our deaths are not your fault. But if your inability to act causes this to fail… that will be your fault. Do you understand?"

"…yes…"

She'd been to Antar. She'd seen hell.

She'd stood before the throne in chains, and stared at the man who had ruined her life. For the first time since Alex's death, the self-disgust, the grief, and the horror that had plagued her gave way to unadulterated fury and loathing for that man.

Khivar.

They had not expected anyone to find out that she had killed Alex. The plan was to have her bring all four of them back, and no one could have predicted Liz's discoveries or Michael's sudden wish to be with Maria.

But fate has a funny way of ruining everything.

Let the others think her a murderer, let them stay where they could be safe and happy with each other. She looked into the eyes of this man, this king, and knew that somehow, someday, she would destroy him the way he had destroyed her.

She had been thrown into prison to wait out the birth of her son, who Khivar would take and raise as his own. Almost four weeks into the imprisonment, and just days before her baby would be born, the rebels had managed to save her, breaking her out of the prison and leading her to the safety of their hidden mountain camps.

It was there that she had given birth to her beautiful son, there that she had learned of the history of this bloody conflict, there that she had understood that these people revered her son more than anyone else in the entire, never-ending expanse of universe.

They'd risked everything for her, and for her child. They'd located a ship, one that could carry her far away from this planet and it's waging war, it's dangers, and take her to the safety of the only home she'd ever known. Once they'd determined how to access the facility where the ship was being kept, it was only a matter of distracting Khivar.

It had been a suicide mission. She knew that. She knew they would all die.

They'd known they would all die.

They'd gone anyway.

Because they'd believed in her, in what she could do. They'd believed that she was something more than a waste of space, of human and Antarian DNA. They'd looked at her, and seen something worth fighting for… a chance. An opportunity. Hope.

Her son squirmed in her arms, and she felt a tear make it's solitary way down her cheek.

* * *

The past never stays buried. Like a living, writhing, breathing mass, it always breaks through the barriers we put up, forcing it's way into the present. You can never escape, no matter how hard you may try, because the past is a part of you, and there is nowhere you can run to be free from yourself. 


	2. Memories of Sand

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter One: Memories of Sand

_Five years later…_

She dreamt of Roswell often. Sometimes she would wake up in the middle of the night, and for a moment be convinced that she was back there, with all of them. In her dreams, Roswell was always covered with sand as though a great tornado had deposited the entire desert over the town and buried everyone underneath.

Sometimes, she would dream of walking over the half-buried town. She would see Alex's body, lifeless and still, half-hidden beneath a sand dune. Try as she might, she could never dig him free of the heavy weight before the dune collapsed and buried them both alive.

She'd wake up crying out in fear.

Once, when she took her son to the grocery store to buy bread and milk, she saw a boy who looked so exactly like Nicolas that her first thought was to attack him. Sometimes, she'd heard footfalls on the cement behind her and when she turned around, caught a glimpse of a shadow disappearing into the alley. A cat slinking away, a stray dog looking for a place to sleep through the night, but she'd think of Rath and Lonnie and end up trembling with overwhelming emotions.

* * *

Tess woke with a sudden start, momentarily blinded in the dim light. As her eyes adjusted, she took in the familiar surroundings of the small bedroom. Moonlight cascaded through the grimy glass, casting shadows along the threadbare rug and the whitewashed walls. The man in the bed next to her groaned and opened his eyes, giving Tess a bleary and confused look.

"Tess? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Nick," Tess replied, pulling herself from the bed. "Just a bad dream. Go back to sleep." She turned her back on him and walked to the window. Her thoughts were, as usual, a jumbled mess that she couldn't quite sort out.

Nick pushed himself to a sitting position and gave Tess a skeptical look. "Something's wrong," he said, refusing to believe Tess' reassurances. "Tell me what it is."

Tess glanced over her shoulder, studying Nick's face. He had light brown hair, a sort of sandy color that reminded her of the beach near where they lived. His eyes, blue as hers, were filled with concern and love. His chin was slightly pointed and his slender nose gave him an aristocratic look.

She thought idly that he would have fit in well at the royal court on Antar.

"I was just… it was just a bad dream," Tess repeated, swallowing her own fears and forcing a smile.

Nick clearly doubted her words, but instead of pressing the subject, he rose silently and cross the room until he was standing directly behind her. She was looking out the window again, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and felt her lean back into his embrace.

Out of the window, they could see the distant mountain ranges rising over Lake Washington, and Tess thought to herself that she absolutely loved Seattle. She loved everything about it from the constant drizzle of rain to the lousy public transportation, to the beautiful Mt. Rainer, outlined against the sky in the southeast.

But, as usual, the beauty of this view and the warmth of Nick's arms were interrupted by the shiver that ran down her spine, the beginning of memories she wanted to forget. She could not block out the look of pain and betrayal on Alex's face as he fell.

Nick released his hold on her and turned with a slight frown. "Alex is waking," he said quietly, and a moment later the sound of soft footsteps on the hallway floor outside their room signaled the approach of her five-year-old son. The door pushed open, and a little head poked around it, unruly brown hair falling over blue eyes.

"Mommy? Daddy? I 'ad a bad dweam," the boy said in his high-pitched voice.

Nick crossed the room and lifted Alex into his arms. He glanced over at Tess, then said to Alex, "Do you want me to read you a story?"

Alex nodded, his head bobbing up and down, and then he added, "And fight 'way the mons'ers under my bed?"

"Sure, buddy," Nick said with a smile. "Come on, let's go scare away those monsters." And he carried Alex from the room, shutting the door softly behind him.

"_You destroyed my mind. How could you do this to me?"_

In the darkness of the room, Tess rubbed her weary eyes and let out a slow breath, listening to the tap of the light rain now falling against the roof.

"I didn't kill you," she whispered, her words lingering in the still air. "I didn't…"

_The desert glistened underneath the soft light of the moon. Her feet crunched on the sand and rock as she stepped out of the car and looked around._

_He was standing there. She wasn't surprised by his presence, but it also meant little to her that he was there. He was in her mind, constantly, and she no longer needed to see his physical form to hear his cold and cruel voice._

"_Push the car off the road," he ordered calmly._

_She shook her head, blonde curls bouncing, eyes opened wide and pleading. "Why are you doing this, Nicolas?" she asked. "Why did you have to kill him?"_

_Nicolas frowned and looked at the car. Through the grimy window, he could see the still body, slumped over in the driver's seat, waiting for the inevitable. "He wasn't supposed to die," Nicolas admitted. "We didn't know how strong your mind-warp was. We didn't…" Then he seemed to start, as though realizing that he was justifying himself to his enemy, and his face twisted into a sneer. "Do it," he ordered again._

"_Please… just let Alex rest in peace."_

"_I am," Nicolas answered, and now his tone was bordering on impatience. "But we can't very well have you get caught, can we? How will you bring the other royals to us if they find out the truth?"_

"_I won't," she cried, her face flushed with passion. "I won't betray them. I won't let you use me to get to them."_

"_Oh, but you will," Nicolas answered. "You'll betray them all, Ava darling." His eyes narrowed. "Now… do it," and he pointed at the cliff._

_Against her will, she felt her body start to move. One hand extended out in front of her, now glowing with a fiery red and white. Inside her own mind, her voice screamed, over and over, but her body kept moving. Against her will, she watched helplessly as the car sputtered and jumped, then slipped over the edge._

_When it finally smashed to a stop at the base of the cliff, a swirl of dust rose into the air, golden and red like the sand that stretched out all around them. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she thought of the devastation that was sure to follow tomorrow when the body was found. If she could have, she would have confessed it all to Max and let him simply kill her before she could do more damage. But her mouth would never obey a command to reveal the truth, and she was still left living a nightmare._

_When she turned back to Nicolas, he was gone, the only remnant of his presence two footprints in the sand._

"Tess?"

She pulled herself away from the painful memory and turned to Nick, who had appeared in the doorway to the room again. With a weary sigh, she asked, "Is Alex asleep?" As always, when she spoke of her son, her eyes began to glitter slightly, to be filled with a light that was often absent.

"Yes, he drifted off the moment I started to tell him about Aladdin," Nick answered. He studied her pale and drawn face, and said, "You should get some sleep as well."

She tried to smile, but she had the feeling that it came out more as a grimace. "Alex isn't the only one having nightmares," she remarked, the light in her eyes fading slightly. She walked over to the bed and sat down, sinking into the mattress.

It wasn't easy for Tess, and Nick knew that. She saw danger everywhere, in everyone. Try as she might, she would never be able to outrun what had happened, never able to escape from the past. Roswell still hung over her like an all-encompassing shadow.

Nick sat down next to her and wrapped one arm around her slender shoulders and she leaned her petite frame against him.

Sometimes, late at night, Nick wondered if she ever looked at him and wished he was someone else. He'd catch her, on occasion, staring out into nothing with that faraway look in her eyes, the look she had whenever she was thinking of… Max.

There, he's thought the name. The name no one mentioned. The name no one dared to say aloud.

There were many names they didn't say. He knew all of them now, knew what to avoid, knew who she was speaking about when she refused to refer to people by their names, but merely talked in vague and disconnected thoughts.

Max. Kyle, Jim. Michael, Isabel, Maria, Liz… Alex.

She never mentioned anything about her son's namesake. She never explained why she had named him that, never explained why she had been forced to leave Roswell, never explained any of it.

When Alex first started to call Nick 'Daddy,' Tess had flinched and looked away. It took Nick months to realize that she was not upset with him for pretending to be Alex's father, in fact she was thrilled that her son would have someone to look up to, someone who could provide all the parental roles generally associated with fathers. No, what upset her so much was that every time Alex said 'Daddy,' she thought if his real father, and that only served to bring back memories of what had happened, of what had been taken from her.

She never sought them out. She'd never even once expressed any interest in finding them again. She was running, and Nick had no idea what she was trying to avoid, what she wanted to forget. Just that it was painful. Just that it was in the past.

Just that it had to do with Roswell.

Whatever it was, it had Tess scared. Terrified. Because she knew… it was all so easy…

One simple mistake and the entire world could come crashing down.

* * *

Nick drained the last of the coffee from his cup and glanced around the small Starbucks. The two people sitting across from him were watching him cautiously, waiting for him to explain why he had asked to see them. But he really couldn't put into words just what he was concerned about, so he procrastinated by studying the people passing by outside the window.

"You know," one of his companions said with a slight quirk to her lips, "no matter how long you stay silent, you are going to need to tell us what is going on at some point." She ran a hand through her fiery red hair and waited for an answer with an impatient air.

"Leave him be, Kate," the other man said, giving her a sharp look. "Obviously, this is not easy for him to talk about."

"Then why did he call us, Charlie?" Kate hissed pointedly.

"Because I'm worried about Tess," Nick interrupted before the two of them could get into an argument. "Something's wrong, and it isn't… well, it isn't something I can help her with. At least, I don't know how to help her."

Kate gave Nick a guarded look and asked, "Do you want me to talk to her?" At twenty-five, she had already completed her Masters of Social Work degree, putting her in the perfect position to hand out psychological advice.

"I don't know," Nick admitted. "Do you think it would help?"

He and Kate had met while they were both getting different degrees at the University of Washington. He had gone into biochemistry and worked as a lab technologist in a biotech engineering company. Charlie, two years older than them, worked in a law firm, and had met Kate at a company party a few years ago. Sparks had flown, and within a few weeks they were dating.

"What exactly is wrong with her?" Charlie asked, pushing his cup back and forth between his hands.

Nick shrugged. "She hasn't slept through the night in forever. Every time she wakes up, she tells me it is nothing and to go back to sleep, but the look on her face when she first comes out of her dreams…" He trailed off and sighed. "I'm worried."

Tess had shown up in Seattle five years ago with a newborn son and a past she refused to talk about. She was a few years younger than all of them, but something about the way she talked and acted made her seem much older. Although Nick had had some reservations about dating something who had a child at such a young age, he had still been drawn to Tess. She had enrolled in classes at the University of Washington upon arrival and completed a Bachelors of Arts degree in history. Unlike the other three, she had not pursued graduate school or a career, but had instead taken a part time job at one of the local libraries and immersed herself in raising her son.

"There's always been something different about her," Kate mused, "and I don't mean just the whole running from the past with a son. Something else…"

"Maybe she's really a witch sent to corrupt us all," Charlie suggested with a yawn.

Kate glared at him.

"Kidding," Charlie muttered, holding his hands up in surrender. "Just kidding." He slanted a quick look at Nick and said, "I can talk to her too, if you want. Maybe get her to open up about it."

"I'm the social worker," Kate pointed out.

It was a very argumentative relationship, Nick reflected. He had never met two people who enjoyed debating each other as much, although Tess had mentioned once that they reminded her of a couple she had known back in Roswell.

It was one of the very few times she mentioned her past.

"She doesn't want a social worker," Nick answered finally, rubbing his hands together to warm them up. "And I don't want her to think that I don't trust her to deal with everything on her own."

"But you don't trust her to do that," Charlie countered. "Otherwise you would have just left it all alone."

Nick bit his lip. "I love her. I'm worried. That's all."

* * *

"I'm sorry, Ms. Parker," the doctor said sympathetically as he glanced over her chart, "but the prognosis is not good. There are some new, radical treatments, but… They aren't proven to work."

Liz sat on the edge of the hospital bed, swinging her feet over the side, and listening to the doctor with a heavy heart. Max stood behind her, one hand resting on her shoulder as though to keep her steady.

"These new treatments," Max asked with a strain in his voice, "who offers them?"

"There is a doctor who teaches at the University of Washington Medical School. He's a friend of mine, I can put you in touch with him," the doctor said. He frowned and added, "I know of two doctors at Harvard as well, although they don't have quite as successful a record. And, you would have to fly to Boston."

"Seattle is closer," Liz agreed.

"But Isabel is in Boston," Max pointed out.

"Is this Isabel a friend of yours?" the doctor asked curiously.

"My sister," Max replied. "She and her husband live in Boston."

"Well, you will want to consider Boston then because it will provide a better support system, having your sister and brother-in-law there. On the other hand, Seattle has the better medical record." The doctor shrugged and placed the chart down on the table. "It's really your call, Ms. Parker."

Liz nodded and shared a concerned look with Max. "What do you think?"

Max ran hand through his hair and sat down next to her. "Seattle has better medicine…" he murmured. "But Isabel…" It was a difficult decision, especially since there was no guarantee that Liz would survive this anyway.

"Why don't I give you two some time to think this over?" the doctor offered with a small smile. "I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes."

He left the room, and Liz leaned back against the bed. The tubes zigzagged over her, connection the IV bag at her side to the thin needle in her arm. Another device, strapped to her finger, measured the amount of oxygen in her blood. Two narrow tubes looped around her face and into nose, distributing pure oxygen to her brain and body.

"This doesn't make any sense," Max said the moment the doctor was gone. He stared at his girlfriend's pale face, her usually tan skin now almost white. She looked exhausted, her eyes rimmed with red and accentuated by the dark circles beneath them. "I should be able to heal you."

"You couldn't heal my grandmother," Liz pointed out tiredly.

"It was her time to die," Max answered. "It isn't your time. You're barely twenty-two, I can't…" He threw up his hands in frustration. "I was able to heal Brody's daughter when she had leukemia."

"You tried healing me," Liz responded, "but the cancer didn't go away." She shivered, suddenly cold. She was often cold. Max said it was because there was no muscle or fat on her thin bones. Her body had struggled hard against the cancer and the treatments, but the radiation and chemotherapy had left her weak and ill. Her hair was finally starting to grow in after the last chemotherapy treatment, and now it hung about chin-length. Instead of making her look healthier, however, the contrast of the dark hair only served to emphasize her pale skin.

Max nodded reluctantly.

"Maybe it is my time to die," Liz continued.

"No!" Max hissed. "You can't think like that. You'll get better. Seattle or Boston… one of those places will make you better."

Up until now, life had treated them all well. Liz had followed her dream of being a molecular biologist, although she'd substituted Stanford for Harvard and they consequently still lived in California near the school where she had received her degree. Isabel and Jesse were still in Boston, which was hard on the rest of the group, having them so far away. Maria was pursing a singing career in Los Angeles, and had made a name for herself among the jazz clubs of the city. Michael, in a rare display of ambition and determination, had decided to go into film, and, with a little help from Kal Langley, had found himself as assistant to the director or producer on several different projects.

And then the cancer struck.

And their happy lives had been ruined by the realization that Liz might die.

"I think we should go to Seattle," Max said at last. "It has the better medicine. And Isabel and Jesse can always fly out to visit us."

"Are you sure you can go?" Liz asked softly, reaching up and taking Max's hand. "It isn't a great time for you to leave your responsibilities…"

There was still constant alien activity, mostly from the skins. Kal had been watching it, analyzing the patterns and determining when and where Max was needed most at any given time. Over the past few years, Max had done his best to repair his ruined relationship with the shape-shifter. Although Kal had never completely forgiven the hybrid king for forcing him to lose his hard-won humanity by shifting to the control panel of the space-ship, he had learned to keep his grudge to the bare minimum.

It wasn't a good time to leave his responsibilities. But he couldn't let Liz go through this alone.

"I'll speak to Michael and Kal. They can take care of everything until I get you settled in Seattle. Then I can fly back and forth," Max said at last.

Liz accepted this in silence, then changed the subject. "Have you spoken to Maria yet today? I told her I would call her, but then…" She gestured to the hospital room around them and said, "I guess I got a little side-tracked."

She'd passed out on the floor of the kitchen in their little apartment, and Max had found her lying still beside the sink. He'd rushed her to the hospital, and so any plans they might have had for the day had been put aside.

"I'll call her," Max said, rising. He knew how much Maria would panic if she did not hear from Liz when expected. Liz returned phone calls religiously, and the only time she would neglect to do so would be if she was in the hospital. But she'd been in the hospital a lot lately, as the cancer grew steadily and consumed her body.

Max walked out of the hospital room. Maria would need to know about this new development, and then he would call Isabel and tell her that he was going to Seattle for a bit. Maybe she and Jesse would come visit Liz whenever he had to fly back to California.

A nurse passed by, leading a young child along beside her. The boy was probably four or five, with bright blonde hair and big brown eyes, and he smiled eagerly at Max. Max stopped, staring at the child, and unbidden thoughts of his own son rose in his mind.

He didn't think about Tess much these days, but his son was often on his mind. He wanted to know how the child was faring; was he safe, was he happy, was he well?

About two years ago, they'd spoken to Larek during one of the few times that the alien had managed to successfully possess Brody. Among other things, Larek had told him that Tess and his son were no longer on Antar. He did not know the full details of what had happened, or where the two had gone, and his sources had not discovered any other leads on this new development. It was likely that she had merely decided to sit out the rest of the bloody civil war on a safer, more enjoyable planet.

The little boy and the nurse continued on, and Max pulled out his cell phone and dialed Maria's number.

* * *

Kyle stood in front of the grave, rubbing his hands on his pants, and staring blankly at the granite slate at his feet. The words etched across the cold stone resonated in front of him, and he licked his dry lips as the heavy weight of grief settled on his shoulders.

_Jennifer Lewis Valenti, beloved wife and mother. May she rest in peace._

One month since her death, and Kyle's entire world had been turned upside-down.

Everything that had ever gone wrong in his life started with the appearance of the aliens. Sometimes, when he thought of Roswell, his life seemed like a mixed-up fairy tale where he was somehow always the villain or the fool.

Once upon a time, there was a young boy. And he had a mother and a father and they loved him very much…

Only in his version of the story the mother ran off because she couldn't handle the pressures of motherhood, leaving the little boy to sit in front of the window and stare blankly into the street, waiting for her return.

Then boy meets girl and they fall in love and live happily ever after…

Kyle let out a short hiss as he thought of Liz. He'd loved Liz, in his own way. She was probably the first girl he had ever loved, and she'd ripped his heart out and trampled it, then actually had the gall to get angry at him when he wasn't as understanding of her love for Max as she had hoped.

So really, the story went more along the lines of boy met girl, boy fell in love with girl, girl lied to him and started dating Alien King behind his back while still using him and his father to protect Alien King and his Band of Loyal Followers.

It was starting to rain. The soft drizzle pattered on the ground around him, but he hadn't brought an umbrella, and he had no desire to leave. He let the precipitation slip under the collar of his shirt and soak through his pants, shoes, and socks. His hair was soon plastered to his face, and he continued to stare at the grave.

He didn't like to think about the next part of the story. It was simply to painful to remember that laugh, those teasing blue eyes, the sarcastic wit that had made itself a presence in his home for that year.

Mysterious New Girl shows up. Boy likes Mysterious New Girl. But Mysterious New Girl turns out to be just another one of Alien King's Band of Loyal Followers, and only cares about getting together with Alien King. Boy is used… again.

But it's okay, because boy's father opens his house to Mysterious New Girl, and at some point boy realizes that he loves her like a sister, and so they become one happily family…

Until Mysterious New Girl turns into Evil Alien Murdering Traitor, kills boy's friend and uses boy to carry dead body and stage car accident. Then leaves planet with Alien King's unborn son.

After Tess' departure, Kyle and his father had started pulling away from the group. Jim had lost his job as Sheriff and his reputation in the town. He'd sunken into depression, pulling further and further away from his son as his life spiraled downhill. Kyle had been forced to save himself and his father, and he had never forgiven Max for what they had done to his family.

So when graduation came, he'd left town the next day, and he hadn't looked back. He could occasionally visit his father in Roswell, but he would always take great pain to avoid the parents of anyone else. He had started over, built a new life, and he refused to think over everything he had left behind.

He'd gone to UCLA on a football scholarship, where he had met Jennifer, who was two years older than him. He'd completed his course work in three years instead of the usual four, and then he and Jennifer had been married. They'd moved to Chicago. She'd gotten pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl who they had named Emily, and everything had been wonderful until…

One month ago. The car crash.

And now Kyle was standing at the grave of his wife, commemorating the one-month-anniversary of her death.

Emily was only one-year-old, and she had so few memories of her mother. Kyle and Jennifer had been married for only two years, and now she was gone, snatched away by an unlucky fate. When the police had brought Kyle the news of her death, of the ruined car found near the foot of an overpass, he'd thought of Alex.

It wasn't his birthday. Unlike Alex, she had not died on some important day of the year.

But he loved her, and she was gone, and everything was crumbling around him.

He couldn't raise Emily by himself. He had to go back to graduate school at some point, and right now he still needed to work his job to earn the money to buy all the very expensive things that children need. So he had been forced to do the one thing he had never wanted to do, the one thing he had promised himself he would avoid at all costs.

He was returning to Roswell.

Jim, now on his feet and holding a steady job and a steady life, could look after his granddaughter while Kyle worked as an intern at Philip Evans law firm. Eventually, he would go to law school at some state school in New Mexico. But his life would now be tethered to the desert town he hated so much.


	3. The Fear of Falling

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Two: The Fear of Falling

In her dreams, the cancer is always an empty black pit, and she watches Liz falling over and over and over. Every time, she reaches out to grab her friend's slender hands, and every time, Liz's fingers slip through her grasp like water and she is left to stare in horror as the black void consumes the brunette.

The first time she heard the diagnosis, she morbidly wondered what type of gravestone Liz would want. She went to the cemetery and compared all this different styles, coming up with lists in her head of white marble and small etched roses and gold embossed letters. Michael had found her there, and brought her back home, and she'd still thought about nothing besides the types of flowers to put on the grave and all the weeding that they would have to do to keep Liz's grave free from dandelions.

She'd dreamt of Liz's grave, and it was falling into a black hole as well.

* * *

By the time Maria received the news from Max, she'd already worked herself into a state of near frenzy, fear pumping through her veins with every second that she waited for Liz to call. There was a reason they had agreed to check in with each other so frequently, and it was to avoid situations like these where she was left wondering if her best friend was even still alive.

After talking briefly to Max, she hung up the phone and glanced across the room at Michael. He was, as usual, pretending to pay no attention to her while secretly eavesdropping on her conversation. He looked up and met her eyes for a moment, then turned away. He had no words of sympathy to offer her. He'd probably have just screwed up whatever he wanted to say anyway. He was never good with words.

"I want to visit her in Seattle," Maria announced without preamble. "I want… I want to go with her. I want to stay there."

Michael sighed wearily and rubbed the back of his head. "I'm not going to be able to go." He didn't even need to speak to Max to know what the alien king would say. Michael was needed to remain behind and focus on evading the skins. If Max went to Seattle with Liz, Michael would need to lead the fight in his absence.

Maria hesitated, then shrugged. "We've been apart before," she said with a teasing smile, remembering all the times they had broken up, only to get back together in the end.

"I don't like the idea of you going out on your own," Michael answered finally, crossing the room until he was standing directly in front of her. "They're still out there." He reached for her hand, holding it tightly as he thought of the skins and how much damage they could do if he left Maria unprotected.

Maria gave an impatient huff and said irritably, "They're always out there, Michael. But this is _Liz_." Michael stared stonily back, and Maria added, "Besides, Max will be there."

Michael gave in with a reluctant nod, knowing Maria would go with or without his blessing. This was Liz, after all.

Before Maria could say anything else, the phone rang, its harsh jangling noise filling the air. Maria spun around, fear momentarily reflected in her eyes as she snatched the phone from the hook. When she checked the caller I.D. and saw that it was her mother and not Max or Liz, she let out a sigh of relief and answered in a calmer tone.

"Hi, Mom."

Michael walked back to the table opposite Maria and sat down again. He watched her carefully as she spoke with her mother, wondering at each emotion that crossed her face.

"Oh… is he? I didn't know… No, Mom, I haven't spoken to him in years, you know that… Wait, he _what_?"

Michael jerked his head up in surprise at Maria's astonished tone and shot her a questioning look.

"Kyle's married?" she continued, saying the words aloud for Michael's benefit. Then her face fell, and she said softly, "Oh… I'm so sorry, I didn't know. How is he?"

There was a pause as Maria listened, Amy was obviously going into depth in her answer to her daughter's question. Maria bit her lip, worried, and gave Michael an unreadable but somehow still tragically sad look.

"I guess. Have you spoken to Sheriff… uh, I mean Mr. Valenti?" Maria asked, flushing as she made the mistake of calling him by the title he no longer carried. After another pause, she said, "Yeah, I'll try… Sure, Mom… Yeah. Love you too. Bye."

She hung up the phone and turned to Michael.

"So, Kyle's married?" Michael asked, a little surprised by the news. And yet, somehow, it didn't really seem that important to him. They'd all suffered after Alex's death and Tess' betrayal, and perhaps Kyle had been the one who had suffered the most, but he was also the one who had chosen to pull away. They would have stood next to him, would have helped him, if only he had let them. He and Kyle had never been particularly close anyway. Who cared if he wasn't invited to the wedding?

"Was married," Maria replied, the emphasis on the past tense verb. "She was killed a few months ago in a car crash. He's a single parent."

"Parent?" Michael echoed. "He has a kid?"

"Yeah," Maria said with a solemn nod. "And they're moving back to Roswell to stay with Valenti until Kyle can get back on his feet." She sank onto the sofa, feeling suddenly incredibly sorry for Kyle. He had so much to deal with now… a daughter, a dead wife, and his developing alien powers. She didn't know what had happened with those, but Liz had managed to get hers under control, and she could only hope that Kyle had done the same.

The alien powers… remnants of Max's healing gift, the only thing that connected Kyle to the rest of the group. As far as she knew, he'd never sought out there help in controlling them.

"Did Valenti tell your mother all this?" Michael asked, leaning his chin on his hand, his elbow propped on the surface of the table. He didn't think Amy had been in touch with Jim that much over the years. Certainly, their budding relationship had been irrevocably destroyed by what had happened with Tess and Jim's resulting depression.

"Yeah," Maria answered, her expression puzzled. "He actually sought her out and told her. I don't think he's initiated contacting her since…" She trailed off and refused to say the words, but they still hung in the air, unavoidable.

…_since Tess murdered Alex._

"I guess there is a lot of change going on this week," Michael commented.

Maria thought of Liz, of large black holes swallowing up her best friend, and nodded. Liz was falling, and once again her fingers slipped through Maria's grasp and she disappeared into the darkness.

She dreamt of Liz that night, only this time she was the one who was falling, her hand slipping through Liz's fingers even as the brunette tried to save her life.

* * *

Diane Evans had decided that she was getting old. She'd fought against that inevitability her entire life, but now that both her children had graduated from college, she had to face the reality of the situation. The fine lines on her face and the gray in her hair were signs as well, and she could no longer ignore them.

So she had decided that, if she was getting old, she had better start enjoying her old age. While her husband still worked continuously at his law firm-he was a workaholic, and she knew that would never change-she started to get involved in various community service organizations, social clubs, and other activities around Roswell.

And it was at one such event that she now found herself deep in conversation with Nancy Parker, discussing the one thing they had in common; concern for their children.

"Lizzie called me today," Nancy confided. "She's going to Seattle for treatment."

"Oh, Nancy, I am so sorry," Diane offered sympathetically. "This must be so terrible for you."

"Well, I doubt it is a walk in the park for you either," Nancy replied. "After all, Liz says that Max has been beating himself up for not being able to fix the problem…" she lowered her voice and glanced around, "… by alien means."

Diane agreed easily, "Yes, he is. He loves her so much, and watching her go through this pain is just breaking his heart."

It had been strange, accepting the truth about her children. She'd always known that they were special, but after catching Isabel using her powers and confronting her on it, the truth was so much more complicated and unbelievable than she had expected. She and Philip had only had a few days to come to terms with what Isabel had revealed when Liz had chosen to tell her parents, and Maria had confided in her mother.

And now they knew the truth.

The entire truth.

Everything about their children, about the shooting at the Crashdown, about what the FBI had done to Max, about the skins and the dupes, about why Valenti lost his job, about Tess and Alex, about Max's attempts to find his son, about the alien king who had visited Isabel on her wedding.

She took it for granted now that this was simply what her life was like, and that these strange people were still her children, no matter what. But at the time, their revelations had been met with denial and bewilderment.

_Isabel stared at the tape that showed her using her powers, that back at her mother and father. Max was standing next to her, and Jesse was sitting on the sofa. The three younger people had unreadable expressions, but Diane detected both fear and betrayal in Isabel's eyes._

"_We're your children," Max said finally, when it became evident that Isabel was not going to explain anything._

"_Are you?" Philip asked._

"_Yes!"_

"_What are you?" Philip asked, looking at Max and Isabel._

"_We're… uh…" Isabel looked at Max, and he stared blankly back. "We're aliens," she said finally. "Half-human, half-alien."_

"_The crash in '47," Max added. "It was real."_

_The blunt straightforwardness of his manner caused Philip and Diane to exchange quick looks. She might have believed her children were simply teasing her with this bizarre story, but something about the solemn look in Isabel's eyes, the way Max hunched over as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, all that left her speechless and afraid._

"_I don't understand…" Diane muttered finally, rising to her feet and moving away from her children. "That's not possible."_

_Max nodded his head to the television and said with bitter sarcasm, "And that is?" Diane whipped around and frowned at him, then looked at the screen. The whirlwind of objects flew around Isabel's head like a tornado, and suddenly she felt sick._

"_You lied to us?" she asked finally, her voice disappointed. "You lied to me?"_

"_Mom, there are crazy aliens and psycho FBI agents out there who want to kill us. We couldn't tell you, we couldn't… it was too dangerous, we didn't know who to trust," Isabel tried to explain._

"_And you didn't think we were trustworthy?" Diane whispered. _

_Philip rose as well and folded his arms across his chest. "No," he said suddenly, sternly. "You aren't my children. My children would never have lied to me about this. My children would have trusted me."_

"_The way you trusted us?" Max snapped back, pointing again at the television. "By planting hidden video cameras?"_

"_What would you have done?" Philip shot back, "if your son had appeared to be on a downward spiral, and you had no idea why? I was worried about you, Max. Your mother and I were… and still are… worried."_

_Diane reached over to take her husband's hand, calming him down. Then she looked back at Max and Isabel, and finally at Jesse. "You knew?" she said, when she saw that Jesse didn't appear even slightly surprised by the video tape. "You knew all this time…?"_

"_I found out after we were married," Jesse said quietly, almost sullenly. Diane remembered the problems that Isabel and Jesse had been experiencing over the past few weeks, and she couldn't help but wonder if this was the cause. Had he balked at the truth as well?_

"_And you're okay with it?" Philip demanded harshly._

_Jesse hesitated a moment before answering. "No, I guess I'm not," Jesse admitted finally. "I was just as hurt as you are that Isabel didn't trust me enough to tell me the truth, even though we pledged to stand by each other in sickness and in health." His gaze switched to Isabel, and his look softened. "But she's still Isabel. She's still the woman that I love, that I married, that I want to spend the rest of my life with."_

Nancy's continued chatter brought Diane out of her recollections, and she smiled sweetly as she listened to her friend's words. She knew Nancy well enough to know the boundless energy the other woman was currently feeling was simply stress at the horrible fate that had befallen her daughter, and she was channeling that stress in every way she possibly could, so long as it could keep her mind off what would quite probably happen soon.

Parents shouldn't have to bury their children.

It was right in the middle of thinking about all of this that her eyes landed on the appearance of someone she had not seen in a very long time. Jim Valenti had just entered the room.

Nancy caught sight of Jim as well, and her expression faltered for just a moment. Then she forced a brave smile and crossed the room quickly, Diane trailing behind.

"Hello, Jim," Nancy said politely.

Jim turned to look at the two women. "Hello, Nancy," he said with a curt nod of his head, "Diane. Nice to see you both."

Nancy nodded and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. An awkward silence fell over all three. Jim had once been fairly good friends with Nancy and certainly very close to Amy DeLuca, but it had been years since any of them had spent any real time with him. And now that he was standing there, they didn't know what to say.

"I heard about your daughter-in-law," Diane offered finally. "I'm very sorry."

"Thank you," Jim said, albeit stiffly. "Kyle is… devastated. And little Emily doesn't really understand why her mother is gone."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Nancy murmured.

"No, thank you," Jim replied. "Kyle is going to be working for Philip," his eyes strayed to Diane and he gave a small smile that did not reach his eyes, "and I will be looking after Emily. We don't need much."

"When do Kyle and your granddaughter arrive?" Diane asked, having heard from her husband that Kyle was to be starting at the law firm the following week.

"Tomorrow," Jim answered.

"You should come over for dinner," Nancy said swiftly, seizing an opportunity to provide something for the ex-Sheriff. "We would love to see Kyle and little Emily, and it isn't fair that you should have to cook his first night here."

Jim hesitated. There was no polite way to decline the invitation, but he had a feeling that the last thing Kyle would want was to have dinner with the Parkers.

Nancy, however, did not give him a chance to reply. "Wonderful," she said with a bright smile. "How about seven o'clock, then?"

And Jim could only nod dumbly and picture Kyle's look of outrage when he learned of their dinner plans for the next evening.

"So…" Diane said, breaking yet another tense silence that had fallen. "What brings you here?"

"I thought, with Emily coming, I should be social," Jim explained, "so that I have other people to introduce her to… so that she could have more of a family."

In truth, he also knew that he needed the outside support. He had spent most of the last five years simply drifting along, letting life pass him by. But now that he would have a young child to look after, and his own son to watch over, he needed to pull himself entirely together so that he was capable of doing his job.

Diane seemed to understand all this, and she rested her hand on his elbow and said, "Come on, let's circulate. We can chat with all the other old people who live in Roswell."

Nancy laughed, high-pitched and awkward, and Jim gave another forced smile, and the three of them began to wander through the crowed room.

* * *

"What do you think about this dress?" Kate asked, holding the dress up in front of Tess. It was a knee-length silky red dress with a scooped neckline and a slight angle to the hem.

"I think you would be sending the wrong message if you wore that to work," Tess answered dismissively.

"I meant for you," Kate replied in exasperation. "And it isn't for work. It's for… play." She studied the dress then looked up at Tess. "You'd probably look better in blue. Something to match your eyes."

"Why am I buying a dress?" Tess asked, startled by the revelation. "I don't need one."

"Yes, but who cares what you need?" Kate countered easily. "Come on, let's look for something in blue." And she discarded the red dress and walked away.

"But where would I wear the dress?" Tess protested as she hurried after Kate. "Come on, it's not like I go out that often."

"Well, we just have to remedy that, don't we?" Kate answered with a suggestive grin. "You and Nick would love some of the clubs downtown."

Tess stepped in front of Kate and placed her hands on her hips. "Do you really think I don't know what's going on?"

"Uh…" Kate raised an eyebrow. "Do you really think I have any idea what you are talking about?"

Tess rolled her eyes and slapped Kate lightly on the arm. "How stupid do you think I am?" she demanded.

That caused Kate to smile widely as the redhead asked curiously, "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Tess laughed outright, and slapped Kate again, although this time a bit harder. Kate rubbed her arm in mock distress and attempted an angry glare at her friend, but only ended up dissolving into laughter instead.

"Watch it," Tess cautioned, still smiling. Then her expression turned serious and she said, "Kate, I know that you've been talking to Nick. I know he's worried about me. I am not actually all that oblivious."

"Well, that's really a matter of opinion," Kate countered in mock thoughtfulness. When Tess' expression did not change, she said, "You know we're just worried about you."

Tess' face softened and she answered gently, "I know. And I appreciate it. I just don't think there is much you can do to help." She was about to say something else when she froze, her entire body suddenly still.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked worriedly.

"My spider sense is all tingling," Tess answered, and at Kate's bemused look she added, "Didn't I ever tell you I'm Spider Man?"

"Funny," Kate said. "Seriously, though, you're just being paranoid. We're shopping…"

Whatever else she had been planning on saying was cut off by Tess' hand clamping down on her arm in a visor like grip. She followed the blonde's gaze, and saw two men standing near the women's accessories, looking at jewelry. They were fairly non-descript, about average height with dark brown hair and brown eyes. They were both wearing crisp black suits.

"Tess?"

"We need to go," Tess said under her breath, walking briskly towards the door and dragging Kate behind her. She glanced over her shoulder once to watch the men as they slowly turned and faced her. The moment their eyes connected with hers, they started walking forward and she felt her fear grow.

"Tess, what is going on?" Kate demanded as she stumbled after her friend.

Tess shook her head and scanned the area. In between her and the exit into the parking lot were several shelves and racks of clothes. To the left, the store opened up into the main hallway of the mall, and it was filled with people. The two men behind her had split up, one moving to the right and the other coming straight at her, trying to corner her in.

"How did they find me?" Tess muttered under her breath. She never used her powers in public, and it had been five years since she returned to Earth so they couldn't be tracing her by the landing of her spaceship.

"Who? Who found you?" Kate hissed, now both confused and terrified by the sudden pale pallor of Tess' face, the way her eyes widened and her pupils dilated. "Tess?"

"I really don't have time to explain this right now, but if we stay here, we will both end up dead, or worse. We need to move." Tess whipped around and walked briskly through the store towards the parking lot as the men closed in on her.

Once they reached the doors, Tess pushed them open and yanked Kate through. Now that they were out of the store, she lost all pretense of remaining calm and began to run, Kate at her side, her feet pounding on the cement. They turned the corner of the lot, out of sight of the men, and Tess shoved the car keys into Kate's hands.

"Get the car and get out of here."

"Not without you," Kate argued. She had no idea what was going on, but if those two men were as dangerous as Tess said, she was not going to leave her friend here.

It was raining, the sort of fine mist that doesn't fall like most precipitation but simply hangs in the air, soaking anyone who steps outside. Tess' curls clung to the side of her face, and Kate's brilliantly red hair was plastered to her shoulders.

The men appeared around the side of the building. "Please don't run, Ms. Harding. We only want to talk to you," one of the men said smoothly, stepping towards her.

Tess glanced from the man moving towards her to the light affixed to the side of the mall building. She narrowed her eyes just slightly, and the glass casing around the light shattered, spewing shards of glass and tiny sparks onto the two men.

Tess turned and ran, and Kate followed suit.

"That was convenient," Kate said as she gasped for breath. The men, only momentarily stunned by the sudden bursting of the light, followed after the two women. Kate changed a quick look over her shoulder, then managed to say through her heavy breaths, "Why did we park so far away? Our car is on the other side of the mall!"

And then one of the men sprung forward, closing the gap between them and catching Tess by the arm. She turned around, prepared to attack him, but he reacted by pushing her to the floor of the parking lot and instead grabbing Kate.

"You could probably win a fight against me, Ms. Harding," the man said, panting slightly, "but can you do it before I kill your friend?"

Tess pulled herself to her feet and whispered, "Let her go. I'm the one you want."

"Actually," the second man said, coming forward, "all we want is a chance to speak to you." He slanted a sharp look at Kate and said, "As long as your friend doesn't do anything stupid trying to get away, and as long as you agree to listen to us, nobody needs to get hurt."

"And as you can see," the first man interjected, "we are standing in the middle of an open parking lot. It would be most inconvenient for both of us if we had to fight you here."

"Fine," Tess spat, silently weighing her different options. "You want to talk? So talk." Her best option was to stall for time until she could figure out a way to get out of the situation. She didn't want to use her powers in front of Kate as none of her friends knew about her abilities… or those of her son. Still, she couldn't let yet another person die because of her…

"Allow me to introduce myself," the man not holding Kate said. "My name is Greg Thompson and I am an agent with the FBI. My associate, Agent Timothy White, is also a member of the Bureau."

Kate twisted in Agent White's grasp and looked at Tess in amazement and suspicion. "The FBI? You are involved with the FBI?"

Tess looked at Kate, then turned her attention back to Agent Thompson. "No," she said firmly, "I'm not."

"Ms. Harding, contrary to any experiences you might have had in the past, we are _not_ here to hurt you," Agent Thompson reasoned. "We mean you know harm."

Tess rolled her eyes. "Right," she drawled, "and why would I actually believe that?"

"Because we know quite a bit about you," Agent Thompson answered. "We have since the very beginning, and your… return… five years ago was not unnoticed. As I am sure you realize, the fact that we made no move to contact you in that time surely must show that we do not consider you a… problem."

"Tess, what is he talking about?" Kate demanded angrily.

"Suppose I do believe you," Tess said after a moment's consideration. "What do you want from me?"

"Information," Agent White answered. "On a mutual enemy of ours. I believe you know him as Khivar?"

If Kate had thought that Tess appeared scared when she had first caught sight of the two men, it was nothing to the look that came over her friend at the mention of that strange name. The blonde's mouth was slightly parted, but no words came out. Her wide eyes grew in size and she seemed to shrink backwards, away from the others.

"Perhaps we should speak somewhere more private and less…" Agent White glanced at the gray sky, "…wet." He suddenly released his hold on Kate and said to her, "Perhaps you would be kind enough to pick up little Alex? I believe kindergarten is almost over."

Tess frowned. "How do you know about my son?"

"I told you, Ms. Harding. We know about you."

Tess nodded slowly, then turned to Kate. "Can you get Alex for me? Take him to your house until I come get him?"

"I'm not leaving…"

"Kate," Tess interrupted, taking her friend's hands, "please. Just do this for me." She didn't trust these two FBI agents, even though they claimed to mean her no harm. But she also had no intention of letting Kate remain here if there was any chance that the confrontation could turn ugly.

Kate let out a long breath and agreed reluctantly, "Fine. But if you aren't back within the hour…"

Agent White reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a thin leather case. He flipped it open and pulled out his FBI badge. Running one hand over the smooth metal, he handed it to Kate and said, "If she isn't back within the hour, you have my permission to go the media with the story of FBI agents who abducted your friend."

Kate glanced at Tess again, then shrugged, took the badge, and walked away.

Tess watched her go, then pushed wet hair out of her face and said, "Alright. What now?"


	4. By Your Side

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Three: By Your Side

She dreams of Alex sometimes. She lays in bed next to her husband and dreams of the first boy she ever loved, and wonders if this is not some sort of betrayal. She should be dreaming of Jesse and the life she has with him, not of the life she once wanted with another boy.

But she likes those dreams, and she never pushes them away. Deep down in the hidden recesses of her heart, she still loves Alex and knows that she always will.

When the morning comes, sunlight streaming through the window, falling in golden rays across her bed, she wakes to see Jesse's cheerful face. She loves Jesse, too, and does not regret the life she has made with him. She takes his hand when they walk through the streets together, and he squeezes her fingers and smiles gently, a reminder that he will always be there for her, even after he learned her secret, even with everything he knows about her and the danger that follows her everywhere.

But she still dreams of Alex.

* * *

Tess stood near the door, watching everything apprehensively. The two FBI agents had lead her back into the mall and through a door near the end of the Food Court marked _Mall Personnel Only_. At the end of the hallway, they had come to a room which, to Tess' surprise, was not the janitor's closet that it appeared to be. Instead, they had entered into a well-furnished conference room, complete with a large mahogany table and several oak chairs. 

Timothy White and Greg Thompson both sat down at the table, and gestured for Tess to do the same. She hesitated, then took a seat a little distance away from them.

"Okay," Tess said firmly, "what is this place?"

"It's a conference room," Agent Thompson answered. "Used primarily by the various local executives of the stores in this mall. Sometimes, if a remodeling or a new policy is going to affect more than one store in the mall, the stakeholders all get together and discuss it." He gestured to the room. "This is where they discuss."

"And they just let you use it?" Tess asked skeptically.

Agent White answered with a smirk, "We are the FBI. We can be very… persuasive." Then he leaned forward and added, "But don't worry, we already checked the room for bugs before we came to meet you. It's clean, we aren't being spied on."

"Okay…" Again, Tess hesitated. "So… the FBI is on my side?

Agent White glanced apprehensively at Agent Thompson. He seemed uncomfortable, and then he replied softly, worriedly, "We are on your side. Not everyone holds out viewpoints about you and your… friends."

Tess flinched. "How much do you know about me?"

"Well," Agent White answered, "we ourselves didn't get involved in any of this until about six years ago, right around the time that you…" he trailed off for a moment, "left."

Tess nodded. "Go on."

"You see, although the Special Unit was shut down, there were still several people interested in the information that Donald Pierce had obtained." Agent White interlaced his fingers on the table in front of him. "We kept our eye on Roswell, but nothing showed up… until that Christmas."

Tess rubbed her eyes and tried to remember exactly what had happened the Christmas before she was forced to leave Roswell. She had invited Amy DeLuca over for Christmas dinner, hoping to add a little cheer into Jim's day. Kyle had told her that he was happy she was part of the family. She had felt included.

A soft smile lit her face, and then faded as she came to the realization that this was clearly not what the FBI agents were referring to. She wracked her brain for another moment, then remembered Max's use of his healing gifts. The entire pediatric oncology ward at the hospital had benefited from his powers, and all the children had born silver handprints on their stomachs to prove it.

"I'm surprised that any of you thought we wouldn't notice the handprints that suddenly appeared," Agent Thompson commented as he saw the light of understanding appear in Tess' eyes.

"You knew?" Tess asked, leaning back in her chair and eyeing the two men with curious apprehension. "You knew all along that we were… different?"

Agent White nodded quickly, and Agent Thompson elaborated, "But you didn't kill anyone. Contrary to many of the other recorded incidents of silver handprints, you had not harmed a single soul. Instead, you saved many, many children who would have undoubtedly died otherwise."

"Max saved them," Tess whispered.

"So," Agent White continued, "we resolved to watch all of you. Max and Isabel Evans, Michael Guerin, Liz Parker, Maria DeLuca, Alex Whitman, and Kyle Valenti. And yourself, of course. As long as you did not appear to be a threat, there was no reason to interfere in your lives. But if you ever turned against us…" He trailed off, his meaning obvious to Tess.

"We didn't understand much of what was going on," Agent White admitted. He ran a hand through his hair and added sheepishly, "We still don't. But we know enough to know that you are not a threat to us."

Tess gave a thin smile and said bitterly, "I'm not sure everyone else would say that."

Agent Thompson rose from his seat and Tess noticed for the first time that he held a file folder in his hands. She stared at it, her gaze fixed on the papers poking out from the edges, and the FBI agent said, "Ah, yes… We did wonder what happened to Alex Whitman."

Tess lifted her eyes sharply to his face. "Did you ever come to any conclusions?"

"No," Agent Thompson answered frankly. "We didn't think it was a suicide, but there wasn't any reason to suspect any of you either. But then, you disappeared, and for a while we thought you were dead. Imagine our surprise when you returned to our radar… with a child."

"You see, Ms. Harding," Agent White cut in before Tess had a chance to say anything, "all we really have are guesses. Ideas of what might have happened. We did some digging, you see, and found some interesting bits of information from a time before our observation of your group began."

"Such as?" Tess questioned lightly.

"A group of people abducted and lead to New York City without their knowledge. The mysterious death of a congresswoman who turned out to be a lot more than that. And two other… unique people with unique abilities… who caused quite a bit of damage on their own." Agent Thompson paused, then added, "They looked a bit like your friends Isabel Evans and Michael Guerin."

Tess swallowed nervously. "Lonnie and Rath," she murmured, recalling the two hybrids who had plagued her nightmares for so long.

"Indeed," Agent White agreed. "And, of course, since then we have also gathered quite a bit of information about the rest of your old friends. They manage to stay below the general public's radar, but we've kept our eyes on them. They are in the middle of a war, and they are fighting to protect themselves, and innocent bystanders."

Tess lifted on eyebrow. "Are they? I didn't know." She wondered if they needed her. Had she made the right decision, choosing not to face them again? She doubted they would have believed her story, but she hadn't even tried to convince them of any of it… She had her own fears and dangers to contend with, and keeping her son safe had been her main concern. He was safer here, away from them, from that war…

And yet, in keeping her son safe, had she unknowingly harmed all of them?

"Yes," Agent White said. "Why, just a week ago, Mr. Guerin used his extraordinary gifts to save a woman who was being attacked by… I believe you call them skins?" He smiled, then added, "Of course, they have to be careful not to use their gifts in public. But still… They do help innocent humans who are in harms way. And they don't kill needlessly."

"So, putting the various pieces together, we've come up with a story," Agent Thompson said, placing the file on the table and sliding it over to Tess. "It goes something like this. There are a few teenagers who are, for all intents and purposes, simply trying to survive in this world. There are some other people out there who mean these teenagers harm, and will do anything to succeed in their goals. At some point… we aren't exactly sure why… one of our innocent teenagers is separated from the others, and she continues to live her life without them. In her absence, they continue a battle against our evil enemies." His tilted his head to the side. "Does that sound accurate?"

Tess sighed, resting her hands on the file folder. She wondered what she would find inside. "You seem to know a lot," she said at last. "But I don't understand why you've come to me with this."

"Because we have a guess about why you left," Agent Thompson said coolly, "and we think it has something to do with the people in that folder."

Tess flipped it open, and stared at the first picture. There were two men in it. One of them she recognized all to well, and as she traced a finger over his familiar features, the name Nicolas resounded in her mind. She didn't say it out loud, but she could feel the rising fear in her stomach, the sudden panic that filled her when she remembered what he had done all those years ago.

The other man she did not recognize. He was handsome, tall, dark, clean cut, with a well chiseled jaw and a head of wavy hair.

"You know the first man," Agent White said, and it was not a question. He touched his finger to the second man in the picture and said, "Our field agents have manage to overhear a few conversations between these two men. This man is always referred to by either the title Your Majesty or the name Khivar."

That caught Tess' attention. "Khivar is on Earth?" she demanded, aghast. She thought of her son, innocently playing at kindergarten right now, the greatest threat to Khivar's regime. How much danger was he in? How much danger surrounded them all?

"I see the name means something to you," Agent Thompson said softly, taking his seat again.

Tess blinked and hesitated, unsure what to say. She glanced back and forth between the two agents, her mind traveling quickly over all the possibilities. They knew so much about her, about all of them. They could be aliens, friends of enemies, and this could be some sort of trap. Or, if they really were the FBI, then perhaps this was just a way of getting her to admit to being from another planet, getting her to tell them information that they needed.

Stalling in order to buy herself more time to think, Tess said, "Why have you come to me? Why not go to one of the others?"

"Because we are the FBI," Agent Thompson said finally. "And we know quite a bit more than you will ever truly understand."

Tess narrowed her eyes. Was that a threat of some sort?

"This battle may be fought over the right to rule a planet. It may be fought over greed and wealth and power." Agent White paused, giving Tess a scrutinizing stare. "But we know what Khivar is most afraid of, and it is not any of the others."

Tess licked her dry lips. "It isn't me, either," she said. "He's not afraid of me."

"No," Agent Thompson agreed. He rested his hands on the smooth surface of the table. "But he is afraid."

Tess tightened her hands into fists on her lap below the table. "Alex," she said. "He's afraid of my son."

"We want to stop this Khivar," Agent White said, still staring at the picture of alien king. "And we want your help to do it."

He paused, and Tess could sense that something big was coming, some request she was not going to like.

"And we want you to convince the others… particularly Max Evans… to help us as well," Agent White said finally, and Tess could only stare in disbelief as she processed his request.

* * *

Michael tossed his half-eaten apple into the garbage and glanced around the kitchen. Maria had gone out for a walk, ostensibly because she needed the exercise, but he knew the real reason. She needed to be away from him, from any other presence, for a while. Just so that she could process what was happening to her best friend. It had been hard to lose Alex, and now she faced the possibility of losing her other best friend as well. For someone who had always built her life around her friends and family, these loses were almost more than she could bear. 

He sat on one of the chairs, lifting his feet into the air and letting them fall onto the edge of the table. If Maria was there, she'd yell at him about covering their eating space with mud and dirt. If Isabel were there, she'd roll her eyes at him and mutter something about his lack of manners.

But, of course, neither was there, and he took a moment to bask in the freedom their absences allowed him.

And then the phone rang. He glanced at it, wondering why people kept calling. First it was Max, with news for Maria, then it was Amy, with more news for Maria. Whoever it was, it most likely wasn't for him, and he thought about ignoring it.

But finally, he rose to his feet and walked grouchily to the phone. Lifting it with a jerk, he snapped irritably into the phone, "Yes?"

"Hello to you, too, Michael," a voice said.

Michael groaned inwardly, recognizing a voice he had not heard in a very long time, and wondering what exactly he was supposed to say. He rubbed the back of his head absently, then answered, "Hello, Mr. Valenti. Haven't heard from you in a while." His voice was filled with sarcasm.

"I'm sure Amy already called Maria with news about Kyle and his daughter," Valenti said, getting straight to the point, "so I don't need to fill you in on any of those details."

"I heard," Michael replied stonily, walking back to the table and sitting down. He stopped for a moment, a thought suddenly coming to mind, and asked in a demanding tone, "Was that why you spoke to Amy? To make sure that she would call Maria?" When Valenti didn't answer right away, Michael said angrily, "Did you know that Maria was happy that the two of you had spoken? Did you know that she thought maybe there was a chance for Amy and you to get back together? How do you think she'll take it when she finds out you were only using her mother as a conduit of information? Why couldn't you just call and tell us yourself?"

Valenti didn't answer right away, and when he did, his voice shook slightly, as though he felt guilty. "Because I was busy taking care of Kyle and my granddaughter," he answered finally.

He didn't say that he hadn't wanted to speak to Michael, but the hybrid general had a fairly good idea that Valenti's actions were also motivated by a desire to keep as much space between himself and the aliens as possible. Michael relented just a little, and closed his eyes, resting his head on one hand, elbow propped on the table.

"I am sorry to hear about your daughter-in-law," he said.

"Thank you. And I was glad to see Amy again," Valenti added. There was another silence, and then he asked, "Are you still involved in… uh… you know."

"Czechoslovakian business?" Michael supplied. "Yes, we are." He wanted to yell into the phone that they were actually fighting a war, one that the two Valentis had so obviously decided to withdraw themselves from. The plight of more than one planet rested on stopping Khivar, but it wasn't Michael's fault that things had happened the way they had, and if Kyle and Jim didn't want to be a part of this, he wasn't going to feel guilty about them feeling driven away from the group.

"And do you think… is there any reason to believe… that my daughter-in-law… Jennifer… her death…"

Michael opened his eyes sharply when he realized what Valenti was asking, and snapped irritably, "Maybe she was just a lousy driver. Do you really think this is one more thing you can blame on us?"

The sharp intake of breath from the other end of the line was a signal to Michael that his words had caused more damage than he had truly intended.

"I was just curious," Valenti answered, and his voice had no emotion, no affect, to it. "In case Kyle and his daughter are still in danger."

"Maybe they would be in less danger if he hadn't decided just to walk out of our lives," Michael hissed. "We were all grieving, we were all betrayed." He stopped, then added just for good measure, "She was our family also."

The old wounds caused by Tess' betrayal still ran deep, and Valenti's voice was raw when he answered, "Maybe, but you have to admit that Kyle and I were the closest to her."

"And Max," Michael retorted. "Or have you forgotten about the kid they share? You know, the one that Max will most likely never find." He glared at the tabletop in front of him, wishing that Kyle and Valenti were both standing there so that he could pound some sense into the two men. They were not the only ones who had been hurt, and they weren't even the ones who were closest to Alex.

He remembered the last conversation he had had with Kyle, when the jock had finally made up his mind to leave the group, leave Roswell, and burn all the bridges behind him.

"_You can't just leave, Valenti," Michael argued, throwing the door open and storming into the room. It was nearing the end of the school year, and graduation would send them all on their separate ways. But Kyle was the one who had made it clear to everyone else that the moment he left, he'd be completely gone, and he had no intention of coming back._

_Kyle looked up from where he was sitting at his desk. He blinked in surprise. Over the past year, he had drifted further and further away from the others, returning to his football friends instead. It was rare that he ever had a conversation with any of them, except Liz on occasion, and even those were strained and awkward. He wanted to move on, and he wanted to do it without them._

"_You really can't tell me what to do," Kyle answered calmly, although his voice held a little bit of a challenge in it._

"_Look, you aren't the only one who hurt by this…"_

"_And yet, somehow, my dad and I are always the ones who are hurt the most. Or have you not noticed the downward spiral you sent my father into?" Kyle shot back._

"_You blame us for that?" Michael asked incredulously._

"_Well, you are the reason my father lost his job and his dignity. The reason he's been disgraced throughout this entire town," Kyle replied pointedly. "He helped you, over and over, and you never once stopped to wonder what the consequences to him would be."_

"_Well sorry we were too busy trying to fight a war with out mortal enemies," Michael hissed, his face flushed red with fury. Kyle simply wasn't being fair, and Michael wasn't about to let him get away with it. "Do you know how upset Maria is by this? By you ignoring us? Any Amy just wants to help your father, but he keeps pushing her away. Do you know how hurt she is?"_

_Kyle rolled his eyes. "Do you have any idea what it is like to watch your entire life crumble around you?" he said softly, although his voice was still lined with a cold steel._

"_At least you still have a life," Michael answered. "Thanks to Max. Without him, you would have died."_

_Kyle rose from his seat, his arms crossed against his chest. "So I should be grateful to Max?" he sneered his voice dripping with acidic bitterness. "Did you notice that it took him about five or ten minutes to decide to heal me? I'd been shot because of all of you, because you'd dragged my dad into your feud with the FBI. It was your fault, his fault, that I was bleeding to death on the floor, and Max just stood there trying to figure out if my life was worth saving. Liz he can rush to in a second. Liz he will risk everything for. But me? When I am dying, because of your stupid alien mess, he has to figure out whether or not he actually cares."_

"_He saved your life," Michael said again, because in truth, there was nothing else he could say. He did remember the way Max had hesitated, remembered how Valenti had fallen to his knees beside his son and begged the alien king for help. He remembered how Kyle had been lying there, pale and cold, and how they had all just stood there, stunned at Pierce's sudden death, he himself horrified at what he had done. And Kyle had been bleeding on the floor…_

"_And my dad thought he owed Max because of that," Kyle replied. "You save my son's life, and I'll save yours. But then he just kept giving, over and over, until you'd taken everything from him. He paid back his dues, he settled the score between himself and Max, but that wasn't enough for you. You all wanted more and more, and he never knew when to stop."_

_Michael shook his head. "We made some bad choices," he answered. "But so did your father. You can't blame us for everything. You can't tell us that it is our fault your father decided to sink into depression after Tess left. We were all grieving, but we didn't deal with it the way he did. We struggled and we moved on. Your father made his own choices."_

"_And now I'm making mine," Kyle said firmly, nodding to the door, gesturing for Michael to leave him alone. "And my choice is to leave this town and all of you behind."_

Valenti's voice, soft and almost apologetic, brought Michael from his memories. "Look," the ex-Sheriff said, "I didn't call to argue with you. I just wanted… I wanted to know if my son was in danger. Can you tell me that, or not?" His voice shook as he spoke, the pain of the recent tragedy still obviously weighing heavily upon him.

Again, Michael found himself relenting. "If you can tell me a bit more about what happened, I can determine if it was in anyway related to us," he offered. "Although I doubt it. I think we would have heard if they were after your family."

Valenti sighed. "Thank you," he said, and began to relay the details of the car accident.

* * *

The house was everything Isabel always wanted. Perfect in every way, filled with elegant luxury and stunning works of art, paintings and little ceramic or porcelain figurines that adorned the exquisitely crafted tables. She stood in the center of the room, looking around with a proud smile, and remarked casually, "I think I made the right choice in marrying you." 

Jesse, sitting on the sofa near the window, his nose buried in several legal documents, looked up with an easy smile and said, "Well, that's good. I'd hate to find divorce papers on my desk tomorrow."

"I still can't get over how amazing this house is," Isabel said with a sigh.

Jesse rolled his eyes and said teasingly, "We've been here three years. Haven't you had enough time to get used to everything yet?"

Isabel sat down next to him on the sofa and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Can't a woman enjoy her own home?"

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her tightly towards him. "I'm glad you're happy, Isabel."

The tone of his voice gave her pause, and she looked up at him, eyes filled with suspicion. "Any reason why I shouldn't be?" she asked cautiously, unsure if she actually wanted to know the answer.

"No," Jesse said quickly, too quickly. "Can't a husband be glad that his wife is happy?"

Isabel pulled away from him and sat up fully. "Jesse?"

Jesse sighed and looked down at her with pity in his dark eyes. "I'm sorry, Isabel. I wanted to wait and tell you later tonight so that I wouldn't ruin your day." He hesitated, then said, "Max called."

"What's wrong?" Isabel demanded instantly, horrible scenarios flooding her mind. Had something happened? Had her brother or Michael been attacked? The others, were they all okay? Had the skins made a move?

"It's Liz."

Isabel stood quickly. She took a few steps away from Jesse, needing her own personal space to deal with this bit of information. She knew whatever Max had to say would not be pleasant. Liz had been loosing her battle with cancer for so long now that Isabel could only help but wonder just how much time she had left.

"The treatments aren't working," Isabel said finally, dully. "She's not getting better."

"No," Jesse answered. There wasn't much more he could say to that, but he didn't want to simply leave her with something as painful as the possible death of a friend. "Max said there was a new option. A more radical treatment. It might work… they're aren't really sure." He rose to his feet as well and moved to Isabel's side. Placing a hand on her back, he repeated reassuringly, "It might work."

"Does Max need us to come to him?" Isabel asked finally, wondering if her brother was subconsciously preparing for Liz's funeral.

"Actually," Jesse answered, "they're going to Seattle. And Max wanted to know if we'd be able to fly out to Seattle to stay with Liz if for any reason he needs to return to California." Jesse didn't have to elaborate, Isabel knew he was thinking about the war. Max had duties as the king, as the leader of this fight, and it was possible that he would need to abandon Liz should something come up. In which case, Liz would probably want another friend to keep her company, and Max would want another alien there, watching over her.

"Of course," Isabel said. "I should call him and let him know I can come whenever he needs me."

"I already told him that we'd be happy to come," Jesse said before Isabel could reach for the phone. "He was spending the rest of the day with Liz, I don't think we should disturb them."

"We?" Isabel questioned worriedly. "But what about your law firm? Can you just leave them?"

"I can take personal days," Jesse answered dismissively. "Besides, I'm a junior partner there, remember? I have a bit more leeway than the average lawyer. I can just tell them that a family member is very sick. It's fine."

Isabel stared at him for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Thank you," she said, and meant it.

"We're in this together, right?" Jesse answered with a shrug. He had married Isabel and everything that went with her, from the crazy alien gifts and the ubiquitous fear of enemies to the extended network of close friends and family that watched over both of them. Liz was Isabel's family and that made her his family as well.

"Together," Isabel said with a smile.

She still dreamt of Alex that night.


	5. Hit the Ground Running

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive

* * *

Chapter Four: Hit the Ground Running

Once, he dreamt that he was fighting a war. He stood next to his King, holding a strange weapon in his hands, organizing his troops to fight back against the enemy. In his dream, something exploded, and he was flying through the air, then falling with a heavy crash into the grassy sloped ground around him. In his dream, there was blood and smoke and fire. In his dream, there was death, but he climbed back up from the ground and moved forward, kept fighting, because that was who he was and what he had been trained to do. And nothing could hurt him, no weapon could stop him. People fell around him, but he kept moving.

He awoke with Maria lying in the bed next to him, her blonde hair spread out across the pillow, her face peaceful in sleep. But underneath her closed eyes, a tiny tear slid down her cheek, and she murmured the name "Alex."

Life, he knew, wasn't like a dream. Sometimes you fell down, and you didn't get back up.

* * *

"Tess, what the hell was that?" Kate demanded the moment the blonde walked through the door of the apartment. Kate was sitting on the sofa, and Charlie was standing behind her, an unreadable expression on his face. Nick was crouched on the floor, playing with little Alex, but as soon as Tess entered, Alex shot past them all and scurried to his mother, flinging his arms around her legs.

She bent down to him, a smile gracing her lips, and said, "Hello, kiddo. Did you have a good time with Kate and Charlie?"

"Yep, Mommy!" Alex answered gleefully. "We played lots!"

Tess kissed him on the forehead, then said, "Mommy needs to have grownup time with Daddy and Kate and Charlie. Can you go play in the kitchen for a little bit?"

Alex acquiesced without question

After he left, the room was suddenly still and tense, all eyes focused on Tess. She shoved both hands into her pockets and stared at the three faces turned towards her with confused and accusing stares. Abruptly, she thought of the pod chamber, of the whirling hiss of the Granolith and Max's angry words and the sudden realization that everything was lost.

"Nothing," she snapped before she could stop herself, the emotion of her nightmares somehow inserting itself into her words. She had no reason to be angry at these people, yet she couldn't keep the bitter vitriol out of her thoughts.

Kate rose to her feet, and Tess realized for the first time what a disadvantage her diminutive height was to her. Kate was a full head taller than her, and her wild red hair only served to make her look even more fearsome and determined. Compared to her, the petite hybrid shrunk back, seeming to get smaller.

"The FBI approached us in a shopping mall," Kate said pointedly. "I would hardly call it nothing."

The idea of mind-warping them came to mind before she could even think through her other options. But even as she wondered about the validity of that action, she saw Alex's white face and wondered. Could she do it? Could she mind-warp them, knowing it could destroy their brain if she were to make a mistake?

"Tess?" Nick asked, his voice gentle, stepping in between Kate and his girlfriend. "Please, tell us what this is about. We're worried about you."

"You don't need to be," Tess answered, pushing past him and walking further into the room. "It is nothing I can't take care of."

"You were terrified in the mall," Kate argued, catching Tess' arm as she passed by. Tess spun around to glare at her friend, but Kate refused to back down. "Tess, you were terrified. You didn't think this was something you could take care of on your own."

"I can't tell you," Tess said in a soft voice, yanking her arm from Kate's grip and lowering her eyes to the floor. "I just can't tell you, so stop pushing!"

"Tess, if something is going on, we have a right to know," Charlie interrupted, speaking up for the first time since the blonde had entered the apartment. His arms were folded across his chest, and he was leaning on the doorframe behind Kate. He didn't look quite accusing, but there was something in his expression that bothered Tess, and it took her a moment to realize it was suspicion.

"I can't tell you," Tess repeated, her voice wavering with frustration. "Anyway, it doesn't affect you."

Charlie narrowed his eyes. "Does it have anything to do with what you are running from? Does it have to do with Roswell?"

Anyone else might have missed it, the way Tess flinched or how her eyes darted briefly towards the door to the kitchen, towards the room where her son was. Anyone else might have missed it, but Nick didn't, and his expression darkened in concern.

"Tess?"

"Would you just stop it?" Tess hissed, her voice rising in volume as she lifted furious eyes to her boyfriend. "Do you really think this is helping me? I don't need your interrogation on top of everything else!"

The sound of footsteps caused everyone to lapse into silence, and then Alex's head appeared around the corner of the door. Blue eyes wide, he asked in his high-pitched voice, "Mommy?"

"Everything's fine, sweetie," Tess said, slowly inhaling and exhaling in an attempt to appear calm. "Mommy and Daddy need to finish talking, okay?"

Alex nodded, although he didn't look completely convinced. He disappeared back into the kitchen, and Tess watched him go with a sorrowful expression. How much longer could she protect him? How much longer could she give him this safety and innocence? How much longer before someone realized who he was and came after him?

She remembered the picture of Nicolas and Khivar. According to the FBI, they were already on earth, searching.

She was running out of time.

"If this has something to do with Alex, then I do have a right to know," Nick said, breaking into Tess' worried thoughts. "He might not have my DNA, but he is _my_ son. He calls _me_ Daddy. In every way that actually matters, _I_ am his father."

Tess opened her mouth to argue, then closed it when she realized there was very little she could say to refute his words. He didn't understand what she was hiding, and so he had no way of realizing the danger that could come with asking too many questions. He only wanted to protect her and her son.

"I know," Tess said finally, "but for reasons you may never fully understand, he is more my son than he will ever be yours."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Nick demanded, his anger rising. Was she threatening to take Alex away from him? Or was she somehow using her secret past against him?

"Nick, calm down," Charlie said quickly. "You need to calm down." He could see the fire burning in Tess' eyes, and it scared him. For the most part, the girl had presented herself as quiet, shy, and reserved. The emotion that simmered just below the surface was something he had never seen in her before, and he knew instinctively that she could be dangerous if she felt she was cornered.

The look, he thought, was like that of a caged animal, desperate and scared.

"Calm down?" Nick echoed in disbelief. Behind him, Kate eyed Tess warily, visibly taking Nick's side.

Charlie stepped between the two parents. "Yes," he said, holding his arms out to keep Tess and Nick away from each other. "Just think. Be rational. I know you don't want to argue with each other. I know you don't want to say something you might regret later on."

"Tess," Nick said slowly, firmly, "I love you. I love Alex. I want to help you. But you can't push me away. I let you keep your secrets before because you said it wouldn't ever affect us. You said the past was over. If it isn't over, if it is coming after you, then I need to know. I need to be prepared. How else can I fight it unless I know what is coming?"

Tess raised on eyebrow challengingly. "What makes you think you are fighting this with me?"

"Because I'm your boyfriend," Nick replied calmly. "Because one day I hope to be your husband. Because Alex is my son. Because we are a family."

She thought of Max, Isabel, and Michael. "It's been my experience," she said bitterly, "that being family isn't always enough."

"The Tess I know wouldn't say that," Kate remarked coldly. "The Tess I know loved us, and we loved her. I want that Tess back."

"That Tess is a lie," the blonde answered icily, lifting blue eyes to Kate. "That Tess wasn't real. She was a mask, a façade I came up with to hide who I really was."

"What makes you think the two of you are all that different?" Kate asked curiously.

Tess frowned, shifting her gaze to Nick. "Because the Tess that you love," she said simply, "never killed anyone." Then she crossed the room to the couch, sunk into the cushions, and buried her head in her hands while he friends stared at her, dumbfounded and at a loss for words.

* * *

As Kyle stepped over the threshold and glanced around the home of the family of the first girl he had ever loved, he felt his entire body go rigid with sudden and inexplicable fear. The one-year-old in his arms lifted her innocent face towards him, not understanding why he had stopped moving. Behind him, his father reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder, gently but firmly steering him into the house.

"Kyle," Nancy Parker greeted, rushing forward to meet him, "it's so nice to see you again. I only wish it was under better circumstances. I am so sorry about your wife."

Kyle forced himself to respond, "Thank you," but his voice sounded weak and strained even to his own ears.

"And this must be Emily," Nancy continued, the same cheerful smile plastered to her face. She glanced down at the beautiful little girl with the wide blue eyes and dark brown tufts of hair. "She has your eyes."

"Yes," Kyle said, gazing down at his daughter. As always, when he looked at her face, the tightness in his chest loosened just a little, and everything seemed like it might somehow be a little easier with her clutched in his arms. "She's one. I heard that… that she looks like Jennifer did at that age." He looked away suddenly, willing himself not to fall apart in front of these people.

"Oh, here, let me take your coats," Nancy said, glancing from Kyle to Jim as she gestured them further into the house. "Jeff is in the kitchen, putting the last minute touches on the soup. We should be ready to eat in a few minutes." She reached out and took Jim's coat, draping it over one arm. With some difficulty, Kyle managed to dislodge himself and Emily from their coats while still maintaining his hold on the little girl, and she took those as well.

"Thank you, Nancy," Jim said politely.

Nancy disappeared, the pile of coats in her arms, and Kyle turned to his father. "I can't believe you agreed to this," he said, his voice hoarse. He shifted Emily to one hip and ran his free hand through his hair. He was not going to survive the evening.

"Nancy was trying to be nice," Jim answered. "Look, I know you don't like this, but you are going to need to accept their help from time to time. We can't do all this on our own."

Kyle nodded reluctantly. There was nothing he wouldn't do for his daughter, but he did not relish the idea of being around these people, be constantly reminded of everything he had tried so hard to forget.

They walked into the kitchen. Jeff was standing in front of the stove, mixing a large pot of soup with a wooden spoon. He looked up as they entered, and offered a smile. Leaving the soup, he crossed the room and grasped Jim's hand in a firm handshake. "Good to see you, Jim."

"You too, Jeff," Jim answered.

Jeff turned to Kyle and clapped him on the back. "I'm so sorry about your loss," he said sympathetically.

"Thanks," Kyle muttered, wishing people would stop saying that. People simply didn't understand what it was like to lose someone they loved that much until they had actually lost the person. No matter how many times friends offered their sympathy or condolences, it wouldn't be enough. They were hollow, empty words, and Jennifer was still dead.

Jeff, slightly thrown by Kyle's surly attitude, turned his attention to Emily. Tickling her under the chin and smiling as she laughed, he said, "Well, hello there, little one." To Kyle, he commented, "She's adorable."

Kyle nodded. "She is," he said, lifting his eyes momentarily to Jeff.

A sudden awkward silence fell, but the three men were saved having to think of anything to say by the reappearance of Nancy, who entered the kitchen right at that moment.

"How is the soup coming?" she asked, shooting a look at the stove.

"It's will be ready in a few minutes," Jeff replied.

"Wonderful," Nancy said. "Well, everything else is ready, so shall we have appetizers in the living room?" She placed a hand on Kyle's elbow, steering him from the room. "I want to hear all about your plans now that you are back in Roswell."

Kyle grimaced. Behind him, he could hear Jeff and his father talking in quieter voices, but he couldn't make out anything about the conversation. He focused instead on Nancy, on the way her smile was so forced it stretched to either side of her face, and he could see her wisdom teeth.

"I don't really have plans yet," Kyle heard himself answering. "Mr. Evans was kind enough to offer me a job in his law firm…" He trailed off and sighed. Part of him wondered why Mr. Evans had even offered it in the first place. Did he actually care about what became of Kyle and Emily, was he doing this because Jim had asked him too, or was it some sort of guilty feeling for the way his children had managed to ruin Kyle's life?

"I'm sure you will be a good addition to his team," Nancy said thoughtfully, nodding her head. "And I assume your father will watch Emily while you are at work?"

Kyle swallowed nervously and nodded. "Yes… that's the plan." He looked around the living room. He remembered it so well. The summer that he and Liz had been together, they'd spent a lot of time at her house, and he had felt so comfortable there. But then the shooting… and all the secrets… and after that nothing had been the same between them.

"I spoke to Liz yesterday," Nancy said, her voice breaking into Kyle's thoughts, and she noted the way his head jerked up at her words. "She and Max are going to Seattle."

Kyle nodded, wishing fervently that he could appear nonchalant and uncaring. His father had informed him of Liz's illness, of the dismal prognosis for the cancer, and try as he might, he couldn't help but pray that she would be okay. Even after all these years, even after all the betrayal and heartache, he still cared about her. He didn't want to, but he couldn't change how he felt.

"There are good hospitals in Seattle," Kyle said, and to his own annoyance, his voice shook.

"Yes," Nancy said, a shadow passing over her face at the thought of her only daughter's possible death.

Kyle saw the dark look, and averted his gaze. He didn't want to feel sorry for Nancy. He didn't want to feel sorry for Liz. He didn't want to ever think about any of them, and yet being back here, in this town…

"She thinks of you," Nancy said, taking a seat on the sofa. Kyle stopped still at her words, then slowly lowered himself into the chair opposite the older woman. Nancy continued gently, "She asked me about you when I spoke to her."

Kyle didn't say anything. He moved Emily carefully so that she was sitting on his lap, and absently bounced her to keep her entertained. It had been a long day for the little girl, and he knew any minute she could start throwing a temper tantrum of exhaustion.

A moment later, Jeff and Jim joined them, and the conversation turned to sports. As Kyle listened half-heartedly to their debate about various football teams, he let his gaze wander back to Nancy. He wondered how she had felt when she first discovered the truth about Liz, about the people her daughter had been hanging out with. Was she upset? Did she feel betrayal to know her daughter had lied to her all those years? How difficult had it been to get over it, to move forward?

Five years. It had been five years since graduation, since he had left Roswell and the alien mess. Five years, and he was back here, struggling to keep the memories away, struggling to ignore the world around him. He didn't care about any of the others, and he assumed that they barely thought of him. He had always assumed that they were probably doing wonderfully, succeeding at everything, fulfilling all their dreams.

But Liz, he knew, had gotten cancer. He found himself wondering, against his own desires, about the rest of the group, about how they had fared.

Five years… he wondered how life had treated them all.

* * *

"What about this shirt?" Maria asked, holding up the flowery-blue top and staring critically at its silky fabric. She turned to the half-full suitcase on the bed and remarked with a frown, "I like it, but I'm just not sure that it really goes with anything else I'm packing."

"Does it matter?" Michael said grumpily. "You're going to be spending most of your time in a hospital."

Maria blanched at his words and tossed the shirt angrily into the suitcase. "Maybe I'll just take my entire wardrobe," she snapped. "In case Liz and I decide to spend a night on the town."

Michael sat down on the edge of the bed and stared at Maria for a moment, wondering what to say. She'd already bought the plane ticket, ready to fly to Seattle in two days. Max and Liz were already on their way there now, and she wanted to get there soon after they did. He couldn't talk her out of this, and yet…

He didn't want her to go.

She'd visited Liz in the hospital before, but Michael knew it would be different this time. The treatment was invasive and harsh and Liz wouldn't look anything like herself by the time the toxic drugs ravaged her entire body. He wasn't sure if Maria was prepared for this, for what was going to happen to her best friend.

"She's not going out on the town," he said finally, not because he wanted to hurt Maria, but because she needed to hear the truth, and if Max and Liz wouldn't give it to her, Michael would. "She's going to be in the hospital, Maria. She's sick."

"I know that," Maria spat. "Do you really have to make this so depressing?"

Michael reached down and took the blue top from the suitcase. "I want you to be prepared for what it is going to be like. For what Liz will be like."

"I've seen her before," Maria retorted, grabbing the shirt from Michael's hands and putting it back in the suitcase. "And Liz and I have gone out since she got sick. Remember my birthday? We went to the restaurant, and she danced with that college student, and Max almost beat him up?"

Michael smiled fondly at that memory. Max had seen red when the incredibly handsome college student had wrapped his arms around Liz's waist during the dance, and Michael had been forced to pry the hybrid king's hands off of the poor guy's neck.

Of course, the guy had been a jerk, refusing to let go of Liz even when Max informed him that Liz was his girlfriend.

"It won't be the same," Michael said finally. "And you know that." He pointed at the blue shirt. "You won't have any reason to wear that."

"I don't need your pessimism right now," Maria hissed. She tossed a skirt into the suitcase, then began rummaging through her drawers for more clothing. She'd never been to Seattle, and had no desire really to go, but she needed to pretend like this trip would be enjoyable because otherwise she might fall apart.

"It isn't pessimism," Michael snapped back. "I'm just being realistic. I'm trying to face the reality of what is happening."

"By giving up? Losing hope?" Maria asked, raising one eyebrow defiantly. "Is that your definition of facing reality?" She walked back to the suitcase and, stuffing the last items into it, slammed it shut and yanked at the zipper to close it.

"I'm not giving up," Michael protested. "But you have to understand that things are going to be different and…"

"I know, Michael. I know all that. Why can't you just let me pretend that everything is okay?"

Michael was about to answer, when the phone rang. With one last stare at Maria, he walked from the room. In the kitchen, he grabbed the phone from the receiver, noting that it was Kal on the caller I.D. and frowned with concern as he answered.

"Hello?"

"We have a problem," Kal began, and Michael knew that it was serious. "Has Max already gone to Seattle?"

"Yes, he left for the airport just a few hours ago. What's going on?" the hybrid general asked, glancing over his shoulder at Maria, who had appeared in the kitchen doorway. She gave him a questioning look, and he shook his head, unsure what to tell her yet.

"There's been a recent increase in activity," Kal explained. He was in charge of monitoring anything that could be alien-related, although he usually didn't contact the hybrids unless it was something that they needed to deal with right away.

"Oh?"

"The skins are planning something in New York City. Something big." Kal paused, and the silence told Michael more than any amount of words could. Something was very, very wrong.

"What aren't you telling me?" Michael demanded as Maria moved closer in an attempt to hear both parts of the conversation. He leaned towards her so that the phone was near her ear as well. She wrapped her fingers around his arm as she leaned towards him.

"We have reason to believe that Khivar is here as well."

Kal's words echoed through the phone line, and Maria's grip tightened on Michael's arm.

* * *

When the plane landed on the runway, Max leaned across the seat and gently shook Liz by the shoulder. "We're here," he murmured, waking her from her slumber.

Liz blinked her eyes open and frowned, looking around the crowded plane. She hadn't remembered falling asleep, but obviously she must have, because she didn't remember any of the flight either.

Through the small window of the plane, she could see the gray sky of Seattle. A light drizzle of rain covered the heavy plastic window, sending tiny droplets down the pane. Liz bit her lip, somewhat nervous, and let out a slow breath.

Max placed his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Do you want to go out to dinner tonight?"

Liz shook her head. "No, I'm tired. Let's just spend the evening at the hotel." She had her first appointment with the oncologist she had been referred to the next day, and she wanted to be as awake as possible when she saw him.

"Okay," Max agreed readily, letting his eyes wander over her face, checking the pallor of her skin, placing his fingers on the inside of his wrist to check her pulse. She pulled her arm out of his grasp and rolled her eyes at his actions. He shrugged apologetically and took her hand again.

She felt something tightening around her chest, and closed her eyes, focusing on breathing. The tightness and pain often disappeared after just a few minutes, but every time it came, she wondered just how badly her heart was doing, being forced to cope with her failing body.

"Just breathe," Max whispered. "Just breathe."

The plane rolled to a stop at the end of the runway, coasting into the gate.


	6. Little Wonders

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: The song lyrics at the beginning and end of this chapter are from _Little Wonders_ by Rob Thomas.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive

* * *

Chapter Five: Little Wonders

_Let it go,_

_Let it roll right off your shoulder._

_Don't you know?_

_The hardest part is over._

_Let it in,_

_Let your clarity define you._

_In the end, we will only just remember how it feels._

After she was shot at the Crashdown that fateful afternoon, her dreams were all nightmares. When Alex died, the nightmares increased in intensity. When she received the diagnosis of cancer, her nightmares seeped into her daily life, and she had them even when she was wide awake.

When the plane touches down in Seattle, she doesn't dream. She's past the nightmares, now. She's past the denial and the anger and the bargaining and the grief. She's reached the final stage of acceptance, and as the plane coasts to a stop at the end of the runway, all she can think about are the little things she will miss when she dies; the way Max always runs a hand through his hair when he is worried, or how Maria bites her lip when she's thinking, and Michael's constant grumpy attitude which masks his ability to make her laugh.

All the little things that make life worth living…

That's what she will miss when she is gone.

* * *

Liz climbed into the warm bed and pulled the covers up around her chin. She could hear Max moving around in the bathroom, brushing his teeth and washing his face before bed. They had left the television on, and she watched in amusement as Rachel and Ross awkwardly talked around each other, neither saying how they really felt. She liked _Friends_, liked the way the six of them managed to stay together through thick of thin. It would have reminded her of their own group of friends, if Kyle hadn't left them all.

She leaned back against the pillows and willed herself not to think about him. She had been hurt the most by his sudden departure and his refusal to speak to any of them. She was the one who had been the closest to him, the one who missed him the most. But it had been five years, and she was moving on with her life.

"Liz? Do you need anything before bed?" Max asked, coming into the room.

"No, I'm all set," she answered, rolling over to smile at him. He sat down next to her, and ran one hand through his hair. She smiled and reached up to catch his hand, intertwining her fingers with his.

The phone rang, interrupting the moment, and Max turned away from Liz and scanned the room for the source of the noise. Finding his phone on the table next to the window, he lifted it and said, "Hello?"

"Hey, Maxwell."

Max walked over to the balcony and pushed the sliding door open. It was still raining outside, but he didn't mind the rain. He stepped out into the cool night, feeling the chilling wind even through his clothing. "What's up, Michael?" he asked, lowering his voice so that Liz could not overhear the conversation. If it was anything serious, he didn't want to worry her with it.

"Look, I just talked to Kal, and we might need you sooner than expected," Michael said, his voice bitter and grumpy.

Max glanced behind him, through the glass and into the room. But Liz had turned her attention back to the television. With a sigh, he looked out at the streets beneath his balcony. "I just got here, Michael. I can't leave Liz."

"You might not have a choice," Michael countered. "Kal thinks Khivar is on earth."

Max froze, his entire body standing still as he absorbed those words. The last time Khivar was on earth, it had been to bring Isabel back to Antar with him. What did he want this time? Was he here for Isabel yet again, or was this something else? Had he decided to launch an attack in person?

"We need to get in touch with Larek," Max said, running through a mental list of his options. "See if he knows anything."

"The only one who can do that is Isabel," Michael pointed out logically. "Do you want me to call her and tell her to come to Roswell? It's exactly where Khivar would think to look for her." He didn't like the idea of letting Khivar find Isabel again, and he knew Max would agree. Even when they agreed on nothing else, they agreed on the need to keep Isabel safe.

Max accepted this in silence. Finally, he asked, "Does Maria know?"

If Michael was surprised by the question, it did not show in his voice. "Yes," he answered readily. "She was here when Kal called."

Max looked over his shoulder. Liz had turned away from the television, and was now watching him. When their eyes met, he flashed a reassuring grin, which she returned with a tired smile. "I'll call Isabel and tell her what is going on tomorrow," he said finally. "Make sure Maria doesn't tell Liz."

"Max, Maria's planning to come visit you guys. She's already bought the plane ticket. And you know this isn't a secret she's going to be able to keep. Liz is too perceptive, she'll know something is wrong."

"Well, Maria's just going to have to work on it," Max snapped, his impatience getting the better of him. How could he fight a war and support Liz at the same time?

Michael sighed, his exhalation echoing through the phone. "I'll call Isabel tonight," he offered. "Why don't you just focus on getting Liz settled in there. So far, Khivar hasn't attacked any of us. I doubt he even knows where we are. There isn't much any of us can do yet, so you focus on Liz, and I'll worry about the rest of it."

"Thanks," Max breathed. He ran a hand through his hair once again. "Call me as soon as you know anything else."

After he hung up the phone, he remained out on the balcony for a few minutes, inhaling the cool night air. The soft rain pattered down around him, and he hadn't even realized that his shirt and pants were wet, or that his hair was sticking to his skin. He wiped a hand over his face, brushing the raindrops from his eyes, and took another slow breath.

Then he turned and walked back into the hotel room, closing the sliding glass door behind him.

"Was that Michael?" Liz asked the moment he entered.

"Yes, it was," Max answered, tossing the phone carelessly onto the table. "Maria's packing to go, and it's driving him insane."

Liz's lips quirked into a thin smile. "She does sometimes get a little obsessive in her packing." Her smile widening, she added, "Although she's nowhere near as bad as Isabel."

Max shuddered. "No one is as bad as Isabel," he answered. He walked over to the door to the bathroom and grabbed a towel. Drying his hair, he turned back towards Liz and said, "You should get some sleep. Big day tomorrow."

"Yeah…" Liz agreed reluctantly. She gave Max a searching look, then asked hesitantly, "There isn't anything wrong, is there? I mean… Michael wasn't calling about anything…"

"Just updating me on the basics," Max answered smoothly, lying with casual ease. "A bit more skin activity, but nothing too serious yet."

Liz closed her eyes and nodded wearily. "Okay," she murmured.

She didn't have nightmares anymore, but when she woke up in the middle of the night, she saw Max awake as well, sitting on a chair near the window, his silhouette outlined against the pale moonlight, running a hand through his hair.

* * *

"She didn't say she would do it," Agent Thompson remarked quietly as he paced back and forth across the small room.

Agent White looked up from where he was sitting at the desk and leaned back in his chair. "She didn't say she wouldn't do it either," he pointed out logically. "Stop worrying." He looked back at the papers in front of him. "She'll come through for us."

"You're putting quite a bit of faith in someone you've described as a supernatural freak," Thompson snapped in annoyance.

White shrugged. "Look, I'm not saying I want to start being best friends with her. I just think we should give her some time to make the decision on her own…" He trailed off, then added with an icy smile, "And if she makes the wrong decision, we can easily… persuade her to change her mind."

Thompson nodded slowly, then flung himself into the chair across from the desk. "And what do we do when she realizes we aren't on her side?"

White leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk. "We are on her side," he said calmly. "It isn't like we lied to her about anything." It was easy enough for him to justify his actions, after all, he had the entire world to protect from these supernatural freaks.

"A lie through admission is still a lie," Thompson muttered under his breath.

White gave him a sharp look. "Since when did you become so soft-hearted?" he demanded. "You aren't getting cold feet about this, are you?" He swiveled in his chair and stared at the wall behind him. "Have you forgotten?" he asked in a quiet voice.

Thompson swallowed nervously and lifted his eyes to the wall. It was filled with pictures, clipping from newspapers, magazines, or photo albums. There were forty-seven faces staring down at him from the wall, some old, some young. They were the faces of people who had been killed in this war, all the mysterious deaths that the media referred to as unexplained mysteries. But the FBI knew better. Over the past five years, almost fifty people had been killed by the skins, collateral damage in this war between alien races.

"I haven't forgotten," Thompson said once he found his voice again. His words came out a mere whisper, and the haunted look in his eyes was soon replaced by fury.

"They don't know what they're doing," White said, shaking his head in disappointment and some frustration. "They continue to fight this war, somehow convincing themselves that their pathetic group of friends will be enough to save the world." He gave a choked, bitter laugh, still staring at the pictures of the dead. "They don't even know of half the people who have died because of them."

"So we take matters into our own hands," Thompson murmured quietly, the conviction returning to his voice. "We stop our enemies, we win this war."

"We never lied to Ms. Harding," White agreed, spinning in his chair and facing Thompson again. "We never told her anything that wasn't true. We simply neglected to tell her how much we really do know about her, and how much we are willing to do to win this."

"If she refuses to help us?" Thompson prompted. "How will you persuade her otherwise?"

White shrugged. "Does it matter?" he asked pointedly. He knew that there were many, many people out there who would say the ends don't justify the means and he couldn't use his power to influence others without their approval or knowledge. But if manipulating a few weak, ignorant young adults would save the world, then how could that be wrong?

* * *

"No… this can't be happening," Isabel moaned, clutching the phone tightly to one ear as she collapsed onto the sofa. The wind rattled against the window, and sunlight flickered across the floor. She shivered, suddenly unnaturally cold. And scared.

"Isabel, he isn't going to get to you," Michael said reassuringly, his voice echoing through the phone line. "Max and I won't let him."

"How are you going to stop him?" Isabel asked pointedly. "You don't even know where he is or how much he knows."

"We also don't know why he is here," Michael countered. "He might not even be after you."

Isabel rolled her eyes, even know she knew Michael wasn't able to see it. It was, of course, possible that Khivar was on Earth for some other reason. But it was simply inconceivable that while he was here, he wouldn't try to contact her again. He'd done it once before, and she'd almost left the planet by his side.

"He might not be," she said finally, "but he'll still come for me. You know he will."

"We can fight him," Michael retorted. "We will fight him."

"With what? He has powers we couldn't even begin to comprehend." The panic was starting to fill her voice, and her entire body was shaking. How simple it would be for Khivar to kidnap her and return to Antar. How easy for her entire life to slip away from her, and she wasn't convinced there was anything she could do to change it.

"We fought him off once," Michael replied. "You fought him off, remember?"

Isabel swallowed anxiously. "Yes…" She trailed off, then added in a whisper, "Jesse saved me." Jesse was the only thing that had stood between her and Vilandra, between becoming this person she didn't really want to be. She knew now that she had never fully intended to betray her brother, that Khivar had tricked her. But she also knew that she had loved him, and she had felt that chemistry when he crashed her wedding five years ago.

Jesse had saved her, but without him, would she have beaten Khivar?

As though reading her thoughts, Michael said, "Nothing is going to happen to Jesse either. We'll make sure both of you are safe, so that you can fight Khivar… together."

Isabel wasn't entirely convinced of this, but there was nothing else to say at the moment. Michael's reassurances weren't enough to calm the growing unease, but what else was he supposed to say?

She licked her dry lips and asked, "How's Max taking all of this?"

"He's worried," Michael said stoically. He didn't really need to say anything else, Isabel knew that her brother was worried about her. But he added nonetheless, "He's scared for you."

Isabel wondered briefly, vaguely, if he was scared about what could happen to the rest of them if Khivar got her on his side. Had he considered that possibility? Had any of them considered the chance that she might betray them all again? That Khivar could trick her into letting him win? What if she was too weak to fight him?

Instead of voicing all of those fears, she asked, "And Liz? She must be worried as well."

"Max didn't tell her," Michael replied, and she could hear in his voice a sense of disapproval. "Maria promised not to tell her also… assuming she can actually keep a secret." His tone left little doubt that he thought that was highly unlikely.

"Well, I suppose she doesn't really need to know," Isabel mused thoughtfully. "Khivar isn't going to come after her, I don't think, and she has other things to worry about."

"We don't know why Khivar is here or what he wants," Michael said wearily. "We all have a right to know what is going on. He should have told her."

"He's just trying to protect her," Isabel said, finding herself automatically defending her brother. She still had to play the peace-keeper between the two, even when they all lived so far away.

"He's trying to live in some fantasy land where he can keep her from dying," Michael answered. "Just like Maria is living in a world where Liz isn't even sick. They both refuse to just face the inevitable."

"We don't know that it is inevitable," Isabel argued. "Anyway, Max loves her, and Maria is her best friend. They don't want to consider the possibility of living in a world where she doesn't exist. It hurts, and they… they want to enjoy the time they do have. They don't want to have too many regrets." She thought of Alex, of all the regrets she'd had after his death, of all the times she would have given her very soul just to bring him back to life, to be able to say what she hadn't said before.

Michael was silent for a moment. When he replied, his voice was heavy and filled with resignation. "I guess. But people have a tendency of hiding from the truth, refusing to face it because they think it is too difficult." He paused, then added, "Sooner or later, everyone needs to come clean."

* * *

Tess stood in the doorway of her son's room, watching him play with his toys. He was moving a car back and forth across the floor, making strange noises she could only assume where supposed to resemble the sound of an engine. He was oblivious to her presence, caught up in the joy of his own actions.

It had not been a good day. Actually, it was one of the worst days she'd had since returning to this planet five years ago. She'd brought Alex back to their home, leaving Nick at Kate and Charlie's apartment. He hadn't wanted to return with her, and even though he had promised to be back before Alex went to bed, there was some look in his eyes that scared her, a look that told her he was starting to drift away.

The conversation had not gone well.

_After Tess' confession of murder, the room became instantly silent._

_Kate was the first to find her voice. "What?" she demanded, disbelief and anger showing plainly on her face._

_Tess looked up from her seat on the sofa. She stared at the redhead for a moment, then switched her gaze to Nick. "Alex… our son's namesake. I… I killed him."_

"_You named him after someone you had killed?" Nick asked. That didn't even being to make sense to him, and his confusion was evident._

"_It's… complicated." Tess looked down at her hands again. She wished she could explain it all, but she simply couldn't. They didn't know the truth about her, about who she was and what she could do. How could she tell them anything, when she couldn't bring herself to admit that one detail?_

"_Well, I'm willing to listen," Nick said firmly. As if to reinforce his words, he took a seat across from Tess, folded his hands in his lap, and waited._

_Tess looked at Kate and Charlie._

"_Look," Charlie said, when it became clear that Tess was not going to speak without more prompting, "we're your friends. If you tell us that it wasn't your fault and you were tricked into it or that it was some kind of self-defense, or… I don't know… anything you tell us… we will believe you."_

_Tess gave an ironic chuckle. If only that were true. "I can't tell you everything," Kate seemed to be about to argue, but Tess cut her off. "I just can't. People are in danger. I can't… I can't tell you everything." She tugged at a loose curl, thinking. "I'll tell you as much as I can."_

"_That's fair," Nick said quickly, and shot a pointed look at Kate to keep her from arguing._

"_About seven years ago, I moved to Roswell. My dad and I moved around a lot, although at the time, I didn't know why. He always said it was for his job in the army, but… well, it wasn't. He had enemies, people who wanted him dead. And then… a few months after arriving in Roswell… they found him." She glanced at Kate. "He was killed."_

_Kate opened her mouth to say something, then stopped. She had always known that something tragic had happened to Tess' father, why else would she have moved in with random strangers? But she hadn't realized it was murder._

"_The Sheriff is Roswell was worried about my safety. I didn't have any other family, and if the people came back, they might go after me. So he took me into his home."_

"_This is Jim Valenti, right?" Charlie interrupted. He'd only heard the names on a very few rare occasions, but he remembered the way she spoke about them with love and happiness and found memories._

"_Yes. Jim and his son, Kyle." Tess lapsed into silence, thinking about them. Then she pushed away the thoughts. "There was another boy in town… Max Evans… He had just broken up with his girlfriend and he… he and I started hanging out because I had become friends with his sister, Isabel… then he and I started dating…" She gave an embarrassed shrug, "And then… well… you can guess what happened from there."_

"_What, no details?" Kate teased, her attempt at humor lightening the atmosphere in the room._

_Nick rolled his eyes. "I don't want details of my girlfriend sleeping with someone else," he snapped._

_Tess smiled briefly, then continued the story. "But the people who had killed my dad… they came back. Alex Whitman was a friend of Max's ex-girlfriend and… well, I didn't really know him that well, but he was a sweet guy. He wanted to help me, I guess. Wanted to keep me from getting killed." Her eyes began to fill with tears, and she looked up at Nick. "I never wanted to hurt him."_

"_What happened?" Nick whispered._

_Tess wiped away the tears with one hand and wondered how she would explain this. She'd have to lie, to make up a story that still fit the explanation, still gave each character the appropriate role to play. "It was late at night," she said slowly, softly. "We were driving in the desert. Alex was driving me home. They came… for me, for us. He tried to fight back, but… We were just teenagers, we didn't know. He and I were fighting over a gun, and Alex ran up to help me, but the gun fired and… it killed Alex. _I_ killed Alex. And then he made me stage a car accident, make it look like Alex was in a crash. He threatened to kill me, kill all of us, if I told anyone."_

_No matter how much she tried to wipe away the tears, she couldn't stop crying. Now that she had started, the waterworks poured down her face, and her blue eyes became rimmed with red._

"_They found out," Tess said, talking through her tears. "They… thought I had killed him. They wanted to kill me, so I… I ran away from Roswell."_

"_Why didn't you tell them the truth?" Kate asked curiously, her heart going out to the sobbing girl._

"_I don't know," Tess admitted. She knew why she didn't tell Max the first time, when she was under Nicolas' control. She wouldn't have been able to, try as she might, because the skin was just too strong. But why didn't she tell him when she fled Antar, when she returned to Earth? She could have shown him flashes, could have at least tried to convince him that she wasn't the evil murderer he believed her to be._

_But she hadn't._

"_I didn't want to face what I had done," she said finally, speaking aloud the treacherous reason she had run from them all. "I couldn't… I couldn't deal with it. With what had happened. I just wanted… I wanted to get away."_

"_So you took Max's son and fled?" Charlie asked skeptically. "Without any thought to how he would feel, thinking the mother of his son was a murderer?" _

_His words were not meant to be excessively painful, but they hurt her nonetheless, because weren't the true? Hadn't she hurt them all by refusing to explain, by letting them think something horrible for her? Was she really so much of a coward that she wouldn't face them?_

"_I was pregnant," Tess said with a cough. "It wasn't like I could leave him behind."_

"_What about Jim and Kyle?" Kate asked. "Did you explain it to them?" Tess didn't answer, so she pressed, "Weren't they like a second family to you?"_

_Tess nodded weakly._

"_Don't you think they deserve an explanation?" Kate pressed._

_Tess let out a sigh. "Yes," she whispered._

"_What did you father do to make these enemies?" Nick asked, breaking into the conversation before Kate could continue her questions. "Why did they want to kill you as well?"_

"_I can't tell you that," Tess answered. "I… I'll put people in danger if I do." Then she added firmly, "But my dad was one of the good guys. He wasn't do anything wrong."_

"_You can go back, Tess," Charlie interrupted. "You can find the others, you can tell them everything. It isn't too late."_

"_Yes, it is," Tess said. "I don't… I don't want to go back. I can't. It is too late to… to try to make this right again."_

"_It's never too late," Kate countered. "They deserve to know the truth. You took it from them, you hurt them, but you can make it up. You can make it better."_

"_No!" Tess cried, jumping to her feet and glaring at Kate. Her eyes were narrowed into thin slits and her voice was filled with fiery rage. "You think I hurt them? They hurt me, Kate. They turned on me! With everything they had seen and done over the past year, they jumped to the conclusion that I was a murderer instead of asking, wondering…" She stopped abruptly, looking away. "I might have hurt them," she whispered, "but they hurt me too."_

She'd left shortly after that, unable to stay and listen to Kate's advice or Charlie's recriminations. She knew she should have gone back to Roswell after she returned to Earth. She knew she should have told them all the truth. But she couldn't, and she couldn't explain why it was so impossible to face them. She couldn't explain any of her nightmares, of the ways in which Nicolas, Rath, and Lonnie had gotten under her skin. She couldn't… she couldn't tell them about Antar or Khviar.

She was afraid to face the past. She was, in so many ways, a coward.

Little Alex looked up, catching sight of his mother, and said cheerfully, "Mommy! You gonna play wiv me?"

His happy voice dragged her from the painful thoughts, and she crossed the room and knelt at his side. "What are you playing with?" she asked.

"Cars!" he answered. He looked down at the car in his hand. It was bright blue. "This one is my fav'rite, but you can play wiv him if you wanna, Mommy."

"Can I?" Tess asked softly. "Thank you so much." She took the car from her son's hand and pushed it back and forth on the ground.

It was moments like these, sitting on the floor next to her son, that she thought someday she might find the strength and courage to face the past again.

_Our lives are made_

_In these small hours, these little wonders,_

_These twists and turns of fate_

_Time falls away,_

_And these small hours, these small hours_

_Still remain._


	7. Where It All Began

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Six: Where It All Began

Once, he dreamt that he was in the pod chamber again, but this time, he did things differently. He killed Tess, watching her lifeless body fall at his feet. Their child… his child… died as well, the boy's tiny heart stilling inside the womb.

He woke, filled with grief and guilt, and only until he rolled over in bed and saw Liz lying there did he remember that this was just a dream, and his son was still alive.

Somewhere…

* * *

Max pushed his hair out of his eyes and wandered around the area near the hospital. They'd met the doctor earlier that afternoon, and Liz had gone in for more testing and observation. He was on his own now, unable to stay by her side while the tests were run, and so he found himself listlessly wandering through the busy streets of downtown Seattle.

It was a warm day, surprisingly sunny with blue skies. All around him, people rushed back and forth, making their way to various meetings, coffee shops, and other occasions. Beyond the people, Puget Sound stretched out, sparkling blue water dotted with islands, outlined against the horizon.

He thought of Liz, inside the white-washed halls on the unnaturally sterile hospital, being poked and prodded by machines meant to help her, and wondered how she was faring.

He thought of Tess then, briefly. She'd come to mind whenever he thought of Liz, of the unfairness of the situation. Liz was dying, while that murderer still lived, safe and warm in Khivar's rule. He tried not to think of her much, because it only served to make him angrier, but she still managed to invade his thoughts.

In the end, everything came back to Tess.

Every time he talked to Liz about having children, he wondered about his son. Every time they fought another skin, he wondered if she was somewhere with Khivar, planning the attacks. Every time they passed a cemetery, or read an obituary, or heard of someone who had passed away, he thought of Alex.

Everything came back to those moments, standing in the pod chamber, staring into the deceitful eyes of the woman who had once been his wife. He had made a decision then to put the welfare of his son above everything else, and while he couldn't say he had any regrets about that, he often found himself wondering where she was and who else she was hurting. Had she ruined other lives?

He sometimes wished he'd come up with another way. If only they'd been able to save the child, then he wouldn't have had to let Tess leave. They could have kept her on Earth until after the birth and then…

Then what? What would they have even done with her? They weren't killers, it wasn't as though he could put her to death.

No one ever talked about Tess aloud, not really. But she was always on their minds, and he remembered a conversation he'd heard once between Liz and Maria. It was a few years ago, one of the times Maria had come to visit them at their apartment near Stanford, and he'd been eavesdropping on their conversation from the hidden safety of the kitchen.

_He leaned against the door, straining to catch the words. He wasn't really trying to invade Liz's privacy, but he'd heard the tears in her voice, and he wanted to make sure she was okay._

"_It's just… it's about her, Maria. It's always about her." Liz's words didn't make any sense to him, but she was clearly upset by whatever she was saying._

"_You know he loves you, chica, not that murderer." Maria's reply shed a little more light on the subject of the conversation, and Max wondered briefly why Liz would think that everything was about Tess. He loved her, not the woman who had been his wife in some past life he didn't even remember._

"_I know," Liz's voice came, her answer soft and reassuring. "But I just… His first time was with her. His firstborn son was with her. His… everything… it's just…" She stopped speaking for a moment, and Max held his breath, waiting for her to continue. "It's just that she's already managed to take so much from us, and even though she is gone, she's still… she's still winning."_

"_I know how you feel," Maria answered. "I feel that way a lot. It's like everyone is always thinking about her, you know? Like we can never forget."_

"_We can't," was Liz's reply. "Because Alex is still gone."_

Max hadn't confronted her about the conversation. He'd done his best to be there for her any time she needed to talk. He'd encouraged her confidences and tried to soothe her fears. He wanted, more than anything, to convince her that he loved her and no one else. He never mentioned Tess around her, and only rarely mentioned his son.

But the fourth hybrid still invaded their lives, hanging in the silence between them. Her betrayal could not be easily forgotten, no matter how much they wish to move forward.

It always came back to Tess.

Which was why, even here in Seattle, he was unable to escape those haunting memories.

And it was here, in Seattle, the past finally burst into his present, bringing with it all the consequences of their choices.

He bought a paper at a newsstand outside some tall office building, then crossed the street to buy a cup of coffee at the nearby Starbucks. It was while he stood, one hand on door handle to the shop, that he felt something strange, a sensation creeping down his spine. He paused, then turned, looking over his shoulder, and found himself staring into the widened blue eyes of Tess Harding.

* * *

Tess stood in the lobby of the building, shifting from foot to foot as she waited for Nick to appear. They'd agreed to have lunch together to talk about everything that had happened the day before, and she was now waiting for him to emerge from the bank of elevators that lead up to his office. She tugged nervously at her curls, dreading the conversation.

She glanced at her watch, wondering if he had stood her up. He was a little late, which was unusual for someone who valued punctuality as much as he did. But before she could dwell on these fears for too long, Nick appeared, walking briskly towards her.

"Hi," Nick said, kissing her quickly on the cheek. "Sorry I ran a little late. I was in a meeting. I… I got held up."

Something about his words made Tess pause, wondering what he wasn't telling her. But she knew better than to press him for details, right now they needed to trust each other or this relationship would crumble all around her. She linked her hand in his, and said, "That's fine, I haven't been waiting long."

The two of them walked towards the door of the building. "Where do you want to go?" Nick asked.

"Can we just grab some coffee and a sandwich somewhere?" Tess asked, not wanting to deal with a fancy restaurant right now. There were plenty of small diners and coffee shops scattered about downtown Seattle, and it wouldn't be difficult to find a place to eat.

"Sure," Nick agreed.

They stepped outside, blinking into the light, and Tess said, "There's a Starbucks across the street."

"Yeah…" Nick frowned, then replied, "There's a little pizza parlor a few blocks down. Do you want to get pizza there and then come back to the Starbucks for coffee?"

So a few minutes later, they found themselves tucked into a booth in the pizza parlor, staring at the cheese pizza slices in front of them. They ate in awkward silence for a few moments, each avoiding looking at the other. Finally, Nick pushed the pizza away from him and gave Tess a long look.

"So… should we talk?"

Tess nodded. "I… I'm so sorry, Nick. I should have told you this earlier… I was just so afraid, and then so many years passed, and it just felt like it was too late…"

"But you haven't told me everything," Nick answered softly. "I can tell you are holding back, Tess. I can tell there is a lot more to this story than what you said."

Tess looked down at the table. It reminded her of the Crashdown, of all the hours she used to spend there, discussing her alien-related problems with Max or Kyle. "I can't… I can't tell you more, Nick."

Nick reached out and placed his hand over hers. "You can trust me," he said firmly. He lifted his hand to tilt her chin up so that she was looking at him, and he promised, "I'm not going to leave you, Tess. You aren't going to chase me away."

Tess smiled bitterly. "You don't know that," she said.

"Tess…"

"Nick, you heard Kate and Charlie last night. They were pretty much disgusted by the choices I had made."

Nick sighed. "Tess, they were surprised by the story. None of us ever knew… You can't just spring something like that on us and expect us to take it well. We just need time…"

Tess wrapped her arms around herself. "How much time, Nick?" she asked pointedly. "How much time are you going to need to think this over? How much time to decide if you still love me?"

"I don't need time to decide that," Nick answered instantly, honestly. "I know that I love you. Nothing you ever say can change that."

Tess offered a half-smile. She'd have loved to believe what he said, to trust that he would always stand by her. But how could she believe that when Nick didn't even know who… or what… she was? What would guarantee that he wouldn't start running in the other direction the moment she uttered the word _alien_?

"Tess, I didn't run last night. I'm still here, aren't I? I still want to talk to you, to figure out how to work this out. Isn't that enough to reassure you that I'm not going to run?"

"If I trust you not to run, can't you trust me and not ask questions about things I can't tell you?" Tess answered pointedly.

Nick didn't answer right away. It would be difficult to argue this with Tess. He wanted to tell her that she never needed to explain anything to him and that he knew she was a good person and he would love her regardless of anything else. But could he actually say it and be honest? He did need to know whatever else had happened. They were in a relationship, and she couldn't just keep huge secrets and not expect him to be upset.

"I do trust you," he said finally, not knowing what else to say.

Tess gave sad smile and said softly, "But not enough to accept my refusal to answer your questions."

Nick didn't say anything, and Tess rose slowly to her feet. "Maybe I should get that cup of coffee on my own."

"No," Nick countered. "I'll come with you." He placed a hand on her elbow. "We are having a fight, Tess. We are angry at each other. That's normal, it happens. It doesn't mean that we have to stop speaking to each other and break up."

They paid for the pizza and left the parlor. On the street, Tess murmured, "We are never going to agree on this, Nick. I'm never going to be able to tell you, and you're never going to be okay with that."

Nick swallowed nervously, and looked at Tess. But he didn't deny her words, and she shook her head slowly and looked away.

"So what now?" she whispered.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. When they reached the Starbucks, Tess opened her purse and pulled out her wallet. She paused on the sidewalk, glancing at Nick, but he said, "I'll come buy the coffee with you."

They walked slowly towards the shop, watching all the other people pushing to get into the door. But right before Tess reached the door, she felt something strange, a sensation creeping down her spine. She paused, and as the man in front of her turned around, she found herself staring in the confused brown eyes of Max Evans.

* * *

Michael frowned at the computer screen as he read through the article detailing Jennifer Valenti's death. It was a short piece, only a few hundred words, and barely skimmed the surface of the pain and anguish caused by that death. But he wasn't looking for emotions, he was looking for facts, and right now the details appeared to be nothing more than a simple car accident.

He closed the browser and contemplated his next move thoughtfully. He'd asked Kal to look into Jennifer's death as well, assuming that the shape-shifter would be able to determine if aliens were in any way involved. Until then, however, he wasn't really sure what else to do.

The room was silent. Everything was silent when Maria wasn't around. Her loud, often annoying voice echoed off the walls and bounced through the air whenever she walked into a room. They'd argued that morning, as usual. Everything was silent now.

He tapped his fingers over the keyboard, pulling up another screen. The internet site, _Aliens Among Us_, was one of his favorites. It was always filled with the most amusing tales of extraterrestrial encounters, and although the authors of the site were mostly regarded as complete lunatics, Michael knew that it was these lunatics who were often much closer to the truth.

He searched the database for recent car crashes. It came up with nothing. He searched for Jennifer Valenti, and again the search came up blank. He looked for any stories posted the week after Jennifer's death, but none of them spoke of cars or death. If anyone had seen anything strange, they hadn't posted it here.

He switched to a different site, whimsically entitled _Our Friendly Aliens_. All searches came up blank. He completed the brief investigation by searching two other websites, _Truth and Lies; Conspiracies of the Government_, and _Little Green Men_. Finding nothing, he turned away from the computer and crossed the room to the phone. It wouldn't hurt to call Kal again, just to see if he had found anything yet.

Before he could dial the number, however, the phone rang, and he raised an eyebrow in surprise to see that it was actually Kal calling him. Smiling to himself about the irony of all this, he answered the phone with a quick, "Hello?"

"We have a problem," Kal said. As usual, his tone of voice was brisk and businesslike, but Michael thought to himself that he didn't sound quite as calm as usual. Obviously the news of Khivar's presence on Earth had unnerved the shape-shifter more than he had let on earlier.

"We always have problems," Michael replied. "What is it?"

"It's about this woman you asked me to investigate. Jennifer Valenti." There was a pause, then Kal said, "She married Kyle Valenti."

"I know that," Michael answered, rolling his eyes. "That's why I asked you to look into her death. Jim Valenti is worried that she might have been killed by aliens."

"Well…" Kal paused, again, then said, "She wasn't killed by aliens. I can tell you that much."

"Then that isn't a problem," Michael said, shaking his head in confusion. "It's good that she wasn't killed by aliens, right? I don't see what the issue is."

"Michael," Kal answered, "she was killed by the FBI."

"_What_?"

"Oh, it gets better," Kal drawled. "One of my contacts managed to find a bit more about her. Turns out she actually was FBI."

"Huh?" Michael asked dumbly, unable to quite comprehend what he was hearing.

"Far as we can tell, she was in a rather destructive relationship during the first year of college, and wanted desperately to get out of it. The FBI was looking for new recruits, and probably stumbled across her when she made a name for herself by finally working up the courage to turn her boyfriend over to the cops, set him up, and collect enough evidence against him to have him locked up for life… without ever exposing herself as the person who had done all that."

"That's… how did you find all this?" Michael asked incredulously.

"I have my sources," Kal answered cryptically, refusing to elaborate. Michael didn't press the issue, and the shape-shifter continued, "After that, things get a little hazy. She ended up in the FBI, but most of her past was erased and rewritten. The documents on her boyfriends arrest were sealed, so no one ever knew anything about her role in it. I don't know for certain what happened between then and her death."

"But you have a guess," Michael said, catching the tone of Kal's words. "You have an idea."

"She married one of your friends," Kal said bluntly. "Do you really think that was just a coincidence?"

Michael absorbed this in silence.

"Look, I don't know anything about what happened after she joined the FBI. Like I said, that's all a fuzzy mystery. What I do know, is that her car accident wasn't an accident. It was murder, and my sources say the FBI was behind it. I can keep looking into it, but honestly, with Khivar in town, we have bigger fish to fry."

"Yeah…" Michael murmured, still stunned by the revelations.

A few minutes later, they ended the conversation. Kal couldn't really shed any more light on what had just become a very confusing mystery, but Michael had more than enough to contemplate. If Jennifer had been FBI, why had they killed her? Had Kyle been a target or an actual love interest? Did Jennifer actually know about the aliens, and if so, had she told anyone else?

And, most importantly, what was he supposed to tell Jim now?

* * *

"_Did you kill Alex?"_

"_I didn't want to, I wish I hadn't, but I did."_

"_Why?"_

"_Look, Max… the clock's ticking, we don't really have time…"_

"_Tell me why!"_

"_He would have told you what I did and I couldn't let that happen."_

"_So you just, you just killed him?"_

"_I didn't mean to. His brain was just so weakened by the mind-warp and... Look, none of this matters now."_

"_Life matters, Tess. My life, your life, his…" _

"_What matters is going home. But you could never understand that, could you? I might have been able to teach you, but that stupid bitch had you wrapped around her…"_

"_Don't you ever call her that!"_

"_See! Look how fast you run to her defense. Why couldn't you ever feel that way about me? I'm your wife, Max. I'm carrying your child!"_

"_This was all some kind of plan to get pregnant and go home, wasn't it? Home to what, Tess? To Khivar? To our enemies?"_

"_They're not my enemies, Max." _

"_You made a deal with them, with Khivar."_

"_No, Nasedo made a deal, forty years ago."_

"_What was the deal? Tell me!"_

"_To return home with your child and deliver the three of you to Khivar."_

"_And what would happen to us once you delivered us…? How did I ever fall in love with someone like you? How did I ever marry you?"_

"_You were different, you were a king. Now you're just a boy."_

"_You kill me, Max, and you kill our son."_

"_Go. This isn't over, Tess."_

That was the moment her new life had begun. It was the moment Alex's life had ended. It was the moment Isabel's understanding of the world had changed. It was the moment Michael had realized he truly loved Maria. It was the moment Maria had realized what love could do. It was the moment Max's life had been ruined. It was the moment Liz's life had come full circle, gaining her true love at the cost of her best friend. It was the moment Kyle had lost faith in families. It was the moment Jim had lost faith in himself.

In the end, that is all life really is anyway.

Moments.

Just like this one, standing here outside this Starbucks, caught between the past and the future. In this moment, there was nothing but the two of them, haunting memories and hatred fading until the only thing that really mattered was just…

This.

The here and now.

Not the whirl of the Granolith between them, not the vast expanse of space, not the unasked questions, not the accusations, not the betrayals, not the sudden brightness of the sun in the suddenly clear blue sky or the rush of wind that caused ripples out over the distant water.

Just this moment.

Max Evans and Tess Harding locked gazes, and they both knew in that second that the last words Max had said to Tess in the Granolith were completely and utterly true in every way.

This wasn't over.


	8. Revelations

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: For anyone who was hoping for a huge Max/Tess/Nick confrontation in this chapter... you didn't really think I would make it that easy for any of my characters, did you?

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Seven: Revelations

He doesn't dream, not anymore. There was a time when all he ever dreamt were nightmares, Tess' cold blue eyes and Alex's lifeless body, or the men at the door, telling him of Jennifer's car accident, or the sudden stillness in the house when he realized everything was lost.

But not now. Now, he doesn't dream of anything. Now, his sleep is completely devoid of emotions or actions. Now, his sleep is the only place he can go to escape the constant struggle around him and the bitter anger in his own heart.

He knows, sooner or later, the dreams will come back, and he fears the revelations they may bring.

Change, it seems, is always on the horizon. And it is rarely ever easy or pleasant.

* * *

The phone was ringing. Kyle, wandering through the house, paused to listen to the jangling noise. He was holding his daughter in his arms, an he shifted her weight slightly as he walked towards the kitchen. He stopped outside the door, however, when he heard his father answer the phone. He was about to turn and walk back to his room when he heard his father's voice… 

"Hi, Michael."

Michael? Kyle froze. The only Michael they knew was Michael Guerin. Was it really possible that his father was still in touch with some of the aliens? He inched closer, wanting to hear more.

"Did you find anything about Jennifer?" A pause, then Jim's voice took on a worried tone as he demanded, "What? What did you find?" Again, a silence, then, "_What?_"

Kyle held his daughter closer, listening with abated breath. Why was his father asking Michael about Jennifer, and what could he possibly have said?

"But that doesn't make any sense," Jim protested. "Why would they do that if she was one of them… No, I don't believe you. You must be mistaken… Michael, I know Jenni. She wasn't… Okay… Okay."

As soon as Kyle heard the sound of footsteps in the kitchen, he walked forward, stepping through the door. Jim looked up, surprised by his son's entrance. His startled look soon faded, to be replaced by guilt and apprehension.

"I didn't see you there," Jim said softly.

"Why were you talking to Michael about Jenni?" Kyle demanded. "What did he say to you?" The look of betrayal on his face indicated his inner feelings. He had written the aliens out of his life, and he thought his father had done the same. To find now that his father was actually in contact with one of them, and was talking to Michael about _Jennifer_…

Jim hesitated, clearly trying to make a decision. Finally, he said, "Why don't you put Emily in her playpen? This is going to be a complicated conversation, and I don't think we want her to hear."

Kyle frowned, but complied with the request. Once assured that his daughter would be fine while he spoke to his father, he returned to the kitchen, and found Jim sitting at the table, looking worried.

He sat down opposite his father. "What's going on?"

Jim ran a hand through his hair and took a slow breath. "I called Michael," he said. "I know neither of us have spoken to any of them in five years, but I…" He looked away and continued, "After Jennifer died, I just… I wanted to make sure it really was a car accident."

Kyle thought automatically of Alex, but forced himself to answer in a normal tone, "What else would it be?"

Jim swallowed nervously. "Kyle… Michael spoke to a contact of his. A shape-shifter in Los Angeles. He said… Kyle, he said Jennifer worked for the FBI. And… Jennifer was also killed by the FBI."

It took Kyle a moment to process what his father had said, and when he did, he shook his head defiantly and jumped to his feet, pushing the chair back across the floor. "No, you're wrong. Michael is wrong. That's not… That doesn't even make sense! Why would the FBI kill one of their own?"

"Michael didn't know," Jim replied honestly.

Kyle opened his mouth, then shut it again. He turned away from his father. "I can't believe you talked to Michael about this," he muttered. "Why would you go to them?"

"Because they could help us," Jim offered. Kyle spun around and glared at him, and he sighed. "Look," he said wearily, "I don't like this any better than you do. But… but I don't think Michael would lie about this."

Kyle gave a snort of disbelief. "Well, someone is lying somewhere, Dad. Because I know Jenni and she wasn't an FBI agent. Okay?" He turned and stormed from the room, letting the kitchen door slam shut behind him. On the way to his room, he heard Emily call out, lifting her arms towards him, but he ignored her. He didn't want his daughter to see him when he was so upset, and he knew his father would take care of her.

In his own room, he closed the door firmly and walked over to the bed. Although he wanted to remain calm and rational about all of this, the anger was bubbling under his skin, threatening to erupt. He refused to believe it, Jenni just couldn't have been FBI.

But what if she was? What if Michael was right?

He rubbed his head, trying to clear his confused thoughts. Some part of him had to agree with his father, he just didn't believe that Michael would lie about something like this. But…

How could it be true? How could Jenni have had this secret life he didn't know about? How could she have been killed by that life?

Murdered.

He heard Emily crying. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to remain collected as he left his room and sought out his daughter, wanting to comfort her. But in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but wonder…

Could it really just be a coincidence that his wife was an FBI agent, or was she…

Had he never really been able to escape the aliens after all?

Sometime later, after he'd calmed down Emily enough for her to stop crying, he wandered out into the front yard to stare blankly at the sky in vain hopes that he'd find some answers there. He knew his father was standing at the window, keeping one eye on him and one on the little toddler sucking her thumb in the playpen. He loved Jenni, and nothing anyone said would ever change that.

Still…

He didn't dream of Tess or Alex or Jenni that night. He wasn't sure what he dreamt of, but when he woke up, he was breathing heavily and sweating, as though he'd run a hundred miles, as though he'd been terrified in his sleep.

He just didn't know why.

* * *

"_Oh, sorry…" Nick said as he stumbled slightly, knocking into the young woman in front of him. He dropped his books and reached out to steady her, but she had already caught her balance._

"_Oh, that's alright," she said. "I…" She glanced down at the child in her arms, a little boy who rested his head against her shoulder and peered up at Nick with a curious expression. "I'm fine, and so is Alex."_

"_Oh… okay." Nick reached down and gathered his books again. "I'm Nick, by the way."_

_She looked up, apparently startled by the name, then her expression returned to a gentle smile, and she said, "I'm Tess. And this is Alex." She nodded to the child._

"_He's adorable," Nick said as he studied Tess' face. She couldn't be much older than eighteen, and he wondered how old she was when she had gotten pregnant. He didn't want to be one of those people who judged someone on first impressions, but… a teenage pregnancy?_

"_Thanks," Tess said. She glanced around the coffee shop. "Are you getting coffee here?"_

"_Um… yeah." Nick looked around him as well. It was crowded, and there was only one free table at the back of the small shop. "I guess I'll get it to go."_

_Tess shook her head. "You take the table. Alex and I can find some place to sit outside."_

_Nick looked past her towards the window. Droplets of rain splattered against the glass, creating tiny rivulets of water. "It's raining," he said pointedly. "Why don't we just share the table?" He paused, then added, "Or is… uh, Alex's father… joining you?" He didn't want to refer to the unknown man as her husband since he didn't know if they were actually married._

_Tess' expression darkened. "He's not in the picture any more," she answered. "He won't ever be again." _

In the split-second between when we recognize danger and when we react, our body is already underway, producing a flood of physical changes to allow for an easier escape. Our pupils dilate to let in more light, out heart rate increases to pump more oxygen through our veins, and a sudden rush of adrenaline flows through our body, preparing us.

Fight or flight.

Kill or be killed.

Survive.

Tess' first thought was for the safety of her son. Her second through was a question; how on Earth did Max end up in Seattle, at the exact same Starbucks she was headed towards, and was this just some sick cosmic joke? Her third thought was more of an emotion than anything else, and she was filled with fear.

But the fear gave way to determination, and suddenly she was moving, her body in action before she could even process what she was doing. One hand closed tightly around Nick's wrist, and she pulled him backwards, away from Max. Nick followed her almost automatically, confusion evident in his eyes. She didn't stop to explain.

"Tess! Wait! No, stop her!"

Max's voice echoed behind her, but Tess didn't even hesitate to look over her shoulder. The crowd suddenly thinned, and she was standing on the sidewalk near the edge of the street as cars whipped by in front of her. She glanced left and right, and Nick started to yank his hand free of her grasp just as Max pushed his way through the few remaining people and burst into the group, seizing Tess with both hands.

"Where is he?" Max hissed, his words cold and hard. They tumbled from his lips, his breath coming out in erratic bursts. "What have you done with my son?"

Tess reacted on instinct, her eyes snapping shut at a picture coming to the forefront of her mind. Fire, like when Nicolas had captured them all. Fire, the same that had destroyed the skins. It was burning, burning everything, bursting through the ground and filling the air around her with an intense heat.

But then she opened her eyes at the mind-warp stopped. Max had let go of her and backed away, his eyes wide with horror. He was swatting at the flames only he could see, and she was already moving away, Nick following closely at her heels.

She had learned how to control the mind-warps more effectively, how to prevent her powers from spinning out of control, how to prevent the destruction from becoming a reality. Still, she did not like to use it, and the sudden headache that accompanied her mind-warp left her both dizzy and scared.

On the other side of the street, she pulled Nick into the office building. Max was already shaking his head and looking around, having realized that what he had seen and felt was nothing more than a mind-warp. But by the time he was able to think clearly again, she had already put a street full of cars and the cool metal and stone walls of an office building in between her and her one-time husband.

"Tess?" Nick whispered. "What… who was that? What did you do…?" He couldn't even find the right words to explain anything, because he didn't know exactly what it was that had happened. Why had the strange man reacted the way he did when Tess shut her eyes?

"I…" Tess didn't even know how to respond. She just shook her head, glancing back over her shoulder towards the sidewalk where she knew Max still stood, looking for her.

But then Nick was already remembering Max's words, the ones he had nearly shouted as he grabbed her by the shoulders and he knew suddenly. The man had asked after her son, _their_ son, so…

"That was Max?" Nick ventured.

Tess' eyes jerked up to meet his questioning gaze, and she nodded, ever so slowly.

"Why did you run?" Nick demanded, already taking a few steps towards the door. "This is your chance to talk to him, Tess. To explain. This is what you wanted, what you've been waiting for."

"What? No. _No_!" Tess cried, grabbing his hands and pulling him backwards. She knew they were attracting confused and startled stares from the others in the lobby, but she didn't care. "You can't go out there, Nick. You can't." She gestured with one hand, a vague, panicked movement. "Please."

"But…" Nick paused, looking at her pale, terrified face. "Why?" he asked in a softer voice, almost a whisper. "Why can't I?" He didn't believe in coincidence, not like this. If Max was out there the day after he and Tess had finally spoken about her past, the day after the FBI had shown up, it had to be for a reason. They were supposed to find each other, supposed to work things out.

"Why would you want to?" Tess asked in a hushed tone. "So he could threaten to kill us, to take away our son? Why do you care if we see him or not?"

"He's not going to kill you," Nick countered. That boy was still just a kid, even if he was a father. There was no possible way that Max would kill anyone, it just didn't make sense.

But Tess, he could see, was truly frightened, and he didn't know what else to say.

Finally, Tess let go of his arms and dropped her hands to her side. With a weary sort of sigh, she said, "I guess you probably need to get back to work."

Nick blinked, incredulous. "Work? How can you think of work at a time like this?"

But Tess just gave him a long stare, filled with some sad knowledge that he didn't understand, and turned away. She looked through the doors and across the street, but Max was gone, probably either searching for her or returning back to the others to tell them what had happened.

She wondered briefly if Michael and Isabel were here as well. That lead her thoughts to Liz and Maria, and finally to Kyle and Jim. From there, the obvious continuation was to Alex, but she couldn't bring herself to remember him, and so she shoved away thoughts of the boy she had killed and focused again on Nick's face.

"Nick, please, you don't fully understand what is at stake here. Promise me you won't go looking for Max. Promise me you will stay here, out of danger."

Nick nodded. "I promise," he agreed, but something in his eyes made Tess question the validity of his words. Still, she had nothing else to say or do, nothing that could erase what had just happened, so she turned and walked away.

It was only after she was gone that Nick realized she had never answered his question; he still did not know what she had done to Max, why he had started screaming when she closed her eyes.

* * *

"So… they're not making you stay in a hospital room yet?" Maria said, taking a seat across from Liz on the bed in the hotel room. 

"Not yet, but soon…" Liz trailed off and glanced at the door, concern marring her features.

Maria followed her gaze and sighed. She knew Max stood beyond the door, out of their sight. He'd picked her up from the airport and brought her back to the hotel, to Liz, but he had been moody and withdrawn during the entire drive.

"Maybe he had to make a phone call?" Maria suggested, wracking her brain for acceptable reasons that Max might be avoiding his girlfriend at the moment.

Liz chuckled darkly and fell back against the pillows. "He was like this when he picked me up from the appointment. I thought… I thought maybe he just didn't like being in the hospital, but… I don't know, Maria. He was just acting so strange today."

"Have you asked him about it, chica?" Maria questioned. Liz shook her head, and Maria gave a knowing smile. "Worried about bothering him? Making him think you're nagging?"

"I just don't want him to feel that he can't be upset. I mean… I know this is hard for him, too. It's hard for all of us." Liz bit her lip, then shook her head. "He just felt so much further away from me today… further than he ever has before." She couldn't quite explain it, her fears and his actions, but something was wrong, of that she was certain.

"Tell him how you feel," Maria advised.

Liz closed her eyes for a moment, already wearied by the conversation. She wanted to be cheerful for her friend, wanted to laugh and joke and reminisce about old times. But she couldn't, not with so much energy draining from her, not with so much exhaustion filling her body.

Maria swallowed nervously, seeing the way Liz seemed to shrink into herself. She hadn't wanted to believe Michael, but… But this wasn't her friend, not the way she remembered. Things were different, and no matter how hard she tried to close her eyes to the obvious truth… Liz was dying.

Part of her, the part that loved her friends more than anything else in the world, wanted to march up to Max and demand he find a way to fix this. She knew it wasn't his fault, not really, but she still held onto some childish hopes that maybe his powers would start working again and he could stop the spread of the cancer before it killed their friend.

Could her small group really survive one more death? Or would the end of Liz's life mean the end of their friendship, a splintering like what had happened when Kyle and Jim pulled away from the others.

Liz's eyes flickered open, and she took in the stricken look on Maria's face. "I'm sorry," she murmured, resting her hand on top of Maria's. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Stop worrying about what I think," Maria chided gently, giving Liz a watery smile. "You need to focus on yourself." With that thought in mind, she rose to her feet and said firmly, "I'll be right back."

"Maria, wait!" Liz called and Maria walked with determination towards the door. "No, don't…" But her calls were in vain because Maria yanked open the door and marched into the hallway, prepared to confront Max.

But she had not expected to see Max sitting on the ground, his knees pulled into his chest, his head in his hands. He lifted his face to her, and his eyes were filled with tumultuous emotions she couldn't quite decipher. She was dimly aware of the door swinging shut behind her, of Liz's protests fading behind the wood.

"Max."

He climbed slowly to his feet. "Maria," he mimicked her tone, his eyes lowering.

"Liz is worried about you," Maria began, her temper rising as she prepared for a complete rant. She wanted to call Max an idiot, to demand to know how he could stand here feeling sorry for himself when Liz was counting on him to help her deal with this horribly terrifying event. Was he really that selfish?

"She's here," Max said, interrupting before Maria could get enough steam for her rant.

Maria frowned, one eyebrow raising. "Who?"

In answer, Max slammed his open palm into the wall, his face suddenly filled with fury and pain and anger and grief and a million other flickering feelings. "How do I tell Liz? I have to, but I don't want to worry her. But I need to pursue this, I need to!"

"Uh… Max, you're starting to scare me," Maria said, tilting her head to the side as though she was afraid Max might completely lose it. "What are you talking about?"

"Tess," Max said dully, and Maria felt as though someone had pulled the floor out from under her. "She's here. I saw her, but she escaped. She's here, Maria. And we know Khivar is on Earth. What if…? But I can't tell Liz, I can't bother her with this. But I need to find Tess again, I need to find my son. I _need_ to."

He leaned back against the wall, looking suddenly tired and way too young for the task that fell on his shoulders.

"Tess is here?" Maria whispered. Already, she was imagining all the things she wanted to do to the fourth hybrid, all the ways she would make the traitor pay for the pain and heartbreak she had left in her destructive wake.

Max nodded mutely. "How do I go back into that room and pretend that everything is okay?" he asked, waving his hand at the hotel room door. "How do I look Liz in the eyes and lie to her about the woman who murdered her best friend?"

"Maybe you should tell her the truth," Maria suggested in a whisper.

"And burden her with this?" Max asked. "How could I do that to her?"

"She has a right to know, Max," Maria argued. "I know you want to protect her, I want that too. But this… she has a right to know, even if it is hard, even if it is painful."

Max nodded, and the two of them walked back into the room.

Liz was sitting on the bed, and as they entered, her eyes moved quickly between the two, seeking out clues as to their conversation. But Max still appeared moody and upset, and now Maria's face had taken on a pallor, a gray tinge that left her uneasy.

"Max?"

"Liz…" He hesitated, clearly uncomfortably, then took a seat next to her on the bed. "We need to talk."

Liz raised one eyebrow questioningly. "Oh?"

"I… When you were in the hospital getting tests run, I… I was wandering around downtown Seattle a bit and I… well, I saw someone." Max reached tentatively for Liz's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I saw Tess. She's here. On Earth. In Seattle."

Liz pushed herself into a sitting position, her eyes widening in horror at the statement. Lips slightly parted, she felt as though she were about to start hyperventilating. This couldn't be possible, it just couldn't. Tess was supposed to be out of their lives for good.

"Why?" she managed finally, her voice shaking. "Why is she… back?"

Max shook his head. "She took off before I could ask. I… Liz, I haven't been entirely honest with you. There's something else." He looked away. "Kal says that Khivar is on Earth."

* * *

The objects filled the room, flying in circles with a rush of air, like a mini tornado. Isabel stood in the center of it, her eyes closed, her thoughts a tumultuous mix of hatred, fury, and grief. In the doorway of the room, the Jesse stood cautiously, watching the entire scene. Although he had seen his wife use her gifts on occasion, this out of control whirlwind was more than he was used to. 

"Isabel?"

She jerked, and turned to look at him, the books, lamps, and clothing falling to the floor. "Jesse," she murmured, unable to form any words past his name.

"What are you… what's going on? What did Max say?" Jesse asked, stepping further into the room. Only a few moments before Isabel's breakdown, Max had called to talk to her sister. Their conversation had been short, but Isabel had slammed the phone down at the end and stormed away, obviously upset.

Isabel shook her head silently. "I need to go to Seattle," she said finally, her voice raspy and filled with tears. "I need to go to Seattle."

"Is it Liz? Did something happen to her? Is she…?" He trailed off suddenly, unwilling to ask the question. Liz's death would tear apart his wife and her friends, and he did not want to see that happen to her.

"No…" Isabel breathed, "Liz is… it isn't her." She walked over to Jesse and leaned her head against his chest. "It's Tess. She's back."

* * *

On the other side of the country, two men stood together in the darkness of the night, each staring out at the streets that crisscrossed in front of them, leading towards the grid that was New York City. They were silent for a moment, neither talking, but identical expressions of confidence graced their faces. 

"How long until the virus spreads?" the first man asked.

"By tomorrow morning, the first humans should be getting sick," the second man replied. "They won't be able to figure it out because it is an Antarian virus, so…"

"How quickly will it spread?"

The second man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Quickly. But it has a short life, I doubt it will make it past the city. It won't cause any national epidemics."

"Doesn't matter," the first man answered. "I'm not looking to wipe out all of Earth. Yet."

"Just sending a message, sir?"

"Something like that, Nicolas."

"Very good… your Majesty."


	9. Time Enough For Tears

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: It is a pretty short chapter. It's really like half-a-chapter, and the next chapter will complete it… before leading up to the confrontation I know everyone is waiting for…

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling to survive

* * *

Chapter Eight: Time Enough for Tears

Once, when Tess was eight or nine, she and Nasedo had been running (always running) from the FBI, and they'd stumbled across a crowded camping ground in the middle of nowhere. She still didn't understand why people actually liked camping (bugs and dust and sleeping on rocks, how was that fun?), but Nasedo had thought it would be the perfect way to blend in for a few days until they could figure out their next move. So he'd gotten them a campsite (never mind that the place was packed and there couldn't possibly have been a campsite open for anyone to reserve… at least not using only human gifts).

She'd camped next to a family with a little redheaded boy. His name was Jake and he'd offered her half of his cookie. She ate the cookie and they played with stick on the ground.

Nasedo saw this, and the next day they left, and she never had the chance to say goodbye. She wondered if Jake would miss her, or if he would even notice that she was gone. He was the first person who had ever wanted to be friends with her, and she still remembered exactly what it felt like when she realized that half-cookie was for her.

They passed the camping ground once, years later. Nasedo refused to stop the car to let her out, and when she started tearing up, he told her that a Queen did not cry.

* * *

She didn't know what to do. She'd left Nick, not quite trusting that he wouldn't do something stupid, but unable to tell him the truth, and returned to her own home. Kate and Charlie, she knew, were still upset with her, and she couldn't really blame them for their feelings. But once again, she felt alone, unable to confide in any of the people who she considered family.

Some things never changed.

But every once in a long while, people managed to surprise her.

Kate was sitting in the living room, waiting for her.

Tess dropped her coat and purse onto the sofa and stared at the redhead. "Don't you have work or something?" she asked wearily, not wanting to deal with another fight.

Kate shrugged. "Nick called as soon as you left."

"Ah…" Tess smiled slightly. She really should have seen that one coming. "And now you want to know why I didn't tell Max the truth since he was standing right in front of me? Why I ran from him?"

Kate sighed. "As a social worker, I disagree with almost every decision that you've made. You can't run from the past, Tess, because it will keep following you everywhere you go. Trust me on that one."

Tess thought of the way Max had suddenly reentered her life, bringing with him everything she didn't want to remember. Would the others come? It was only a matter of time until they found her, she knew that. She could run, take Alex and disappear into the wind, and that would keep her safe. But it would leave Nick, Kate, and Charlie all alone, without any clue as to the danger they were in.

And the FBI seemed to think that Khivar was on Earth.

Kate was right, as usual. She couldn't run from her past.

"But," Kate said, pulling Tess from her brooding thoughts, "as your friend, you know I will support whatever decision you make, even if I don't agree with it."

Tess started, not expecting that. She opened her mouth to ask something, but was only able to form a single, strangled word, "Why?"

Kate smiled sadly. "We're friends, Tess. And I can guess from what you've told me… and from all the things you never talk about… that you haven't had the best experiences with your friends in the past. But Nick, Charlie, and I… we aren't those other people. When are you going to start believing in us? When will you trust us the way that we trust you?"

"It's… complicated."

"Things are always complicated," Kate countered, shaking her head.

"Not like this," Tess muttered under her breath. She sank into the seat across from Kate and sighed heavily. "Look, Kate, you can say that you'll support me, but we both no you still aren't going to understand my decisions, aren't going to approve of them."

"In the end," Kate said, "it is your decision to make. Not mine, and not Charlie's."

Tess heard the omission in Kate's words, and asked cautiously, "And Nick?"

Kate gave Tess a knowing look. "He's Alex's father, Tess. Not biologically, but… Anything that affects Alex… he has a right to know about that. You know he does."

Tess expelled a frustrated breath. Part of her was glad that both Nick and Kate felt that way. It was good to know that her son had a father, someone who would look after him, who would care about him, who would help him grow up. But how could she ever get them to understand that, sometimes, Nick couldn't have a say in it. Sometimes, it had to be her decision, and hers alone.

"_He's my son," Tess argued, letting her hands fall against the bulge of her stomach. She glared defiantly at the man before her, a leader of the rebels. They spoke of him as though he was a prophet, some type of religious leader. She knew she should respect him, respect all that he had dome for the planet, for her people. But he stood in front of her, talking about her son as though he was some sort of bargaining chip, and not a real person._

"_He is our salvation," the prophet argued. "Do you not see what he is meant for? Great things, my Queen. He will lead us all to redemption. You must embrace his destiny."_

"_He may be your future king," Tess said through clenched teeth, "but he is my son, my flesh and blood. He is _mine_."_

"_A leader does not belong to his family. He belongs to his people," the prophet replied. "He belongs to our goals and dreams and the values and ideals we fight for." He reached out and placed a hand on her arm. "Why do you fight so hard against something you know is true?"_

He was _her_ son. Alex might be destined for great things, but she was his mother, and she cared about him, and nothing else.

And yet…

If she only cared about Alex, she would have taken him and left the moment she entered the apartment, not even bothering to explain anything to Kate. She would have fled, and left the three humans to their fates. But she didn't.

She couldn't.

She loved them.

She felt the tears burning in her eyes, and Nasedo's voice, unwelcome and unwanted, but powerfully strong, echoed in her mind. _A Queen does not cry_. She blinked away the tears.

* * *

Liz stood out on the balcony, staring at nothing in particular. Her mind was blank, filled with empty thoughts and cold blue eyes and Alex's still face. She knew Max was watching her from inside the room, worried. And Maria was pacing back and forth across the floor behind Max, silently wondering if she should come out to comfort her friend.

Everything came back to Tess.

She wiped away the tears that filled her eyes and leaked out onto her pale skin. Her body, weakened by the cancer, did not have the extra energy needed to grieve, or to deal with this horrific revelation, and yet…

Tess was back.

And she closed her eyes to see Alex's body, bloody and broken, strewn across the seat of his car.

Kyle and Jim, so completely separated from the group, torn apart from Tess' betrayal. Max's haunted expression when he thought of his son, so far away… and now apparently so close. She couldn't get the thoughts out of her mind, couldn't clear her head.

And yet… she couldn't deal with any of this. How was she supposed to do it? How was she supposed to react?

They didn't have a choice, none of them. Tess was here, and they would have to face her in the end.

But one thing Liz knew for certain, knew with a cool mind and a cold heart.

She would make Tess pay.

* * *

The next two days passed uneventfully. Nick kept to his promise, and did not go searching for Max. Sometimes, in the silence of the apartment, he would watch Tess with questions in his eyes. But she avoided his look and focused her thoughts on something else, anything else.

Kate stopped by a few times to check on everything, or perhaps to confer in secret with Nick. She didn't pressure Tess to talk about it, didn't ask questions, but Tess knew that she was always wondering. She could see the disappointment in Kate's eyes every time she didn't get an explanation, every time she left without any answers. It hurt her to know that she was hurting her friend, but she just couldn't trust them… even though she desperately wanted to.

She didn't see Charlie. He was busy, Kate said, and work had suddenly become more cumbersome than usual. Charlie, at least, did not inflict his presence on her, did not attempt to worm answers out of her with dark looks and pleading gazes. But she found his absence more disturbing than anything else, and wondered if she would end up burning three more bridges by the time this was over.

The FBI contacted her once, asking for her decision regarding their offer. She didn't give a reply either way, and they didn't press the issue. But she had a feeling that they wouldn't leave until they got what they wanted, and it was only a matter of time until they caved.

She wondered if they knew that Max was here, in Seattle. She wondered if they had known that all along.

It wouldn't have surprised her.

Then the news came, the virus spreading through New York City, something no one could identify. They talked about bioterrorism and maybe was this some manmade disease. It killed some, but didn't spread much past the city, and the course of the disease appeared to be short enough that the rest of the state was not in any danger.

That night, the FBI called again.

This time, she looked at the reports of the dead and dying, and she had an answer to give.

"Agent Thompson," Tess said, holding the phone tightly to one ear and excusing herself from the room so that she could speak without being overheard by Nick or Alex. She didn't ask about the virus, although she was curious. She had her suspicions, and if Khivar was really on Earth, she knew her suspicions would be correct.

"Ms. Harding."

She asked a different question, one she was almost positive she knew the answer to as well. But she wanted to hear it from his lips. She wanted to know if he would lie to her.

"Did you know that Max Evans was in Seattle?"

There was a pause. Then Agent White answered truthfully, "His wife has cancer. She came to Seattle for treatment. Yes, I knew they would be here."

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded angrily. Why was everyone so convinced that they could keep secrets from her, that they could make decisions for her, that they knew what was best?

"Would your knowledge have done anything besides scare you away? Tell me, honestly, wouldn't you have simply taken your son and vanished?"

"I can't talk to him," she whispered. "I just… I can't."

"Do you really think you can survive this without him? Without us? Do you know how many Khivar has killed, how many he will continue to kill? He wants you dead, you and your son. And Max Evans. And he will destroy anything that stands in his way."

"What do you want from me?" Tess said softly, shaking her head even though she knew he couldn't see it. "I'm not strong enough to defeat him."

"You don't know that. The four of you… together…"

Together. She almost laughed when he said that. How could she ever convince them of the truth? And what if they knew the truth, what if they believed her, and hated her anyway? Not for all the things they thought she did, but for the one thing she wasn't able to do.

She'd let Alex die.

"Let's start with something simpler," Agent White suggested. "How about you agree to help us, and we worry about whether you will talk to the others later?"

"You want my help, even if I don't bring Max?" Tess asked, surprised.

"Yes," Agent White said.

She couldn't help but wonder why. She might have something to offer to this, but did she really have that much? Or was he just counting on being able to convince her to do this in the end? Did he simply trust that he could get her to speak to Max?

And if he believed that, what made him so sure?

"I'll help you," Tess agreed slowly. "But I can't make any promises about talking to Max."

"That's fine," Agent White said, and Tess thought he gave in too easily. But she didn't press him on it.

It turned out, not asking him why he was giving in… that had been a big mistake.

* * *

The next morning, Nick had left before she woke. There was a pot of coffee sitting on the kitchen counter and a note reminding her to buy bread and milk. She drank the coffee, wrote out a shopping list, and glanced at the clock on the wall. She had no idea why Nick would have left so early in the morning, unless it was to avoid her.

She sighed. How much longer would this continue?

And how had everything gone so downhill, so quickly?

She woke up Alex, got him dressed and gave him breakfast, then took him to kindergarten. She ran errands for the rest of the morning, then went into work. The musty smell of the library, so unique, was almost welcome. At least here she could blend into the crowd, just another librarian everyone would forget as soon as they stepped outside.

Worked past uneventfully, as it always did, and she left at the end of the day. Alex had gone to daycare for the afternoon, but Nick was supposed to pick him up, so she didn't think much of it. But when she got home, she found Kate watching Alex instead.

"Where is Nick?" she asked, giving her son a quick hug and then turning her attention to Kate.

Kate shrugged, unconcerned. "He called this afternoon and asked me if I would have the chance to get Alex. He said he was busy, and he didn't want to bother you at work."

Tess frowned and glanced at the clock on the wall. Nick should have been home from work about fifteen minutes ago. She wondered what he was doing instead, and why he wouldn't tell her what it was.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" Tess asked as she wandered into the kitchen in search of something to eat.

Kate called out an answer, but Tess barely listened. Her eyes had landed on something she hadn't noticed, a pad of paper by the phone. The top page had a list of addresses on it, hotel names and room numbers. Six of them were crossed off, but the seventh was circled, as though it had been the final answer Nick was looking for.

A hotel name, a room number…

Every maternal instinct in her body was telling her to take Alex and run. She knew what this was, and hadn't she known all along that Nick would never give up? He wanted answers, and if he couldn't get them from her, he was going to get them from the only other person who could provide.

With trembling hands, she reached for the phone and dialed the phone number next to the circled hotel. The receptionist answered with a pleasant trill in her voice, as though she had been at this job so long, she no longer even needed to think about what she was saying.

"Um… yes… Can you tell me who is staying in room 335? I think it is my… uh… brother, but I've lost the number that he gave me… and, um… he's not answering his cell phone."

"Why don't you tell me your brother's name, and I can confirm the room," the receptionist offered.

"Max Evans," Tess said, her voice shaking, her lips dry. Kate and Alex, who had by now entered the kitchen to see what was going on, gave her surprised looks. "And my sister-in-law… Liz Parker-Evans."

"Yes, that's the right room," the receptionist said after a moment's pause. "Would you like me to connect you?"

"No! Uh… I mean, no thank you. I… I can just stop by."

And she hung up.

Nick had gone to see Max.

She looked down at Alex, who was by now standing next to her, holding onto her leg, wide blue eyes staring up at her with unblinking faith in her ability to protect him. And, as his mother, that was exactly what she wanted to do.

But… Nick.

She couldn't even muster the energy to be mad at him. Instead, it was as though a heavy resignation had settled over her. She could have been furious, she could have said he did this to himself and she had no responsibility to save him, but…

"He has Alex's best interest at heart," Kate whispered. "You know that."

Tess swiveled to face her friend. "You knew?" she demanded incredulously. "You knew he was doing this?"

Kate shook her head. "He didn't tell me, but… come on, Tess. It's Nick. Did you really think he would just let go of everything? Alex is his _son_."

She swallowed nervously.

So… what now?

What terrified her more? Facing Max… or losing Nick?


	10. Fool Me Twice

Title: On My Knees

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: So this is sort of a parallel chapter to the last one. Which means that the big confrontation you are probably all waiting for… you're still going to have to wait. Sorry.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Nine: Fool Me Twice

_Fool me once, shame on you _

_Fool me twice, shame on me_

Once, when Maria was little, her school had participated in the yearly parents' night. All the children in the class had their parents come and sit with them during the evening while the teacher talked about the class and the goals for the students. Then they had apple juice and cookies.

She had been excited. It was parents' night, and that meant that all her friends would be there with their families. Her mother was going to let her wear her dark red dress with the butterflies on it. And everything was going to be perfect.

Perfect was, of course, a relative term. Pam Troy, the bossy girl who pushed Alex in the playground, had come up to her and demanded haughtily, "Where is your father? My Daddy came with me. Why didn't yours come with you?"

It was a good question, one she hadn't been able to answer. "I don't know," she had stammered, tears filling her blue eyes. "My Mommy says he's just not around."

"Doesn't he love you?" Pam had asked.

"Yes!" Maria had replied shaking. But she couldn't back up that answer with any proof, and Pam had flounced away, smirking.

Later, she asked her mother about her father and why he wasn't in their life anymore.

"You don't need him, sweetheart," her mother had replied.

But she did need him. She couldn't tell that to her mother, but she did need him, did need to know that he loved her. Eventually that need faded, along with the memory of Pam's cruel words, but the underlying feelings remained. Her father had left her, leaving her open to doubts and fears and confusion. He'd made a fool of her and her mother, and she was never going to let anyone do that to her… ever.

* * *

When his cell phone rang, Nick glanced at the caller ID and frowned, realizing his didn't recognize it. He flipped the phone open and lifted it to his ear, still glancing over the documents spread out on his desk. "Hello?" he asked absently.

"Hello, Nick."

Nick started. "Who is this?"

"A friend," the voice answered calmly, coolly. "You had a little run in with Max Evans today, didn't you?"

"How do you know that?" Nick demanded, his heart rate speeding up as he frantically tried to remember what Tess had said about the enemies out there, the ones who had killed her friend. Could this be one of them? Were they in danger?

"I have my sources," the voice answered. "So… are you going to speak to Mr. Evans?"

"Why do you care?" Nick hissed. "I'm not answering anymore questions until you tell me who you are and what you want."

"Hmm… caution. A good trait, given what you are up against." There was a pause as the voice seemed to consider its options, then it said, "I'm a… colleague of Mr. Harding's." Again, a silence, then… "I'm from the FBI."

"You're one of the people who approached Tess and Kate in the shopping mall," Nick breathed.

"That's right," the voice answered. "And now it is you that I must speak to. We need your help. Or, more specifically, your son needs your help."

"What does Alex have to do with this?" Nick demanded hoarsely. If Alex was in any danger, he would ignore every one of Tess' warnings and take matters into his own hands. Nobody was going to lay a finger on his son.

"Everything," was the simple answer.

"Explain yourself," Nick said tersely. He shifted the papers to the side of his desk and pulled out a pad of paper. He wasn't sure if he would need to take notes, but he certainly wasn't going to let this opportunity to glean more information pass him by.

"Ms. Harding is scared. And she has every reason to be, she's up against something… nearly unstoppable. Matters are far beyond her own control, and believe me when I say this battle is going to land on her doorstep, whether she wants it or not."

"What is she up against? What is going on?"

"Hmm… now that is the question of the hour, isn't it? The question isn't what is she up against, it is how is she… and her son… going to survive? She has some powerful allies on her side, people who would help her if she just told them the truth."

"Max Evans," Nick murmured, rubbing his eyes. "Max Evans would be able to help her."

"Exactly. Now, we both know she isn't going to confront the past on her own. But she needs to confront that past. You need to make her." The voice stopped for a moment, then added, "For everyone's sake, you need to make her understand."

"I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to," Nick pointed out.

"But you could seek out Mr. Evans on your own."

* * *

Isabel scanned the airport baggage claim area as she searched for any sign of her brother. Max had promised to pick her up from the airport, and she was eagerly awaiting his arrival. She needed to see him, needed to convince herself that he was alright, that Tess hadn't somehow stolen him away from them as well.

Jesse had stayed in Boston. It was a hard decision, and he'd promised to drop everything and fly to Seattle the moment she needed him. But for now, she felt better knowing that he was safe and far away from all of this.

"Izzy?"

Max's voice, faint as though not quite believing she was really there, drifted towards her and she spun around to see the alien king staring at her. They stood absolutely still for a moment, then she walked straight into his arms, giving him a tight hug.

"Hey, Max."

"Is that everything you brought?" Max asked, nodding at the suitcase. It was small enough to be rolled onto the plane, and he was surprised. Isabel usually never went anywhere without several extra shoes, half the shirts in her wardrobe, and an entire department store of cosmetics.

"Yeah," Isabel answered with a smile. "I had to pack quickly. I figure I'll just by extra shoes while I'm here."

Max took the suitcase from her with an answering grin and the two started walking from the airport. As they walked, a comfortable silence fell between them, but it was punctured by Isabel's slanted looks at her brother until, in exasperation, Max said, "Did you want to say something?"

"How's Liz?"

Max swallowed painfully. "Okay, I guess. It's… hard. She's in the hospital now. The treatments are… difficult. Draining."

"I imagine it helps to have Maria there," Isabel suggested.

Max nodded. "Yeah, some. It's hard for her, too. I mean… she hasn't seen Liz like this. Not this bad."

"And… how did Liz take the news of Tess' appearance?" Isabel asked, forcing her mouth to form the fourth hybrid's hated name.

Max gave a dark chuckle as he lead her through the parking lot towards the car. "She was upset. She didn't really talk about it much, but… We weren't expecting it, you know. We weren't expecting to ever see her again."

"Have you… have you managed to locate her?" Isabel questioned diffidently, unsure if she wanted the answer.

"No. Michael's already talk to Kal about it. But… Seattle is a big city. It's hard to find just one person in it. We're still looking." Max paused next to the car and opened the trunk, placing Isabel's suitcase inside. "Michael is staying in California."

"Yeah, he told me," Isabel replied. "It… it makes sense, I guess. I mean, we're still at war. He needs to deal with all that." She hadn't been thrilled about the fact that he was staying behind, and she knew he hadn't been happy about it either. But they needed someone to keep an eye on the skins, and that meant that someone had to stay in California with Kal.

Especially now that the reports had come about the bioterrorism attack in New York City. Kal was convinced the skins were behind it, and Max knew that if the shape-shifter had a hunch, it was probably right. He had no idea what the skins hoped to accomplish by killing a whole bunch of people in a city on the other side of the country from their enemy alien king, but Max had no doubt that it was part of some elaborate plan that would most likely end with his death. And he had no intention of letting that happen, not without a fight.

He walked to the driver's side of the car, opened the door, and slid into the seat. A moment later, Isabel took her seat next to him on the passenger's side, and he closed his door shut with a heavy slam. But instead of putting the keys in the ignition and turning the car on, he just sat there, staring blankly at the dimly lit parking garage all around them, staring off into nothing.

Isabel placed a hand on his shoulder. "What now?" she asked. She knew better than to push him towards driving, he was far too upset to focus on that right now.

"I need to find Tess. She has my son. She must have him. I need… I need to save him."

"Easier said than done," Isabel murmured. "We have no idea where she could be."

"She was with another guy," Max said. "I don't know who he is, though. But if he's a skin, then we're up against more than just her."

"She's in league with out enemies, Max," Isabel pointed out. "Of course we are up against more than just her."

He looked at her, or rather, looked right through her, his eyes seeing nothing. Then he blinked, and the distance look was gone, replaced by one of heavy resignation. "I know," he said. "I just… I have no idea what to do now." He looked down at the steering wheel. "Can you dream-walk her?

"It's never worked before," Isabel replied, "but I can keep trying."

Max shoved the keys into the ignition and turned the car on. "Alright," he said wearily. "I guess that's where we will start, then."

* * *

Nick leaned over the phone, staring down at the list of hotel names on the pad of paper. He'd already called the first six, but the hotels had no record of a Max Evans staying there. He dialed the phone number for the seventh hotel, chancing a quick glance at the clock. It was two in the afternoon. Alex would be done with daycare soon, and he had promised Tess he would pick up the boy today. She was at work and wouldn't be home until the evening.

When the receptionist at the other end of the line answered, startling Nick back into the present, he stuttered over the first question. "Yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine, Max Evans. I think he's staying at your hotel, but I don't remember the phone number."

"Alright, sir, let me just check for a moment," the receptionist said complacently. There was a pause and he heard the faint click of fingers across a keyboard, then, "Oh, yes, here he is. Room 335. Would you like me to connect you?"

"Oh, no thank you. I'll just stop by" Nick said pleasantly, scribbling 335 next to the name of the hotel and circling the entire line. As he hung up the phone, he ran a hand through his hair and wondered what to do now. He could go to Tess with this information, but he doubted she would do anything about it. Or he could go to Max directly and speak to him instead…

He needed to pick up Alex soon…

He dialed another number on the phone, wondering if he was doing the right thing. But he'd already come this far, and he had no intention of going back now.

"Hey, Nick."

"Kate. I have to stay at work this afternoon. Any chance you can watch Alex for me?"

"Everything okay?"

"Yeah, it's fine. I just… have some work."

"Sure, I'll watch him. Is he at daycare?"

"Yes. Thank you." Nick hung up the phone, rose to his feet, and grabbed his sweater. Pulling it on over his head, he pulled out car keys, glanced once more at the pad of paper by the phone, at the address circled on the top page, then headed towards the door.

* * *

Kyle watched Emily playing with a large stuffed bear. She was sitting on the ground, chewing contentedly on the bear's left foot. She was wearing a blue dress with a bow in her hair, and her heart-shaped face and wide grin reminded Kyle so much of his wife that he almost burst into tears.

"Kyle?"

He turned as his father entered the room, looking old and tired. It was the first time Kyle had really noticed the drawn expression on Jim's face or the way his eyes dimmed slightly as he stared at his son. Tess' betrayal and the resulting fallout with the group had taken a severe toll on both of them.

And now to learn the truth about Jenni…

Kyle gave a bitter smile. "I guess I just keep falling for the wrong girl, don't I?" he said softly, darkly. He hadn't fallen for Tess in any romantic way, but she had been his sister, and, apparently like Jenni, she was more than she appeared to be.

"You can't think like that," Jim said, taking a seat across from Kyle. "We don't know the full details about Jennifer. We don't know… well, we don't know anything about it. Not really."

"She was FBI," Kyle argued. "What more do I need to know?"

"She was killed by the FBI as well," Jim pointed out. "You don't know for certain why she joined them, or if it had anything to do with you." He looked at Emily. "And she gave you something amazing, you know."

Kyle followed his father's gaze and watched as Emily pulled at the bear's nose, attempting to remove it from the stuffed animal's face. She was wearing a curious expression as though not quite sure what she was holding. She looked up as she sensed two sets of eyes on her, and smiled broadly at her father.

"Bear!" she said proudly, holding the bear out to her father. "Brown Bear!"

Kyle smiled and reached over to ruffle her hair. "Yeah… it's a brown bear."

"Remember Jenni the way you want to remember her. As a loving wife and a wonderful mother. Don't let her memory be ruined by whatever Michael has told us."

Kyle shook his head. "It isn't that easy, Dad. I can't just remember her the way I want to, not if it isn't the truth." He crossed his arms over his chest in a defiant gesture, and added, "Especially not if the FBI isn't done with us yet."

"You think they might come after you?" Jim asked with a frown. Michael had suggested that it was a possibility, but one that Jim had dismissed. He just couldn't believe that his daughter-in-law, the woman who had finally brought smiles back into Kyle's face, could have been lying to them all, using them for her own ends.

And yet…

"What if she wasn't the target, Dad?" Kyle said, voicing a concern that had been plaguing him for a while now. "What if they had meant to kill me? Or Emily? What if she wasn't supposed to be the one in the car that day?"

But Jim shook his head. "Why would the FBI want to kill Emily?"

Kyle said nothing. He had to admit that it was unlikely that any secret organization would be targeting his daughter. There was nothing special about Emily that would make her useful to anyone, nothing remotely alien. But what if the FBI was after him? What if they wanted to get to Max and the others, and were using Kyle as bait?

A knock at the door caught Jim's attention, and he crossed the room to see who could possibly be visiting them at this hour. He hadn't scheduled any visitors, and he hadn't really wanted them. The dinner at the Parkers was the last time he and Kyle had been social, and he had seen how upset Kyle was during most of the dinner. He didn't want to inflict more of that on his already suffering son.

It was Amy DeLuca, and she looked upset.

"Amy, what's wrong?"

She glanced past him at Kyle and Emily. "Jim, can I talk to you alone?" she asked quietly.

Kyle picked up Emily and carried her from the room, silently wondering what his father and Amy had to talk about. He knew that, at one point, they were in a relationship. But that had been a long time ago, and he wasn't entirely convinced that his father was looking to start dating again.

Still, it was his father's decision, so Kyle left them alone.

Once Amy was sure Kyle was gone, she turned to Jim with a worried look on her face. Rubbing her arms absently, she said, "I… I spoke to Maria this morning."

"How is she?" Jim asked, concerned. He couldn't think of what would have made Amy that upset, unless something had happened to Liz. Perhaps the treatments weren't going well, or maybe she'd developed an infection or some other dangerous complication?

"Maria's fine," Amy said, stepping a little further into the house. "She was worried about me, actually. She… uh, she thought it was possible we might be in danger."

"Why?" Jim asked.

"She didn't really say much," Amy replied. She never said much, not to her mother, anyway. Amy knew that Maria was simply trying to keep her mother as much out of the loop as possible to protect both Amy and herself. The less people who knew any dangerous information, the less likely it was that information could fall into the wrong hands.

But this morning, Maria had been worried that something might happen to Amy if she didn't know what was going on. Worried that an enemy had returned, one who was cold and ruthless and could quite easily destroy anything that stood in her way.

"What did she say?" Jim asked.

Neither of them noticed Kyle in the doorway of the room. He'd come back to get another one of Emily's toys, a stuffed rabbit that had been left on the sofa. Sensing he was interrupting something, he backed silently away, hoping to stay unnoticed until he had left the room.

Until Amy's next words stopped him in his tracks.

"It's Tess Harding. Maria says that she's on Earth. In Seattle."

* * *

Nick waited until he had screwed up enough courage to face the unknown that lurked behind the door, then he raised his hand, fingers bent into a fist, and rapped his knuckles against the door.

It was opened by a woman he didn't recognize. She was tall, and stunningly pretty, but her eyes were ringed with dark shadows as though she hadn't slept in several days. "Can I help you?" she asked warily.

"Yes, I… I'm looking for Max Evans," Nick said, a little unsure.

She narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Why?" she demanded, her voice suddenly filled with hostility.

Before he could answer the question, however, Max himself appeared, rubbing his eyes with one hand and asking in a mumbled tone, "Who's at the door, Izzy?"

And then he froze when he saw Nick. "You," he hissed, and his face lost all its color. He raised one hand, and then something strange happened. Sparks of electricity seemed to crackle along his skin, appearing out of nowhere as though he had somehow magically conjured them.

"Max, don't!" the woman referred to as Izzy said, her eyes darting nervously to the hallway. "Exposure," she hissed, obviously frightened of something. She pushed Max back into the room, then pulled Nick with her as well, and slammed the door, locking it.

"Who are you?" Max demanded, turning to Nick.

"_What_ are you?" Nick shot back, his eyes still fixed on the electricity sparkling on Max's fingers.

"Max, who was it…?" another voice said, and a blonde woman stepped out of the bathroom, staring in confusion between Nick and the other two.

"Maria, stay back," Max ordered tersely. He raised his hand again, and Nick felt an invisible force knock him off his feet and send him flying into the wall. He smashed against it, the air rushing from his body, and crumpled to the floor in a heap.

"Max!" Isabel said, worried. "What are you…?"

"It's him," Max said with a sneer, his eyes filled with anger. "He's the one who was with Tess." He turned back to Nick who had pulled himself to his feet and was staring at Max in horror. "Tell me where she is," he said furiously. "Tell me what you've done with my son, and I might just let you walk out of here alive."

"What… what did you… how?" Nick asked, his words falling from his lips in a jumbled mess. Shock was settling over his body, he couldn't understand what had happened.

"Are you a skin?" the woman named Maria asked, taking a hesitant step forward.

"He seems pretty clueless for a skin," Isabel replied, giving him a searching look. "Besides, if he was, he would have just attacked us instead of waiting for Max to strike the first blow."

"What's a skin?"

"He has to be one of Khivar's," Max argued, briefly glancing at Isabel. "Why else would he be with Tess?"

Nick rose to his feet, looking warily between the three people in front of him. Bits and pieces of what Tess had told him were filling his mind, and he remembered that Isabel was Max's sister, and Maria was the girlfriend of one of Max's best friends.

And, obviously, they thought Tess was the enemy.

"Look, I just came to talk to you about Tess," Nick said quickly. "I… look, there's been a misunderstanding. And we… we need your help."

"Tess needs our help?" Maria asked, almost laughing. "And she thinks we're just going to give it to her? Willingly?" She shook her head, eyes narrowed furiously.

"Where is she?" Max asked. "Where is my son? What has she done with him?"

"She's raised him," Nick replied as though it was obvious. "What else would she have done?"

"That murderer…" Isabel started, but Nick cut her off heatedly.

"She is not a murderer!"

"This doesn't make any sense, Max," Isabel murmured, turning to her brother. "Why doesn't he know what's going on? Why isn't he attacking us?"

"It's some kind of trap," Maria suggested. "It has to be. He's working with _Tess_, for God's sake. He's the enemy."

"Take me to Tess," Max said finally, unsure what else to do. He was confused as to why Nick wasn't fighting back, but he agreed with Maria. Anyone who was working with Tess had to be evil, had to be the enemy.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on," Nick argued. "What are you?"

At that, Isabel waved a hand, and Nick cried out in pain, sinking to his knees and clutching his head. The pain was radiating through his body, starting in his head and exploding outward from there, coursing through every vein, wrapping around every cell. He couldn't see straight, couldn't think, couldn't form a sentence, couldn't even breathe.

"Tell us what you've done with Max's son," Isabel said forcefully as she lowered her hand, and the pain faded away. "_Now_."

Nick shook his head as tears swam in his eyes, making the entire world blur around him. He couldn't understand what was happening, but he knew one thing; these people were dangerous. But Tess had said that they were on the side of good, that they weren't the enemy. So why were they attacking him like this? How did they have these abilities?

Isabel raised her hand again, threatening him. "Tell me," she ordered.

And then she was flying through the air, smashing into the far wall. Max and Maria both turned towards her, crying out her name in surprise, but Isabel looked past them towards the woman standing in the doorway, the one who had attacked her.

"Don't you dare hurt my boyfriend," the woman said, her voice icy cold and dripping with venom.

"Tess…"

* * *

Maria stared at the woman. She looked different from what the blonde human remembered. Her hair was longer and her eyes were harder, but there was something else about her, a sense of weariness and fatigue. And underneath it all, a steely resolve to fight to the death.

She remembered the first time they had met Tess. She remembered hearing about destiny. She remembered the way Liz's eyes lowered whenever Tess walked by, the hardening of her jaw, the expression of despair and pain. She remembered Alex's lifeless body, Isabel's sobs, and Liz's unemotional exterior as she slowly crumbled inside.

And here stood this man, Nick, acting like Tess hadn't destroyed them all, like she was just as much a victim as everyone else. And there was Tess, cold and cruel and vicious, eyes narrowed in calculating anger.

She should never have trusted Tess, never. How could she have ever been so stupid, so blind? Why didn't they see the truth that shined at them from those icy blue eyes?

Tess had fooled them all once.

And Maria had no intention of letting her do it again.


	11. Identity

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Ten: Identity

The first day of elementary school, the first day that Isabel had ever been away from this man and woman who she was beginning to think of as her parents, had been both nerve-wracking and exciting. It was a chance for her to be whoever she wanted, to show the world all the different characteristics she wanted them to see.

Max had caught her arm before they walked into the building. "No one can know," he had said.

She had pulled her arm out of his grip and nodded seriously, recognizing the truth of his words. She could be anyone she wanted… except the truth.

* * *

_Isabel raised her hand again, threatening him. "Tell me," she ordered._

_And then she was flying through the air, smashing into the far wall. Max and Maria both turned towards her, crying out her name in surprise, but Isabel looked past them towards the woman standing in the doorway, the one who had attacked her._

"_Don't you dare hurt my boyfriend," the woman said, her voice icy cold and dripping with venom._

"_Tess…"_

"Oh my God," Nick breathed. This was not his Tess. Not the quiet, scared, diffident woman running from her past, not the loving mother devoted to her son, not the stranger with all the secrets she would never spill. This woman, he realized with a shock, didn't even appear to be human.

"Nick, get out of here," Tess said, her eyes pinned on Max.

But Maria moved to block the door. "The hell we are letting some enemy alien just waltz out of here," Maria snapped, placing her hands on her hips as she barred Nick's path.

Tess gave the other woman a cold stare. "If Nick was actually an alien, do you really think some mere human would be able to stop him from leaving?" Maria flinched and shot a nervous glance at Nick, but Tess ignored her and turned back to Max. "He's a human, Max. He doesn't know anything about us, or Khivar, or the skins. Just let him go, and we can talk this out ourselves."

"Aliens?" Nick asked hoarsely. "What are you talking about? Tess, what is going on?"

"Nick, go," Tess said angrily, looking over at him again. "Just go."

"Why do you care so much for him?" Isabel asked, pulling herself to her feet. "You certainly didn't care about any other _mere_ humans."

If possible, Tess' already pale skin went even whiter, but she said nothing to Isabel. She let her gaze wander briefly to Max, but his expression was unreadable. So she looked at Nick instead, her eyes pleading with him to let her handle this, to trust her, just this once.

"Nick…"

He looked at her. Through the fog of confusion that was filling his mind, he was able to think one coherent thought. "What about Alex?" He was Alex's father, even if it wasn't biological. If this conversation was going to discuss the young boy, he had every reason to be here, every right to know what was going on.

"Alex?" Maria screeched, her eyes narrowing. "What do you know about him?" she spat, quivering with anger. How dare this stranger come and talk about her friend?

"He means my son," Tess said warily. "He's talking about my son."

There was a moment of silence, then Isabel asked in disbelief, "You named your son Alex?" She shook her head, disgusted. "That is just sick. Naming your child after the man you callously murdered."

Tess felt the lump form in her throat. She wanted to scream, to tell them that it hadn't happened that way, that she'd tried so hard to save him. But… the words were stuck, and she just couldn't force them out. How could she try to convince these people that she hadn't killed Alex when she wasn't even sure she believed that? She'd watched him fall, failed to stop the destruction of his mind.

It _was_ her fault.

Max raised his hand, and the door behind Tess snapped shut. "Nobody is going anywhere," he ordered furiously.

Tess rolled her eyes and took a few more steps into the room. "Fine. I'm sure you've got a lot on your mind, Max, so let's hear it."

"I thought our son couldn't survive on this planet. Did you abandon him on Antar?"

Tess shook her head. "No… he's here. He can live on Earth." At Max's questioning stare, she elaborated, "It was a mind-warp. Something I needed you to believe." Max gave her a look of utter disdain, and she felt herself saying fiercely, "I had to do whatever it took to get you to activate the Granolith!"

"Granolith?" Nick asked, the strange word rolling off his tongue.

He was, as he expected, completely ignored.

"Including killing Alex?" Maria demanding, walking towards Tess, eyes glittering dangerously.

Tess turned to look at Maria, and for the first time her gaze softened just a tiny bit. "That's _not_ what I meant to do," she said truthfully, although she doubted anyone would believe her.

"What was he?" Isabel asked harshly, striding forward. "Collateral damage? I should just kill you right now!" She raised her hand in a threatening manner, and Tess took an instinctive step back.

But the petite blonde was not done fighting yet. "You kill me, you kill my son."

"What?" Isabel asked, faltering.

"My son," Tess repeated. Then she turned to Max and added icily, "Our son. We're linked. Physically. If I die, so does he."

"I don't believe you," Max accused, scrutinizing her expression, trying to see past the façade.

"Oh?" Tess taunted. "Go ahead and kill me then, see if I'm lying." She paused, watching the shutters fall over his eyes, watching the way he slanted a warning look at his sister, who lowered her arm. Tess smiled coldly. "I know you Max, you would never take that risk."

She did not like using her son in this manner, but it was the only way to buy her some time, to try to figure out what to do next.

"So what are you doing here?" Isabel asked, annoyed that she wasn't going to have the opportunity to give Tess exactly what she deserved.

That question jolted Tess back to the reality of why she was here, and she turned to Nick in frustration. "I told you to stay away. Why couldn't you just listen to me?"

Nick gave her an incredulous look. "Listen to you? God, Tess, I don't even _know_ you."

"I _meant_," Isabel interrupted, "why are you on Earth?"

Tess blinked. "Oh… I live here. With Nick and my son."

"Where is he?" Max asked. "What have you done to him? What lies have you twisted his mind with?"

"He's my son, Max," Tess argued, eyes filled with disbelief. "Do you really think I would hurt him?"

"No, just turn him into a murderer like yourself," Maria hissed.

"Hey, that wasn't Tess' fault," Nick said suddenly. "She didn't fire the gun, she didn't…"

"Gun?" Max asked, turning to face Nick. "She told you she killed our friend with a gun?" He gave a bitter laugh that seemed so out of place in the almost silent room. "She told you it wasn't her fault?"

"Yes…"

"Then how do you explain what Kyle saw, Tess?" Max asked viciously. "How do you explain that he watched you kill Alex? How do you explain that you used your powers to force him to carry Alex's dead body, to stage the car accident?"

"What?" Nick asked, looking to Tess for validation of what Max said. She wasn't looking at him, however, but instead staring solely at Max, and he had no idea what to believe.

"So I take it she lied to you, too?" Isabel said gently, reaching out and placing a hand on Nick's shoulder. She could tell he really was human, and the confusion and betrayal radiating from him was too strong and too overwhelming to be fake. He was just another person tricked by Tess, just another fly caught in her web of lies.

"So why did you pick him?" Maria asked, feeling her heart go out to the obviously bewildered Nick. "Why would you shack up with a mere human?"

"Did you need a cover for some reason?" Max asked. "Are you the reason Khivar is on Earth? Are you two plotting something?"

"But… the FBI said that Max could help you," Nick said, shaking his head. "That's why they wanted me to find Max. Because you weren't going to do it on your own, and you needed Max to save Alex."

"Alex isn't in any danger," Tess retorted, even though it was a lie, as she well knew. "The FBI contacted you?" She turned to look back at Nick, and the gentle expression in his face had hardened into something she didn't recognize. A mixture of emotions, anger, betrayal, disgust, and fear, blended together, reflected in his eyes.

"Yes."

Tess ran a hand through her hair. They were obviously willing to do anything at all to make sure she did exactly what they wanted. She should have known they wouldn't leave her alone, that they'd find some other way to get her to do their bidding. But the fact that they had used Nick… that just made her mad.

"The FBI is involved?" Maria asked.

"Are they really the FBI and not more skins?" Isabel added curiously. She couldn't understand why Tess would be working with the FBI.

"Yes," Tess said, not really thinking about the question.

"And why would we actually believe anything you have to say?"

"I don't understand," Nick said finally, stepping between Max and Tess so that she was forced to look at him. "Who are you? What are you? What is going on?"

Tess bit her lip. "I'm an alien. Half-alien, actually. Half-human. So are Max and Isabel."

"_What_?"

Max reached out a slid his hand around Nick's arm, pulling his backwards. "Stay away from her," he warned the speechless human. "Look, we can explain everything to you later, but for right now, we need to deal with Tess." He looked at Tess and added, "And my son."

"I don't… I don't understand… how… how is this…possible?"

Maria placed a reassuring hand on Nick's arm as well, and he looked at the three people standing behind him. Max was regarding him with a still slightly suspicious expression, but both Isabel and Maria were looking at him with sympathy and kindness, as though they actually wanted to help him. He turned and looked back at Tess, but her expression was unreadable.

"You're not the only one she's tricked, Nick," Maria said. She pushed a few strands of blonde hair out of her eyes. "Trust me. You're lucky you've only been hurt this much. It could have easily been a lot worse."

Tess frowned, thinking. It was unusual for Max or any of the others to easily accept someone into their group, so she was surprised that they were rallying around him. But then she remembered how Alex's death had affected them, how it had nearly torn them all apart. It was only natural, she knew, to protect someone from feeling that type of pain, especially when it was caused by someone perceived as an enemy.

"So what now?" Isabel asked. "Since we can't kill her…"

Max shook his head wordlessly. "Where's Khivar?" he asked finally.

"I don't know," Tess said.

"Where is he?" Max demanded again, striding forward and catching Tess by the arm. "Tell me!"

"I can't tell you what I don't know!" She stumbled backwards. "I'm not working with him. He tried to kill me… wanted to hurt Alex as well. So I escaped. That's why I'm on Earth. Max. That's why I'm hiding. I'm just trying to keep Alex safe."

"I don't believe you," Max snarled, his face turning an angry red.

She pulled her arm out of his grip. "Fine, don't believe me. But I can't tell you anything about Khivar. I don't know where he is." Then her gaze slid past him to Nick and she paused, a strange look crossing her eyes. "But I know someone who does."

"Oh?"

"Agents Thompson and White." Tess turned away from them, frowning. "Maybe it's time they start telling us a little bit more of the truth."

"Us? There is no 'us,' Tess. We're not on the same side of this," Maria spat.

Tess gave her a cool look. "I want to keep Khivar from killing my son. You want to keep him from killing all of you. We have a common enemy, Maria. That puts us on the same side."

Maria didn't look particularly pleased by that comment, but she said nothing. She and Isabel both looked at Max, who was still fuming as he stared at Tess. Finally, the hybrid king gave a short nod. "Fine," he snapped. He'd do anything to protect his friends, even if it meant working with the enemy.

"What if it's a trap?" Isabel asked, giving Tess a suspicious look. "She's just playing you, Max. Like she always did."

"If it's a trap," Max said softly, "I _will_ find a way to make her and Khivar pay for it."

* * *

Tess stood alone in the bathroom, staring at her pale reflection in the mirror. She wanted nothing more than to mind-warp everyone in the other room and slip through the door, unseen and unnoticed. She wasn't worried about Nick anymore, she knew that Max and Isabel could sense that he was human. They'd probably check his blood, just to be on the safe side, and Isabel might even take a stroll through his dreams. They'd find nothing suspicious, and they wouldn't hurt him.

_Why didn't you just tell them the truth?_

The little voice in her head sounded an awful lot like Kate.

She sighed, exhaling a slow breath. "They would never have believed me," she said aloud, her soft whisper echoing slightly.

_You don't know that. You could have convinced them of the truth._

"How can I convince them of the truth when I don't even know what it is?" She had spent so long blaming herself for Alex's death, knowing that others blamed her for it as well… how could she believe anything different? Max, Isabel, and Maria all thought she was the enemy, and sometimes… sometimes she agreed with them.

_You know, deep down, that you didn't kill him._

"Truth is subjective," Tess answered. "I did kill him, even if it wasn't my fault. And that is _my_ truth."

_You know you aren't a murderer._

There were days when she'd wake up with Alex's frightened eyes haunting here, and in the split-seconds before her mind caught up with her emotions, she truly believed she'd been responsible. Or she would hear the faint echo of Max's angry words coming to her even across the great expanse of space that separated them, and she'd imagine herself as every foul name he'd ever called her.

"I don't know what I am. And neither does anyone else." She had lied to everyone about who she was. Kate and Charlie still believed she was a normal human with a complicated past. Nick had no idea what to believe anymore. Max and the others thought she was a murderer. Was it possible, after so many years of changing her identity, that she could have actually forgotten who she was underneath the lies?

_Whatever else you might be, you are Alex's mother._

That was true. That was the one thing she had never forgotten, not once.

But what was best for her son?

_A chance to know his father, his family, his heritage._

"He has a father. And he has me. He doesn't need anyone else."

_Then tell Max so that Nick will know the truth as well. Tell him because your son shouldn't lose his biological father and his de facto father all in one night._

And what would that accomplish? Max was still engaged in a war against Khivar and the skins, a war that would claim his attention for the rest of his life. Alex was just a child, and he deserved a chance to grow up without the pressure of people expecting him to take the throne. The rebel leaders on Antar had tried to turn him into some savior, and she'd fought that every step of the way. If introducing her son to Max was going to make those fights start all over again…

She would protect Alex even if it cost her everything.

_Maybe it would be best if you joined forces with Max. Maybe together with Michael and Isabel the four of you could defeat Khivar and provide a safe world for your son._

"Maybe it would be best if I took Alex and disappeared. Tried to start over again."

_Because it worked so well last time?_

She leaned her head on her hands, resting her elbows on the cool marble around the sink. Her past life had caught up with her once, and she knew now that no matter what she did, it would continue to chase her.

But the idea of facing Khivar again…

_With Max by your side, it would be different._

"Maybe. But maybe not."

_Do you think the four of you can stop Khivar?_

And she was honest enough with herself to answer softly, "I don't know."

* * *

Nick stared at the closed bathroom door and tried to wrap his mind around what he had learned. Isabel and Maria had given him a brief explanation of what had occurred when Tess still lived in Roswell. He knew they'd left out quite a bit of the story, and judging by the way they looked uneasily at each other when he asked probing questions, they still didn't trust him enough to reveal all the details.

They hadn't explained why four hybrids in their early twenties were fighting a war. They hadn't explained why Tess had been so interested in dating Max. They hadn't explained what the connection between the four of them was. At this point, all he really knew was that Max had the ability to heal, Isabel could walk into people's dreams, and Tess apparently was a murderer.

It just didn't make sense.

The Tess he knew would never have killed anyone in cold blood. Never have used and betrayed people so cruelly.

Then again, the Tess that Max, Isabel, and Maria knew was a cold and manipulative liar who was incredibly good at hiding the truth behind her thousands of lies.

The door swung open and Tess appeared in the room. All eyes turned towards her, and she said, "Khivar and the skins are probably behind the virus outbreak in New York City. Which means they're starting an all-out war on Earth."

"We know," Max answered.

She looked at him. "But obviously none of us know as much as White and Thompson."

"You think we should trust them?" Nick asked, for a moment forgetting that this woman was not actually trustworthy herself. When they locked gazes, he looked away abruptly, and let his eyes fall to his hands clasped together in front of him.

"I think they know more than we do. And we can't afford not to know what is going on."

"You're not the one calling the shots around here!" Maria retorted furiously.

"No… but I'm also right," Tess answered calmly.

"Tess, you're going to take me to see my son," Max said suddenly. "Isabel, you and Maria stay here. Nick will come with us."

"I'm not so sure I like that idea," Isabel said, staring hard at Tess. "Maybe we should all go?"

It was then that Nick realized with a start that the others were not only livid and hurt by Tess, but they were afraid of her as well.

"I don't think that is a good idea," Tess said cautiously. "Too many people for Alex to meet all in one night."

Nick looked at her, and could tell instinctively what she was thinking. Alex had always been a little wary of strangers, probably because Tess had been downright paranoid about them. She might not be able to keep Max from seeing his son, but she wouldn't want to overwhelm the little boy with all these new family members.

"Trying to keep Max away from his son?" Isabel asked hotly.

Nick blinked. It was the first time he'd really thought about it, having spent all his time trying to understand what he had learned. But Max would want his son… would want to raise him. But Alex… Alex was Nick's son, and Nick didn't want to give him up… not without a fight.

Before he could voice this, however, Tess had already answered Isabel. "I am trying to do what is right for my son," she said coolly. Her eyes flicked to Max. "And you should want to do that also."

"She's right," Max agreed heavily. "As much as I don't like it, Tess does know Alex better than we do. If she says it would be too much for all of us to visit him… I have to trust that."

"Trust?" Maria sputtered.

Max sent her a quelling look, and she silenced, but not without one last glare at Tess.

"Alright, Nick will go with you and Tess," Isabel said softly. "We will stay here."

"Can I talk to you guys for a moment?" Maria said, jerking her head towards the other end of the room. Max and Isabel acquiesced and followed her towards the balcony, where they began to speak in hushed whispers, constantly glancing over at Tess and Nick.

Nick stared at his girlfriend for a long time, trying to figure out what to say. She wasn't looking at him, in fact she seemed to embarrassed to meet his gaze. But he knew she was an accomplished actress, and he shouldn't trust anything she said or did.

But… This was Tess. _His_ Tess. Even if she wasn't acting like it now, even if he barely recognized the woman she had become in the past hour, she was still Tess.

"Tell me you didn't do it," Nick said. "Tell me that this is some type of misunderstanding. Tell me that you aren't what they think you are," he gestured towards the people on the balcony, "and I would believe you."

She looked at him. "Would you?"

He nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

She shook her head. "You're a good person, Nick. You should avoid me. I tend to hurt good people."

"Tell me the truth, Tess. You owe me that much."

She shook her head again. "Truth is relative. It doesn't matter what I am. It matters what you believe I am."

"It's not that simple."

She laughed bitterly. "Nothing ever is."


	12. Enter the Skins

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: Italics are flashbacks… sort of.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Enter the Skins

When Michael was young, he used to dream that he belonged somewhere else, some other place far away from this miserable little desert town. Hank was too drunk to pay him much heed, and he'd sit on the ground outside the dingy trailer that passed for a home, and stare up at the stars in wonder. There had to be something out there better than Roswell, New Mexico.

When they'd learned the truth about their past lives, about how important they were to this intergalactic war, he'd been impressed and excited and terrified all at the same time. He'd always known there was something else out there, but this… this was huge. But then the skins walked into their lives, and he found himself thinking back to those days when he sat on the ground outside the trailer and wished that his life could be more exciting.

He was, upon reflection, and incredibly naïve child.

* * *

_He'd been so good. He'd stayed out of trouble, stayed out of his foster father's way, all in the hopes that the older man would remember him today, remember that it was his birthday, and he was now eight. And they could celebrate with cake and presents the way other kids did._

_He stood outside the trailer, kicking at the loose pebbles, alone._

_No matter how good he was, Hank never remembered._

* * *

Kal glanced at the computer screen in front of him, studying the face projected in the video feed. The call had come only a few moments before, from a web address he didn't recognize. But he'd accepted it anyway, wondering who could possibly be calling him.

The man didn't look like Kal had pictured. In person, he might have been tall and imposing, or perhaps his aura was enough to instill fear in others. But the image displayed on the screen was nothing more than a rather nondescript man, quiet and unassuming.

But Kal knew instinctively who it was, some sixth sense warning him to take this seriously, and when the name slipped into his mind, it was enough to initiate a sudden rush of dread. The name did what the ordinary characteristics could not; it instilled panic.

But he spoke in a calm and rational tone, measuring his words carefully. "Khivar. I would say this is a pleasant surprise, but… well, it isn't."

Khivar gave a mocking laugh. "Ah, Kal, how I've missed your bitter sarcasm. It's a pity you never saw things my way."

"Forgive me for not being willing to betray my King," Kal replied, his tone tight, his words clipped. He rested his hands on the side of his desk. "How did you find me?" He'd hidden himself well enough in the past several decades that it was almost impossible for anyone to discover his secrets. His human persona might have been a famous movie producer, but his alien one was so far buried beneath façade he had built that, unless he chose to divulge the truth, no one would ever guess at it.

"Hmm… now, that would be revealing our secrets, wouldn't it?" Khivar answered. He smirked as he added, "But if it is any consolation, I will tell you that you were not easy to find. And you've insulated yourself quite well. As a public figure, anything that happened to you would be splashed all over the news, and I would imagine several of your enemies don't want a scandal quite like that."

"What can I say? I like the added insurance."

"I'm sure you do," Khivar agreed readily. "But, then, I suppose it is a pity for you… and lucky for me… that I don't care about scandals. Let the world think what it wants, because after I kill you, the rest of these pathetic humans will be next."

"Is that a threat?" Kal asked quietly.

"Consider it a warning," came the reply. Khivar paused, giving Kal a long look, before continuing, "I'll give you another chance, old friend. Join my side, and I'll let you live."

But Kal shook his head in stubborn refusal, his eyes narrowing in anger. "We were never friends, Khivar. I was an advisor to King Zan's father before he died. I was a member of the court. And you were… and still are… nothing more than a waste of Antarian flesh and DNA."

"I'm sorry you feel that way," Khivar said, shaking his head. "But you've signed your own death warrant with those words. If this is the path you choose, so be it."

"It is."

"And now I suppose you will be rushing off to warn the Royal Four that they are in danger?" Khivar asked casually. "Well, guess again. I've got every phone line and cell phone frequency in your house monitored. You make a single call, and we will be able to trace you and find your precious Zan."

Kal blinked, confused. Although he didn't doubt that Khivar had the ability to do something like that, he couldn't understand why the skin king would be telling him this. Wouldn't it have been better to wait in silence while Kal contacted Max, and then use the tapped phone lines to trace the call?

"Ah…" Khivar gave a feral smile, obviously able to read the expression on Kal's face. He answered the unasked question, "Because I wanted to let you know what you are up against. You know, give you a bit of head start on us. After all, where's the fun if there isn't a bit of a challenge?" He shrugged. "The game is going to end soon enough anyway."

Kal hit the power button on his computer, effectively terminating the call. "The game's not over yet," he murmured, rising from his seat and setting to work.

* * *

"_Kalier, listen to me," Khivar hissed, following the other man through the hallway. "I am giving you a chance to join my side."_

_Kal shook his head. "Never, Khivar. I will not betray my King."_

_Khivar caught his arm. "It's not betrayal. I am only negotiating with him. We both want what is best for Antar… but I know that I will be a better ruler. Don't you want to join the better side?"_

_Kal shook his head. "No, Khi. I don't."_

"_We used to be friends," Khivar called as Kal walked away._

_The other man did not stop, did not even look back._

* * *

Michael grabbed the phone on the second ring, noted that it was Maria's cell phone, and answered quickly. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Maria answered, her voice wavering. "I just…"

She trailed off, and Michael took the opportunity to demand in growing concern, "What happened? Maria, what's going on?"

"I… we saw Tess. She came to the hotel."

"_What_?"

Maria, voice cracking as the tears began to pool in her eyes, started to recount the story. "First, this guy showed up. His name is Nick…"

After Maria had finished recounting the details of the night, her voice shaking with every word she spoke, Michael hung up the phone and sank into a chair, giving a weary sigh. Knowing Tess was in Seattle was very different from realizing she'd just walked back into their lives, and he wished things could go back to the way they were before all of this happened, when everything was just a lot simpler.

He was contemplating this, when the phone rang again. It was a number he didn't recognize, and he picked up the phone, almost expecting it to be Tess.

It was Kal.

"Michael, listen to me. Khivar knows who I am. And he's now looking for you. He contacted me, he bugged my house, I don't think anything there is safe…"

"Wait, Kal, slow down. What do you mean?" Michael demanded, jumping back to his feet and starting to pace. "He bugged your house? Is he listening to this call?"

"No… I left the house and I… well, I stole this guy's cell phone. Someone I ran into on the street. I picked his pocket, he didn't even notice. It was the only way I could be sure that Khivar wasn't listening even now."

"You stole someone's cell phone?" Michael demanded, incredulous. "You actually stole someone's phone?"

"Michael, listen to me. We don't have time for this, alright? You just need to listen. Khivar's found me, which means I don't have much longer. You need to understand, you need to be prepared. He's coming for you next."

"Okay, well, you need to get somewhere safe, and then we can come up with a plan…"

"No, listen," Kal interrupted, again refusing to let Michael finish his thought. He sounded frightened now, almost paranoid, and Michael found his own heartbeat racing as well. "There's no time to think about me. I'll save myself if I can, but I can't risk talking to any of you after this. Khivar could use me to find you."

"Kal…"

"Khivar contacted me from a web address that I traced back to its source. He's in New York City, still, but I think he's on the move. He's probably coming here, out to California."

"Okay," Michael agreed. "That makes sense."

"But Khivar always wanted two things. Zan dead… and Vilandra by his side. You need to be prepared that he might make a move for either target."

"We know that," Michael answered calmly, not understanding why Kal was so worried. They considered this possibility for a long time, and had come up with ways to circumvent Khivar's powers. He'd already failed to take Isabel once, and it was not likely he'd succeed a second time, not with Jesse around to keep her…

He froze in sudden realization of what Kal was trying to tell him.

"He's in New York," Michael murmured, "close to Boston. And Boston…"

"Jesse," Kal agreed. "He's in danger. A lot of danger. You need to…"

And then there was the sound of screaming, of someone falling to the pavement, an audible crack of bones breaking, a thud as something hit flesh, a shattering of glass…

"Kal? Kal? Are you there? Kal, what's going on…?" Michael cried desperately, but the line went dead.

At the other end of the phone line, Kal's last conscious thought was that he needed to destroy the phone so that his attacker couldn't trace the call and locate Michael. He could only hope he'd done enough to warn them before Khivar and his army destroyed the remaining three Royals. Flinging out one hand, his sent a jolt of electricity from his fingers towards the phone that had fallen from his grasp, and watched in satisfaction as it exploded in a brilliant array of sparks.

Then he felt pressure on his back, and it was getting harder to breathe. His face pressed against the concrete sidewalk, and blood pooling out in a dark puddle around his chest, the last thing he saw was Nicolas' smirking face before the world went suddenly black, death claiming him.

Nicolas straightened up and turned to glance at his two accomplices. "Well done," he praised. "Now, come. We have work to do before Khivar arrives."

"Where is our King?" one of the skins asked, unsure as to why Khivar had remained on the East Coast while the three of them ventured out west.

Nicolas smiled thinly. "He had an errand to complete… in Boston."

* * *

_Jesse opened the door and frowned blankly at the nondescript man standing on his doorstep. It was late for someone stranger to show up like this, and so he asked courtesy, but with an air of slight suspicion, "Can I help you?"_

"_Yes," the man replied, lips splitting into a feral grin, "I do believe you can."_

* * *

Several phone calls later, and Michael still had not reached Jesse. He'd debated calling Isabel, but knew better than to worry her unless he was sure that Jesse was in danger. Besides, it wasn't as though there was anything she could do to help from the other side of the country.

But how could they have been so stupid? How did they not recognize that Jesse was in danger without Isabel there to protect him just as much as Isabel was in danger without Jesse there to keep her from becoming Vilandra?

He slammed the phone down in frustration.

If Khivar got to Jesse, all he would need to do was look in Jesse' address book to find out where the rest of them lived. Max, Isabel, and Maria were probably safe at the moment, as was Liz, because Khivar would have no way of knowing that they were in Seattle… unless, of course, he could mind-rape. In which case…

None of them were safe.

Neither were Diane and Philip Evans, or Nancy and Jeff Parker, or Jim and Kyle Valenti, or Kyle's daughter… He needed to warn them. He needed to warn Max and the others. He needed to figure out a place to hide, a way to become invisible.

He flopped onto the sofa.

"I just want to go back," Michael muttered to the empty room, his voice echoing off the walls. "I just want to go back to the time when my biggest problem was how to deal with Maria's incessant chatter. I don't want to worry about this anymore. I don't want to be a General."

But his plea went unanswered.

* * *

"_What was Alex's father like?" Kate asked as she played with the baby, cooing at him._

_Tess frowned, a far away look in her eyes. "He was… complicated."_

"_Men always are," Kate said, laughing. She looked at Alex again. "And you will be too, one day. You'll grow up to be a man, and you'll have a complicated life."_

_Tess shook her head. "Not if I can help it," she whispered._

* * *

The car ride had been silent and tense. Nick gave directions, and Tess stared out the window, silent, lost in her own thoughts, while Max clutched the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. The dim light from the street lamps had cast a yellow glow over everything as they made their way from the car towards Tess and Nick's home, and the darkness of the night only intensified the silence among them.

When they stepped into the entryway, Max's gaze fell first onto the woman sitting on the sofa. She had dark red hair and bright eyes, and looked up with a start. Her eyes narrowed as she noticed Max, but she rose slowly to her feet, no sign of attack present in her movements.

The hybrid king relaxed marginally.

"This is where you live?" he asked, glancing around.

"It is," Tess said quietly, her answer simple. She glanced at the redhead and added, "Max, this is Kate. Kate, this is Max… Max Evans."

Kate raised one eyebrow at that introduction and Max had the unnerving feeling that she was staring straight through him. "Pleasure to meet you," she said casually, slightly coolly.

"She's… like Nick," Tess murmured under her breath. "She's not a skin."

Max nodded. He had no real reason to trust Tess on that particular subject, but Nick appeared to view Kate as a friend, and not a threat, and so Max decided he would do the same until proven otherwise. He stepped further into the room, giving Kate a brief nod.

"Where's Alex?" Tess asked.

"In his room," Kate replied. "It's late, he's reading before bed."

"Alright," Tess replied, "I'll go get him." She turned to Max, giving him a searching stare. Then she said firmly, "He doesn't know who you are, Max. He doesn't know you're his father, and that is way too much to just spring on him like this. So… you're not going to say anything to him about it. Okay?"

Even though Max could well understand her concern and recognize the truth behind her words, he was still annoyed by her forceful tone. "You don't have the right to tell me what to do," he said fiercely, "not after everything you did to us."

Tess walked over to him, pausing directly in front of his angry pose. She had to tilt her head up to meet his eyes, but she refused to let her height disadvantage detract from the strength of her words. In a low hiss, she warned viciously, "So help me, Max, if you emotionally or physically bring any harm to my son, I _will_ kill you."

He met her stare, unblinking, unflinching. "He's _our_ son, Tess," Max answered. "Not just yours."

She glanced at Nick, then back at Max. Her expression was conflicted, as though there was something she wanted to say, but instead she turned and walked away, disappearing into the hall.

"What's going on?" Kate asked the moment Tess was gone. "And where did he come from?" She gestured with one hand towards Max, but her questioning stare was pinned on Nick.

"Don't," Nick warned wearily, shaking his head. "Don't get mixed up in this, Kate. Trust me. You're really going to want to stay out of it." He stepped past her into the kitchen, and a moment later they heard the sound of running water.

Max opened his mouth to say something, but stopped as Tess stepped back into the room, caring little Alex with her. His head was resting on her shoulder, and she had him balanced on her hip, one arm wrapped around him tightly. He was yawning, his mouth opened into a circle, his eyes scrunched tight.

He looked like Max. Dark brown hair falling over aristocratic features. The point of the chin, the tilt of the head, the eyebrows, the bone structure. Max blinked in surprise. It was like looking at himself as a child, a perfect miniature replica, a reminder of what he had once been.

Then the boy opened his eyes and met Max's gaze, and the hybrid king started.

All those features belonged to him… except the eyes. Brilliantly blue, sapphires peering out of his tan face.

Tess' eyes.

"Alex, sweetie, this is Max. He's a friend of mine," Tess said, turning so that Alex could get a better view of the stranger. "He was eager to meet you."

Alex clambered down from his mother's arms and walked on wobbly feet over to Max. The other man knelt on the floor so that he was the same height as Alex and just stared at him, drinking in the sight of his son, the boy he had searched for longingly for all this time.

Alex slanted his head to the side, giving Max a quizzical look. "Nice t' meet you, Mister," he said solemnly, sticking out his hand.

Max took his son's hand. For the past five years, he'd dreamt up a thousand different scenarios in which he'd meet his son. A thousand different plans for what he would say, for how he would introduce himself. He'd spent countless nights lying awake in bed, listening to the steady rise and fall of Liz's chest while he tried to imagine where his son was and what he was doing right at that moment. He'd dreamt of this meeting over and over…

And now that it was here, he found himself speechless with awe.

Alex's skin was smooth. His fingers, tiny and chubby, wrapped around Max's thumb and forefinger, and when he smiled, his entire face lit up.

"Nice to meet you, too," Max said, his words choked.

Tess watched the exchange, pleased. She'd always known, intellectually, that Max loved his son, and should anything ever happen, Tess could go to him for help in protecting Alex. She'd never wanted to consider the possibility, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew it was an option. Just in case.

But there was a difference between knowing something intellectually, and feeling it emotionally. She recognized the expression on Max's face. It was pure, unadulterated wonder, same as what she had felt when she first laid eyes on her son after he was born, when she gazed at his tiny face and realized she'd created something so wonderful. Max's reaction… it confirmed for her what she had known all along.

Her son was loved.

But it also created a twinge of guilt, a feeling she couldn't quite suppress. She'd denied Max this opportunity, kept Alex away from him. No matter how Max might have wronged her in the past, he didn't deserve the type of pain he must have felt, constantly worrying for his son's safety, never able to forget, but helpless to protect him. She didn't want to face Max, ever, but if the situation had been reversed… wouldn't she have wanted Max to bring her son back to her? Wouldn't she have expected that any decent person would not separate a child from his loving parent?

And then the door opened, and Alex stepped back into the room, rubbing his eyes and holding a glass of water in one hand. He stopped when he saw Max and Alex on the floor, holding hands, and a wave of jealousy rose up inside him.

And then Alex turned towards Nick, lifting giant blue eyes up to his face, and said happily, "Hi, Daddy."

And Nick ignored the horrorstruck expression on Max's face, and the way Tess averted her gaze, and Kate's still curiously questioning stare, and simply reached out to ruffle Alex's hair as he replied, "Hi, Buddy."


	13. The Sacrificial Lamb

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years later, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Twelve: The Sacrificial Lamb

As a child, Liz always knew exactly what she wanted. To go to Harvard, to be a molecular biologist. To be the straight-A child who liked school, liked math and science. To be the girl who never got in trouble, the girl who was loved by the entire little desert town.

For sixteen years, she'd lived that life.

Then she met Max, and her entire world turned upside down. She didn't regret for even one moment that she was alive and married to him, living her life with the man of her dreams. But sometimes, late at night, in the darkness of her bedroom, she wondered about all those other dreams she'd had. And Maria's dreams to be a singer, Kyle's dreams to play football, Alex's dreams to be a computer specialist…

Something had to give, and for the safety of the aliens, it had been everyone else's dreams that had been sacrificed.

* * *

"What did he call you?" Max demanded, rising to his feet and glaring at Nick, his eyes filled with pure fury. His entire body was shaking with rage as he realized what had just happened. Tess had raised Alex as Nick's son when the boy so clearly belonged to him instead. To be denied his son was hard, but to be replaced by someone else…?

"That's my Daddy," Alex said in his high-pitched squeak, oblivious to the tension in the room. "Daddy, do you know that man? Mommy says he's a friend."

"Yes, he is," Nick answered, resting one hand on Alex's shoulder in a blatantly fatherly gesture.

"You're not his father," Max hissed, lowering his voice. "You're not anything to him."

"Max, stop it!" Tess interrupted, glancing worriedly at Alex, who was staring between the two, confusion etched into his child-features.

"Why?" Max asked, turning to look at her. He should have known she'd dome this, gone out of her way to make things difficult for him. But now he had his son back, and nothing was going to get in his way. "He's mine, Tess, and I'm going to take him back."

"He's not your son, Max," Nick argued fiercely before Tess could answer. "He's mine. Back off."

"Back off?" Max snarled. "Do you have any idea how long I've been searching for him? How desperate I've been, all the things I've done? But Tess took him away from me, and I'm not going to lose him again."

"It isn't that simple," Kate interjected, glancing at Alex. The social worker inside her was concerned, in these types of arguments, someone generally said something they regretted, and it was not a good idea to have such a conversation in front of the child in question. "Nick is the only father Alex has known."

"Yes, because that… that traitor… stole him from me," Max spat, gesturing towards Tess.

"You've been gone for five years, Max, and I'm the one who raised him," Nick shot back, shaking his head. He understood Max's anger, but he had to view the situation from Alex's standpoint. How could he take a five-year-old child away from the only father he had ever known?

"It wasn't my choice to leave him," Max answered, shaking his head. "After everything you just learned about Tess, how can you stand there and argue with me?"

"This isn't about Tess, it's about Alex," Nick answered. "You have to do what is best for him."

"Which is certainly not to leave him with a murderer, a traitor," Max replied.

"He's not your son, Max. Get it through your thick head," Nick snapped viciously, "he's _mine_. And you can't have him. I don't care if you're the biological father, you don't matter any more."

Max stepped back as though he had been slapped by those harsh words. "I always mattered," he said, his voice shaking. "And Alex always mattered to me."

"Both of you, stop it!" Tess said, her voice raised above their own. With eyes narrowed into thin slits, she said coldly, "For two people who claim to care about Alex, you sure aren't acting like it. How could either you think this is the appropriate time or place to have this conversation?"

Max looked down at Alex's face. His blue eyes were filled with tears of confusion. He didn't understand what was happening, but this man had made Mommy and Daddy upset, and he didn't like it.

"I want him back," Max murmured, instantly regretting the argument. No matter how much he loved Alex, he should have known better than to say all those things in front of his son. "I'm going to get him back," he added, keeping his voice low enough so that Alex would not hear.

"With what?" Tess asked pointedly. "You don't have any legal standing. You might have powers, but I can get the entire government on my side. I can issue a restraining order."

"I can get custody," Max retorted, face flushed.

"You can only get custody if you can prove he is your son," Tess answered calmly, "and the only way to do that is to look at his DNA."

DNA, Max knew, that might not be human. DNA that could somehow reveal to the world that his son was the product of two aliens. Who knew what would happen then? Would the FBI come after him, wanting to throw him into a white room and dissect him? He was a just a child… And he was Max's son.

The hybrid king let out a slow breath, trying to stay calm. Tess had him in an awkward position, he knew, and there was little he could do to get out of it. He turned away, frustrated.

"Mommy, what is he talkin' 'bout? Why doesn't he like Daddy?"

Tess knelt down in front of her son, waiting until the little boy met her eyes. "He didn't mean that, Alex," she explained. "He and Daddy had a… an argument. He's upset, but… he didn't mean what he said."

"He lied?" Alex gasped. "But lying is bad." He turned to Max, nose scrunched in confusion. "You shouldn't lie, Mister. Mommy says its bad."

Max nearly laughed aloud at the idea that Tess had actually told her son not to lie. The petite alien couldn't tell the truth if her own life depended on it, and here she was trying to instill morals of truthfulness in her son?

"He didn't lie," Tess answered before Max could say anything. "He just… didn't know the truth. It was a… a misunderstanding. Do you know what that is?"

Alex shook his head wordlessly.

"It's when people get confused… and… well, it's like when you think something, but then you learn you were wrong…" Tess floundered for a moment, but was rescued from the need to continue her explanation by a knock at the door. She rose and glanced uneasily across the room, sharing a quick glance with Nick.

Kate, who was standing near the door, reached at and opened it before anyone could protest. Fortunately, it was simply Charlie standing there.

"Oh, hey," Nick said, greeting the other man. "Sorry, we kept Kate longer than expected."

Charlie nodded, running a hand through his hair as he stepped into the room. "It's fine. I just wanted to make sure everyone was alright. It's unlike either of you to be out this late, especially without Alex." Then his gaze landed on Max, and his eyes widened slightly. "Hi… I'm Charlie."

"Max," Max answered tersely. "You're a friend of theirs?"

"Yeah, he is," Tess answered for Max. "He's… he's like Nick also. Not a threat. Not a skin."

"What's a skin?" Charlie asked, turning to Nick.

Alex piped up suddenly, "Skin is the thing outside our body, silly. Mommy says its what keeps all your insides from falling out."

"Alex, buddy, I think it's time for bed," Nick said, noting the way Max was still staring at his son and the tension that was starting to rise in the room. "Why don't you go get into bed?"

"Will you read me a story?" Alex asked eagerly. "I was reading _The Cat in the Hat_ before."

"I can read the story," Max offered quickly. Alex seemed taken aback by the offer, and regarded Max with suspicious curiosity. Max continued quickly, "I can do good voices for all the characters."

"Alex, go get into bed and someone will come read to you in a moment," Tess said firmly, her tone leaving no room for anyone to argue with the order. Alex obeyed automatically, saying goodnight to Kate and Charlie and then wandering from the room.

Max turned away from them and stared across the room at the window that opened up to the night sky. "Look… Nick, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I shouldn't have said those things in front of Alex. I was just…" He paused, then slanted a hard look at Tess. "How could you do this to me?"

She didn't answer. Her expression remained impassive, and she simply stared back.

"Kate, go read Alex a book," Nick requested. "You're the social worker. Make sure he isn't too… hurt."

The redhead got up and left the room. She'd have a thousand question to ask later, but for right now, she knew Alex was the main concern.

A sudden ringing filled the air, and Max reached automatically for his cell phone, digging it out of the pocket of his coat. He glanced at the number, noting that it was Michael, and flipped the phone open.

"Hi… _What_?" His entire face went white, and Tess and Nick both looked at him in concern. Charlie glanced between the three of them, but seemed to realize that he wasn't going to get answers right away. "When?" Max continued, his voice shaking. "Oh… how? Okay. Yeah… I'll tell her. No… no, I should do it. It… it should be done in person. It should come from me. Okay…. I'll call you later."

"What is it?" Tess asked as Max hung up the phone.

He looked at her, really looked at her. His tawny eyes were filled with fire as he suddenly crossed the room and grabbed her by the arms. "Did you know?" he snarled. "Were you behind it?"

"Behind what?" Tess stammered, freezing in his grasp.

"Hey, let go of her!" Charlie cried, striding forward purposefully.

Max didn't even glance behind him, just threw his hand back and both Charlie and Nick crashed into a wall.

"_Max_!"

"Was this just some whole plot to get us distracted? To make Isabel come out to Seattle?" he continued, fuming. "It wasn't enough that you took Alex from her, you had to take Jesse as well?"

"Who's Jesse?" Tess asked feebly, not recognizing the name. She struggled, pushed at his arms, but his fingers dug into her skin.

"Cut the lies, Tess," Max ordered, his voice ringing with authority. "I should never have trusted you. Are Nick and Kate even innocent, or were they in this as well?"

"What are you talking about?" Tess demanded furiously, finally resorting to using her powers. The force of her blow knocked Max to the ground, and she stepped away from him, holding a hand in front of her in warning.

"Tess? What's going on?" Kate called from Alex's room.

"Nothing," Tess and Max replied in unison.

"What did he do?" Charlie asked, clambering back to his feet. He looked at Nick, who didn't seem surprised by the sudden display of… what was it? Magic or something? "Nick? What's going on?"

Max spun around, glaring at Charlie. "My brother-in-law was just attacked, that's what's going on!" he snarled.

And it clicked for Tess. "Jesse is Isabel's husband?"

"Was," Max corrected. "He's dead now."

* * *

Max had stormed out to the car, dragging Tess behind him, and threatening Nick that if Alex wasn't there when he came back the next day, he would hunt down him, Kate, and Charlie, and make them pay. Tess had quickly assured Nick that everything was fine and he should just stay here with Alex, and so Max and Tess had driven back to the hotel in silence.

And now Tess sat on the hotel bed, looking incredibly uncomfortable, as she listened to Isabel's hysterical sobbing drifting in from the balcony. The hybrid princess was on her knees, having collapsed as soon as Max uttered the news. Maria was standing near the sliding door, staring at the two of them with a look of pity on her face.

Tess rose to her feet and walked over to the balcony as well. Maria glared at her, but said nothing, focusing instead on Isabel. The two of them stood almost side-by-side as they stared through the glass at their friend.

"It wasn't enough that you took Alex from her, was it?" Maria said suddenly, her voice deadly low.

"I had nothing to do with this," Tess protested, knowing that she really couldn't expect anyone to believe her. If she'd been in their shoes, she'd have assumed exactly the same thing. It looked suspicious, the way she had showed up in their lives just as Isabel's husband got himself murdered.

"Sure you didn't," Maria replied, rolling her eyes.

Tess didn't answer.

"I don't care if you are the mother of Max's son," Maria said. "I don't care if you really aren't working for Khivar anymore. You betrayed us, and one day, you'll pay for it."

By the time Isabel came back inside, her eyes were rimmed with red and her cheeks marred by the tracks of tears. Tess had moved back to the other side of the room, but Maria was still standing by the window.

Isabel didn't even look at Tess. "So Michael thinks that Kal is dead, too?" she asked, her voice scratchy. She looked over Max, and he nodded once. "Okay, so… we need to… we need a plan."

"Michael should come to Seattle," Maria said. "We're stronger when we're all together."

"I agree," Isabel said, running a hand through her hair. She let out a slow breath, then said, "It's safer for him here anyway."

"What about the others? Our parents? Jim and Kyle and Kyle's daughter?"

Tess perked up at that, and almost opened her mouth to ask about Kyle. She wondered how old his daughter was and what his wife was like. But she stepped herself before she could ask those questions, knowing that her inquires weren't wanted at the moment.

"Khivar is going to come after us before he goes after them," Isabel said.

"Maybe, maybe not," Maria countered. "He went after Jesse."

Isabel stifled a sob and looked away.

"That was for a specific reason, though," Max countered, reaching over and catching Isabel's hand. He gave it a reassuring squeeze, and continued, "Michael says Kal thought he wanted Vilandra back, and Jesse was in the way."

"So he killed my husband to get to me," Isabel snapped, snatching her hand away from Max and beginning to pace across the floor of the room. "Great, just great."

"Isabel…" Maria started, but Isabel cut her off.

"Look, let's just focus on… on Khivar, okay?" she said. It was the only way to survive through the pain that was threatening to rip her apart. "I think Maria's right, he could go after our families."

"I don't know…" Max murmured.

"Liz," Tess said quietly, her eyes unfocused as she thought of Khivar.

"What?" Max asked sharply.

Tess started, then looked at Max. "Khivar… he likes causing pain. He's not… he doesn't just go for the kill, he wants to completely destroy his victim first. He wants to hurt you… and he has the ability to mind-rape. Anything Jesse knew, he probably knows now. I think… I think Liz could be his next target."

"Yeah, like we care what you think," Maria hissed lowly.

"I do," Isabel said suddenly. Tess looked at her in surprise, but Isabel continued angrily, "Don't get me wrong, you are still going to pay for this. But if you know anything about Khivar that could help…"

"She can't be trusted," Maria snapped.

"I'm not talking about trust," Isabel replied, "I just think we can't afford to refuse help at this point."

"Are you even listening to yourself?" Maria asked, face suffused in heat.

"Jesse's dead!"

"So is Alex. Tess isn't going to help us. She only causes problems. Why can't you see that?"

Isabel went absolutely still, mouth partially open. She looked at Maria, then her eyes slid to the left, to Tess, and she turned abruptly away. "I… I can't… I just wanted to… Oh, _God_, Jesse…"

As Isabel dissolved into sobs once more, a different thought occurred to Tess, one that suddenly terrified her. She crossed quickly to Isabel, grabbing the other girl's hand and demanding forcefully, "Did you tell Jesse that I was here? Does he know I'm in Seattle?"

"Wh-what?" Isabel stammered.

"Let go of her," Max ordered, shoving Tess backwards. "Get your hands off my sister."

"Did you tell your husband that I was in Seattle?" Tess repeated as she stumbled back into the wall. She placed her hands against the smooth plaster, and pushed herself upright again, eyes burning intensely with the desire to know the answer to this one question. "Isabel, think. Did Jesse know I was here?"

"Y-yes…" Isabel whispered, not understanding why Tess had gone so pale, why she was suddenly shaking with fear.

"What does it matter?" Maria demanded hotly. "Khivar probably already knew you were here. You must have told him when you concocted whatever scheme you have going on right now."

"I'm not working with Khivar," Tess answered, shooting Maria an annoyed glance. "But Alex… my son could be in danger. Khivar wants him… I need to…" She glanced at the door, trying to come up with a plan. Her best option was to return at once to her home so that she could protect Alex and Nick. But she also needed to get in touch with the FBI agents to find out what they knew about all of this, and then there was still the issue of Liz, who was probably in grave danger even as they spoke.

Max hesitated. The terror reflected on Tess' face seemed genuine enough, but he knew she was an accomplished actress. But the fact of the matter was that Alex was his son, and if there was even the slightest chance that Tess might be telling the truth about this, Max couldn't ignore her words and risk anything happening to the boy.

"Call Nick," Max said. "Tell him to bring Alex and meet us at the hospital. We're all going there now."

* * *

Liz closed her eyes as the wave of nausea rushed through her again. The treatments, though they might be effective, left her with several side-effects, the current one being the queasy feeling that refused to subside. She struggled to sit up in the hospital bed, her body achy and weak.

"Ms. Parker-Evans, please," the nurse said, hurrying into the room, "just try to relax."

"It's so boring. I'm just lying here," Liz explained even as she allowed the nurse to push her back onto the pillows.

"I know you are probably used to doing things, to being active," the nurse said, clicking her tongue impatiently and with an air of disapproval, "but you just can't do that right now. Your body is recuperating, and it needs the rest."

Liz groaned, but complied with the order. "Fine. I'll lie still."

"Excuse me, nurse?" a doctor called, sticking his head in the room. "Can I borrow you for a moment?"

"Of course," the nurse said, smiling reassuringly at Liz and then bustling from the room. "What is it?" she asked in a low voice as soon as she stepped out into the hallway.

Liz watched the nurse leave, then reached over for a magazine that was lying half-open on the table by her bed. She flipped idly through the pages, but her thoughts were on Max. She wondered how he was doing, if he'd found Tess and his son yet. The entire situation left her uneasy and worried, filled with a hundred fears she didn't quite understand.

"You know," a voice said, and she looked up sharply at the strange woman standing in the doorway, "if you keep looking that worried, your face will freeze in the expression forever. And do you really want premature wrinkles?"

Liz frown lines deepened. "Are you a nurse or a doctor here?"

The woman walked further into the room. "Not exactly," she said, smiling. "I'm just doing some work… for a friend." She smiled as she took a seat next to Liz. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Liz answered. "But… I don't understand. Who are you?"

"I'm an… ally… of yours," the woman replied. "Your husband, Ms. Parker-Evans, is fighting a war he's going to lose. At least… right now it looks as though he'll lose it. For all his work, he doesn't even appear to realize just what he is up against."

Liz shifted on the bed, pushing herself away from the other woman. "I have no idea what you are talking about," she said coolly as her heart began to race.

"Hmm… well, if I were you, I'd figure it out," the enigmatic stranger replied. "Because your going to be next if you aren't careful."

"Next? What do you mean?"

"I mean that what happened to Alex will happen to you unless your husband and his family start fighting a bit harder," the woman said. She slid her hands down to her waist, unconsciously moving the front of her coat back, and Liz caught sight of the smooth metal surface of a gun.

Her hand reached automatically towards the buzzer next to her bed that would bring a nurse rushing into the room.

The woman stood quickly and reached over to catch Liz's hand. "Don't," she said.

"Get your hands off me," Liz spat, eyes flashing dangerously.

The woman laughed. "Even if you weren't recovering from intensive cancer treatments, you still wouldn't be able to take me in a fight." Then her expression sobered. "Look, whether you want to believe it or not, I am here to help you."

"I don't need your help," Liz answered calmly. "I don't even know who you are or what you are talking about."

The woman rolled her eyes. "Sure you don't," she answered calmly. "You know, it's a miracle people didn't figure out your secret back in high school. You're not a very good liar." She sat back down in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Look, Liz," she said, using the other woman's first name, "you are in much more danger than you realize."

"Oh?"

"Whether you want to face the facts or not, you _are_ next on the list of people to die. And, quite frankly, that would cause ruin to this entire situation. Your husband would never be able to fight a war with you dead. He'd be grieving far too much to realize that his enemies are going to just keep coming."

"Why are you telling me this?" Liz demanded hoarsely, suddenly scared.

"Because I don't want this war to end badly, and if you don't win it, we will _all_ die."

"And how exactly is telling me that I'm next to be murdered going to help anything?" Liz questioned.

"Because you're the only one who can convince your husband that, even if you do die, this fight is still worth fighting," the woman said simply, leaning back in her chair and waiting for the truth of her words to settle over Liz.

Liz inhaled sharply as she realized what the other woman was saying. "You don't think it is possible to save me, do you?" she whispered, mouth falling open. She was suddenly incredibly cold. "And you don't even care. You just want to make sure that when I die, Max still keeps fighting."

"There are bigger things at stake than one life," the woman answered with a shrug.

Liz closed her eyes for a moment. She was just supposed to sacrifice her own life? Accept that she would die in this war and not let it bother her? She knew she would die for Max, if she had to, and she knew he would die for her. But both of them would fight it every step of the way… and here this woman was telling her that she needed to resign herself to death? As though it was inevitable?

How many more people would have to make these sacrifices?

Everything in her rebelled against the idea, but a tiny little voice pointed out that some things were worth dying for, and if her death was truly inevitable, then it was more important to focus on the outcome of this war than anything else.

But still…

"Do you know what you are asking me to do?" she questioned finally, opening her eyes and giving the woman a hard stare.

The stranger rose to her feet, a sudden, strange look appearing in her eyes. She hesitated, then said quietly, in a voice filled with unimaginable sorrow, "Yes. I know _exactly_ what I am asking you to do. It's never easy to give up your life, but sometimes… sometimes you don't have a choice."

She turned to go, but Liz called out, "Wait. What's your name?"

The woman glanced over her shoulder. "Jennifer. Jennifer Valenti."


	14. Double or Nothing

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter: Thirteen: Double or Nothing

As a kid, Max always lost at card games. When his parents first taught him how to play poker, he'd lose all his chips. And when he started playing with Michael, generally for nickels and dimes, he'd lose all his change.

He'd always beg whoever he was playing against to keep going even after he'd already lost. Double or nothing, he wanted, where he'd either get back everything he'd lost or lose the few things he had left.

He realized when he got older that life was actually like that quite a lot. You'd get stuck in the position of making a decision that would either double your fortunes… or leave you with nothing.

* * *

Max was pacing back and forth across the white tile floor, while Isabel and Michael watched with identical expressions of concern. Maria sat in one of the seats, her knees pulled into her chest, her head bent forward. Tess sat a little distance away from them, holding her son tightly in her arms. Nick stood further away, near the windows that overlooked the parking lot.

They'd been in the hospital for over twenty-four hours. Isabel had been contacted by Jesse's law firm to say that his body had been found and when did she want to have the funeral? The media had been filled with the news of the latest scandal, the murder of the famous movie director Kal Langley. Michael had arrived a few hours previously after warning their families in Roswell, as well as Jim Valenti, that skins might come after them.

And the hospital staff had refused to let them stay with Liz for more than a few hours at a time, stating that she was far too weak for constant visitors, and besides, visiting hours were only in the afternoon. Max had seen her once, as had Maria. Neither had had the heart to tell her about Jesse.

Tess was sure that Nick had told Charlie and Kate what he had learned. They hadn't answered their phones when she called, and when she asked Nick about it, his answers were evasive and vague.

But it was Max's latest conversation with Liz that had really set them all on edge and had caused this incessant pacing of Max's.

"I don't get it," he said finally, turning to look at Michael and Isabel. "Why would she say something like this to me?"

Isabel didn't answer, not really sure what to say. Max had reported that Liz had tried to talk to him about her death, had tried to tell him that her life wasn't important, and that he had to focus on the fight. Yet all through her illness, Liz had insisted that she could beat this, she wouldn't let the cancer claim her. Why had she suddenly become resigned to death now?

"I don't know, man," Michael said. "You can ask next time you see her."

Max nodded reluctantly. "I suppose."

Maria pressed her lips together until they formed a tight, straight line, and looked away.

Nick turned around from the window and walked over to Tess. He took a seat next to her, pushing the hair out of Alex's face and smiling as the boy yawned sleepily, closing his eyes. "He doesn't know what's going on, does he?" he whispered to Tess.

She shook her head. "No. I just told him a friend of Mommy's was here. But he doesn't understand why we aren't just leaving him with Kate."

"Does he know any of this? I mean… about you?"

"He doesn't know I'm an alien, if that's what you are asking," Tess answered quietly. "Or about the other Alex, or anything like that."

Nick nodded and looked over at Max. The alien king was staring at them, watching Alex cautiously, as though almost afraid. There had been no more outbursts or arguments, and for the moment, Max seemed content to let Nick and Tess watch over the child. But it was only a matter of time before the old argument started again, and Nick felt like he was simply waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"You never did answer my question," Nick said finally. She gave him a quizzical look, and he elaborated, "Are you what they think you are?"

She looked down at the now sleeping Alex, then over at Max. For a moment, Nick thought she wouldn't answer the question. But when she spoke, her answer did nothing to alleviate his own bewilderment at the situation.

"Honestly," she murmured, "I don't know anymore."

"You know," Michael said, his voice cutting across the stillness of the room as he turned to Isabel, "you're going to need to go to Jesse' funeral."

Isabel gave him a startled look, then nodded, her eyes filling with tears. "But I can't go to Boston now," she said shakily. "Not if Khivar is still there."

"I agree," Max said firmly.

"And what are people going to say when she doesn't show up to her own husband's funeral?" Michael pointed out.

"Better than what people will say if she gets killed by Khivar… or worse."

Isabel moved away from her brother and his best friend as they continued to argue strategy. Was it better for her to stay or go? If she went, should someone go with her? Would that put them in more danger? Could they have Jesse's body shipped here for the funeral? Would that lead Khivar straight to them? But didn't Khivar already know where they were?

Max and Michael might feel the need to determine the best course of action, but she didn't care about any of it. Jesse was dead, and the last she wanted was to sit and listen to a debate about the best way to clean up this mess.

She sat down next to Maria. The human girl reached out and placed a hand on Isabel's shoulder it what was probably meant to be reassuring. Isabel attempted a grateful smile in return. Neither gesture quite succeeded at its intended goal.

Tess watched Isabel, then carefully extended her arms, shifting Alex so that Nick could take him. "Here, hold Alex. I need to make a phone call."

"Who are you calling?" Nick asked, pulling Alex tightly into his chest.

"The FBI," Tess replied. "I'm getting some answers from them. Now."

As Tess rose to leave the waiting area, a doctor stepped through the double doors leading from the intensive care unit and glanced over at Max. He walked quickly to the other man's side, a look of concern on his face. "Mr. Evans?"

"What's wrong?" Max asked worriedly as Michael, Isabel, and Maria hurried to his side.

"Your wife has spiked a high fever. With her immune system down, we're worried that this might be a sign of infection. We want to give her an antibiotic treatment, but it is risky. It can complicate the cancer treatments, make them less effective. We need your permission to proceed."

Max blinked, surprised. "She's an adult," he said, confused. "I thought you needed her permission?"

"We would, but she's been in and out of consciousness for the past few hours, and we haven't managed to get her coherent enough to sign the medical release form."

"How long has she had the fever?" Max asked as he looked down at the form the doctor was holding. He scanned over the words, not really seeing them, not comprehending the meaning. All he could think about was Liz, feverish and unconscious, her body fighting yet another illness.

"She ran a low-grade fever for the past thirty-six hours. That's pretty standard with these types of cancer treatments. But it spiked to 103 about thirty minutes ago." The doctor hesitated, then lowered his voice and said, "May I speak to you alone?"

Max gestured for the others to leave, and although Maria looked displeased about the request, she followed Michael and Isabel back to their seats.

"A little while ago, your wife asked us if we could try to find someone for her," the doctor said. "She told us that she had had a visitor… a Jennifer Valenti. She wanted to speak to her again."

"Jennifer?" Max murmured. "Kyle's wife. But… she's dead."

"Oh," the doctor said, startled. "Well, that certainly makes our concerns more well-founded." He glanced behind him at the double doors, then looked at Max again. "You see, when she told us that she had been visited… well, it wasn't during visiting hours, so no one should have been able to see her. So I asked the nurses and the doctors who had been on the floor, and they don't remember anyone visiting your wife."

"I don't understand…"

"Mr. Evans, these cancer treatments, combined with a fever, can cause many delusional symptoms, including hallucinations," the doctor explained.

"You're saying that Liz is hallucinating?"

"It is certainly possible. I would say probable." The doctor held the release form out to Max. "Which is why we need to proceed with the treatment. Normally, I would like introducing more drugs into her system, especially since she is so weak. But if she is hallucinating, it means that the fever has reached her brain, and that can lead to many severe consequences we don't want to deal with. She needs antibiotics, and soon."

Max accepted the form with a nod. "Alright," he said, fishing in his pocket for a pen and scrawling his name across the bottom of the form.

* * *

Agent Thompson had agreed to meet her at the hospital, so Tess found herself waiting in the parking lot outside the Emergency Room entrance for him to arrive. It was getting dark, and she found it difficult to believe that it had been a full day since she had followed Nick to Max's apartment. A full day, but it felt like so much longer, and she'd been sucked back into this war once again.

"What are you doing?" a voice asked harshly, and Michael was suddenly standing next to her.

"Waiting for Agent Thompson," Tess explained. "He said he'd meet me here."

Michael gave her a suspicious look as he leaned against the side of the building, arms crossed over his chest. "He's FBI?"

"Yeah," Tess answered. "He is." She didn't look at Michael, instead kept her eyes pinned to the cars in front of her. She was incredibly exhausted, and honestly didn't think she had the energy for yet another fight with any of them. But Michael, she knew, was too stubborn to just let something go, and if she gave him any opening, he'd pounce.

"How did you meet this Agent Thompson?" Michael demanded. He refused to leave Tess, convinced she'd try to run at the first chance of escape. Granted, it was unlikely she'd leave her son behind, and Alex was still inside the hospital, but Michael wasn't taking any chances.

"I ran into him at a shopping mall," Tess answered honestly. "He already knew who I was… who all of us were. He tracked me down, said he wanted to talk."

"And you trusted him?" Michael asked, almost laughing.

"No," Tess answered. "But he knows something. Knows more than we do."

"How could he?" Michael replied skeptically. "He might be FBI, but he isn't one of us. He couldn't know more about Khivar and the skins than we do."

Tess shook her head. "Don't underestimate people, Michael. It will screw you over every time."

"Yeah," Michael said, his tone holding a second meaning as he gave Tess a dirty look. "We learned that one the hard way."

She tore her gaze away and looked back out at the cars. "I never meant to hurt anyone."

"Save the sob story for someone who cares," Michael said cruelly, looking away from her.

Before Tess had a chance to think of a response, a black car pulled up to the curb alongside the building, and Agent Thompson climbed out of the passenger side. The car drove away, and he walked over to Tess.

"Ms. Harding," he said by way of greeting, inclining his head politely.

"Agent Thompson," she replied, pursing her lips. "I assume you already know who Michael Guerin is?"

Thompson smiled. "Of course," he said smoothly, "but it still a pleasure to meet you, in the flesh."

Michael gave him a distrustful glare and didn't reply.

"Manners, manners, Mr. Guerin," the agent chided, seeming to take great pleasure in annoying the taciturn General. He turned to Tess. "I suggest we go someplace a little more private to talk. There is a coffee shop a few blocks down on the right. Perhaps there?"

"I'm coming with you," Michael said, not wanting to leave the two alone, not believing for one second that either could be trusted.

"Fine," Thompson answered without protest. "You should ask the other two to come as well."

Michael pulled out his phone. "I'll tell Max to meet us at this coffee shop as soon as he is done talking to the doctor. What's the name and address for the location?"

* * *

"You know, you aren't doing a very good job at this."

The voice was distant and far-away, as though coming across a phone line with particularly bad reception. Liz opened her eyes wearily and struggled to bring the world into focus around here. The heat rushing through her body and the throbbing pain in her head made it difficult to think, let alone process outside happenings, and it took her a moment to realize the woman standing in front of her looked family.

"Jennifer… Valenti…" she murmured, her voice hoarse.

"Your husband has become more worried about your health, not less," the woman said, her tone reproachful. "We are counting on you to do this."

"You're dead," Liz muttered, blinking away the fuzziness from around the edges of her vision.

Jennifer smiled. "You shouldn't always believe everything you hear, Ms. Parker-Evans, or everything you see." She was holding a coat over one arm, and she flung it around her shoulders. "I have to go now, but please try to remember what I said. We can't afford for you to fail at this."

And she walked out of the room.

Liz groaned and shut her eyes again. She wasn't sure how much time passed, perhaps a few minutes, perhaps several hours, and then she felt someone holding her hand, and she opened her eyes wearily to see Max sitting next to her.

"Hey, Liz," Max said, smiling broadly, trying to disguise his distress at the situation. "How do you feel?"

"Okay," she answered groggily. "How are you?"

Max laughed, but it sounded more like a strangled sob than a chuckle. "I'm holding in there," he answered.

"Max, you need to listen to me," she said, reaching up and running her cold fingers along the line of his jaw. "There are more important things at stake than just me."

"No, there aren't," Max said, catching her hand and holding it tightly. "How could you think that?"

"You have a responsibility to…" she trailed off, knowing better than to mention anything about aliens in the hospital where it could easily be overheard. "To all those people," she finished finally.

"I know," Max agreed, "but I can't do this without you."

"You have Michael and Isabel."

"It's not the same," he countered, reaching out and placing his hand on her forehead, wondering how her fingers could feel so cold while her face burned with the fever. "You need to rest. You need to get better."

"He's going to come for me," Liz choked out, licking her dry lips. "I'm on his list."

Max went completely still. "Liz?" he whispered. "What… what are you talking about?"

"Khivar," she murmured, her answer barely audible. "He wants to destroy you. I'm next, you know I'm next. That's why you have to understand, you can't let this destroy you. No matter what happens, you have to keep fighting. Because this is worth fighting. You know that, right? This is a battle worth fighting."

"Liz, don't talk like that," Max protested.

"She said you had to understand," Liz explained.

"Who said?"

"Jennifer Valenti…"

Max let out a slow breath, one he didn't even realize he had been holding. He looked behind him at the door. Through the window, he could see the nurses station, and beyond that the door to the on-call room, which was propped open. If a dead woman had really walked into this room, someone would have seen it… right? But the doctor said that no one had seen this stranger come to visit…

"Liz, the doctor said that sometimes this medication causes hallucinations. That's what you are seeing," he explained quietly. "It's not real. She's dead. She died in a car accident."

Liz frowned. A hallucination? "No, it was real," she said, shaking her head weakly. It was all too real, burned into her memory. How could this be a hallucination? She remembered every detail from the way the other woman's hand had felt when she prevented Liz from pushing the help button to the way her eyes had filled with sorrow when she mentioned giving up her life. "It was real," she said again.

And before Max could say anything else, the doctor stuck his head into the room. "We need to start the treatment, Mr. Evans. Your wife will need to be in isolation for the next several hours. I need to ask you to leave."

And Max got up, reluctance obvious in his stance, and slipped from the room.

* * *

Thompson spread several photographs out on the table. Tess, sitting next to him and sipping a chai tea latte, stared at them all in silence. Michael sat across from her, his expression stony and unreadable.

"Who are these people?" Tess asked.

Thompson pointed to the first picture. "Madison Graves. Head of Pollack Industrial, the third largest industrial chain on the East Coast." He pushed it aside and indicated another picture. "Sara Reeves. Vice President of Merrill Pharmaceuticals and an advisor to the Food and Drug Administration." He moved to yet another photo and said, "Tom Hall. Lawyer and lobbyist, now a United States Senator." He glanced at Tess. "They all work for Khivar."

"Are they…" Tess lowered her voice and glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the coffee shop. They were alone, except for the barista behind the counter. "Are they aliens?"

"Yes," Thompson answered. "As are all the others here." He gestured to the photographs, and Tess counted quickly. "That's thirty-two."

"We have reason to believe that there are more," Thompson continued, not phased by her worried comment. "These were simply the most well-connected ones."

"Why are you telling us this?" Michael asked, leaning back in his chair. "Why are you helping us?"

"Because I don't want the destruction of this planet any more than you do," Thompson answered forcefully. "You think we don't know what Khivar wants? He's going to kill us all, and I'd rather not have that happen."

"He's not after you," Michael countered.

"He's killed over fifty people now," Thompson replied coolly, "and not all of them were connected with you. And that does not even take into consideration all the people who died during his bioterrorism attack in New York City. He'll stop at nothing to get what he wants, and this country will bear the brunt of his wrath unless you do something to stop him."

"And how is manipulating my boyfriend and almost getting him killed going to help you?" Tess snapped.

Thompson met her gaze with an unflinching stare, refusing to look ashamed for his actions. "I had to do whatever necessary, Ms. Harding. You would not have agreed to meet the others on your own, and it is imperative for our survival that the four of you join forces."

"Like we have any reason to trust Tess," Michael hissed. "Or you."

Thompson rolled his eyes and regarded Michael with disdain. "You still don't get it, do you? You think this is just some petty little fight between a few groups of people. You think Khivar is only making a few attempts on your lives. You have no idea how widely he's spun his web, how many people he's destroyed in the process."

Tess flinched. She knew exactly how well Khivar could entrap someone, and how easy it was for him to ruin a life. She looked down at the table, and swallowed uneasily.

"The doesn't change the fact that you manipulated all of them," Michael said, indicating Tess with a wave of his hand. "And you're probably still withholding information as we speak."

Thompson shrugged. "We all have our bargaining chips, Mr. Guerin."

"How can you sit there and say that as though it doesn't matter?" Michael asked, his voice filled with fury and wonder. "You talk about people's lives like they mean nothing."

"In the greater scheme of things, an individual life does mean nothing," Thompson argued, his words cold and hard, his view of the world so simply black and white. "How can it possibly compare to all the hundreds who will undoubtedly suffer if Khivar wins?"

"Well, you two will got along well," Michael said mockingly, glancing between the FBI agent and Tess. "You both deem human life completely worthless." He rose to his feet, as though prepared to leave. "This conversation makes me sick."

And then Thompson was on his feet, reaching across the table to grab Michael by the arm, stopping him before he could leave. "If I thought human life was worthless, I wouldn't be here, trying to make you see reason. It is you who can't see the truth right before your eyes. You use the death of your friend as a reason not to work with Ms. Harding when you know perfectly well that you are strongest when you are together. The four of you must join forces if you are to win, but you refuse. You will let one dead person ruin everything. How dare _you_ give _me_ a lecture on morals?"

Michael wrenched his arm out of Thompson's grip. "At least I've never betrayed anyone," he replied quietly, his words underlined with a hard edge. He turned and walked out of the coffee shop, and Tess and Thompson hurried after him.

* * *

The teenager laughed as he directed his car down the road, as his vision swam before his eyes. He could still taste the vodka shots, still smell the stale smoke of the bar. His ex-girlfriend was an idiot for breaking up with him, for calling him a loser, saying he had a drinking problem. She didn't know what she was talking about, he was doing fine.

He turned the car sharply onto another street, growing angrier and angrier by the minute. He'd gone to the bar to numb the frustration he had felt, but the alcohol had only made things worse. By now, he was shaking with rage, and rage that bubbled over into near-hysterical laughter.

How many drinks had he consumed? There were two bears, and three vodka shots, and that girl he'd met had bought him something else, and then the tequila shots…

The wheels of his car suddenly skidded over a shallow puddle of water, and the steering wheel jerked in his hand. He knew he'd learned how to deal with this sort of problem, but he couldn't remember any of the instructions. Everything was spinning, and suddenly the car lurched for the sidewalk, jumping completely out of his control.

Through the windshield, he saw three people in front of him. Two men were arguing, and the girl was looking at them in concern. Then she turned towards him, her blue eyes catching his panicked stare for a moment, before her mouth opened into a scream of horror. He watched as she cried out, shoving one of the men clear of the car, before the front end of his vehicle rammed into her, and she flew onto his windshield.

He somehow managed to slam on the breaks before hitting the still standing man.

The girl slid onto the pavement, her blonde hair falling over her closed eyes, and both men moved to her side.

"Oh, _God_…"

In that moment, he made the decision he knew was entirely wrong, was against the law, was just stupid. But it was the only thing that came to mind, the only action he could even comprehend.

He put his car into reverse and skidded away from the scene of the accident, leaving the three pedestrians behind.

* * *

When Max's car pulled up along-side the café, he was surprised to see another car hightailing it into the distance. His surprise faded as he saw Tess' body, sprawled on the sidewalk, and Michael and another man he didn't recognize leaning over her.

"Stay here," he ordered to Nick, who had come with him, and he jumped out of the car. Nick watched him go, then looked at Tess. He'd left Alex with Isabel and Maria, not entirely sure he liked the idea of abandoning his son with strangers, but also not wanting Tess to walk into a meeting with Max, Michael, and the FBI by herself.

Little did he imagine at the time that she'd be in more danger from an outsider, a drunk teenager, than from any of the people she was meeting.

Max crossed to the sidewalk and knelt down by Tess' side. "What happened?" he asked, worried.

"A car hit her," Thompson answered. "The driver was a teen. Looked drunk by the way he was driving." He looked up at Max. "We can't risk taking her to a hospital, but I'd bet she has internal bleeding."

Max reached out automatically to heal her, but Michael stopped him.

"What are you doing?" he demanded angrily.

"Saving her life," Max answered, as though it was obvious. He couldn't not heal her, given that she was dying in front of him.

"Why?" Michael asked. "Look, she got hit by a car. Maybe this is just Fate's way of dealing out justice."

"So you'll let an innocent person die?" Thompson cut in. "Oh, that's so very _Good_ of you."

"I bet you kill innocent people all the time," Michael retorted, glaring at Thompson. "You and your psycho friends were certainly responsible for a lot of deaths back in Roswell. Not to mention Maxwell being tortured." He paused, then added, "Besides, Tess is hardly innocent."

"You can't seriously want me to not do anything about this," Max protested.

At that moment, the door to the café swung open and the barista rushed out, her face completely white. "Oh my God, I saw what happened from the window. Is she okay? Do you need an ambulance?"

Thompson glanced up at her. "We'll just drive her to the hospital, it's probably faster. Thank you, though."

"You know, I heard it isn't a good idea to move people who might have sustained serious head injuries," the barista objected.

"It's alright," Thompson replied, knowing perfectly well that what she said was true. "I've got medical training." To Max and Michael, he said, "Come on, let's move her to the car."

Between the two of them, they got Tess into the backseat of the car. Nick climbed around to the backseat and scooted to the side to leave room for her, and then reached out and gently rested his hand on her shoulder, as though hoping he could somehow ease her obvious pain.

"Come on, let's go back to the hotel," Max said finally, moving to the driver's seat. As he did so, he turned to Thompson. "I'll be talking to you later, I assume," he said shortly, then slammed the door and slid his keys into the ignition.

Before he left, Thompson reached over one last time to check Tess' pulse and examine her eyes for any sign of responsiveness to light or touch. As he did so, he whispered to Nick, "Don't let her die. No matter what you have to do, don't let her die."

And then he turned and walked away.

They drove in silence for a moment, Michael in the front seat of the car, Max gripping the steering wheel tightly, Nick staring down at Tess. Then, suddenly, he looked up at Max, eyes wide. "Hey… I thought you could heal. You said that you had the power to heal. Why haven't you healed her yet?"

Max didn't answer.

"Max, I asked you a question," Nick said firmly.

"This isn't any of your concern," Michael retorted, barely sparing Nick even a glance.

"She's my girlfriend!"

"She's a murderer," Michael countered.

"Shut up, both of you," Max interrupted, annoyed. "Just shut up." He wanted to heal Tess, he truly did, because as a healer, every instinct was telling him not to let her just die. But there was another part, a part that hated her, that hated everything she'd done to him. And that part wanted her to suffer.

And then there was his son. Could he really let the mother of his son just die?

But what if she was still the enemy? Having her dead and out of the way would keep another person from dying the way Alex had, his broken body lying motionless inside that casket.

As a healer, he wanted to save her. As a betrayed friend, he wanted to kill her. As a father, he wanted to heal her. As a person, he wanted her out of his life before she had a chance to ruin it any more.

What decision was he supposed to make?

Nick looked down at Tess again. He had an idea, the glimmer of a threat in his mind, but Tess did not like people using her son as a bargaining chip, as something manipulative, as a way to control another. Alex was always put before everything else, and she'd die before she let anyone use him…

But he didn't want her to die.

So he spoke up, playing his trump card, the one that he knew Tess would never forgive him for, the one that he knew would force Max's hand.

"If you let her die, I will tell Alex that you killed his mother. And how do you think he will respond to that?"


	15. Hourglass

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive

* * *

Chapter Fourteen: Hourglass

One of the few times Kyle ever met his grandfather was back when the old man lived in the Senior Center. His room was tiny and dusty and smelled like old mothballs and stale bread. The visits generally ended with an argument, and Jim taking his son and leaving in a huff.

They were not pleasant memories.

But there was one thing he liked. It was a giant hourglass, the kind with little grains of sand that fell from the top to the bottom, counting out an hour. He loved the way, once the sand was all at the bottom, he could just turn it over and it would suddenly be at the top again, falling through the small hole into the bottom.

He thought it was sort of like turning back time.

* * *

Kyle watched his father through half-open eyelids. He was lying on the sofa, pretending to be asleep as his daughter contentedly clambered over his stomach. Jim was standing by the window, supposedly keeping an eye on Emily, but really just staring out at the sky.

Tess' sudden reappearance in Seattle was a shock, probably more so for Max and the others. But still… Jim had taken the news with his usual stoicism, and had promptly become more guarded and uneasy. It was as though the very mention of Tess being back was pulling him apart at the seams.

Kyle felt the same way. It was hard to think about her. Hard to remember her laugh and her smile, hard to recall her hardened blue eyes as she callously killed Alex, hard to comprehend how a single person could bring that much joy and that much pain into their lives.

Then he thought of Jenni. She'd done the same thing to him, making him blissfully happy, then leaving him with so many doubts.

He opened his eyes fully and sat up, shifting his daughter so that she was sitting on his lap. Jim turned at the sound of his son moving and forced a smile.

"Hey, son."

"Hey, Dad," Kyle replied. "What were you doing?"

"Thinking," Jim answered honestly. "About… about her."

Tess. He couldn't even bring himself to say the name.

"I think…" Jim hesitated, the continued quickly, as though afraid if he didn't say the words aloud, he would lose his courage and never say them, "I think I want to go to Seattle. To see her."

"_What_?"

Whatever Kyle had been expecting his father to say, that was not it, and the force of his question was so strong and so loud that Emily looked up, startled, eyes suddenly filling with tears. Kyle instantly turned to his daughter, his expression softening, and he rocked her gently until she had forgotten the earlier exclamation.

Jim sat down across from Kyle, studying his son carefully. He'd known Kyle wouldn't like it, but he'd come to this plan while he lay awake the night before, and now that he had settled on it, he just couldn't let it go.

"I want to talk to her."

"But… why?" Kyle asked, clearly unable to fathom his father's actions. "Why would you want that?"

Jim shifted uneasily. "I just need to… I need to know why she did everything. I need to confront her, to hear what she has to say."

"What makes you think she's even going to answer?" Kyle asked pointedly. "She doesn't care about you, Dad. She doesn't care _at all_."

Jim nodded slowly. He inhaled, then exhaled, then inhaled again. "I thought of her as my daughter. She… she was family. I need to know why… why she would have done this to us."

"Because she's evil?" Kyle suggested, the words rolling off his tongue easily.

Jim sighed. "I'm not asking you to come with me, Kyle. You don't need to agree with my decision, but you can't stop me from going."

"Dad, it isn't that I don't want you to…" Kyle stopped, thought over his words, and then started again. "It is that I don't want you to go. I can't help it, I just don't want her back in our lives. At all. All she does is hurt us."

"Except that she didn't," Jim replied. "For that year, she didn't hurt us. She didn't… it was only at the end, when she…"

"Killed Alex and then forced me to carry his dead body?" Kyle spat angrily, again startling Emily with his words. This time he paid little attention to his daughter and continued forcefully, "She was using us, Dad. The entire time, she was using us."

"Then I need to hear her say it," Jim answered calmly, rising to his feet and taking Emily from Kyle. He bounced his granddaughter a few times, calming her, then looked again at Kyle. "I need to her hear tell me that she was using us, that she's evil."

"And what do you hope to get from that?" Kyle countered.

Jim shrugged. "I don't know. Closure, maybe?"

Kyle shook his head. "She's going to hurt you, Dad. That's what she does."

With a wry, sardonic smile, Jim said, "So, I assume you don't want to come with me."

"I don't want to see her," Kyle replied. "I don't even want to think about her. I want her out of our lives, permanently. Or, better yet, I want to go back in time and prevent her from ever coming to Roswell. Keep her from destroying us."

"You can't turn back time, Kyle," Jim replied. "No matter how much you may want to, you can't go back, can't undo your past mistakes." He paused, then added, "The only way you can ever go is forward."

* * *

Michael placed Tess' still body on the bed, and Max leaned over her, prepared to heal. The alien General stepped to the side, clearly not pleased about this, but recognizing that it was Max's decision, and he was going to do whatever necessary to keep Nick from turning his own son against him.

Nick, for his part, stood across from Max, waiting with abated breath for the miracle he hoped would happen.

"Tess? Tess, come on. Open your eyes, look at me. I need you to look at me," Max murmured. "I need to form the connection. Tess?"

She lay still, eyes closed, face twisted in pain, unresponsive to his pleas.

Max looked up at Nick. "I can't heal her if she doesn't open her eyes."

Nick bit his lip, then placed a hand on Tess' shoulder. "Tess? Can you hear me? Please… open your eyes."

Still nothing.

It was Michael, ironically, who found the answer. He walked forward purposefully, shoved Nick ungraciously out of the way, and said roughly to Tess, "For your son, Tess. If you don't open your eyes, you will lose Alex. Open them for him."

Her eyes flickered for a moment, clouded with pain, and blue orbs sought out Max's tawny ones.

He stretched his hand over her bloodied body, stared deep into her eyes, and willed the healing to begin.

And then came the flashes.

"_You really should stop fighting me, Ava. This is only going to end up hurting you more," Congresswoman Whitaker said as she advanced on the struggling girl. Tess was shaking, blonde hair falling in front of her eyes, doing her best to break free from her enemy's control. But the Congresswoman was stronger, and the struggle was in vain. _

"_Stop… please."_

"_I can make you do anything," the Congresswoman continued. She focused on Tess' mind, and easily began to control the hybrid Queen. She forced Tess to her feet, forced the girl to fire a blast of energy so strong is shattered the plaster of the wall across from them. "See?" she gloated triumphantly. "I can make you kill." _

break

"_No… stop, please…" Tess begged as she struggled against Rath and Lonnie. The sewers were dark and dank and smelled like rot and mold. She was crouched on the cold floor, water seeping into her shoes and her clothing. She was terrified._

"_Sweetheart, you can scream all you want," Lonnie said, laughing cruelly, "nobody's gonna hear you. And ain't gonna be able to change that." _

_Max was calling her name, his voice echoing in the distance as his footsteps slapped against the floor. Rath rose to his feet, turning to Lonnie. "He's coming."_

_Lonnie smiled callously. "Don't worry, sweetheart. Your hero is here to save you now." She and Rath disappeared into the shadows, and a moment later Max came rushing into view, his eyes filled with relief as he caught sight of Tess._

"_Tess, are you alright?"_

"_I don't know," Tess whispered, glancing around for any sight of the people who had attacked her. She found it difficult to believe that Rath and Lonnie would have just left her, not after going to all the trouble to capture her in the first place._

"_What happened?"_

"_They tried to get inside my head, find out where the Granolith is. I… I didn't want them to… so I fought back." She blinked, trying to push away the horrible sensation that something was going to go very, very wrong._

"_How?" Max asked, helping her stand._

_And then, when she opened her mouth, she found that it wasn't her words that were coming out, but someone else's, and nothing she did could change it. "I don't know."_

"_Tess…" He was staring at her, trying to figure something out. "Tess, are you alright?"_

"_I'm ready to go home now," she said, someone else speaking through her mouth. "Home to Roswell."_

break

_She was caught in a dream she couldn't ignore. She was struggling against something black and heavy. It was wrapping all around her, pulling her slowly underneath, into the dark. She kept screaming, but her voice was stuck in her throat, and when she opened her mouth, everything was still and silent._

break

"_Are you okay?" Kyle asked as he took a seat next to her on the sofa. "You've seemed a little… off lately."_

_She looked at him, blue eyes widening at the realization that he had noticed that something was wrong. She felt a rush of relief, she wasn't alone. She could tell him, and he would understand. He could help her._

_But she opened her mouth and the words that came out were light and teasing… and not hers. "Yeah, Kyle, I'm fine. Just, you know… trying to save my planet and my family from psycho aliens. The usual."_

_He grinned at her joke. "Alright, well… you'd tell me if something was wrong, wouldn't you?"_

"_Of course," she promised, even though she knew it was a lie. She wanted to tell him, so much. And she would have, in a heartbeat. But she just… couldn't._

_The words wouldn't come._

break

_She watched as Alex grabbed his backpack and walked away from her. Everyone thought he was in Sweden, but she knew better. She alone knew he was here, under her mind-warp, translating the Destiny Book. He got into the car, and she watched him drive away into the dark night, his body completely controlled by the people controlling her mind._

"_Please, stop this," she begged the cold air. "Just… just let him go. Please. Stop using him."_

break

"_You did this to me, you sent me to Las Cruces!" Alex cried, grabbing his head in pain as he stumbled around her room._

"_Okay, Alex… Alex, let me fix your mind. You're not thinking straight." Tess moved towards him. She could feel the presence in her mind, the one that was with her all the time now, intervening any time it didn't like her actions, any time she tried to defy it. It was waiting to see what she would do, how she would handle this._

"_You mind-warped me for two months while I decoded that silly book for you and now there's nothing left for you to mind-warp!" Alex continued, his voice hoarse and shaking with uncontrolled emotions. "You destroyed my mind, how could you do this to me?"_

_Then Kyle appeared in the doorway, pushing into the room in concern. In that moment, the presence in her mind took over, forcing her into action._

"_Kyle, get out!"_

"_What's going on?"_

"_Kyle, go!"_

"_I have nothing," Alex spat, lifting his eyes to Tess. "I might as well be dead."_

"_Hey, just calm down," Kyle said, reaching towards Alex._

"_He's right, okay? Calm down. Just calm down!" She couldn't save him if he kept fighting her like this, but how could she convince him that she wasn't trying to hurt? That it wasn't her who had done this to him, but someone else using her body, someone she wasn't strong enough to fight._

"_No, you can't mind-warp me. No!"_

_She closed her eyes and focused on him and then…_

break

_This is what it feels like when you realize you are a murderer. Your heart stops beating and your lungs start burning and everything seems to go into slow motion and speed up at the same time, and the volume rises and falls like an old out-of-tune radio, while the air thickens and you want to start screaming in horror, but you've forgotten how to make any sound at all._

_Alex was crumpling at her feet while Kyle stood in the doorway, confused and unsure, and she thought the world might actually stop spinning._

break

_The desert glistened underneath the soft light of the moon. Her feet crunched on the sand and rock as she stepped out of the car and looked around._

_He was standing there. She wasn't surprised by his presence, but it also meant little to her that he was there. He was in her mind, constantly, and she no longer needed to see his physical form to hear his cold and cruel voice._

"_Push the car off the road," he ordered calmly._

_She shook her head, blonde curls bouncing, eyes opened wide and pleading. "Why are you doing this, Nicolas?" she asked. "Why did you have to kill him?"_

_Nicolas frowned and looked at the car. Through the grimy window, he could see the still body, slumped over in the driver's seat, waiting for the inevitable. "He wasn't supposed to die," Nicolas admitted. "We didn't know how strong your mind-warp was. We didn't…" Then he seemed to start, as though realizing that he was justifying himself to his enemy, and his face twisted into a sneer. "Do it," he ordered again._

"_Please… just let Alex rest in peace."_

"_I am," Nicolas answered, and now his tone was bordering on impatience. "But we can't very well have you get caught, can we? How will you bring the other royals to us if they find out the truth?"_

"_I won't," she cried, her face flushed with passion. "I won't betray them. I won't let you use me to get to them."_

"_Oh, but you will," Nicolas answered. "You'll betray them all, Ava darling." His eyes narrowed. "Now… do it," and he pointed at the cliff._

_Against her will, she felt her body start to move. One hand extended out in front of her, now glowing with a fiery red and white. Inside her own mind, her voice screamed, over and over, but her body kept moving. Against her will, she watched helplessly as the car sputtered and jumped, then slipped over the edge._

_When it finally smashed to a stop at the base of the cliff, a swirl of dust rose into the air, golden and red like the sand that stretched out all around them. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as she thought of the devastation that was sure to follow tomorrow when the body was found. If she could have, she would have confessed it all to Max and let him simply kill her before she could do more damage. But her mouth would never obey a command to reveal the truth, and she was still left living a nightmare._

_When she turned back to Nicolas, he was gone, the only remnant of his presence two footprints in the sand._

break

"_You made a deal with them, with Khivar," Max said bluntly._

_She would have made a deal, she realized. If it had meant saving Alex, she would have given Khivar anything he wanted. Anything to keep her from becoming a murderer._

"_No, Nasedo made a deal, forty years ago," she answered. A lie, but she was not the one speaking._

"_What was the deal? Tell me!" Max hissed, moving towards her again. She stepped away, putting more distance between them._

"_To return home with your child and deliver the three of you to Khivar."_

"_And what would happen to us once you delivered us?" She didn't answer Max, and he shook his head, disgusted. "How did I ever fall in love with someone like you? How did I ever marry you?"_

_Struggling to tell the others what was happening, opening her mouth to spill her secrets before it was too late… and no words coming out._

_No, words were coming out. Just not the ones she wanted. Not __her__ words._

"_You were different, you were a king. Now you're just a boy," she replied, wondering if it was true. Anything to make him hurt, anything to push him just a little bit further away from her. She still loved him, no matter what, and she hurt the people that she loved. For both their sakes, she had to push him away._

_He moved towards her, lifting his hand to her throat. _

_Again, someone else's words. "You kill me, Max, and you kill our son."_

"_Go. This isn't over, Tess."_

break

"_Well, well, well… little Ava. What a pleasant surprise."_

_She looked up at the man before her. He was sitting on the throne in the center of the large room, and all eyes were fixed on him. It was, she thought, like some twisted Hollywood movie._

_Only this was real life._

"_Khivar. Well, I would say it is a pleasure to finally meet you, but…" she trailed off with a little shrug, refusing to let the fear coursing through her veins show plainly on her face. She was terrified, but she certainly wasn't going to give anyone the pleasure of seeing it._

"_I have to admit, I was hoping for more than just you and your son." His eyes traveled down to her stomach, and she moved her hands instinctively to her abdomen. "The plan was for you to bring Zan, Rath, and Vilandra."_

"_Guess that didn't really work out, did it?" Tess mocked._

_Khivar narrowed his eyes. "They weren't supposed to discover that you had betrayed them. Your human friend was not supposed to break through that mind-warp."_

"_And yet he did, didn't he?" Tess said. "And you made me spout all those horrible lies to Max. It's your own fault I'm here by myself."_

_Khivar considered this while everyone else in the room waited with abated breath for his reaction. "Perhaps," he conceded at last. "But if Zan had learned the truth about you, he might have figured out a way to keep you from returning here, and we couldn't have that, could we?" He rose and walked towards her. "After all, little Ava, Zan is not nearly as important as that child you carry." He placed his hand on her stomach._

_She pulled away, fear showing on her face for the first time. "Don't you dare hurt him."_

_Khivar gave a feral smile. "You really aren't in the position to make demands."_

Max stepped away from Tess, lifting his hands from her still body. The wound was gone now, healed completely underneath his fingers. She was blinking awake, confusion mixed with worry reflected in her eyes. Nick was at her side, gently helping her into a sitting position.

"Oh, _God_…" Max breathed, shocked.

Michael turned to him alarm at the expression on his features. "Maxwell? What's wrong?"

But he was simply staring at Tess, unable to tear his eyes away from her face. How could he ever explain what he had seen? How could any of it be true? And yet… those flashes… they didn't lie. Tess had been dying, he knew she was dying. He knew she didn't have the strength to mind-warp him at that moment. He just… knew.

Which meant…

Tess met his gaze, and realization leapt into her eyes. "The connection…" she muttered, looking uneasy.

"What is it? Did it not work?" Nick asked, letting his gaze roam over her body. He didn't see any other injuries, but it didn't mean they weren't there. "Tess… what's wrong?"

"The flashes."

Michael looked at Max blankly as he uttered those two words. "What about the flashes? What did you see?"

Max swallowed nervously and shook his head. "I don't know… Tess? What was that?"

She got to her feet, a little unsteadily. "Nothing, Max. It doesn't matter." She turned away, her attention switching to Nick. "How did I…? How did I get here?"

"We brought you," Nick said, not understanding what was going on between Tess and the hybrid King. "I… I sort of told Max if he didn't heal you… I'd make sure Alex blamed him for your death."

She grew pale, but didn't say anything. He was surprised she hadn't exploded at him, he couldn't imagine that she was okay with the way he had used her son as a bargaining chip.

"Maxwell? What did you see?" Michael asked again, this time his tone more demanding.

Max moved to Tess' side, catching her arm before she had a chance to walk away from him. "You didn't kill Alex," he said, awestruck. Behind him, Michael gasped in shock and dismay, obvious unsure what to make of that statement. Nick looked mildly confused, but said nothing, letting Tess handle the question.

She turned, lifting sapphire eyes to Max's tawny ones. "Yes," she said softly, "I did."

"But… But I saw…"

"You saw me kill Alex," Tess murmured. "I killed him. It was _my_ powers… _my_ mind… that took his life. What else matters?"


	16. All the King's Men

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive

* * *

Interlude: All The King's Men

Nick and Tess had been dating for two years before she left him alone in the same room as Alex. He'd always known she was overprotective of her son, but her fanatical determination to constantly know where he was and who was with him seemed bizarre, even for someone as enigmatic as her. He never questioned Tess on her behavior, he knew this was something she wouldn't compromise on, but he, Kate, and Charlie talked about it often.

And then, one day out of the blue, Tess asked him simply, "Can you watch Alex this afternoon, Nick? I told Kate I'd go shopping with her."

He remembered staring at her, trying to figure out if she'd actually just asked him that, but she wasn't looking at him. She just grabbed her coat and wandered out of the room as though not realizing how strangely out of character her request was.

So he spent the day playing with Alex, the boy he loved as his own son. And he understood Tess' protective love, but still… there was something else there, something he didn't understand. Something he wouldn't understand until a few years later when he somehow ended up in the middle of an all-out alien war. Then he met Max Evans, and then he saw the way the others acted around him, how the tension and the arguments and the anger was always backed by another emotion, one that never wavered, one that, at the end of the day, brought everyone back to Max, no matter their previous differences.

And he realized, the emotion in Tess' eyes he hadn't been able to identify, that feeling that was always there when she looked at her son… it was beyond love.

It was loyalty.

A loyalty she felt, not for Alex, but for everything he represented. For Max. And that emotion, he knew, was what would force her back into the fight once again. It was the emotion that, when the time came, would be what prevented her from walking away from her one-time husband and king.

* * *

"Tess, stop it," Max said, voice tinged with fury as she, once again, ignored his questions and looked away from him, towards the blank wall. "Stop acting like you don't know what I'm talking about. Those flashes… I saw what happened. Explain it."

Blue eyes turned to him for a moment, blank and uncomprehending. Then they slid past his head, focusing once again on the white plaster wall.

"Tess, answer me!"

"Max, back off," Nick said, moving between the two. Tess was shrinking back, almost falling into herself, afraid of Max's questions. Max, quivering with anger and desperation for answers was towering over her, his expression fierce and hard.

Tess relaxed slightly at the touch of Nick's hand on her shoulder. But when she looked at Max again, her expression clouded over, and she lowered her eyes to the ground, tears threatening to fall.

"Max, those flashes weren't real," Michael argued, looking from one alien to the other. As his gaze settled on Tess, as he took in her pale features and the dark circles under her eyes, he remembered just how powerful she was, and just how easily she had manipulated them all in the past. "She's an accomplished actress. She's playing you."

Maria and Isabel were sitting on the bed. They'd driven over from the hospital as soon as Michael had called them and recounted what Max claimed he saw in Tess' mind. Alex was there as well, lying on the bed next to Isabel, asleep. His mouth was open and his chest rose and fell with his steady breathing.

"They weren't fake," Max countered. "I know they weren't. I could tell."

"Max, you don't know the extent of her powers," Maria murmured, siding with her boyfriend. "She could have planned this."

"Oh, that's probably true," Nick said sarcastically, giving Maria a disparaging look. "She arranged to have a drunk driver hit her on the side-walk just on the off chance Max would get there is time to heal her and, despite the fact that she was bleeding to death, she still planned to use her powers on his mind."

"Keep your voice down," Tess said, speaking up for the first time in several minutes. Nick followed her gaze and saw Alex, who was shifting in his sleep as though he was waking up.

"We should just send him home with Kate," Nick murmured softly. "This whole thing is freaking him out. He doesn't understand what is going on."

Tess shook her head. "No, I… we can't. I won't risk it." She turned away from all of them and wandered towards the balcony. It was easier to avoid their questions if she wasn't looking at them, if she didn't have to see the hurt in Isabel's eyes or the anger radiating from Maria or Michael's still suspicious glare.

"What if this is a trap, Max?" Maria asked, glancing over at him. "She lured us out here to get us away from Liz so that Khivar has a free shot at her…"

"I am not working with Khivar," Tess countered quietly, her words barely reaching the others.

"She's not working for Khivar," Max said at exactly the same time, remembering the flash he had seen and wondering just what had happened to Tess while she was on Antar. Her vehement denials of working with Khivar were obvious signs that she wanted nothing to do with the skin king.

"Tess, would you just talk to us?" Isabel asked finally, when it became apparent that no one was going to say anything for the moment.

"Why?" Tess asked finally, still refusing to look at the others. She moved, still drifting. "What difference would it make?"

"Tess, it makes all the difference in the world," Isabel protested, following the smaller girl with her eyes. "If you were being controlled by the skins, then it wasn't your fault. You didn't betray us, you didn't kill Alex."

Tess whipped around to face Isabel. "It really isn't that simple," she argued. "And you're probably better off not trusting me. Like before."

Isabel frowned, looking to Nick for help. He gave a tiny shrug, then walked over to Tess, hoping she would actually listen to him since she didn't seem to be listening to anyone else.

"Tess, come on. Just… talk to them, okay? Have a real conversation. Be… be honest."

"Honest?" Tess asked, shaking her head. "I don't even know what that is anymore." She crossed her arms over her chest, but Isabel and Max both noticed the way she still stood there, uncertain and unsure… and looking to Nick for help.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She took a seat on the chair by the table, her eyes traveling over everyone else in the room. Maria was now sitting at the very edge of the bed, glaring at her. Michael stood behind Maria, his hands resting on her shoulders, his stance clearly protective. Max and Isabel were both watching her cautiously, as though afraid she might try to run.

But now that Tess had agreed to talk, no one could find the right words to say.

Finally, it was Isabel who broke the silence, her question soft, almost inaudible, but still filled with pain. "How could you do this to us?"

Tess looked at her. For a moment, she thought Isabel was asking her why she had killed Alex, and wondered how the hybrid Princess had managed to miss out on the entire conversation. But then the reality of the question hit her, and she lowered her eyes again.

"I… I just…"

"You've been on Earth for five years, Tess. You've been free from Khivar for half a decade. Why didn't you come to us and tell us the truth?" Isabel pressed, tears burning in her eyes. They had spent so long hating Tess, thinking she was a traitor, a murderer. It would have been so much easier if they knew the truth, knew that this girl who was supposed to be family had not turned on them after all.

"You know the truth, Isabel," Tess said firmly. She glanced at Max. "Max saw what happened in those flashes." She paused. "He saw me kill Alex."

"Why do you keep insisting on that?" Maria demanded hotly. "Why do you keep trying to convince us that you killed him? Are you _proud_ of that?"

Tess became suddenly still, and Nick sent Maria an angry glare. But just when it seemed like Tess wasn't going to answer the question, she began to speak. "Because I _did_ kill him." She swallowed nervously. "You talk about it like it somehow makes it all better that I wasn't in control of my body. Do you really think that changes anything? I can still tell you, Maria, exactly what it felt like when Alex's mind suddenly stopped working. I can describe to you the sensation of being connected with his mind the moment it melted into nothing. The sudden stopping of his heart, the fear radiating from him in great waves, the anger and despair I felt every time I entered his mind… He died thinking I did this to him of my own free will. He died hating me. He… he died, and I remember the look on his face when he fell, shock… as though he couldn't quite believe that this had happened…"

"Stop it!" Isabel cried, suddenly, turning away from the group. "Stop it. I don't want to hear any more." Maria looked pale as well, and Max's hands were clenched into fists. Michael's expression was impassive, but the tension in his jaw clearly indicated his anger.

"You see?" Tess whispered. "You can't even stand to hear about it. I _remember_ it. Every single detail. You think it matters who was controlling me? I still killed Alex, and I still remember exactly what it felt like when he died. It was _my_ fault."

"Tess…"

"I couldn't fight Nicolas, Rath, or Lonnie. I tried, believe me. I didn't want… I didn't want to do what they were saying. But… they made me do it and I…" Her voice broke and she shook her head, unable to continue.

"It would have made a difference to us," Isabel said as Tess lapsed into silence. "It does make a difference, to know that you aren't responsible." She looked down at her hands. "Do you know what it did to all of us after you left? Do you know what Max went through, thinking his son was with a murderer, a traitor? Do you know what happened to Jim and Kyle after you left them? Don't you understand… it mattered to _us_."

* * *

"She got hit by a car?" Agent White asked, yet again, running a hand through his hair in an utterly confused gestured. "She really got hit by a car?"

Thompson nodded gloomily. "I ran a background check on the license plate and found the teenager. Went to talk to him. Just a drunk who made a really bad decision."

"So… you're telling me that Tess Harding almost died when she got hit by a car… and it had nothing to do with aliens?"

Thompson nodded. "Yes, that's pretty much what I'm saying."

"Huh." The other agent shook his head in wonder at the newest development in the case, but then pushed the issue from his mind. As long as Ms. Harding didn't die before she had a chance to deliver them all from whatever fate awaited, he didn't particularly care what happened to her.

Thompson pulled out the chair across from White and took a seat. "Michael Guerin clearly has no concept of just how serious this battle is. He was not particularly receptive when I spoke to him." He paused, considering something, then added, "Of course, much of that anger was directed towards Ms. Harding."

"They have not adapted well to her presence?" White questioned in concern.

"I'm not sure they ever will," Thompson answered calmly. "Perhaps it was too much to expect them to forget old wounds."

But White refused to give in that easily and replied staunchly, "We got Ms. Harding to meet with Mr. Evans, and neither of us were ever so hopeful that she would manage that much. We certainly can't back away from a challenge now."

"We did that one through manipulation and lies," Thompson countered.

White pushed himself to his feet. "You are still soft-hearted for my liking, Thompson," he said gravely. "You struggle to see the overall good we will achieve. We must do everything necessary to win, and if that means manipulating them, so be it."

Thompson nodded. "I know that," he said, his voice ringing with the truth of his words. "Believe me, I have no intention of backing out of any of this. But it doesn't mean I have to like it either."

White shrugged coldly. "You can't dislike it all you want. Just as long as it gets done."

* * *

"Max says you are a hallucination," Liz remarked by way of greeting as the other woman walked back into the room.

Jennifer Valenti smiled broadly. "Ah, the fever is frying your brain, is that it?" She took a seat next to Liz. "Well, let's just pretend for a moment that I am. Why on earth would you choose to hallucinate _me_?"

Liz tilted her head to the side and pushed herself into a sitting position. The fever had broken slightly, and although her body was still achy, she could at least sit up now without feeling dizzy or nauseous. "No idea," she said glibly. "What do you think?"

"I think I'm not a hallucination," Jennifer answered casually. "But, of course, I would have to say that, wouldn't I?"

"You are a lot more relaxed than the last time you came to visit," Liz said curiously. "Not so forceful and enigmatic." She yawned and rubbed her eyes sleepily, almost expecting Jennifer to disappear.

But the other woman remained.

"What can I say? You didn't respond well to my forceful tone, so I thought I'd try to reason with you in a friendlier manner," she answered blithely. "Maybe you'd listen more to me this way."

"I tried,' Liz protested, frowning. "It isn't that easy to convince your husband to give up on you."

Jennifer pursed her lips and nodded. "I recognize how difficult this is. But you have to understand the position all of us are in. We really can't afford to fail."

Liz shook her head. "How could you possibly understand the situation I am in? You're not even real. You're just a hallucination."

"Do you really believe that?" came the quiet reply, a probing question accompanied by a quizzical gaze.

"Max does."

"That's not what I asked. I don't care what he thinks, I care what you think. You're the important one right now." Jennifer rested her hands on the arms of the chair, her expression still filled with questions. It was as though she was waiting for Liz to say something, to make some final declaration.

"I… I trust Max."

"More than you trust yourself?"

Liz looked away, unable to meet those piercing eyes. She did trust Max, completely and wholly. But could she trust his words more than what her own senses were telling her? This woman couldn't be a hallucination, she was far too real.

"Let me help you," Jennifer said, rising to her feet and preparing to leave the room. "I'll give you a bit of information no one else has wanted you to know. It's about Isabel's husband."

"Jesse? What about him?"

She paused at the door, her face reflecting the obvious sorrow she felt at having to convey such news. "He's dead," she said simply, before walking out of the room.

* * *

Tess heard the sliding door open, the echo of footsteps on the metal surface of the balcony, but she didn't even bother looking up. She was leaning against the railing, watching the ground below, the way the light from the streetlamps reflected on the small pools of water left over from the previous day's rain.

Nick closed the door behind him, but he didn't make any moves to cross to her side. Instead, he regarded her with something akin to frustration.

"They're puddles, Tess. You see them every time it rains."

"How could you use Alex like that?" Tess asked, still staring at those same puddles. "How could you use him like he was a bargaining chip? Like he was just... property."

"How could you possibly think I would just stand there and let you die?" Nick replied, forcing the words through partially open lips, his voice little more than a growl. The frustration was rapidly turning into anger, and anger that was slowly building within his chest and crying to be let loose.

"He's my son!" Tess spat. "You had no right..."

"He's my son, too," Nick interrupted. "I had _every _right." There was a pause in which Tess didn't answer right away, as though she knew any answer she gave would be treading on dangerous ground. Nick ran a hand through his hair, then continued, "You can act like he is just yours, like you have every right to decide everything about him. You can act like you have every right to decide everything about you as well, but that's not true. You're my girlfriend, and he's my son, and we are supposed to be doing things together. As a team."

"Teams consult each other. You didn't ask me whether or not I wanted you to use Alex. You didn't ask me if I would rather just let myself die than do that to him."

"You were unconscious," Nick answered pointedly. "I couldn't have asked you, even if I wanted to." He exhaled sharply, quickly, then added, "And you haven't consulted me or been truthful with me on quite a few things, so don't you dare act like I am the only one at fault here. Maybe you didn't like my decision. Well, you know what, Tess? I don't like quite a few of your decision as well."

She finally glanced at him, trying to gauge his expression. But it was so closely guarded that she couldn't even begin to fathom what was going on behind his clouded eyes. She bit her lip, forcing herself to ask the question even though she didn't want the answer. "Are you mad at me?"

"A little," Nick answered calmly. He didn't elaborate, and so she found herself forced to continue the conversation.

"Why?"

Nick raised an eyebrow. "Do you really not know the answer to that?"

She shook her head. "Nick, I'm tired. I can't… I can't do this right now."

Nick rolled his eyes and gave her a thin smile full of skepticism and disappointment. "Let me guess. You're always going to be too tired or too busy to have this conversation with me, aren't you?"

Tess blinked, noticing for the first time the plain anger in the corners of his eyes, and frustration in his tone, the way his hands, pressed flatly against the side of his legs, were white around the knuckles. The tension in his posture was abruptly more obvious, more blatant.

"I never meant to hurt you."

Nick nodded. "Yeah. I know that."

"But you're still mad," Tess countered. "You're still mad at _me_."

"Yes."

"Why?"

He exhaled sharply, his warm breath creating a fog in the cool night air. "How can you possibly not know the answer to that?"

Throwing her hands up in the air, Tess snapped, "You're not making this particularly easy for me."

To which Nick replied calmly, "I'm not particularly trying to."

"What do you want from me?" she asked, her words barely more than a whisper.

Nick met her gaze and said quietly, "Once, Tess, just once, I'd like you to be the one who puts effort into this relationship." Tess opened her mouth to protest, but he continued hurriedly without letting her say a word, "I was the one who asked you out on a date. I was the one who convinced you to be my girlfriend. I was the one who argued that we could live together, that I could be a good father for Alex. I was the one who fought tooth and nail for whatever tiny fragment of trust you could give me. And when Max and the others told me these horrible things about you, I was the one who begged you for an explanation, who told you that I would believe anything you told me."

Tess bit her lip and looked away. "Nick, I… I love you."

Nick's gaze softened ever so slightly. "I know. I know that you love me because I know, if you didn't, you would never have had the courage to face Max. You wouldn't have come to my rescue." He crossed the balcony until he was standing next to her. "But that's not enough."

"Then what is?"

He glanced behind him at the glass door, at the people moving about inside the room. "You contacted the FBI, wanting answers for Max. You took Max to meet our son, knowing the risk of Max wanting to take him away from us, from _me_. And even now, you're preparing to fight this battle for Max and the others."

Tess gave him a searching look, her eyes thoughtful. She could hear the jealousy in his words, but more than that, she could hear the hurt and the frustration. Here he was, after giving her everything time and again, standing by and watching her put all her effort into helping someone else.

"Max is… Max is…" She stopped. They hadn't told Nick about anything related to Destiny, and so he probably had no way of understanding that the ties to Max and the others weren't just going to fade, no matter what had happened between them. "They're my family, Nick," she said finally.

He stepped back as though the words had slapped him, as though physically reeling from her comment. "So am I," he protested coldly. "But you treat Max like he has never let you down and me like I can't be trusted, instead of the other way around. I didn't betray you, Tess. I never believed those lies about you being a murderer. How could you treat me like this?"

"Nick, all I ever did was not tell you that I'm an alien," Tess countered, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Yeah, and I'd say that that was a pretty big omission," Nick answered sardonically. When Tess didn't answer, he continued quietly, "It's more than that, Tess, and you know it. You've been spinning lies about your past since the moment I met you. And I was more than willing to let that go and just focus on the present and the future until this all happened." He gestured towards the glass door. From inside the room, Isabel and Maria were watching him. "And then, when I was so inexplicably drawn into this alien mess, you still didn't tell me anything. I asked you for the truth multiple times and you looked me in the eyes and refused to trust me with a single word of explanation."

"I don't know what the truth is," Tess cried in protest, lifting brilliantly blue eyes to meet his hard gaze. "How can I tell you something I don't know?"

"You could have confided all your questions and doubts in me," Nick murmured. "I didn't need some abstract truth about your life. I needed to hear something, anything, from your lips. I needed _your_ truth, whatever it may be." He sighed, exhaling some of the annoyance, and said in a low tone, "And yet here I am, once again, the one initiating the conversation, forcing you to talk to me, begging for your trust."

He turned around, intent on walking back into the room. As he did so, both Maria and Isabel looked away quickly, pretending that they had not been watching the conversation with interest, wishing they could hear the words.

"Nick, wait," Tess said, reaching out and catching his arm.

He looked back at her.

"Max was the King of our planet. I was his wife, the Queen. Isabel was the Princess, and Michael, her betrothed, was the Second-In-Command and General of Max's armies. We were known as the Royal Four, completers of the Four Square. But Khivar killed us and stole Max's throne. And our essence was mixed with human DNA to create hybrids… us. That's why Khivar wants us dead, because we're still a threat to his rule. Especially Alex."

He continued to stare blankly at her.

"Part of me loves Max. Or, rather, who he used to be. Zan, the King. And that's never going to change. I will always remember him as the first love of my life." She blinked and Nick shifted uncomfortably. "But most of what I feel for him now is loyalty. Because, for good or ill, and no matter what happened in the past, he is my King. And Michael and Isabel… they're my family."

"If they are your family," Nick asked softly, "why would they have been so quick to believe you a murderer? If they knew Khivar was after you all, why didn't they wonder if he was behind it?"

Tess swallowed uneasily. "It's… complicated."

"Try me."

"I can't."

Nick turned away again, his expression falling. He'd been so close to getting her to trust him, to open up and explain what had happened in her past and why she walked around with such a haunted expression. But that inherent inability to trust him had surfaced once again.

The only thought that could console him at all was that at least she didn't fully trust Max, Isabel, or Michael either.

He walked back into the hotel room, and this time Tess didn't stop him.

Once inside the room, Isabel pinned him with a questioning gaze. He looked away, unable and unwilling to let her see his emotions. Instead, he found himself looking at Maria, who wore an expression of curiosity and extreme dislike. Michael was standing next to her, watching with an unreadable look.

Alex began to toss in his sleep, whimpering, eyes fluttering. Max, who was standing closest to the child, hurried to the bed and tried to comfort him, placing a hand on his shoulder and whispering soothing words. But Alex continued to shake, his small hands clenched into tight fists, his lips pressed together.

Nick knelt at the edge of the bed, placing a hand on Alex's head. "Hey, Buddy," he murmured softly, his words soothing. "It's okay, it's just a bad dream. Mommy and Daddy are here."

Alex seemed to respond to the sound of Nick's voice, and his tossing settled for a moment, his breathing evening out into a steady rhythm.

"Is he alright?" Isabel asked, and Nick shifted on his knees to look up at her.

"He gets nightmares sometimes. All children do. I doubt he'll even remember it in the morning." He rose, avoiding looking at Max, who he knew would be seething was anger at yet another example of how Alex already had a father. Instead, his gaze slid automatically to Tess, who had entered the room, called by some mother's instinct that alerted her to Alex's distress. "He's fine," he said to her, and she nodded.

"I'll get him some water in case he wakes up," she offered quietly, before walking past them into the bathroom.

"Water?" Max questioned.

"It helps. If he wakes up in the middle of the night with a bad dream, drinking a glass of water helps to calm him down," Nick explained. "I don't really know why, but Kate says it is just a good idea to have a steady routine. He's comforted by the fact that things don't change."

"You know a lot about him," Max said.

"I do," Nick agreed simply. There wasn't much else to say at that point. The sound of running water drifted in from the bathroom, and then a thud as the cup was thrown down and a splash as droplets hit the floor and the mirror. Tess was obviously taking some of her anger out on the plastic container.

"Is she…"

"She's fine," Nick said without looking up, instead letting his gaze linger on Alex.

"You guys don't seem to be getting along," Michael said, a dry, dull statement with no discernible emotion behind it. Nick quickly scrutinized the other's face, but this hybrid was so unreadable that he could find nothing understandable written behind those blank eyes.

"What's the matter?" Maria asked, and their was an edge to her voice. "Lovers' spat? Did you finally realize that she's nothing more than a manipulative…"

"Maria," Max said warningly, at the same moment that Isabel coughed to discreetly indicate Tess' arrival back in the room. The blonde hybrid crossed quickly to the bed, placing the cup down on the table beside her son. She ran a hand over his hair for a moment, letting the dark brown locks slide through her fingers.

Then she straightened and turned fiery blue eyes to Maria. "I'm in this fight, Maria. I will be standing by your side facing Khivar until the bitter end. I am not going anywhere, not now, not until this is finally over. And you're going to need to deal with that."

Maria laughed, a chilling sound that made Tess shiver when she realized just how much she was hated, even now that they knew the truth. "You make it sound so simple, Tess. Like you didn't ruin all our lives."

"I never meant for any of this to happen," Tess argued, her words getting faint as Maria's fury seemed to grow. "I didn't want… I didn't want Alex to die."

"That doesn't excuse what you did Tess," Maria challenged.

"I tried to save him!" Tess protested, once again at the verge of tears. To have told her side of the story and still have them doubt the validity of her words left her feeling betrayed and vulnerable.

But Maria's next words made Tess realize that, once again, she'd been wrong about the true source of the anger. "This isn't about that, Tess. This about all the things you did before and after."

"Maria, I don't think this is the right time for this conversation," Max interrupted, sending her another warning stare. But she slid her gaze to him instead, her eyes still filled with sparkling rage, and he knew she wasn't going to back down. But one look at Tess, and he didn't think the petite blonde hybrid could last through another fight.

"Then when is the right time, Max?"

"I agree with Maria," Isabel murmured softly. "I'd like to hear Tess' explanations." She stepped over to Maria, physically backing the other girl. Michael moved as well, drifting over to his girlfriend. Max sent another look at Tess, but she didn't meet his eyes and he sighed, unsure. Nick, too, made no moves, leaving Tess alone to fight this battle.

"Well, then why don't you explain something to me as well?" Tess suggested pointedly. "Like how you could turn on me so easily? How you could just simply believe that I was a murderer?"

"It isn't too difficult to believe that one when you actually admit to it," Isabel answered. "And then with what Kyle saw…" She trailed off, giving Tess a hard stare. "If you were in our position, wouldn't you have believed exactly the same thing?"

Tess wanted to say no, wanted to scream that she would have given them the benefit of the doubt, would have done her best to prove that something else was going on. But was that actually true? Somehow she doubted it, doubted that she wouldn't have done what Isabel had done, and believed what she saw right in front of her.

"You walk into our lives, trying to push me, Liz, and Alex out of the group, acting like you have some possessive claim to Max. You use your powers to make him see visions of the two of you together, you do everything possible to get into his pants. You want to know why we didn't trust you, Tess? What possible reason could we have to believe you weren't manipulating us the entire time?"

Tess shook her head. "I didn't… I stopped after that summer, Maria. I backed off Destiny during Junior year."

"Until you slept with Max," Maria spat. "And you know what, maybe that wasn't your fault. Maybe, at that point, it wasn't even what you wanted. But how were we supposed to know that? It was what you'd always wanted before, so why wouldn't we believe it was your ultimate goal?"

Tess swallowed the bitter taste in her mouth. If she was truly honest with herself, she would be forced to admit that Maria had a point. She hadn't made the best decision during those first few months, and the others did have a reason to think the only thing she cared about was getting Max.

Especially when she admitted to killing Alex.

"And then, when you finally make it back to this planet, you just… you don't even come to tell us the truth," Maria continued, the words spewing from her lips. "You left Kyle and Jim continue to think they let a murderer into their family. You keep Max's son from him. You don't let any of us get any kind of closure. You ran away, Tess, and maybe that was the best thing for you, but you sacrificed all of us when you did it. You are nothing more than a coward."

"You didn't trust us enough to tell us the truth," Isabel said, her words softer than Maria's, though no less angry.

"You didn't trust me enough to wonder if maybe something else was going on," Tess replied.

"I did," Max countered. "I asked you if you'd killed Alex, and you said _yes_."

"I was under mind-control!" Tess hissed.

"But how were we supposed to know that?" Isabel asked.

A silence met her words, until Michael, who had remained quiet the entire time, finally spoke up. "We might have made mistakes, Tess, but you did, too. You're not the innocent victim in all of this."

Whatever reply Tess would have made to that, however, was interrupted by the sudden sound of something cracking, the shattering of wood, as the door to the hotel room flew off its hinges and smashed to the ground.

"Well, well, well… if it isn't a happy family reunion."

They all spun around and watched in stilled horror as Nicolas, eyes filled with malicious glee, stepped through the doorway and into the room.


	17. Thunder and Lightning

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Interlude: Thunder and Lightning

The first time Kate met Alex was in the middle of a thunder storm. She'd met Tess on a few occasions because Nick had shown such obvious interest in her that Kate had wanted to make sure she was a suitable woman to be dating one of her best friends. But she hadn't yet met the little boy that made Tess' blue eyes light up with joy every time she spoke about him.

She was invited to Tess's for dinner. She and Charlie had dressed up, but the torrential downpour had soaked them the minute they stepped outside, and they ended up at Tess' apartment drenched and dripping.

And they heard the screaming.

Alex, as it turned out, was terrified of thunderstorms.

But Kate never forgot that exact moment. Water was pooling at her feet, and Charlie was standing next to her, trying to pull off his boots without tracking mud all over Tess' freakishly clean floor. Nick was bouncing on his toes, his face frantic as the cries grew louder, and then Tess walked into the room holding the little boy in her arms. She was perfectly dressed and made-up, her hair styled and her clothes pressed, but the little boy with those sapphire bright eyes was screaming and screaming as though the power of his cries alone could make the thunder stop.

On a whim, Kate had stepped forward and placed a hand on his forehead, whispering, "Hush," and he'd quieted. He gazed up at her with wide eyes, mouth partially open, and the whole room was suddenly silent.

Nearly five years later, and she discovered that a simple word and gesture couldn't fix everything anymore. In Tess' life, when it rained, it truly poured. And then, when the thunder and lightening came, there was never any way to stop it.

* * *

Max's first reaction was to push himself in front of Isabel, a protective gesture that made Nicolas smile grow into a full-blown smirk. Michael shoved Maria behind him, raising a hand to blast Nicolas. Before he could attack, however, Nicolas had launched an attack of his own, sending Tess sprawling to the ground.

"Did you really think you could actually escape us?" Nicolas taunted, his eyes moving over to Alex. "You and your pathetic little band of friends could never be enough to protect your son."

"You leave him alone," Max said, waving his hand and propelling Nicolas into the wall. As the enemy skin slid to the ground, Nick raced to Tess' side, helping her to her feet and Isabel pulled a bleary-eyed Alex into her arms, holding him protectively, while Michael gestured for Tess and Nick to join them, seeking safety in numbers.

"Hmm… looks like they finally figured out the truth," Nicolas said. "And they've welcomed you back with open arms, have they Ava?" Tess stiffened at his words, but Nicolas barely spared her a second glance. Instead, he looked at the others, and continued blithely, "I'm surprised. Given all she's done to all of you, why would you let her in again?"

"Enough!" Michael growled. A white light flooded from his palm, but Nicolas countered by conjuring a force-field that absorbed the crackling energy.

"Oh, did I strike a nerve?" Nicolas asked mockingly. "Looks like some of those unresolved issues are still… unresolved." His gaze locked with Tess, and she felt the breath leaving her body as panic made her limbs leaden and too heavy to move. "Pity. You'll never have that family you've always wanted… especially after I take your son."

Max, however, ignored Nicolas' words. Instead, his thoughts drifted into an analytical mode. Nicolas had shown up here alone, and was making little move to attack them, instead investing energy in taunts and vicious remarks. That didn't make sense, not if Khivar wanted them all dead and Alex still under his control. Except…

Khivar liked to destroy his victims first.

Liz.

"Isabel, Tess, get Alex, Maria, and Nick out of here. Michael, get to the hospital, to Liz," Max ordered, striding forward with purpose. Nicolas turned just as Max began to speak, and the hybrid king attacked by shattering the wall directly behind the skin, sending fragments of wood spinning through the air and into his back and legs.

Nicolas hissed a sudden breath, eyes filled with pain. But he soon recovered and pulled out a thin silver weapon, a strange device that resembled a gun.

"I don't think so," he snarled.

Max grabbed the chair near him and hurled it at Nicolas, causing it to explode into flames as it flew through the air. Nicolas pulled the trigger on his weapon and a flash of light, nearly blinding in its intensity, obliterated the chair until it was nothing more than ash.

Isabel gasped in horror.

"Go, _now_!" Max cried, raising a shield as Nicolas fired the weapon once again. Isabel shoved Alex into Tess' arms and flung all her power towards Max, letting it flow through his body and into his arms. She stumbled into Michael as the power drained from her, but Max's shield grew, expanding until it knocked Nicolas off his feet. Michael wrapped his arms around Isabel, supporting her, and lead her from the room, Tess, Maria, and Nick following closely behind.

"No!" Nicolas shrieked, his single word of protest echoing in the room. Turning, he flung a hand towards the retreating hybrids, hitting Tess in the back. She stumbled and fell to her knees in the doorway, Alex sliding from her grasp. The young boy crawled back to his feet, wobbling, and lifted his arms up to Nick, tears streaming down his face.

Tess rolled over, pain rushing through her body, and lifted a hand to block Nicolas' next attack. At the same time, she called over her shoulder, "Run! Nick, just go. Get Alex out of here."

The human hesitated for a moment, but the desperation in Tess' eyes was enough to spur him to action and he raced away, following the others through the hallway. Max and Tess were left behind, with Nicolas facing them both, the strange weapon still held in his hand, eyes glittering with hatred.

"I suppose I shall have to console myself for the loss of the heir to the throne of Antar by killing his parents."

Tess rose, glancing over at Max. Nicolas extended a hand, and the door behind her slammed shut, causing her to jump in fear, a movement that sent pain through every fiber of her body. She could feel the blood on her back, and smell the acrid scent of burnt cloth.

"You won't get our son," Max replied, his voice ringing with authority.

"Ah… but he isn't your son, is he? Darling Ava was too much of a coward to bring him to you, so you've lost the opportunity to call yourself that. It has gone to a mere human instead."

Max's jaw tightened as he fought back the urge to retort the first carelessly cruel words that came to mind. But Nicolas wasn't done speaking.

"Five years since she left Antar. Five years, Zan. What has happened to all of you in those five years, hmm? Not pleasant things, I believe. What has happened to Jim and Kyle Valenti? How did your darling sister fair these years, believing her friend had murdered her love? And your wife, Zan? Tell me, how did Ava hurt her? First with all that talk of Destiny, and then by refusing to reveal the truth?"

"Leave Liz out of this!"

"Oh," Nicolas laughed, glancing over at Tess. "And it is, once again, _her_ defense he rushes to. Not yours."

"Liz is my wife," Max replied stoutly. "Tess is not."

"Yes, that would explain why you were so easily able to turn on her," Nicolas agreed with a pseudo-thoughtful expression. He smiled chillingly at Tess. "And we did have some fun times thinking over that, didn't we, Ava?"

"_Don't worry, Ava. As soon as your son is born, we'll save you from this pathetic existence," Nicolas said, leaning against the wall and peering through the barred window of the cell at the ragged girl on the ground. She lifted her eyes and looked at him, and he grinned. "Have you picked out a name for your son? I'd like to know what we will be calling Khivar's heir and the future King of Antar."_

"_You won't be calling him anything, Nicolas," Tess said hotly. "You'll be dead."_

"_By whose hand, little Queen? You are in no position to make threats, and I doubt your weakling King or his dim-witted General will be coming to your aid."_

Tess shook her head, lips parted slightly.

"What are you talking about?" Max asked sharply, giving Tess a searching stare.

"Ah… did you neglect to mention those few weeks we spent together before the rebels came and rescued you?" Nicolas asked sweetly. "I'm insulted. What's the matter, am I not worth remembering?"

"Tess?" Max asked softly, but she wasn't looking at him, wouldn't even acknowledge that he had spoken. She was shaking, overcome by fear and terror and the longing to be anywhere besides here.

"Well, it is no surprise you'd run from those memories," Nicolas said dryly. "You've run from everything else, haven't you? How many more lives are you going to ruin before you realize you can't outrun everything?" Nicolas stopped, tilting his head to the side to mimic thinking, and then added, "But, of course, I suppose that is a moot point, since I have no intention of letting you walk out of here alive."

"I will kill you before I let you lay a hand on my son," Max threatened violently, eyes narrowed in rage.

"What makes you think you can stop me, Zan?"

"My name," Max stressed, "is _Max_."

"Of course it is," Nicolas said smoothly. "Perhaps you've forgotten, _Max_, but your name changes nothing. We're still going to kill you… and everyone else that stands in our way."

"_Your Majesty, hurry. We do not have much time before the army arrives."_

_Tess looked down at the dead bodies sprawled at her feet. They were the two guards who had stood watch outside her cell door in the dungeon every day since she had been captured three weeks ago. They'd been killed by the rebel spies who freed her from the prison._

_She swallowed and tore her eyes away, nodding at the three men standing before her. "Which way?"_

"_Follow us," one of the rebels said. "And no matter what, do not look back and do not stop running. Even if one of us falls…" he slanted a look at the other two, "the only thing that matters if getting the Queen safely out of here. To the camps. To sanctuary."_

Nicolas lifted a hand and pointed it at Tess. She felt something hit her, smash into her stomach and knock her off-balance, taking her breath away. And then she felt something else… the tiny tendrils of another presence in her mind.

Nicolas was invading her again, attempting to control her.

Against her will, she lifted her hand towards Max, preparing to kill him. Nicolas was pushing her forward, refusing to yield his firm hold on her mind. She struggled in vain against a power she knew she could not stop, and Max seemed to hesitate before her, knowing exactly what was about to happen and reluctant to attack her even to save himself.

"Tess, fight it," Max pleaded. "You're stronger than this." He took a wary step backward, away from her, until he was pressed up against the bed. "Just fight it."

"She wasn't stronger the first time around," Nicolas commented, watching with a twisted sort of glee as the two royals faced each other. "What makes you think she is now?"

"Tess, fight it!"

"I… can't…" she gasped, the words pushed from her lips.

"You could kill her, Max," Nicolas suggested. "That would keep her from attacking you. Solve your problems, wouldn't it?"

"I'm not a murderer," Max protested.

"Really?" Nicolas taunted. "Even if I sent her after someone you loved? Your sister, perhaps, or your wife?"

Max was saved from responding to that comment by the sudden harsh crack of gunfire, bullets flying through the air and shattering against the floor, the far wall, sinking into Nicolas' husk and breaking his control over Tess.

Max and Tess both turned to the doorway, shock evident on their faces.

"Alright, this is getting ridiculous," Agent Thompson remarked, shoving his gun into his holster. "You're the one with special powers, Ms. Harding, so why am I the one who has to come to your rescue? First with the car, now this…" He glanced disdainfully at Nicolas who was lying on the floor, wounded. "If he's like any of the others we've faced, he'll be recovering from this in no time. We need to go."

Tess didn't even bother questioning his miraculous appearance. Instead, she rushed to his side, letting him usher her out of the room. Max followed, a bit slower, more cautious, but relieved nonetheless.

As they hurried into the hallway, Thompson remarked, "So… the hotel is probably going to charge you all extra for that mess."

* * *

When Michael arrived at the hospital, he was horrified to see several doctors rushing into Liz's room. Maria was following at his heels, but she came to an abrupt stop as she peered through the window and saw Liz lying on the bed, her face pale, her hair mattered with sweat, her entire body shaking with uncontrollable tremors.

Michael turned, trying to find someone who could answer a few questions for him, but no one seemed to pay him any attention. A nurse standing a few feet away from him was talking rapidly with a doctor, and Michael eavesdropped on the conversation as best he could amidst the chaos.

"I don't know, Doctor. She just started seizing. But her temperature has gone up again, and her hallucinations have gotten worse."

The doctor stared down at the chart in his hands. "What is she seeing?"

"The same thing. Her friend's deceased wife. Um… Jennifer Valenti, I believe. She came in this afternoon and told Liz that her brother-in-law was dead," the nurse replied.

Michael and Maria exchanged confused looks. They had specifically chosen not to tell Liz about Jesse's death, so how could she possibly have made that up in a hallucination?

The doctor's next question, and the nurse's answer, seemed to provide the answers, though. "Is he dead?"

"Yes. I checked, and he died very recently. I don't think anyone told her though." The doctor looked up with a questioning stare, seemingly perturbed by this news, and the nurse rushed on, "But she was reading the newspaper earlier, and his obituary was in there. I looked for myself."

"So she probably just read the obituary and then hallucinated a woman telling her all this," the doctor said with a frustrated sigh. "Especially since there is no evidence at all of her being visited by anyone fitting that description." He tucked the chart under his arm and glanced over the nurse's head towards Liz's room. "Her fever is rising again."

"Yes. The antibiotic treatment seemed to be working earlier, but everything suddenly got worse," the nurse replied, looking both confused and worried.

Another doctor, clearly a resident of some sort, rushed forward. "Dr. Stevens, we just got the EEG back. It's like her brain has been fried." He held out the readings to the senior doctor, who studied it with a frown. "We don't know what happened."

Dr. Stevens nodded grimly. "Neither do I," he admitted before walking into Liz's room, leaving the resident and nurse standing in the bustling hallway, staring after him with identical expressions of dismay.

"Liz…" Maria murmured, moving towards the window. She reached up, pressing her hand against the glass, peering through the parted blinds at her unconscious friend. The medical staff in the room seemed barely to notice her or Michael, they were so focused on Liz.

Michael glanced from the pale brunette back to his own girlfriend. "Come on," he said suddenly, tersely. He caught her by the shoulder and pulled her through the hallway. Maria, too startled by his actions and scared for Liz to even think to argue, followed mutely behind. The hybrid General lead the way hurriedly through a set of double doors that lead back into the waiting room.

"What are you doing?" she snapped, suddenly coming to awareness. "We need to go back to Liz, to protect her from the skins!"

Michael glanced at her, swallowing as he realized she hadn't come to the same conclusion he had. "Maria," he said, trying his best to adopt a gentle tone, "I think it's too late."

"What? No!" Maria gasped, outraged he would even suggest anything like that. "You think she's going to die? No! No, you can't just give up on her! How _could_ you?"

"I didn't mean it like that," Michael answered, lifting his voice over her near-hysterical cries. "Maria, just listen to me. You heard the doctor. Out of the blue, and completely inexplicably, Liz started seizing, her fever got worse, and her brain looks like its fried on the EEG reading." He looked away, the words sticking in his throat as he tried to force them out, to admit what he had hoped he would never have to say about another friend ever again. "I think the skins already got to her."

Maria froze. It was as though the entire world turned up-side down in that split-second, and she was floating in midair, about to drift off into nothingness. "How…?" she gasped as the tears pricking at her eyes and the tightness squeezed her chest. "Can we fix it?"

Michael didn't say anything, just let his gaze slide past her towards the hallway they had come from. "I… I don't know. We need Max."

* * *

"What is going on? Nick? Nick, for God's sake, answer me!" Kate stormed through the living room and into the kitchen, her eyes blazing with anger as Nick seemed to ignore her questions. It was the middle of the night, practically, and Nick had brought a screaming Alex and some other woman she didn't recognize into her home without any explanation.

Nick filled a plastic cup with milk, then stepped past her towards Alex, who was trailing behind them all.

"Alex, buddy, drink this, okay?" Nick said, handing him the cup and guiding him towards the kitchen table. Alex gripped the cup in both hands and stumbled along, tears still streaming down his face.

"Where's Mommy?" he asked, voice shaking. "I want Mommy."

"She's coming," Alex promised, ruffling the young boy's hair and forcing a smile filled with confidence he didn't feel. "She'll be here soon."

"But the bad man hurt her," Alex said, sniffling a little.

"What bad man?" Kate demanded, striding forward and stepping in between Nick and Alex. "Nick, what's going on?" she asked again, lowering her voice to keep Alex from hearing the fury barely contained in her tone.

"I don't know," Nick answered truthfully. He had no idea who that man who had attacked Tess was, but clearly this was not the time or place to admit that, not in front of the still sobbing Alex.

"Who is that woman in the other room?" Kate demanded, gesturing towards the living room.

"Isabel Evans," Nick answered. He looked past her for a moment, then asked, "Is Charlie out there?"

"Yes. He'd like some answers as well, you know," Kate replied bitingly.

Nick glanced at Alex for a moment, then took Kate by the arm and pulled her to the other side of the kitchen, away from the child. "Someone attacked, okay? I can't… I don't really know what is going on. But Tess and Alex are in danger, and we can't go back to our apartment because the others might know about it."

"The others?" Kate asked, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself.

"Yeah." Nick rubbed his eyes wearily, then said, "Look, Kate… Tess is… different."

"Yeah, I noticed," Kate answered sarcastically.

"I don't really know all the details, but she… she's in danger. A lot of danger. And so is her son. And the people who want to kill her… they have abilities. Gifts. Powers. Things we don't have… can't fight."

"Daddy!" Alex wailed, breaking into the conversation. "I want Mommy! Why she not 'ere?"

Nick made a move towards the child, a stumbling, half-hearted attempt to offer words of comfort he didn't have, but Kate stepped in front of him, pushing him backwards with another angry glare. He opened his mouth to protest, but she'd already turned away and knelt down in front of the exhausted and upset Alex.

"Alex, sweetheart, do you remember what I told you last night? About how your Mommy is in some kind of trouble?"

Alex nodded, large blue eyes staring up at the redhead with complete trust. "I 'member," he whispered.

"And how your Mommy loves you very much, and she needs to fix this trouble to help keep you safe?"

"Uh huh. Mommy trying to pro'ect me."

"Right. And you want to help your Mommy, don't you?" When Alex nodded, Kate continued, "Alright. Here's how you're going to help Mommy. Can you be really brave for her?" She reached up and wiped away a few of Alex's tears. The boy had stopped crying, and was regarding her with something akin to fascination. He nodded in response to her question, and she said, "Drink your milk. I'm going to talk to your Daddy for a little while. You need to be very brave, okay? Just for a little while, until I'm done talking to Daddy."

"'Kay," Alex muttered, yawning.

Kate kissed his on the forehead, then rose to her feet and pulled Nick towards a corner of the kitchen. "I want the entire story, Nick. And I'd like it to be the truth."

Nick exhaled shakily and ran a hand through his hair. "Tess is part-alien. She's from another planet."

"_What_?"

"Yeah," Nick replied, suddenly giving a bitter laugh as the absurdity of the entire situation finally dawned on him. Somehow, in the chaos that had surrounded him for the past twenty-four hours, he'd managed to ignore the fact that his world had turned upside-down, and his reality had been severely shaken. But now, standing in the tiny kitchen, watching his possibly part-alien son drinking a glass of milk, everything came crashing down around his head.

"How is that…" Kate shook her head and trailed off. "Never mind." She looked away, then fixed Nick with a piercing stare. "What else?"

"She did kill Alex Whitman," Nick said. "She used her powers to destroy his mind. She can… she can do things to people's minds." He paused for a moment, a wave of sadness passing through his chest as he recalled his last, harsh argument with Tess. He had no idea if things could ever go back to the way they were.

"Tess killed someone?" Kate echoed.

"She was forced into it. She… she was being controlled. It's… complicated."

"No kidding." Kate licked her suddenly dry lips. "Alex said someone hurt Tess. What was he talking about?"

"There are evil aliens. They're trying to kill Tess. And Max Evans. And… I think they want to kidnap Alex. They want him. Very badly." Again, he exhaled, forcing the breath out of his mouth. "They're the ones who attacked Tess."

"Where is she?"

Nick shook his head. "I don't know."

"The woman in the living room. That's Isabel Evans? Max's sister? Is she an alien also?"

Nick nodded wordlessly. Then he said quietly, "Her husband was just murdered by their enemies. Jesse Ramirez. I gathered he was a human. He lived in Boston. He was a lawyer."

Kate blinked once. Then again. Her mouth fell open in shock, then she snapped it shut and shook her head, glancing over her shoulder at the door that lead back into the living room, back to where Isabel was sitting silently on the sofa, watched by the still incredibly confused Charlie.

Finally, she opened her mouth again and whispered, "Was he… was he murdered in his own home?"

"I don't know," Nick replied. "Why?"

"One of the lawyers at the firm where Serena has her internship was killed," Kate replied. "She called and left a message this morning. She was really shaken up about it. She didn't know him that well, but…" She stopped again, then said in a choked tone, "She said his name was Jesse Ramirez."

Nick accepted this information in silence. Serena was Kate's sister, a year older than the redheaded social worker. She had pursued a degree in physics, studying the space-time continuum, until abruptly deciding to intern at one of the more prestigious legal offices on the East Coast. The fact that she had known the husband of an alien, no matter how briefly, left him with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He didn't believe in destiny or fate. He didn't believe in some greater power guiding everyone towards some inescapable conclusion. He didn't believe in any of that…

But he wasn't entirely sure he believed in coincidences either.

"How is the FBI involved in this?" Kate asked finally, interrupting Nick's pensive thoughts.

"They're attempting to work with Tess, Max and Isabel Evans, and Michael Guerin to defeat these other aliens, who apparently want to destroy the Earth."

"Huh."

"Daddy? I'm all done with my milk," Alex said proudly, holding out his empty glass as proof. He slid down from his seat and plodded across the floor, still holding the glass in front of him like a souvenir.

"Good job," Nick replied, relieved to see that Alex was no longer crying.

"I'm going to talk to Charlie," Kate said, absently ruffling Alex's hair. "And maybe Isabel. You should stay here with Alex." She didn't wait for a response, but instead walked out of the kitchen, still trying to understand what had happened, or how it made any sense at all.

Isabel glanced up as the redhead stepped back into the room and walked over to the other man who she thought might have been called Charlie. The two began to talk in hushed whispers, the redhead looking dazed, and the other man looking confused, then angry, then betrayed, then confused once again. After a moment of staring at them without particularly caring, she looked down at the small cell phone held tightly in her hands.

She had five missed messages. She'd listened to all of them. One was from her mother, having just heard of Jesse's death, and wanting to offer sympathies and anything else that might ease her pain. The second was from Nancy and Jeff Parker, offering the same condolences, the same sentiment. The third was from her lawyer, questions about when Jesse's will should be read, and was she prepared to sign all the proper documents as she was the executer of his estate. The fourth was from her husband's law office, asking when she wanted to have the funeral, what arrangements needed to be made, and did she need any help?

The fifth was from a detective, a member of the Boston Police. He had simply said he wanted to talk.

She looked up from the phone as the redhead took a seat across from her. "I'm Kate," she introduced herself, her tone friendly, but not pushy. "You're Isabel Evans Ramirez?"

"Yes," Isabel answered simply.

Kate stared at her for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry to hear about your husband's death."

The tears instantly pooled in Isabel's eyes, and she felt their burning with a sort-of detached wonder at how easily they had come. She swiped automatically at her eyes, and said, "Thank you," in a tone that clearly indicated her complete unwillingness to talk about the subject.

"Do you know where Tess is?" Kate asked. The other man, Charlie, moved to stand behind her. He, too, was staring at Isabel, a hard look in his eyes, as though trying to dissect her and see what was inside.

"Probably with Max. At the hotel."

"With the man who was trying to kill her?"

"Yes." Isabel hesitated, then added, "His name is Nicolas." She lifted her gaze, looking past Kate and Charlie, focusing on the window across from them. It was still dark, but the sun would rise soon. So much had happened in the last day, it was hard to believe Jesse's death was still so recent, so raw. It felt as though it should have been years since he had died. Decades, perhaps, or centuries.

"Are they… are they going to be okay?" Kate asked, and her calm and self-assured voice broke, shaking ever so slightly.

Her hair, Isabel noted vaguely, was a fire-engine red. It was dark and fiery and crimson all at the same time. A color she did not see often. She focused on this interesting detail, on the slight wave of the strands, on the contrast with the bright eyes and freckled skin. It was easier to focus on that than to think about the ramifications of the question.

"I don't know," she said, and the words were like a death sentence. Would they be alright? Would Max be alright? Or would she lose husband and brother all within one day?

Why hadn't she stopped this? Why hadn't she fought beside Max? Why hadn't she stayed in Boston with Jesse? Why hadn't they somehow prevented all this from happening?

"I don't know," she said again.

"Is there anything we can do?" Kate pressed, clearly desperate for answers.

Isabel forced herself to fix her gaze directly on the two sets of eyes staring back at her. "Against Nicolas? No. There's nothing you can do."

"So then what do we do now?" Charlie asked, finally speaking to her for the first time since her arrival.

Isabel frowned, and the hazy fog cleared from her mind as she focused on that one simple question. There was no turning back, no walking away, no giving up. If Nicolas killed her brother, she would make him pay. The war might have been fought for many previous years, but here and now they had truly crossed a line. It was time to take the fight to the skins.

There was no turning back now.

She stood up, determined, her gaze hard and harsh. She thought of Alex Whitman, of Jesse, of Kal. Face set into firm lines, she called out, "Nick!"

He poked his head into the room, eyes searching her face for any sign of expression. "What?"

She swallowed, then made a choice. She'd sell her soul to the devil if it would somehow stop the skins. "Do you know how to contact the FBI?"


	18. Baby Steps

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive

* * *

Interlude: Baby Steps

Charlie was playing with Alex when he took his first few steps. He was a late walker, although this did not seem to concern Tess, who said that all people were different, and who cared when he started walking as long as he was able to do it well enough in the end?

Charlie had a very different view on the subject, and so was both surprised and relieved when Alex took two stumbling steps away from the table onto which he was so tightly holding. He promptly collapsed into Charlie's arms, and Tess, who was watching from the sofa, cried out in joy and swept the boy into her arms.

The four of them, Tess, Nick, Charlie, and Kate, celebrated with champagne.

Alex, as it turned out, did not just stop at a few shaky steps. By the end of the week, he was walking across the entire room, and before any of them realized it, he was actually running. He'd apparently decided to skip the entire baby steps stage, and Tess grinned triumphantly and used this as proof that there was never any reason to worry about Alex's physical development in the first place. He had just been waiting until he could start running because he didn't want to waste energy on useless baby steps.

But Charlie had long since learned that baby steps were important. Alex was a rare case, but for most people, it was the tiny steps, the ones that never seemed to take you that much closer to your goal and yet somehow cost so much more energy than a simple giant leap... it was _those_ steps that made all the difference.

* * *

Kyle stared in silence as his father's car pulled out of the driveway and disappeared into the warm night. Emily was asleep in her bed, and the house was silent now, except for the occasional rattle of wind against the windowpanes. He had not felt this entirely alone since Jennifer's death, and even though his daughter was still here, he felt a strong desire to run outside and demand his father not leave.

The ex-Sheriff was going to Seattle.

He had not informed any of the aliens of his decision, and Kyle had understood why. They still carried the belief that they knew what was best, and Max was sure to tell Jim not to come, that he shouldn't have to face Tess again. It was something the Royal Three, in their martyr-like way of thinking, would assume was their responsibility. They simply would not understand that Jim wanted to see her, that he _needed _to see her.

Kyle didn't even understand it. But he respected his father's need, and let the subject drop. Jim had promised to call once he landed in Seattle, and Kyle knew that, no matter how he felt about the aliens, they would not just stand idly by and let his father come to harm.

At least not physical harm. But who knew what this meeting would do to Jim. Emotionally and mentally. The aliens were always so good at ruining things.

He turned away from the window and walked across the living room to the kitchen. Pulling open the door to the refrigerator, he listened to the steady mechanical hum as he vaguely looked about for something to eat. It was late, and he wasn't really hungry, but he just didn't know what else to do. He needed to stay busy, needed to move about and keep his mind preoccupied, or else...

He'd think of _her_.

Blue eyes, filled with teasing laughter, blonde curls bobbing as she grinned at him...

... the horror cascading over him as the mind-warp fell away...

A knock at the door caught his attention, and he frowned, a little surprised. Walking into the living room, he wondered who it could be and whether or not he actually wanted to see anyone. It was late enough that he could legitimately claim to be asleep. In fact, it was late enough that it was just bizarre anyone would be visiting him now.

He pulled open the door. It was Amy DeLuca.

"What do you want?" he asked, a little brusquely and with no attempt at civility.

The woman smiled at him, her eyes sympathetic, but filled with a determination. Maria had looked at him like that, he remembered, when she tried to convince him to rejoin the group. She'd felt sorry for him, but 

she was more concerned about her precious Liz and Michael than about him, and he saw in her eyes the reality that she didn't want him back in the group because it would be best for him, but because it would be best for _them_.

"May I come in?" Amy asked, but instead of waiting for a response, she stepped past him and into the house.

He closed the door sharply. "What do you want?" he repeated, his words tense.

"Jim mentioned that he was going to Seattle," Amy replied, "although I was under strict orders not to tell anyone." She paused in the middle of the living room, looking around. "I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing."

"I'm fine," Kyle answered, biting off the words. "You can go."

Amy gave him a slight smirk. "You are going to have to do better than that if you have hopes of convincing me."

"Why would I care what you think?" Kyle asked.

As soon as the words left his mouth, a look passed over Amy's face. He wasn't sure if it was anger or disappointment he saw in her eyes before the pity appeared again. She crossed her arms over her chest, her stance becoming rigid and tight. "You aren't the only one who suffered, Kyle," she said softly.

Kyle looked at her, gaze hardening. She blinked and sank backwards at the venom in his eyes. Too late, she seemed to realize that she would not be having a rational conversation with a calm young adult. Kyle put on a brave face and courageously managed to act civil around her and the other parents of the group, but only when Jim was present. He never sought them out, never spoke to them unless his father wanted him to. It was for Jim's sake that he had reigned in his temper, and now that his father was boarding a plane to a different state...

"Where were you?" Kyle asked, his tone clipped.

"When?" Amy asked, a little confused by the enigmatic question.

"After Alex died. After Tess left. You just stopped seeing us. Stopped seeing him. What happened to you? Where did you go?"

"I..." Amy swallowed. "Your father didn't want to see me."

Kyle's expression twisted into an ugly sneer. "My father didn't want to see anyone, including me. But I didn't just leave him. I didn't abandon him."

"No," Amy agreed. "You just abandoned everyone else."

Kyle froze at her words, and then the anger seemed to break out of him, a rush of pain and hurt. It filled his eyes and his voice, it caused his body to shake with violent tremors. He was shouting, the words spilling out of him, enraged and vicious. All the things he had wanted to say for five years came tumbling from his lips, "Everyone else abandoned me! _Us_! Do you know how much they took? _Do you_? Do you know all the times Max asked my father to lie for him, to protect him? Do you know what it cost him? His job, his _dignity_. And everyone thought that it was fine to do that, to treat my Dad and I like nothing more than just... just a means to an end. All because Max had healed me. Did you know that my Dad had to _beg_ Max to heal me? That it took him five minutes to determine if I was worth saving? Never mind the fact that he was the reason I had been shot in the first place. Never mind the fact that he had put me and my Dad in danger from the FBI. Never mind the fact that he didn't even wait a _second_ before healing Liz at the Crashdown! And because of this supposedly great act Max had done, they thought it was okay to just ruin us. To _destroy_ my family!"

"Kyle..."

"No! You wanted to have this conversation. You were the one who came here and wanted to talk to me. So now you get to hear it!" All those years of holding back his fury and regret, and now he wasn't going to stop, not even for the tears brimming in Amy's eyes, not even for the way her face was draining of color.

Not even for the sound of Emily's cries drifting through the air, having been woken by her father's shouts.

"Then Tess turns out to be this traitorous murderer, and all of a sudden the ground gets pulled out from under my feet. _Again_. My Dad has nothing, no job, and suddenly a cold-blooded killer for a daughter. So he sinks into depression and you, his girlfriend, just give up on him."

"I didn't..."

"And do you know what your daughter has the audacity to say to me? Do you know that she told me I needed to think about them as well? Michael and the others? That I wasn't being fair to them? Well, you know what, where the hell were they when my father crashed and burned and I was the one left to hold the broken pieces? I was supposed to care so much about them, why didn't they care about me?"

"They did care about you," Amy broke in, raising her voice to be heard over the mingled sounds of Kyle's uneven breathing and Emily's faint cries. "They wanted to help you. They would have helped you if you had just _let_ them." She broke off, shaking her head and wiping away a few tears with the back of her hand. "I tried to help your father. I really did. But every time I came to your house, he refused to speak to me. Every time I called... Kyle, I _did_ try. Maybe I should have tried harder. Maybe it would have made a difference. I don't know. But maybe your father should have let me in."

Kyle glared at her, but the anger was rapidly fading and the honest regret in her voice was hard to deny. He said softly, slowly, "It was always about the group. Always about Max, Isabel, and Michael. You weren't there, you don't remember how many times we got dragged into their mess..." He trailed off and sank onto the sofa. "Maybe they would have helped me. But only when they had a few minutes to spare. I was never one of them. I was never a priority." He tilted his head up, a faraway look in his eyes. "I was the closest to Tess. I trusted her almost instantly. She was the first of them I really got to know and... I know everyone was affected by what happened. But don't you think I might have been hurt just as much as Max? Yes, he lost his son. But I lost my _sister_. I lost the person who had suddenly made us feel like a family again. And the only thing they cared about was helping Max. I just... just once, it would have been nice if they had thought of me first."

"I'm sorry," Amy said. "If I had known, at the time..." It had been hard. She hadn't even known why Jim was that upset, not really. The story was simply that Tess had left them, and since she didn't know the true extent of what had happened, since she didn't know about the aliens at that time, she had been completely unable to understand the depth of Jim's pain. Maybe that was why she had given up sooner than she should have. But how was she supposed to know the truth when no one would be honest with her?

Kyle gave a dark chuckle. "Yeah... but that's in the past now, isn't it? We can't change what happened."

"And yet we still let the past tear us apart." Amy took a seat across from him. "You're right, I don't know exactly what it was like for you to be in that group. I didn't know that you felt as though you were always the outsider. I didn't know... any of it. Not really." She ran a hand through her hair and said seriously, "But I know how much it hurt Maria when Alex died. I wish I could tell you that she thought of you as much as you wanted her to. I don't really know. But did you think of her? Did you think of how it would have torn her apart? Or Liz?"

In the silence that met her question, they could hear Emily's cries.

Kyle rose to his feet. "I need to check on her," he said stonily and left the room.

Amy watched him go. She knew, looking back, that they had all made mistakes. She wondered how much the others had tried to convince Kyle to stay. She knew Michael had spoken to him, but had anyone else? She wasn't sure. But she wondered, also, if anything would have changed the outcome. Kyle so clearly wouldn't take their help five years ago. He was too bitter, too angry. And those emotions hadn't faded, hadn't been resolved over time.

Kyle came out a moment later, holding a teary Emily in his arms. He looked at Amy for a moment, then said bluntly, "They should have tried harder to help me."

Amy nodded. "Yes. And you should have tried harder to let them."

Kyle ignored the statement. He refused to agree with her viewpoint, even if there was some validity in what she was saying. But he didn't out-rightly argue the point either, and that gave Amy just the tiniest flicker of hope in her heart. It was a tiny step, barely even a move forward, but it was in the right direction. And for that moment, it was all she was going to get, so she'd take it for what it was, and be happy.

She had learned long ago to stop asking people for what they couldn't give, and focus instead on everything they did manage.

* * *

It was remarkable just how quickly things could fall apart.

Maria wrapped her arms around her chest and stared through the dirty windshield of the car as Michael carefully navigated the narrow streets. Try as she might, she could think of nothing but Liz's pale face, glistening with sweat. The blonde had to struggle to keep the tears at bay, but the burning sensation never left her eyes, and a heavy lump formed in her throat.

Michael, for his part, kept his hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel. He did not need to look at Maria to know that she was slowly crumbling, her Teflon-strength resolve giving way to unimaginable fear. Liz _was _dying, her brain slowly destroying itself.

Just like Alex.

It was raining. Heavy drops of precipitation splattered against the car, bouncing with a metallic pinging sound on the roof and sides. The night sky, dark and gray and miserable, did little to lift their moods or inspire any hope.

They needed Max.

But they didn't even know if Max was...

Michael shook his head and chanced a glance at Maria, his heart constricting at the sight of her grief-filled expression. "Max is alive," he said firmly. They were both thinking of the hybrid king, the Healer, the only one who might be able to fix this. They had no way of knowing what had happened to him, but Nicolas was not a foe to be taken lightly, casually. Still... Michael refused to believe that Max could be...

He wouldn't even think the word.

"He's alive," Michael said again. "And he can help."

Assuming any of this could be fixed at all.

_

* * *

_

The point is that we don't know anything about these Czechoslovakians. Are they good Czechoslovakians? Bad Czechoslovakians? We don't know. Are they just random Czechoslovakians? For all we know, they don't have their passports.

The brain is perhaps the most powerful, complex, and impressive machine in all of life. Time and space was divided and categorized, color and shapes added, mixed with depth and perspective, to create a set of images that made some form of coherent sense. Thoughts could be translated into actions, and actions could be translated back to influence thoughts. Everything was a messy, chaotic, constantly changing web of past, present, and possible futures that came together to be organized in a fashion that somehow made sense.

The tiny threads had broken in Liz's mind.

_Liz, listen to me. You can't talk to anyone about this. Not your parents, not Maria. No one. You don't understand what will happen if you do. Liz, please? Now my life is in your hands._

Past was present was future. Here was there, far was close, white was black, up was down. There was no order, no understanding, no ability to navigate through the pulsating mass of thoughts, sounds, actions, words, dreams, images...

_Can you just do that with everyone? Make them see things that aren't even there?_

_Sometimes it's easier to do that than to make someone see something that's right in front of her eyes._

Time floated backwards. She could hear voices, gibberish and nonsense. Language was far beyond her grasp, slipping through her metaphorical fingers as she tried to catch something, anything.

Something was pushing against her hand, a sharp poke on her arm, or was it her leg? Her neck? She couldn't be sure. There was pain, but she was starting to forget it, forget the names for thing, forget how to interpret each individual feeling that was pushing against her with nearly uncontrollable fury.

She was falling. Falling, falling, over and over and over...

The void was black. Or was it white? Gray? She didn't remember the colors, or maybe it was just that everything kept changing so quickly. She wasn't sure.

_It's beginning to look more and more likely that Alex may have deliberately turned his car into the oncoming traffic._

_What... why... why would he do that?_

There was a moment of clarity. Things seemed to calm, to fade, to give way to a silence that seeped into everything. And it that silence, that moment of clarity, she was able to gain back her mind just long enough to wonder...

Was this what Alex had felt like?

* * *

"Why is the FBI involved? Why are we involving the FBI? How does Tess even know the FBI?" Charlie demanded, refusing to back down even when Kate sent him a frustrated glare.

"Now is not the time, Charlie."

Charlie rubbed his eyes wearily with one hand and glanced towards the living room. He and Kate were standing in the privacy of the kitchen, but he could hear Isabel's quiet voice as she spoke on the phone, and Alex's high-pitched squeak as he asked repeatedly where his mother was. He couldn't quite hear what Nick had said in reply, but it was clearly not enough to console the child.

"When is the time?" he asked.

Kate sighed. She was sitting at the table, resting her chin on her hand. Her red hair fell over her eyes, and she seemed preoccupied by other thoughts. "My sister knew him," she said finally, straightening up and leaning back in her chair. "My sister knew Isabel's husband."

"Yes," Charlie agreed. "We've already established that. I still don't get what is going on."

Kate bit her lip, not answering. She wasn't exactly ignoring him, but she was just too lost in her own bewildering thoughts to pay attention to his worry. The fact that Serena had known Jesse would not have been all that surprising in any other context. It was a small world, after all. But given everything that had 

happened, she couldn't help but wonder _why_ her sister would have known him. Why did there need to be one more connection that dragged her into this?

"Kate," Charlie pressed, warning in his voice.

She looked at him, then looked away and sighed again. "I don't know, Charlie. I don't know a lot of what is going on, but... I guess Isabel thinks the FBI can help us. I guess she thinks they can save Max and Tess."

"Max Evans, Alex's biological father," Charlie murmured, and Kate nodded. "How can the FBI help?"

"I don't know," Kate said once again. "Like I said, I don't understand much of what is happening."

"So... what now?"

Kate rose to her feet and turned towards the doors leading into the living room. "We need to talk to Nick. I want the full details of this. Of everything."

"If he knows the full details," Charlie pointed out rationally.

"Anything he doesn't know, Isabel can fill in for us." Her eyes darkened with sympathy, and she flicked a few strands of hair out of her eyes. "I suppose she has other things to worry about now besides us, but... we are in this now, whether we want to be or not."

The door to the kitchen swung open, and Isabel walked in, her features flooded with relief. "They're fine," she said, addressing Kate. "I just spoke to the FBI. Max and Tess are with them. Nicolas didn't manage to kill them."

"Where are they?" Charlie asked instantly.

"They're coming here," Isabel replied.

Kate accepted this in silence, contemplating what it would mean for them to have the FBI and four aliens in there home. She knew now that her life had just changed overnight, and she had long since passed over the line that would have allowed her to walk away. And yet, somehow, that didn't seem to matter to her. She didn't want to turn back, even if perhaps she should have.

"Do you mind?" Isabel asked, interrupting Kate's thoughts. "That we're gathering here? Using your house?"

"No," Kate answered honestly.

"Why not?" Isabel pressed.

"Why are you so eager for us to kick you out?" Charlie interjected before Kate could answer the question.

"I'm not," Isabel answered softly, turning her pretty eyes to Charlie. "But you have to understand our position. We can't put our lives in your hands unless you're willing to accept that this is a war, and you are our allies. Which means you have enemies." The sound of footsteps behind her revealed Nick, holding Alex in his arms. Isabel frowned at him, then said pointedly, "Particularly Nick. They want Alex. Everybody wants Tess' son, and since Nick stands in the way..."

"He's in danger?" Charlie asked cautiously. "Tess put him in danger without telling him?"

Isabel gave a derisive snort. "Tess doesn't always think over how her actions might affect others," she said bitterly, and Nick knew there was something in that comment that went a lot deeper than just the lies over who had been responsible for the other Alex's death. But he didn't want to hear it from Isabel, he wanted to hear it from Tess, so he was glad she did not elaborate.

At that moment, Isabel's cell phone rang. She glanced at the caller I.D. and a frown settled over her features. Flipping it open, she said, "Hello? Jim?" before leaving the kitchen and seeking the privacy of the living room.

Nick put Alex down on the floor of the kitchen and walked over to the table. The little boy seemed content just to stare at the three adults. He had figured out that no one was going to tell him where his mother was or why the bad man had tried to hurt her, but he had faith that his mother would show up again, and that was the only thing that really mattered. He was patient, he could wait.

"Are you alright?" Charlie asked, glancing over at Nick.

Nick looked up, his face blank. "I don't know. I'm torn between terror for Tess and wanting to yell at her for being such a..."

"Idiot?" Kate suggested grimly.

"She should have trusted us," Nick said slowly, picking his words carefully. "She should have trusted _me_, but she didn't and I... I don't know how to be okay with that."

Charlie gave Kate a pointed look and jerked his head at Alex. The redhead raised an eyebrow at the gesture, but complied with the silent request and shepherded Alex from the room, giving the two men a chance to talk in private.

Charlie took a seat across from Nick. "Talk," he ordered.

Nick smiled, a little sadly. "What, you're turning into a social worker now, too? That's Kate's job."

"I'm serious," Charlie said, although he could not help but grin at Nick's words. "Talk to me."

Nick leaned back in his chair and said thoughtfully, "I don't even know where I would start, Charlie. I mean... Tess lied. About a lot. And yeah, I know she was afraid for herself and Alex. And with good reason. But this doesn't seem to be the only time she's lied. And we're not the only ones she's lied to. So how am I ever supposed to trust her?"

"Do you think she wanted to tell you the truth?" Charlie asked.

"I don't know. Maybe?" Nick let out a slow breath. "I don't know anything anymore."

"Yeah." Charlie nodded silently for a moment, knowing exactly how Nick felt. "I've got to admit, I'm having doubts about that, too."

Nick looked up sharply. "I thought you were going to try to convince me that everything would be okay."

"Do you believe that it will?"

"I don't know." Nick hesitated. "I love Tess."

"Does she love you?" Charlie pressed, leaning forward slightly.

"Yes," Nick said, firmly and without needing to think over the answer. He knew that Tess loved him, and he never would doubt that. But was love enough? How could this relationship work when he didn't trust her?

"She loves you," Charlie murmured, "so chances are, she never _wants_ to hurt you. Or to lie to you. She just finds it necessary."

"That doesn't change that fact that she did lie to me," Nick said, still hurt. "That doesn't make everything okay again."

"No," Charlie agreed. "But it is a place to start." He stood up and rested his hand on Nick's shoulder. "One step at a time, Nick. That's the only way you're going to move forward on this. One step at a time."


	19. Pandora's Box

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: So, I am going on vacation for a little over a month. And chances are, I won't have Internet access or even a computer for that month. So it is going to be a little while before I can update this story. Hopefully the next chapter will be up by the end of September.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Pandora's Box

In the future, Tess will stumble across an old myth from the ancient Greeks. Flipping through the pages of a book in the library, she'll see a picture of a woman standing horrified as a strange dark mist escapes from a pretty box in her hands and makes its way towards the windows of the house. Tess will see this, and she'll read the myth, and think back to those first several days after she met Max Evans once more.

The myth is of Pandora's box. As a punishment for their arrogant sins, mankind is given the first woman, Pandora. And the woman is given an insatiable curiosity. When the gods ask her to gaurd this mysterious and precious box, and warn her never to open it, they know she will not obey that order. Her curiosity leads her to open the box, and all sorts of evil -sickness, famine, war, death - escape into the world.

In the future, when she reads that myth, Tess will think back to those days, and she will finally fully understand the danger of secrets.

Once the box opens, once the secrets are revealed, there's no stoping the chaos.

* * *

Isabel had locked herself in the bedroom with her cell phone, saying she needed to return some calls so that people did not become suspicious. Kate had put Alex to bed, and was reading him a story, while Nick and Charlie sat on the sofa and talked quietly. Michael and Maria had burst into the room with their panic over Liz, and Max and Tess had come moments later, followed by Agent Thompson. And then Jim Valenti had appeared, having been directed from the airport to this apartment by Isabel.

And Tess found she wanted nothing more than to curl into a little ball and disappear.

"I don't understand," Jim said again, his gaze moving between Max and Tess. "What do you mean by this? How is she not responsible for Alex's death? And when were you going to mention this?"

"We just found out ourselves," Max said dismissively, and looked over at Maria. "What do you mean? How badly is Liz hurt? What did the skins do to her?" His eyes were wide, his voice raw with fear.

"I... I don't know," Maria stammered, tears streaming down her pale cheeks. "She was seizing, and the doctor said her brain had been fried."

Michael wrapped an arm around her tightly and looked over at Tess. "Do you know what the skins did?"

All eyes on her, and Tess shrank back into the wall. "Nasedo said once that any time you play with someone's mind, you can destroy it." A pause, and memories of Alex hung in the air. "Maybe it was a brutal mind-rape? Or maybe they were just trying to hurt her."

"Can it be fixed?" Maria asked, giving Tess a hard look. As much as she hated the idea of accepting help from Tess, she would do anything right now to save Liz's life.

"I don't know," Tess answered honestly. "Max might be able to heal her. And Isabel could probably help through her dream-walking." She pulled her arms across her chest, more as a defensive stance than a defiant one, and added, "I'd offer, but if her brain has been fried, then anything I do would probably end up killing her. She's too weak right now. Max and Isabel are your best bets."

"We have to get her out of the hospital," Max said thoughtfully, taking a seat across from Nick. He barely glanced at the human. When he and Tess had arrived, they'd both asked Nick if little Alex was safe, and when the human answered in the affirmative, Max had promptly disregarded him. Now, with his thoughts preoccupied by Liz's predicament, Nick was no longer important.

"That could be tricky," Michael answered as he started to pace. "They're not going to just let her go."

"Can someone please tell me what is going on?" Jim interjected, but his words fell on deaf ears. In growing frustration, he turned hard eyes to Tess, and she looked away before he could even catch her gaze. She had determinedly avoided looking at him, and he wondered if it was fear or shame that kept her on the other side of the room.

He wondered if he would ever be able to look at her and not see Kyle's horror-struck expression when he tried to explain, between sobs and broken words, that Tess had forced him to carry Alex's dead body.

"What if Tess mind-warped everyone there?" Michael suggested, ignoring Jim.

"What? No!" Tess said sharply, shaking her head. "I... I can't. Won't."

"Tess, tell me what happened," Jim said, taking a step towards her. Tess shook her head and pressed herself back against the wall, and Nick was suddenly standing between the two, one arm held up in front of him to prevent Jim from coming closer. For all his anger towards Tess, his first instinct was still to protect her.

"Why won't you?" Max asked. "Why won't you help us? If you mind-warp the hospital staff..."

"They could die!" Tess cried.

A complete silence met her words.

"Max, I only mind-warped you that time when you first saw me because it was instinct, and I was terrified you might try to take Alex away. It was the first time I'd used that on anyone on Earth. On anyone who wasn't an enemy! Not since... It kills, Max! I can't just... The medical staff are innocent, and you're asking me to..."

"You've mind-warped before," Isabel said as she stepped out of the bedroom. "You've mind-warped, and it didn't kill people. Alex only died because you did it for such a long time, and so ruthelessly. Because you weren't careful when..." she stopped at the tears in Tess' eyes and corrected her statement, "because the skins didn't let you be careful when you were mind-warping Alex to decode the book. This is different."

Tess shook her head wordlessly.

"Who are you?" Jim asked, ignoring Isabel and Tess and staring at Nick instead.

"The police in Boston want to talk to me, Max," Isabel said quietly, and Nick was too busy listening to her to bother answering Jim. "About Jesse's death. And everyone wants to know when the funeral is. It looks suspicious that I haven't gone back yet."

"We can't let you go back by yourself," Max argued fiercely. "Khivar will come after you."

"But Jesse..." And she broke into sobs.

Michael crossed the room and wrapped his arms comfortingly around Isabel's shoulders, pulling her into an embrace. Then he turned his head sideways to Tess and said, "We already lost two people we cared about. Are you going to just stand by while we lose another?"

"Does Kyle know? Does he know Tess is innocent? Have you even thought about him?" Jim spat, eyes clouded with anger. He was now looking at Tess again. "And how do you know she's innocent? What do the skins have to do with this? What is going on?"

"Liz is dying, and Jesse has already been murdered! Don't you think we're a little busy at the moment?" Maria snapped in response. "We can't waste time talking to Kyle when he's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't care about us anymore!"

"Everybody, be quiet!" Max said, raising his voice, and the others lapsed into immidiate silence, shocked by his outburst. He took a deep breath, then began speaking, issuing what were clearly orders. "Nick, sit down. Maria, stop yelling at Jim." Surprisingly, both complied with his demands. He took another breath, then said, "Jim, this is Nick. He's Tess' boyfriend. And that's Charlie, one of Tess' other friends. The woman who lives here is Serena. She's readng Alex, Tess' and my son, a bedtime story, she'll be out in a little bit. Adn Tess did kill Alex, but she was being controlled by the skins at the time. I saw it in flashes when I healed her, after she had been hit by a car. No, we did not think of telling Kyle yet, because, as Maria said, we've been rather busy. We were going to tell you after we managed to keep the skins from killing us all."

"Who's that?" Jim asked, pointing at Agent Thompson, who had been all but forgotten.

"Oh..." Max gave Thompson a contemplative look. "That's Agent Thompson. He's FBI." To the agent, he asked, "Can you stop people from investigating Jesse Ramirez's death?"

Thompson nodded, pleased to have gained even a little trust from the aliens. "I can, certainly. But Mrs. Evans-Ramirez would still need to be present for a funeral."

"I can't let you go there, Izzy," Max said regretfully, knowing how painful this was for his sister. "I just... it is what they want. You know that. It isn't safe for you to go back."

Isabel was clinging to Michael like if she let go he might suddenly die as well. "I know," she answered in broken sobs. "But... I just... oh, God..."

"What about Liz?" Maria demanded. She felt a tug of sympathy for Isabel, but Jesse was dead, and there was nothing they could do to change that. There was still a chance they could save Liz, and she needed to focus on her best friend.  
She'd lost Alex. She would not let them take Liz as well.

"Tess..." Max trailed off for a moment, then sighed. "Look, we both can admit that we've made mistakes in the past. But that was in the past. We need your help now."

Tess bit her lip, her entire body trembling. "I don't ever want to kill again," she said simply, bluntly. "I can't take that chance."  
"If Liz dies," Maria pointed out dryly, coldly, "and you don't help us try to save her... what do you call that?"

Tess' reaction was to push away from the wall and turn on her heel, rushing into Kate and Charlie's bedroom and closing the door. She sank onto the bed and rested her head in her hands. Just being in the room with the growing tension was giving her a throbbing headache, and she could not block out Nicolas' malicious words and calculating expression, try as she might to forget the ordeal. She wanted an escape, wanted to go back in time and somehow fix everything. But that wasn't going to happen now, was it?

She closed her eyes.

The door opened again, and she heard Nick's voice.

"Tess?"

She opened her eyes slowly, reluctantly. "Hey, Nick."

"Maria is pretty upset," Nick said, taking a seat next to her on the bed, "and I think Isabel might fall apart at any second."  
"Yeah," Tess agreed. "Well, she did lose her husband. And Liz... everybody is going to fall apart if Liz dies. Especially Max."

"Can you help them?"

"I don't know," she admitted in a soft murmur. "I want to. I don't want Liz to die. Not at all. But..." She looked up at Nick. "I haven't done this in a long time, Nick. I thought it was all behind me, but... I just..."

"Yes?" he prompted.

"I'm scared." She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. "I'm scared for Alex. For me. For you. For all of them. I know what the skins can do." She hesitated for a moment, then said, "God, Nick. I'm so sorry I dragged you into all this."

Nick looked at her for a moment, thinking. Then he replied, "I'm sorry I had to find out the truth from someone else. Not you."  
Tess gave a bitter chuckle. "I've never been good with the truth."

The door opened once more, and this time it was Jim who stepped into the room, his expression dark and haunted and filled with such excrutiating pain that Tess wanted nothing more than to run away and never have to face all the heartbreak she had caused the man she once thought of as a father.

"Hello, Tess," Jim said.

"Hi, J-Jim," Tess stammered.

An awkward silence followed, and then Jim said, "Max wasn't really forthcoming on the details. You want to tell me what happened?"

She didn't want to tell him, but she knew he deserved the truth. They all did, Nick included, but the truth didn't make sense to her anymore. She built this new life around a web of lies, and now she found herself tangled in them, unable to find a way out.

"Nicolas," she said finally. "He was controlling my mind. And sometimes Lonnie or Rath. I... I tried to fight it, but I..." Tears pooled in her eyes.

"You couldn't get rid of them?" Jim asked, and his voice was so hard and so furious, that she wondered if he even believed her.  
Instinctively, she looked towards Nick. But he was looking at Jim, and he didn't see her desperate gaze.

"I tried," she said again, with a small shrug. "I wanted to stop it, but... they were so strong, and I... I never wanted to hurt you. Or Kyle." Or Alex. "You have to believe me about that."

"Why?" Jim asked. "You lied about everything else."

"I didn't have a choice!" Tess said, her voice breaking. The tears slid from her eyes, and try as she might to keep them at bay, they cascaded down her face. "I never wanted to..."

"Max says you've been here, on Earth, for five years."

"...yes..."

Jim began to pace with sharp, angry strides. "Kyle didn't understand why I wanted to see you. He didn't understand that I needed to know... to comprehend... how you could have done this to us. I came here, expecting to force you to look me in the eyes and explain why you had murdered Alex, why you had betrayed your family, why you had done this to us, to my son and I. And then... then I get here, and Max says you are innocent. That this wasn't your fault. But... but my son still carried his friend's dead body. And we still... we still fell apart. But Max says you are innocent." He stopped abruptly, trying to gain some more control over his rapidly spiraling emotions. "Five years, Tess. Five years, you let us think... Why? How could you do that to Kyle and I? How could you leave us with these memories of you? You could have come back and told us the truth. But you... If you are really innocent... If you are really innocent, why did you do this to us?"

"I can't... Jim, can't explain, I can't... I was scared and I thought... I don't know..." Tess was sobbing now, unable to form even a coherent sentence. Jim, one of the few people she cared about, one of the few people who had cared about her, and she had ruined him. And his son. How could she ever look him in the eye again, knowing she had caused so much pain? "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry I did this to you."

"Yeah," Jim said with a heavy sigh, "I'm sorry you did this to us, too." And he turned and walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind him.

Tess rose to her feet, wanting to follow him, but something stopped her, and she fell back onto the bed in helpless despair. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Why are you so afriad to face them?" Nick asked.

Tess met his gaze and replied simply, "Because I killed Alex."

"There is something else, Tess," Nick countered. "There is something you are not telling me. What else happened?"

Tess pushed herself into a sitting position, her back turned slightly towards Nick. She could not face him, could not let him see the guilt in her eyes, the shame that would fill her expression if she even so much as thought about the time she'd spent in Roswell. "I... I did some things, Nick. Bad things."

"Tell me."

"I..."

"Don't tell me you can't, Tess," Nick said icily. "If you don't want to tell me the truth, then at least have the courage to admit that the only reason you are hiding this is because you are scared. Not because you don't know what to say, not because you don't think it is important, and certainly not because you are trying to protect me. You're trying to protect yourself."

She looked at him sharply, then rose to her feet once more. "I... Fine, Nick. I'm scared. I'm terrified. I am so damn frightened that you are going to get up and walk out of my life the minute you hear about all this. Because you will. For all the things I did, and all the things I could never bring myself to do... I can't stand the idea that you will look at me with the same amount of disgust and hate as Max did when I told him I killed Alex. I cannot take that, I cannot survive it. You want the truth? That's the truth, Nick. I am a bad person, and you are going to leave, and that will destroy me!"

Nick was on his feet a moment later, glaring at her. "When are you going to start trusting me, Tess? When are you going to trust that I love you? Why don't you just let me make the decisions for myself, instead of trying to control things for your own benefit? If I am going to leave, then I am going to leave! But I deserve the truth from you, and I deserve the chance to make my own choice!"

Tess swallowed nervously and wiped away the tears with one hand. "Max was in love with Liz. And Maria and Michael were in love as well, although I certainly could not see it at the time. And I... I didn't care. I didn't care about any of their feelings, Nick. I tried to break them up, no matter what they themselves wanted. Nasedo taught me that humans were weak, that they were beneath me. And I never questioned him on it. I made them miserable. I mind-warped Max so that he would fantisize about me, want to be with me. I..."

She broke off, and Nick had to fight back the urge to pull her into a comforting hug.

She drew a sharp breath. "When I was finally with Max, when we kissed, he'd get these flashes." At Nick's confused look, she explained vaguely, "It's an alien thing." She'd been careful not to let him see any of her flashes, not wanting him to ever question who or what she was. "Anyway, Max's flashes... they were always about Liz. I knew he did not love me, not the way that he loved her. And I did not care. I just... Nasedo taught me what I was supposed to do, and I followed it blindly. The only humans who I really got closed to were Kyle and Jim, and by the time I started realizing that Nasedo had been wrong, that humans weren't weak, it was already too late, and the skins had me. But... I loved the Valentis, and look what I did to Jim." She gestured towards the door. "Look what I did to all of them!"

"You hurt them," Nick agreed. "And they hurt you. Don't you think it is time to move past what happened?"

"How can I?" Tess breathed. "How can they?"

Nick rubbed the back of his head absently, thinking. Finally, he said, "I don't know, Tess. You've got to figure that out for yourself. And you need to figure us out as well. Because I love you. And I love little Alex. And I will forgive you for your past. But I just... I can't keep doing this. I can't keep fighting for your trust. You have to meet me halfway, or you have to tell me that it's over. It's your choice, Tess. You need to make it. Soon. I won't wait forever."

* * *

Isabel stared blankly out the window at the night sky. She knew the others were still arguing, but she tuned out their words and let herself be swept away by her own thoughts. She knew Max was right, knew she could not return to Boston now. But how could she ever live with herself after this? She'd left Jesse unprotected, and now she wasn't even able to return to see his body. Would he get a funeral? Would there ever be time to mourn?

"Hey," a voice said softly, and she glanced down at Maria.

"Hey," she replied.

"Look, Isabel, I just..." Maria trailed off for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry. I know, in all our haste and panic and with everything that has happened to Liz, I maybe haven't been as supportive as I should be. I remember when Alex died... well, I just... I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. And I... God, Izzy, I couldn't even imagine losing Michael. I'm so sorry. I really, really am."

Isabel gave a faint smile. "I know you're sorry for Jesse's death, Maria," she replied honestly. "I never doubted that."

Maria tried to return the smile, but it did not reach her eyes. Glancing over her shoulder at the door to the bedroom, she watched as Jim emmerged, anger written plainly on his face. "Have you forgiven her?" she asked softly.

Isabel looked at Maria, then back up at the sky. "I don't know," she answered. She leaned against the windowsill. "We believed her capable of cold-blooded murder. Even if we were justified in that belief, even if we were only reacting to what we had seen, what she had admitted... I understand why that hurt her."

"Maybe," Maria snapped, "but that does not excuse the fact that she hid here for five years. Five years." Her mouth went dry as she added, "And it does not excuse the mess she made when she breezed into town and demanded that you aliens break all ties with us mere humans." Her tone was harsh, bitter, and reflected all the pain of those first three months after the revelations of Destiny. "She spoke about us like we did not matter."

"I know," Isabel agreed. "Like Michael said, she is no innocent victim. But... did you see how terrified she was, Maria? Did you see the way she can never hold eye-contact for more than a few minutes?" Maria nodded, and the hybrid Princess continued, "I do not like her. And I am not sure I ever will. There is too much bad blood, too many past mistakes and old wounds, for us to ever be friends again. But when I look at her... I cannot help but pity her."

Maria did not answer, and in the quiet that followed Isabel's confession, the object of their conversation herself stepped out of the bedroom and said to Max, "Fine, Max. I'll help you save Liz."


	20. Wishing It All Away

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Warning: So... I don't always remember to include this warning in my stories. This chapter contains character death. So be prepared to lose someone by the end...

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Wishing It All Away

Years later, as Maria watches over her friends with the melancholy sadness that will constantly haunt her in the future, she will thank back to this day. It was the day that everything changed for her, the day when she finally realized that wishing and hoping never fixed a problem. The revelation that closing your eyes doesn't work, that the world will still be there when you open them, that you will always have to face the past and the future and every second of the present... it is that that finally leads her to acceptance.

No longer will she wish so fervently to change the past. No longer will she dwell on things that cannot be changed.

But that day... that day she had not yet reached that acceptance. That day, she still wished all the pain would fade away. That day, she was not willing to forgive or to forget. And yet...

It will take many years before the acceptance truly came, but looking back from the future, she will know that the beginning of it started on that day.

* * *

The hospital was quiet. So quiet, in fact, that Maria felt the strong desire to run through the halls, screaming at the top of her lungs. Anything to break the uneasy feeling that hung in the air, the trepidation, as though they were marching to their own death.

Maybe they were.

She chanced a look at Tess. The blonde alien clung tightly to Nick, her face emotionless and pale. But Maria thought she saw something deep within those blue eyes, and wondered how much strength it took the hybrid just to be here.

She switched her gaze to Isabel and inhaled slowly, unsure. The Princess pitied Tess. She had admitted that forgiveness might never come, that friendship might be far too much to ask, but still... she pitied Tess. In the midst of all this pain and heartache - Jesse, Alex, Liz - she still found room for pity in her heart.

Maria didn't. It wasn't that she didn't see the haunted look in Tess' eyes. She saw that emotion, just like she saw it reflected in Max's burning stare. Thoughts of Liz drifted between the group, no one sure of what to say, and pity for anyone else seemed like far too much of a sacrifice when it was her own best friend who was dying.

Michael rested his hand on her arm, his eyes filled with concern, and she felt the beginnings of something, a stirring of guilt. Shouldn't she feel something for everyone else? She was not the only one who cared about Liz, and she was certainly not the only one who risked losing the brunette. But...

How could she explain it? How could she ever make them understand that something was telling her that this loss would be so much more hers than anyone elses? It was as though an icy grip had twisted around her stomach, holding her tight, refusing to let her relax. And somehow she knew that no one else felt this. No one else knew with as much assurance as she did that something horrible lay ahead.

"Here," Max said suddenly. "Stop here. Tess, can you mind-warp from this far away?"

Maria watched as Tess nodded hesitantly. "I... I think so."

"You think so?" Maria asked, her voice high-pitched, worry clouding everything else. "That is not enough."

"I haven't mind-warped in a while," Tess answered, dropping her gaze to the ground. "I... I think I can do it. I just..." She didn't finish the sentence, and Maria felt a sudden welling of red-hot anger.

"You think?" she sneered again, and turned away, pointedly ignoring Isabel's reprimanding look.

"We don't really have a choice, do we?" Max pointed out logically, and Maria could not deny the truth of those words. And yet... she did not want to put a plan into motion that depended so heavily on what Tess thought she might be able to do. She took a step away from the group, and no one followed her.

Sinking into the heavy metal bench, she took a look at their surroundings. They were in a hallway near the entrance to the ICU, where Liz was. The walls were white, the ceiling was white, the floor was white. White tile and wood and the smell of bleach and disinfectant and...

"Hey."

She looked up at Michael. "What?" she snapped, harsher than she had intended.

He stepped back, hurt flickering through his eyes. "I was just going to ask if you are alright," he said in annoyance, "but I guess I won't bother."

"Michael..." she started, and then stopped. She wanted to say she was just worried for Liz, but it was more than that. It was something she did not understand, something she could not explain. She was terrified... but she had no idea what it was that frightened her so much.

"Max will take care of Liz," Michael said, his hard expression softening. "We all will."

Maria nodded, looking past Michael towards the alien king. Somehow, she found no comfort in Michael's words. It just wasn't enough anymore. He might believe that everything would work out for them, but somehow, inexplicably...

She knew better.

* * *

Colors.

White. The white of the hospital. The too-clean feeling of antiseptic soap and latex gloves and...

Green. Earth drenched in dew, the smell of dawn and the heat of the sun rising slowly in the sky and...

Jealousy. Greed. Green, dark with envy.

Red, the color of passion and love and hate. Ardor and fervor and all the things that drove men and women mad, pushed them past sanity into something dark and endless and...

Black. A void. Nothing.

That was how she saw the mind.

It was impossible to explain to anyone who had not been inside another person's mind just h0w truly complex and wonderous the brain was. It was so strong, so capable of almost anything - mind over matter - if you just believed hard enough. And yet...

_You destroyed my mind. How could you do this to me?_

... so fragile. So easily corrupted, twisted, ruined.

Colors.

Pink, like a newborn's skin, like a delicate rose petal, like bubblegum. Pink, like lipstick and blush and high-heeled shoes...

Blue, pale as a robin's egg, as the sky, and fresh as a breeze, a rush of wind, the world after a sudden rain. Alive and at peace and... Dark as the midnight sky, as the depths of the ocean, and just as terrifying...

Yellow. The sun. Warmth. Fire. Destruction and burnt buildings and... Yellow, the color of spring.

She passed by the minds of those she recognized, dwelling on briefly on their colors. Twisting colors of worry and fear and distrust and suspicion and pity and pain and loss and heartache and...

Startling, fierce, uncontrollable fear.

Emotions coming together to form a picture she had always known existed and yet not really understood until that very moment, until she saw just how much everything had hurt them.

_I'm sorry._

She said it in the silence of her own mind as she grappled with the minds of others, others she did not know. She could feel Max moving into Liz's room, seen by no one save her own rapidly tiring mind, and prayed somehow she would hold on long enough for Liz to live, for Max to succeed, for her to get a chance to say...

_I'm sorry._

Everything was orange. In her mind, for reasons she had never quite understood, orange was the color of regret.

* * *

Maria watched as Max stepped beyond her line of vision towards Liz's room. She looked away from his lingering shadow and back to the others. Jim had remained behind with Kate, Charlie, and little Alex. The boy's absence seemed suddenly conspicuous, a gaping hole in the group, and Maria could not help but wonder why. She had only seen him for a few short hours, and already she was thinking of him as just another member of the group.

Perhaps it was the frightened expression that somehow still managed to grace Tess' features even as she allowed herself to sink into the struggles of mind-warping. Tess no longer appeared whole, not without her son.

Nick was standing slightly in front of Tess, shielding her from the view of any nosing nurses or strangers passing by. The last thing any of them could afford would be the intrusion of some well-meaning doctor wanting to know if Tess was alright.

Maria clenched her fingers tightly around the curved end of the metal bench and felt her heart beat with a steady, pounding thud in her chest.

Michael and Isabel were standing in the middle of the hallway, looking towards the direction Max had been only moments before. Maria swallowed back her own pain as she stared at the deep lines on Isabel's face, testimony to the exhaustion she had endured. They still had not buried Jesse, still had not laid to rest the rumors that flooded through all of Boston, seeping into the East Coast. The FBI were supposed to take care of it, but...

When? How? And at what cost? Maria had a feeling that perhaps she did not want to know the answer to those questions.

Small beads of sweat appeared on Tess' forehead, and her eyes began to roll beneath the lids, the mind-warp wavering. Maria's hands clenched even more tightly, and her lips pressed into a thin line, white, bloodless.

She looked over to Michael. He was not looking at her. She looked back to the floor.

_Valenti shifted a little uneasily, staring at Maria with sympathy in his eyes. She could hear the sounds of laughter floating through the partially open door from the main room of the diner, and knew the rest of her friends were out there, having a good time. But Valenti's eyes told her that this good time would end. Now. Here. At this very moment._

_And nothing would ever be the same._

_"Maria..." he started, and then stopped, choking on the words. He lowered his gaze for a moment, took a slow breath, and then met her eyes once more. "Maria, there was an accident."_

_She blinked uncomprehendingly. "What do you mean?"_

_"Alex... his car... he ran into another vehicle and lost control..." He stopped, eyes glistening with unshed tears, and she waited for the finishing words, waited for him to tell her that Alex was in the hospital, that he'd been injured, that he was still..._

_Alive._

_"The car went over the side of a cliff," Valenti added._

_The dishes fell from her hands, shattering on the floor, broken ceramics and stone and glass and spewed food and liquids and..._

_"Alex is dead."_

_She did not even realize she was screaming as the sound tore itself from her throat, as she turned on her heel and ran back to her friends, back into the main room that was filled with light and happy smiles and people who had no idea that the world had just been irrevocably changed. She flung herself, sobbing, into Liz's arms, and the world seemed to dissolve all around her._

The first time she had learned that Liz had cancer, she had refused to believe it. The second time they spoke about it, she had optimistically started looking for herbal treatments. The third time, she had given Liz a tight hug and then left the room, breaking down into sobs on the tile floor in her kitchen while Michael wrapped his arms tightly around her and whispered comforting words in her ear.

The skins had destroyed Alex's mind. Through Tess, they had taken away one of her best friends. And now Liz... She looked back towards the hallway, the anger simmering, seething, fighting to erupt. Now they had tried to take Liz away as well. Wasn't it enough that she was dying of cancer? Did they have to do this to her as well?

She closed her eyes, her body shaking with silent tears. A hand rested on her shoulder, and she could smell Michael's scent. She did not look up at him, but she slowly linked her fingers through his, as though able to take some of his strength for herself. For Liz.

* * *

Once upon a time, she had dreamt of being a molecular biologist.

_I want to study cells, Mommy. The little living things inside of you that make you do stuff. They're like Legos for your body. Building blocks._

Once upon a time, her biggest worry had been whether or not Maria would remember to come to her house that afternoon to work on their homework. And it was really a pointless worry, because Maria never showed up anyway. She was always too busy looking at some star or flower or ant or whatever. And sniffing echinacea.

_Is that a drug?_

_Of course not, Liz! It's a plant. It calms you and boosts your immune system. It's good for you._

_You sure it isn't a drug?_

Once upon a time...

She smells colors and sees sounds. Maybe that is what happens when you lose your mind. Everything becomes so jumbled that pink is not seem, but rather smelled, as the linger scent of roses and tulips and a strange mix of pine and cedar and grapefruit. And the few notes of a flute or a guitar, the slam of a heavy door, the gentle lull of a mother's voice as she sings a lullaby, are all seen, not heard. Like bursts of light, of white and black against a gray background. Changing shapes, frequencies, movement, all to match the resonating sound she can only see.

And her thoughts, jumbled as they are, can only be interupted by simpe phrases and sentences, memories tossed out of order that mean little to her now that she barely even remembers who she is.

_Liz, I love you. And I have made so many mistakes, but I have never stopped loving you. Everything that is good in me, and none of the bad... you created that. You make me want to be a better person, a better leader. I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?_

Some names stand out stronger than others. Sometimes she glimpses something that feels like home. Sometimes, she has a brief idea of who she might have been before this chaos.

Sometimes...

The voice calls to her. Through the swirling mists of frenzied panic, she can hear the words. Really, truly hear them. Soft and gentle, like warm milk, like feathered down. She inhales sharply, wanting to go there, but far too terrified to follow the unknown.

But the voice is still calling, and for a moment the chaos around her seems to fade, to grow calm and understandable, and she remembers, just for that moment, who she is and what happened and who is calling her.

"Max," she whispers, just before everything turns to black. It is black for a long time. No thoughts, no sounds, no smells. Just emptiness. Just a void. Just a long expanse of nothing, and she wonders if this is the way it will be for the rest of her life.

And then she sees it... a small, flickering light, beckoning her forward. And with thoughts of Max still filling her mind, she walks towards the light.

* * *

Max looked up at the sound of the door opening, his attention momentarily drawn away from his wife. Although he knew that Tess was doing her best to keep him invisible to all the nurses and doctors that moved quietly through the halls of the Intensive Care Unit, he could not help but feel nervous every time someone looked in his direction. Would they see him?

And every time, they looked straight through him, as though he wasn't even there, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

The man approached Liz and stared at her for a moment. His face was obscured by the hood pulled over his head, but when he reached his hands out towards the unconscious brunette, Max saw that his fingernails were chipped and caked with mud.

This was not a doctor.

In a flash, he threw out one hand, sparks dancing at his fingers, and shoved the stranger away from Liz. The man fell, his hood sliding from his face, and twisted frantically, searching the room for his invisible enemy.

"Is it a mind-warp protecting you, little King?" he sneered, and as he rose to his feet, Max said that his eyes were a pale, inhuman green. "Your Queen can do all she wants, but it won't be enough to stop me." He blinked once, and then his eyes were completely black. "I can see you," he taunted in a sing-song voice, and to prove his point, he sent a rush of energy from his hand directly towards Max.

Max ducked, and then the door was wrenched open and two nurses ran into the room. They stopped, horrified, at the sight of this stranger, and the younger of the two nurses began to back away slowly, lips parted, breathing shallow. The older nurse, however, walked boldly forward and said, "You will need to leave."

The stranger turned and smiled at her. "I don't think so," he answered, and pressed his hand to her chest.

She collapsed. Dead.

The mind-warp flickered for a moment, and the surviving nurse turned to Max with a gasp of, "Where did you come from?" But then Tess' mind-warp was back, drawn up sharply around Max on all sides, and the nurse stared, uncomprehendingly, at the place where she was sure she had seen another person standing.

But all those thoughts vanished as the stranger turned towards her menacingly, and as his fingers touched the skin on her throat, she felt a burst of fire and pain, and then she was gone. Her lifeless body fell next to the other nurse.

Max attacked the strange alien again, but this time his attack was harmless. The stranger moved aside, and the energy crashed into the wall, creating a large dent in the plaster.

The stranger turned his still black eyes to Max. "Oh, nice try, Zan," he mocked.

Several doctors were now running towards the room, but Max knew if they entered they would be killed. He had no other choice, so he pointed his hand at the door and sealed the edges, then melted the doorknob. It would not hold them for long, and Max was not sure it would be enough. But it was all the safety he could give them right now.

"So concerned about the wellfare of others?" the stranger asked as he and Max began to circle each other cautiously, warily. "So noble of you. But you always were a ridiculously noble fool."

"Who are you?" Max demanded fiercely.

"An assassin, your Majesty," was the sneering reply.

"You're trying to assassinate Liz?" Max hissed, the fury welling within. The anger was there, just below the surface, ready to explode at any moment. He would ruin this alien. He would kill him, and Khivar, and everyone else who ever tried to hurt his family.

"Of course," the alien answered. "Although," he looked at the brunette, "it seems Khivar has already beaten me to it."

Max frowned. "Khivar didn't send you?" he asked, momentarily stunned by that little bit of information. He let his gaurd down just long enough to ponder the question, and the stranger took the opportunity to attack. Max barely had time to dodge out of the way. He fell to the floor, rolling to the side, and felt the mind-warp flicker once more. Tess would not be able to hold it much longer.

"Of course not," the assassin answered viciously. "I would never work for him."

"But then..." Max trailed off as he rose to his feet. This was not the right time for questions, although he could not quite get the uneasy feeling out of his mind.

"Ask your pretty Queen. She turned her back on us once, but I won't let you ruin our plans a second time."

At precisely that moment, the mind-warp faded, and Max was standing in full view. Not that it made much of a difference for the strange alien who could see through the mind-warp or the two dead nurses who could see nothing at all.

But Liz was not healed yet. He looked at her, then back to his enemy, calculating, weighing his options, trying to come up with a plan.

At that moment, the door burst open, blown off its hinges. Max and the stranger turned in time to see Michael and Isabel rushing through the door, Maria close behind. It was only a matter of seconds before Michael had thrown the enemy alien to the ground, and Isabel had rushed to Liz's side.

"Max, finish healing her," Isabel ordered tersely. "Hurry. Michael and I will take care of him." And she moved back towards Michael, towards their enemy.

Maria came to Liz's side and rested her fingers lightly on her best friend's hand. "Hold on, chica," she whispered as Max pressed his hand against Liz's head and began whispering for her to open her eyes.

Lids flickered, just for a moment, and doe-eyes sought out Max's gaze.

The connection was formed again.

Maria pressed her fingers down onto the smooth skin beneath her hand. Liz looked so frail, so worn out. How many aliens would try to kill them? How many more deaths would she be forced to endure before they were finally safe?

In the middle of sitting nervously in the hallway outside the ICU, her vindictive and hate-filled thoughts had been interrupted by Isabel's sudden cry of shock and pain. Somehow, the hybrid knew her brother was in trouble, and that had been all that was necessary for Michael to rush towards Liz's hospital room, with Isabel and Maria in quick pursuit. Tess had finally collapsed, unable to hold the mind-warp any longer, and Nick had stayed by her side.

So now she was here, and Michael and Isabel were fighting someone who appeared so much stronger than they were, and Liz was still lying pale, hovering between life and death, her very future resting in Max's outstretched hands.

There was a sudden cry, and she turned in time to see Michael fall to the ground, blood spilling from his shoulder. Isabel was faltering, unable to stand against the attack much longer, and the hallway beyond the room was filled with curious doctors and nurses and patients who could not help but stand and gape at the scene before them.

Exposure.

So dangerous. Exactly what they had fought against for so long. And yet, somehow...

It didn't seem to matter to Maria. Nothing matter. Nothing except the blood seeping from Michael's injured arm and the pallor of Liz's face as she tried to fight off certain death.

The stranger turned towards Max, Maria, and Liz. His eyes had returned to their inhuman green.

And Liz gasped for breath and jolted awake, eyes searching the room, confusion and bewilderment filling every line on her face. Max seemed to sag with relief at her side, but that did little to ease the worry that reflected in her brown eyes, or to stop the feeling of trepidation that was slowly spreading through Maria's body.

The strange alien cried out, voice twisted into a shriek of rage, "You won't win! Fool, do you really think we will let your humans live?" And he pointed his hand at the newly awakened Liz, who understood none of what was happening all around her.

When time stops, and everything suddenly becomes crystal clear, falling into alignment, that is when a person knows that everything is about to irrevocably change.

Some say your life flashes before your eyes before you die. Others say death comes with a sense of peace, of tranquility. Others claim it is neither of those, but just a silent scream of terror that never quite fades.

In the split second after the burst of deadly energy had left the enemy alien's palm and before it collided with Liz's chest, Maria knew Max could not raise his shield in time. She knew Liz was going to die.

And she knew exactly how far a person might be willing to go when someone they loved was in danger.

Michael turned just in time to see Maria throw herself forward, catching the attack meant for Liz. As the blonde tumbled across the hospital bed, her eyes glazing over with pain and approaching death, he could do nothing but stare in helpless shock.

And the very last thing Maria saw was Michael's horrified expression, and then she was gone.

* * *

The woman sent the books scattering from the desk and crashing onto the floor, her face a picture of fury and denial and frustration. "It was not supposed to happen that way!" she hissed in a rage. "She was not supposed to die."

Her superior frowned. "You really should control your temper," he said casually. "This display is not acceptable." He folded his hands carefully on the smooth surface of his desk and leaned back in his seat, staring at the fallen books. "You did your best. Sometimes there are things that are simply out of our control, Agent."

She exhaled in a short huff. "I tried to convince Mrs. Parker-Evans. And she tried to convince Mr. Evans. And for what? Nothing at all!"

The man shrugged. "It did not make a difference either way. Mr. Evans was not going to give up on his wife. We underestimated his love for her. Had she died..." He trailed off with a sigh. "You are right, it was for nothing. But Thompson and White are proceeding well. Let's focus on that."

She snorted in disbelief. "We all thought Liz Parker-Evans would be the target."

"She was the target," the man replied pointedly. "You saw the surveillance tapes. We could not foresee that Ms. DeLuca would act in the way she did."

"And now she's dead, and no one knows how Mr. Guerin will take it, and the aliens have exposed themselves for the entire world to see." She sank into the seat opposite the desk and stared at her superior. "How did we not plan for this? We had every other possible action mapped. We had contingency plans for anything that could happen, anything at all! How did we not even think that Maria could die?"

"We make a mistake," he said simply. "Accept it and move on. There is far too much at stake to waste time thinking of what we should have done differently." His tone softened somewhat at her annoyed expression, and he said, "Jennifer, I know how difficult it was for you to leave your husband and child. For you to let them think you are dead. But remember why you are doing this. Remember what makes you get up each morning and continue to fight."

"Saving the world so that my daughter will not grow up in fear." She blinked a few times. "Still... we haven't managed that yet, have we. The exposure..."

"Will be addressed and contained."

She gave him a look, then slowly nodded. "What now?"

The man considered this for a moment, then said, "Make contact with Liz Parker-Evans again. Make her understand why they have to keep fighting. If she understands, she can convince Mr. Evans. And he can convince Mr. Guerin. Above all else, they must not stop fighting!"

"Are you really sure Liz will be able to convince him?"

He shrugged. "If she cannot do it, no one can."

The woman rose. "Yes, sir," she said.

"Agent Valenti," the man called just as she was about to leave the room. She looked back, and he said seriously, "Do not forget. No matter what happens, no matter who is sacrificed. Do not forget the entire world is at stake. You cannot stop fighting either."

Jennifer Valenti nodded. "I know," she said quietly. "I know."


	21. Blame

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Blame

It will be several years before Isabel stops blaming everyone else. It will be several years before she no longer holds Max responsible for calling her away from Boston and Jesse, Michael responsible for not being strong enough to stop the alien who killed Maria, or Tess responsible for letting the group fall apart in her absence. It will be years before she does not blame Liz for pulling all of Max's attention into her illness or Kyle and Jim for walking away from them.

It will be years before she finally admits to herself that all the blame was only a way to cover up the hurt, the pain, and the fear.

And her own sense of guilt.

* * *

"Maria?"

It was Liz's voice, so quiet and so disbelieving, that broke the silence. They have all frozen, staring in horror at Maria's lifeless body, but it was Liz, eyes wide, fingers hovering just above Maria's pale skin, who finally spoke. And it was her word, that one name that falls from her lips, that seemed to galvanize the others into action.

The strange alien suddenly screamed, his entire body twisting in agony, and standing over him with an emotionless mask covering his eyes, was Michael. The hybrid General had his hand outstretched over the alien, and his fingers tingled with a white and blue light that filled the air all around him and focused in incredible intensity on the man writhing at this feet. But this display of power, ruthless and deadly, was nowhere near as frightening as the complete and utter lack of _anything _on his face. His eyes were blank, just a void, an endless stretch of nothing.

"Maria?"

Liz again. The brunette, lips quivering, continued just to stare at her friend, unable to understand anything at all. She had woken to a nightmare.

Isabel never knew how they left the room. One moment she was standing by Michael's side, her gaze fixed in terror on his cold expression, and the next she remembered she was standing in the hallway beyond the room, watching as Liz blasted Tess with all the strength and energy a sickly cancer patient could muster.

"Get up!" Liz was crying now, tears streaming down her cheeks as she charged forward with a violence so out of character that it nearly took Isabel's breath away. "Get up! Murderer. I'll kill you, I'll _kill _you!"

Max grabbed at Liz's arm and pulled her away from Tess at the same moment that Nick ran to Tess' side. The blonde looked up, blue eyes filled with something unidentifiable, and tried to push herself off the floor. She sank against her boyfriend, but paid little attention to him as her gaze focused solely on Liz.

"Max, what are you doing?" Liz hissed, yanking her arm out of his grip. "You trust her now? She's a killer. A murderer! She killed Alex, betrayed all of us and you..."

"She didn't," Max said, his quiet, grief-stricken voice cutting across her tirade. She froze, mouth hanging open in shock.

Isabel tore her attention away from the two. She doubted Liz would be interested in anything Max had to say, and in all honestly, could anyone blame her? Maria was dead, killed before their very eyes, and that loss added to the memories of Alex...

Michael was holding Maria's body in his arms. Isabel shook her head, trying to think past the haze of numb disbelief. She remembered vaguely that they had left Liz's hospital room, Michael holding Maria tightly, and Max guiding the barely awakened Liz. The other doctors and nurses had stepped back, terror reflected in their eyes. The bodies of the two dead nurses and the enemy alien lay on the floor, unmoving, and Isabel wondered if they would ever be able to clean up this mess.

Even with all the help of the FBI...

"Did she mind-warp you?" Liz was asking, her words filled with suspicion. "Max, how can you even think these things? Of course she killed Alex! She _admitted _to it."

"I didn't have a choice, Liz, the skins..." Tess started, but Liz interrupted ferociously.

"Shut up, Tess! Just shut up!"

Tess appeared about to argue, but her gaze drifted past Tess to Michael, and to the lifeless body in his arms. Everything about her seemed to fade away, her passion and color disappearing to be replaced with something that could only be described as absolute horror. Isabel wondered if she was thinking about Maria, or if her mind had gone back to Alex.

"We need to go," Michael said in a detached tone, paying no attention to the drama unfolding before him. Liz and Tess clearly occupied no space in his troubled thoughts, and as he shifted Maria's weight and reached out with one hand to beckon Isabel, the hybrid Princess felt her heart suddenly break into a million pieces as the full reality of what had just happened smashed into her.

Maria was dead.

They were exposed to the world.

Khivar was going to win.

* * *

Another hotel room.

Liz sat on the edge of the bed, staring about her. Max had tried to explain that the last room had been wrecked in a fight against Nicolas, but she was hardly listening to his explanation. Tess was standing at the far end of the room, carrying on a hushed conversation with a man that Liz thought someone might have called Nick. And nothing Max said seemed to matter, not while Tess stood in front of her.

"Liz, please listen to me."

She looked up at Max. "What?" she asked, and if her tone was harsher than she had intended, she did not really care.

"I know this is hard to understand. I... I don't really understand it either. And I had trouble accepting it. But Tess is on our side."

Liz gave a dark chuckle. "Yeah, right. We all thought she was on our side before, too, and look what happened." Memories of Alex, his body sprawled out against the seat of the car, flashed before her eyes, and she gripped her hands into tight fists.

"I told you," Max said firmly, "the skins..."

"Yeah," Liz snapped, flopping back onto the bed and staring blankly up at the ceiling, "I know. I heard you." The tears were burning in her eyes, and she blinked a few times, but they still came anyway, coursing down her cheeks. She had heard the truth from Max's lips, and although part of her still wondered if Tess hadn't somehow just managed to mind-warp the entire group...

Tess herself was different. No longer did those blue eyes appear icy or controlling, no longer did she move with a self-confidence and assuredness that Liz had once despised. Now she seemed more like a deer caught forever in headlights._  
_

_"Do you love her?"  
_

_He looked at her, and in his eyes she could see both sorrow and joy. The world was changing so quickly, her life being turned completely upside-down. Everything was ending... but for him it was just a new beginning. "Not like I love you."_

She rolled onto her side and looked across the room towards the glass sliding door that separated them from a small balcony overlooking the water. Michael was standing out there, his back to them, his face lifted to the sky. Isabel was standing next to him, but they weren't speaking. Michael wasn't even looking at her, and Isabel was fidgeting nervously.  
Liz wondered vaguely what they would do with Maria's body. Would they have a funeral? It seemed only right and proper, but she had seen the shocked faces of the doctors and nurses, and she knew that they were in danger now, more danger than they had ever been in before.

Would they need to run?

Her gaze flickered back to Tess. "If she was innocent, why didn't she come back to Roswell five years ago? Why didn't she tell us the truth?"

"I... I don't know," Max admitted, and his tone was weary. He took a seat next to her even as she pushed herself back into a sitting position. "She was scared, I guess."

"And so you just forgive her?" Liz demanded, shaking her head in a refusal to believe what Max was saying. How could he sit there and talk about Tess like she hadn't ruined all their lives? First with her sudden presence in Roswell and her demand that everyone follow a Destiny prescribed for them in a different lifetime. And then..."Max, she kept your son from you for five years!" Even if she was innocent of Alex's murder, she was not innocent of much else.

"I know," Max agreed, "and I haven't forgiven her for that."

"Then how can you just sit here and say that..."

"Liz, I don't have a choice," he interrupted, and his voice was tinged with frustration and annoyance. She looked at him sharply, and saw the way his eyes were narrowed, saw how the lines around his eyes had grown deeper. She felt her anger fade slightly as she realized just how hard he was working to keep it together, to keep the group safe.

She dropped her gaze.

"Maria is dead, Jesse is dead, and you were pretty close to it as well... We _need _Tess."

"Yeah, I know..." Liz gave a dry chuckle. "More than one version of you has told me that."

Max seemed about to reply, when the door to the hotel room swung open, and three more people appeared, two of whom she did not recognize. One, a redheaded woman, was carrying a little boy in her arms, and she made a beeline straight for Tess. The other, a man with a quiet appearance and a gently questioning gaze, came towards Max.

"I'm sorry. I... Tess told us what happened. And I... I mean, I know this sounds pretty... pathetic... but I am sorry."

Max ran a hand through his hair. "Thank you, Charlie."

Jim entered last, and he shut the door behind him. His gaze traveled the length of the room, landing ever so briefly on Tess, before moving past her towards Michael. He stared at the taciturn hybrid for a moment, as though studying his appearance, before turning his gaze away towards Max and Liz.

"Liz," he greeted, giving her a nod.

She narrowed her eyes at him. She remembered all the times Amy had tried to get through to him, all the times he had shut the door in her face, refusing to be a part of the group any longer. She remembered all the times Maria, in a fit of rage, would come to her window and complain about how her mother was so upset by this sudden change in Jim's behavior, and although she knew the truth, she couldn't tell her what was going on. And now he actually dared to show up here and pretend like he cared?

"Jim," she mimicked, but their was no friendly look in her eyes.

"How are you feeling?"

"Better," she answered shortly. "And so much worse."

"I know. I... I heard about... I'm so sorry, Liz. I can't imagine what... what you are feeling..."

Liz looked at him, really looked at him, and in her eyes were reflections of all the accusations she could think to make. Things would have been different, so different, if the two Valenti men hadn't been so stubborn, so adamant in their refusal to have anything to do with the people who had once been their friends. How many times had Amy ended up nearly in tears? How many times had Maria confided that she felt so helpless to do anything but watch her mother fall apart? How many times had they all grieved Alex's death and tried to deal with Tess' betrayal without the support of two people who actually mattered to them?

And now that Maria was dead, Jim finally decided to start caring?

"No," she agreed, "you can't imagine what I am feeling."

But whatever tirade of blame and anger was about to fall from her lips was cut off by the feel of a small hand pressing against her knee. She looked down, and found herself staring into a perfect replica in miniature of Max... except for Tess' brilliant blue eyes.

"Uncle Charlie says you are not feeling good." His voice was high-pitched, really more of a squeak than anything else. His expression was filled with concern and innocent curiosity and a idealist trust that could only be found in children. "When I feel icky, Mommy kisses the owwie and makes it all better."

"Oh, Alex, sweetheart," Tess said, moving quickly towards her son, "don't bother Max and Liz right now."

But Liz looked up and shook her head. "It's not a bother, Tess," she said softly, and it was the first time she had said the hybrid's name without feeling a surge of fury. Her hatred had not lessoned any, but it was hard to stare at the little upturned face and not feel like maybe there were a few good things left in this world after all. She could not help but smiling. "It's not a bother at all."

Tess hesitated, but then nodded. "Alright," she murmured, and moved back towards Nick.

* * *

"Why didn't you stop him?"

Isabel started at the question, but even though it caught her by surprise, there was no mistaking the meaning. She stared at Michael, eyes wide, but the guilt was quickly covered by anger and she lashed out, "Why didn't you?"

Michael flinched, and she wondered what he saw when he closed his eyes. Maria's lifeless eyes? Or how she threw herself forward to protect Liz? Or the mocking triumph of the alien moments before he was killed?

"I tried," Michael hissed, "which is more than you did. You just stood there!"

"That is not true," Isabel spat angrily, fiercely. "But you got injured, so I had to worry about you, didn't I?"

"Is that what you will say at Maria's funeral?" Michael answered cruelly, his words twisting a wound deeper and deeper into Isabel's already crumbling spirit. "That you decided not to save her because you couldn't be bothered to help two people at the same time? It would be far too much trouble, wouldn't it?"

Isabel looked up at his face, at the fury etched into every line of his expression. In the stages of grief, he seemed stuck on anger. Pure, raw, and vicious. "At least you have a chance to give Maria a funeral," she answered softly. "At least you got the chance to say goodbye."

Michael shook his head and moved away from her. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Should that take away the pain now that Maria is gone?"

Isabel didn't reply. What could she say to that, anyway? It wasn't her fault that the alien had been so strong, wasn't her fault that Michael had been so quickly defeated, wasn't her faultthat Maria had made the decision to save Liz's life. But if Michael thought it was hard to deal with this now, he had no idea how she felt knowing that she would most likely never get the chance to bury Jesse, to say goodbye to the man she loved, the man she had sworn to love for all time.

Especially now that they were exposed, their powers out in the open for all to see...

Would Jesse even get buried, or would some organization steal his body to dissect it, to see if perhaps he was an alien as well. Would the grief never end, the losses never cease?

"Stop thinking about Jesse!" Michael snapped, cutting into her thoughts with his pointed remark. "Stop wasting your time wishing for someone who is gone. Maybe if you had been thinking about those of us who were still alive, you wouldn't have been so easily distracted. Maybe Maria would still be alive!"

In an icy tone, she answered, "Would you still feel that way, Michael, if it was me telling you to stop wishing for Maria?" He didn't reply, and she didn't wait for him to find his voice again.

Turning on her heel, she stalked back into the hotel room in time to see Liz talking to little Alex. Tess was slowly backing away from the two, rejoining her boyfriend, and Liz seemed finally to have regained some of her color, some of the light that was usually in her eyes.

Isabel's gaze slid to Jim.

"What are you even still doing here?" she asked crossly, folding her arms over her chest and glaring at him.

Her question seemed to cause some consternation to Max, who said with a suddenly worried expression, "If the exposure gets out, people will go after Mom and Dad, too. And the Parkers. And Ms. DeLuca."

"And Kyle and I," Jim murmured.

"Huh," Isabel sneered, "looks like you can't escape us after all. Not for lack of trying, though. Maybe you should just go back to Roswell and worry about yourself and Kyle. Just ignore the rest of us. You're so good at that."

"Isabel..."

But Isabel was in no mood to listen to his pleas for understanding. She turned away from him and stared hard and Max and Liz, both of whom seemed wrapped up in their own thoughts. At some point, Alex had climbed on to the bed next to Liz, and was staring from one adult to another, mouth hanging slightly open. Neither Liz, nor Max noticed this, but Nick did, and he walked forward quickly.

"Alex, buddy, why don't you and I go play in the other room?" he suggested, gesturing towards the room that adjoined this one.

Alex pouted, "But I want to play with Mommy's friends."

Isabel gave a snort of disbelief at that comment. "Friends?" she whispered, low enough that only Tess and Kate could hear. "Didn't realize we were _friends _again, Tess." Tess looked at her, but did not respond to the comment, and Isabel shook her head, watching Nick lead Alex out of the room. Just a few hours ago, she had pitied the petite hybrid Queen. Just a few hours ago she had felt some sympathy for the two Valentis. Just a few hours ago, it had been Michael and Max comforting her, instead of this tension, this disagreement.

Just a few hours ago, Maria had been alive.

Things were different now, and she had no idea if she would ever be able to forgive Tess, Jim, and Kyle for what had happened in the past. Or Michael, for what he was doing to her in the present.

"I just spoke to Serena," Kate said, her voice breaking the silence. "My sister," she added, for anyone who didn't know. "She says the law firm she and Isabel's husband worked at is swarming with people right now. She thinks they might be CIA or Military. I guess word of the exposure if traveling fast."

That bit of information elicited a stream of questions from everyone else.

"Who are you?" Liz demanded.

"Wait, your sister and Jesse worked together?" from Michael, who had just stepped back into the room.

"Why isn't the FBI doing something to prevent this?" Isabel wondered aloud.

"That's Kate," Max answered Liz. "She's a friend of Tess'. Human. But she knows about us." To Isabel, he added pointedly, "Who knows what the FBI thinks or how it acts?"

"I don't know," Tess mused thoughtfully. "I doubt they would have wanted things to spread this quickly. It certainly doesn't help their cause... regardless of what their cause actually is. But maybe they just didn't have time to take care of it."

Isabel opened her mouth to reply, but one look at the expression on Max's face stopped her. He was staring hard at Tess, as though trying to figure something out. And when he finally spoke, she found herself gaping at him in shock.

"The alien who attacked Liz... he said he didn't work for Khivar."

"What?" That response came from almost everyone gathered.

"But he said... he said you would know who he was," Max continued, looking at Tess. "He said... he said you turned your back on them... but he wouldn't let us ruin his plans this time around."

Tess frowned at Max, clearly trying to figure out who the stranger could have been. After a moment, however, her eyes widened in horror, and she whispered, "Oh, _God_..."

"Who was he?"

Tess turned to Isabel, her expression still filled with terror. "He was part of a very extremist rebel group. They oppose Khivar and they want the Royal Four back, but they also..." She trailed off, shaking her head. "They believed that, as hybrids, you were weaker... too human. Their mission statement includes ridding you... ridding us... of all ties to Earth. That included Liz and Maria... your parents... Jim and Kyle... and making you forget your human lives."

"When did you cross paths with them?" Isabel asked with morbid curiosity. Tess looked clearly uncomfortable with this line of questioning, as though she was remembering something she'd rather forget, but Maria was dead because of these people, and Isabel had little sympathy for whatever Tess did not want to disclose.

"After the rebels... the more centrist rebels, that is... helped me escape from Khivar's prison. A few of these people approached me in the camp and asked for my participation, my cooperation... I said no and they were... displeased." She lowered her gaze slightly, and it was clear that their displeasure had been much more than just vocal. "They called me a traitor to the cause and tried to..." She stopped, shaking. "They thought my baby was..." She shook her head fervently, and looked up at Max. "They wanted to get rid of Alex before he was born. I..."

She didn't finish the story, but Max had gone completely pale, his lips pressed together tightly, his hands clenched into fists. "I thought only Khivar could be so evil..." he whispered.

Tess gave a choked laugh. "The war isn't quite so clear-cut, Max. You have a lot of enemies, and not all of them support Khivar."

A silence met those words, and then Isabel corrected, "No, Tess. _We _have a lot of enemies. And they're after all of us."

* * *

"What do you want, Tess?" Michael demanded angrily as the blonde Queen stepped into his hotel room. The others were still meeting in the opposite room, but Michael could no longer just stand there and listen to strategy now that Maria was gone. Nick and Alex were in the room as well, but on the other side, far enough away to give Michael his much-needed personal space.

"How are you doing?" Tess asked.

Michael chuckled darkly. "How do you think I am doing?" he spat. "And why do you actually care?"

"Because Khivar is after my son," Tess replied evenly, "and I'd like to know you are still sane enough to protect him."

Michael rolled his eyes, feeling strangely numb and livid at the same time. "Good to know you care," he said sarcastically.

Tess retorted, "Like you actually care about me." There was a pause, and then she added, "If you want to talk…"

"Why would I _ever_ want to talk to you?" Michael asked pointedly.

"Because you just killed someone, and I know what that feels like," Tess replied simply.

"Right, because being controlled by the skins is so similar to…"

"I wasn't talking about Alex," Tess interrupted softly. He looked at her sharply, and she stared back without the slightest trace of emotion on her face.

"The extremist rebels who wanted to prevent your son from being born…" Michael breathed, staring at Tess as though he was seeing her for the first time. "What did you do…?"

"I protected my son," Tess said simply, but the truth in her words was so blinding bright that Michael could think of nothing to say in reply. She held his gaze for another beat, before adding, "Alex was not the only person who is now dead because of me. But he is the only one who I can say I didn't kill of my own volition. The others… self-defense, or protecting my son… that's what happens in a war, but still… I know what it feels like to want someone dead. To wish with every particle of your being that they feel the same pain and fury and helplessness that has just been inflicted on you… and I know what it feels like to go through with that wish."

Michael looked away from her. Nick was staring at Tess with an indescribable look on his face, but Tess wasn't looking at her boyfriend. Michael wondered vaguely if that was on purpose, if she was too afraid to see what might be reflected in his eyes, if she didn't want to know his opinion of what she had done in the past.

He remembered, all those years ago, killing Pierce. And how it had destroyed him inside, tearing him apart until he no longer even recognized himself.

It occurred to him, in that moment, that he had no idea what Tess had gone through on Antar. Just like she had no idea what they had gone through on Earth. But maybe, just maybe, they had all gone through the same thing.

War.

"I'm sorry, Tess," he murmured, although he had no idea what he was apologizing for anymore.

She looked at him and sighed. "Yeah. I'm sorry, too."


	22. Guilt

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling to survive.

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: Guilt

The guilt never goes away.

Several years in the future, Michael will still feel it. For all the people he was unable to save, and for Maria most of all. They will all try to talk to him about it, and many will come close to offering him something, some kind of comfort. But the guilt never goes away.

Ever.

* * *

"We have a problem."

Tess looked up as Kate took a seat next to her, and felt a tiny smile pull at her lips. "Only one?" she asked.

Kate smiled as well, but the smile did not reach her eyes. "I just talked to Serena again. The Military has confiscated her entire office. She thinks they're after her."

"But... why?" Tess asked anxiously, not pleased that they had pulled yet another innocent person into this mess.

"Because the Military linked you to us," Charlie answered from the doorway of the room. His expression was serious and their was no mistaking the heaviness of his tone. "And they linked Serena to Kate. Since she worked with Isabel's husband, they think somehow..."

"That Serena was involved in this," Tess said wearily, running a hand through her hair.

"They're floating a pretty decent cover-story for this, but the media caught all of you on camera at the hospital, and the Military can't hide that. Max is trying to call his parents now, but there is no answer at their house. Same with Liz."

Tess rested her head in her hands, thinking quickly. "Are we going to leave the hotel?"

"Yeah. We can't really stay here. I don't know where we can go, though. Not home, certainly," Charlie answered.

"Where is Serena?"

Kate shook her head in some frustration. "We're not sure. She got out of Boston as soon as she could, caught a plane to Chicago. She's going to try driving up here, but she won't be here for at least a week."

"What have you told her?"

"Pretty much nothing, just that she's in danger. She trusts me, so she didn't really ask questions when I said she needed to get out of Boston. With the Military after her..."

"Maybe the FBI can help her," Tess suggested.

Kate shrugged. "Maybe."

Tess rubbed her eyes and looked over at Kate. She thought of the Evanses and the Parkers, currently missing. Of Kyle, who could be in danger as well. Of Serena, forced to completely transplant herself for reasons she couldn't understand. Of Maria and Alex.

"I'm so sorry we've dragged you guys into this," she said softly.

Kate just shrugged once again. There wasn't much she could say to that, so she remained silent, and the three of them let their minds wander to these troubling circumstances.

* * *

"I think we should go back to Roswell," Max said softly as he wrapped his arm around Liz's shoulders and glanced across the room at his sister. Liz rested her head against him, exhaustion showing plainly on her face, and Isabel gave him a thoughtful look and a reluctant nod.

"I guess. But don't you think... Khivar would expect us to go there?" the hybrid Princess asked pointedly.

Max let out a slow breath, seeing the fear and hatred burning in his sister's eyes. It was obvious that she was still terrified of the idea of meeting Khivar face-to-face, and he couldn't blame her for that. But it was the hatred that bothered him, the look that said that there was very little she would not do in order to stop the man who had brought so much misery into their lives. Isabel had never been ruthless, never been a killer, and she was always the one most wary of fighting. This change in her demeanor was disturbing to say the least.

"Maybe. But we will certainly have to face him at some point." Max glanced away from his sister towards the glass sliding door separating them from the balcony. Michael was out there again, silent and gloomy, staring into the blank nothingness of the night.

"But right now... are we ready now?"

"Ready for what?" Tess asked as she stepped into the room, Kate and Charlie following her. She glanced quickly past Isabel towards Michael's lone figure, and then snapped her gaze back to Max. The conspicuous absence of two people caught her attention, and she demanded quickly, "Alex and Nick?"

"There in Jim's room," Max answered. "Alex was sleepy." His expression melted into a goofy grin as he thought of his son, a look that did not go unnoticed by either Liz or Tess. Liz stiffened slightly, but said nothing, and Tess swallowed back her uneasiness. Max was the boy's father, and sooner or later she would need to accept the fact that he had a right to be in Alex's life.

"We're talking about returning to Roswell," Liz interceded quickly, redirecting the conversation back to the previous topic.

"Khivar will be waiting for us there," Tess said thoughtfully, frowning at the idea. "Along with his entire army."

"We don't have a choice," Isabel countered, eyes narrowing slightly. "I want to face Khivar now, before he has a chance to kill more of the people I love."

It was clear to everyone present in the room that Isabel was referring to her parents, and the silence that greeted her statement was filled with the unspoken concerns, the fears that they might already be too late. There was no telling what havoc Khivar might have wreaked in their absence, and perhaps leaving the desert town had been folly. But at the time, there was no way of knowing just how close Khivar was, or how tangled this web of dangers and lies would become.

"We can't fly," Kate pointed out softly, "not if there are people out there looking for us. It is too risky. But even if we drove non-stop, it would take a while to reach New Mexico."

"We?" Liz asked, slanting a sharp look at the redhead. It seemed strange, these three outsiders who were suddenly part of their lives. Max had only told her very little about Nick, Kate, and Charlie, and although Tess had insisted that they were trustworthy, the brunette refused to accept them as part of the group until she could be sure that they were, in fact, telling the truth about themselves and their aims and goals. Far better to be safe now than sorry later.

"Yes," Kate said sharply. "We. All of us. In case you haven't noticed, we're caught up in this mess as well."

"What do we do about Maria?" Isabel interjected before Liz could respond. "Has anyone... has anyone tried to call Amy DeLuca?"

"If we're going to Roswell already," Max said while tightening his arm around Liz, "I think we should tell her in person."

"We need to have a funeral of some sort," Liz murmured with a sniff, not liking the idea of her best friend's body being discarded without proper rites. But at the word funeral, Isabel's entire body grew stiff, her eyes hardening into narrow slits, and Liz instantly dropped her gaze. She knew Isabel's anger was not directed at her, but rather at the skins, and yet... it was hard to watch the pain flicker through the eyes of her sister-in-law and know that, while she was here planning Maria's funeral, Jesse's body lay in some cold autopsy lab, possibly never to receive a burial from his widow.

"How?" Kate countered. "We can't even be seen in public now, how are we supposed to..."

"We'll figure out a way," Liz interrupted with a heated glare. "We can't just leave her body behind..."

"And it will be of no use to her if we end up getting ourselves killed while trying to..."

"You don't even know her!" Liz hissed, face red with fury. "How dare you come in here and start throwing around suggestions like..."

"Liz, stop it," Isabel snapped, finding herself inadvertently coming to Kate's defense. "She's right. We can't risk..."

Liz's dark eyes turned towards Isabel, and the other woman stopped speaking. The tension in the room grew exponentially in that infinitesimally small pause, but neither seemed willing to back down. Max held his breath, knowing better than to get into the middle of an argument between his wife and his sister, and both Kate and Tess dropped their eyes and prayed that this would end swiftly and in an amiable manner.

"Maria would not want us to put our lives in danger for her," Isabel said finally, her voice stone cold. "Particularly since our actions cannot help her anymore."

Liz, for her part, did not want to upset Isabel any more than necessary. Her grief and rage at Maria's death had not blinded her to the pain of her friends, and she knew that she was not the only one who had cared for Maria, nor was she the only one who was suffering at the moment. But neither did she like the idea of just rolling over to the demands of the current situation. Maria was her best friend, and had the positions been reversed, the blonde woman would have done the same for Liz.

"What would you suggest we do, Izzy?" Liz shot back, purposefully using Isabel's nickname in the hopes that it would soften the harshness of her words. "Leave her body in the hotel room? Maybe dump it by the side of the road? And how exactly would you explain that to Amy?"

"Like Kate said, if we're dead, we will be of no use to anyone. And then who will tell Amy what happened to her daughter?"

"Maybe we should just email her?" Liz sneered her reply. "Dear Amy, Maria's dead. Sorry." She rolled her eyes and looked away, muttering sarcastically, "That would go over so well."

"What about the FBI?"

All eyes turned to Michael, who had silently opened the glass slider and stepped back into the room, unnoticed by the others.

"What about them?" Max asked.

"Maybe they can... help. Maybe they can find a way for us to bury Maria before..." He stopped, unable to continue, and gave a jerky shrug of his shoulders, trying in vain to appear casual. But the desperation in his eyes was obvious, and that was all it took for both Liz and Isabel to feel the sudden intensification of their own guilt. At a time like this, they should not have been arguing with each other.

"Can you contact them?" Max asked, glancing over at Tess.

The petite hybrid nodded. "I was... I was going to... anyway. To try to help Kate's sister. And... um..." She glanced quickly at Isabel. "You won't be able to go back to Boston, but I thought... well, since your husband still needs to be buried, the FBI could arrange for that... without you..."

The hesitancy in her voice was not lost on Isabel, who could easily tell that Tess was reluctant to bring up this issue for fear of being verbally attacked by her emotionally overwrought allies for making plans without their approval. But Jesse did need to be buried, and Isabel had to accept that she was not going to be there for it, she was not going to get the chance to say goodbye.

"Fine," Isabel said sharply. "I guess that... makes sense."

She felt a hand tighten around her shoulder and gave Max a grateful smile for his show of support.

"Call them," Max ordered grimly with a quick nod to Tess. "Isabel and I will try to figure out our best plan for returning anonymously to Roswell."

"Actually," Isabel interrupted, watching as Michael turned and walked back onto the balcony, "can you and Liz do that? I want to..." she trailed off and gestured towards Michael, finally only able to say, "help." But Max understood, and agreed readily enough, as he, too, was concerned for their friend.

As Isabel moved towards Michael, Liz said softly to Max, "I just need to... wash my face. I'll be right back." She needed much more than just cold water on her face, however, and the solitude of the bathroom might help her gather her conflicted thoughts. She still had no idea how to respond to anything she had learned, anything that was happening all around her. Maria had often been her anchor, all that kept her sane when it seemed as though the world was constantly falling apart. Without her...

Liz shut the door to the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was tired. Her skin was far too pale, her eyes ringed with red from the endless tears that she couldn't quite let fall. She was weak, and just the effort of walking from one room to another left her exhausted and shaking. She leaned against the sink, trying to steady her breaths.

And then her cell phone rang.

It was such an unexpected sound, that she nearly jumped out of her own skin. Since she had been re-emitted into the hospital, she did not receive calls on that phone. It had been taken away from her, due to the fact that cell phone use could interfere with the life-support machinery used in the ICU. Now that she had it back...

She flipped open the phone, glancing at the caller I.D. It read as 'withheld,' and she wondered who could be calling her right now.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Ms. Parker-Evans."

There was no mistaking that voice. Liz took an involuntary step backwards and sat down on the edge of the bathtub, feeling too shaky to stand on her own feet. She did not need to see the speaker to know exactly who was talking, and a mix of complicated emotions rushed through her veins.

"Jennifer Valenti."

"You recognize my voice. I'm impressed. Are you alone right now? Can anyone overhear this conversation?"

"I doubt it. I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub in my hotel room," Liz answered. "I... you're real. You're not a hallucination."

"No. I'm not."

"But... you're dead. Kyle... Kyle buried you."

"And for everyone's sake, I need to stay dead. You cannot mention this call to anyone. Not even your husband."

"I'm not going to lie to Max," Liz snapped insistently.

"Yes, you will," came the confident answer. "You will listen to what I say, and then you will realize why you cannot tell anyone that you have spoken to me. That I am actually alive."

Liz hesitated. "Fine. Talk. We'll see what I decide."

"Glad to see you're listening to reason, Ms. Parker-Evans." There was a pause, then the caller continued, "I'm sorry about Ms. DeLuca. Had we had any advance warning that she could get hurt... But I hope that you now realize the truth in what I was trying to tell you earlier."

Liz's fingers clenched tightly around the phone as she understood what the mysterious woman was saying. She'd tried so hard to convince Liz that the others needed to learn how to move on even if one of them died. At the time, it was Liz who was expected to be killed by enemy aliens, not Maria. And it was Max who was expected to fall apart at the loss of his wife. But even though the situation had changed slightly, the outcome was still the same. The group was slowly destroying itself as Michael pulled away from the others and Liz allowed herself to be drawn into arguments with Isabel and Tess.

It was exactly what she had been warned against.

Still...

"So, what exactly do you want me to do? Not grieve for the fact that my best friend was killed saving my life?"

"If that is what it takes to save this planet. In case you have not already realized this, there are far greater things at stake than just a few lives."

Liz exhaled slowly, trying to remain calm. "How can you say that? If we start dismissing life as unimportant..."

"I did not say it was unimportant," the voice said, suddenly sharp and cold, "and don't give me a lecture of the pain of losing people."

"Of course not," Liz retorted heatedly. "I'm sure you have so much experience with that. Care to explain to me why Kyle thinks you're dead?"

"What would you like to hear, Ms. Parker-Evans? That I faked my own death to protect my husband and my daughter? That the FBI had been fighting the skins for two years before that, and I was concerned those enemy aliens would come after me? Do you think you are the only one involved in this fight? We want Khivar dead just as much as you do, and that means he wants us dead as well. As long as Kyle and Emily believe I am truly gone..."

Liz closed her eyes. She had no doubt that this Jennifer Valenti was a skilled actress, so she was unsure as to weather the pain and heartache in her voice was real. But it sounded real, and Liz was willing to give this woman the benefit of the doubt that she had not wanted to abandon her family... but she also had not been able to live with the possibility that her presence would get them killed.

"I'm sorry," Liz said, and meant it.

"Thank you." A hesitation, then, "Look, I will put all my cards on the table. I've been part of the FBI for the past three years. When I married Kyle, I knew who he was and how he was connected to you, and marrying him was part of my cover. And then... I fell in love. And I got pregnant. Which was incredibly stupid, because I had had enough training to know that you _never _fall in love with your cover, and you certainly do not have children with him. I screwed up, but I thought I could still handle everything. Until things started getting just a little bit too problematic for me, and then I knew I could never take that chance that I would put my husband and my daughter in danger. So I... _died_. And I went back to the FBI and started doing more clandestine work. Being dead is actually a pretty good cover."

"I see," Liz said noncommittally.

"We all make sacrifices. It's a war, people are dying across the country, and everything can get quite a bit worse. We think the only reason Khivar has held off on attacking all of humanity is because he wants to wait until he kills all of you. If he can get his greatest enemies out of the way, there will be virtually none left to oppose him."

Unbidden, thoughts of her visit from Future Max came to mind. Hadn't he said pretty much the same thing? Hadn't he told her that Khivar would completely destroy the world? That he would kill them all? And hadn't he been willing to sacrifice everything, including his love for Liz, in order to change the future? That, she knew, had taken such inner strength for him; very few people would be able to travel back in time with the sole purpose of losing what they held dear and erasing their future.

She looked at the phone, and wondered what Max would do if he was in this position. She wanted his advice, but before she could even think of talking to him about it, Jennifer Valenti had continued speaking. And her words put to rest any thoughts Liz might have had about confiding in Max.

"If you tell Max, what do you think his response will be? That he will just accept my existence and move on, or that he will want to meet me, to talk to me, to interrogate me?" It was a rhetorical question, and Liz did not bother answering. The other woman continued, "And what happens then? The skins find out I am still alive. They're watching your every move, they will know the minute Max and I meet. That puts Kyle and Emily in danger. But, even more than that, it puts everyone else in danger as well. Right now, one of the few advantages you have is that Khivar does not realize just how much we know about him. And we know a lot. _I_ know a lot. Are you really going to jeopardize that?"

"What do you know?" Liz asked, feeling a sense of resignation creeping into her mind.

"I know that Khivar has skins in every major city in the United States. I know that he is planning on taking Roswell first, as a trophy, and then following with systematic attacks on New York City, Los Angeles, Boston, Philadelphia, Washington D.C., and Chicago... And I know that there is a reason you cannot reach your parents right now."

"Where are they?" Liz asked, fear gripping her tightly.

"They're dead, Liz. Just as dead as I am."

Liz swallowed uneasily, recognizing the hidden meaning in those words. "The Evanses? Amy DeLuca?"

"They are fine. It is highly unlikely that there will be any attack on them while the Royal Four still live. Same with Kyle and Emily."

"How do you know Amy, Kyle, and Emily are safe?"

"Inside intel. You'll probably be getting a call from Kyle or Amy soon about your parents. I presume you will be going back to Roswell?"

Liz ran a hand through her hair, wondering how much about their plans she should reveal. But her silence was answer enough for Jennifer, and the other woman continued without waiting any longer.

"That's probably wise. The skins assume that you have enough common sense _not _to return to Roswell. They will not be prepared for your presence. I will try to determine where they are in Roswell, and Agent White or Agent Thompson will bring that information to you. A surprise attack may rid the city of your foes, at least for a few days. You cannot stay there long, but long enough to attend the fake funeral you will be having."

"Where are my parents?"

"Safe, Liz. I can't tell you anymore than that."

"But..."

"I won't tell you anymore than that. For their sake, it is better if you don't know anyway. I will tell them that I spoke to you, however, and that you send your love. But you cannot tell anyone that they are alive. Not even your husband. The less who know..."

"I can't keep it a secret!" Liz snapped irritably.

"Three people can keep a secret, Mr. Parker-Evans, only if two of them are dead. The more people who know, the easier it will be for Khivar or Nicolas to pluck that information out of your destroyed minds. Do you really want to take that chance?"

"How do I know I can trust you?"

There was a sigh from the other end of the telephone line, then, "You don't, I guess. But you know you can't trust Khivar. Anyway, your friends trust Agents White and Thompson. You may ask those two about me... discreetly, of course... and they will confirm that I am on your side."

Liz said nothing.

"Do you understand why you cannot repeat this conversation to anyone? Do you understand why you must convince your friends to move past Ms. DeLuca's death? Do you understand why it is imperative for you to work together? As a group? Do you understand just how bad things can get?"

"I... I can't... I don't want..."

"Do you understand, Liz? Do you _understand_?"

She looked at her own reflection in the mirror, the exhaustion that lined her face, the weary gaze in her eyes. "Yes," she said heavily. "Yes, I understand."

* * *

Isabel stepped out onto the balcony and stared at Michael for a moment. He was not looking at her, but she knew he had to be aware of her presence. Still... he was not going to speak unless she said something first, and so she found herself breaking the tense silence with five simple words.

"You really are a jerk."

He looked at her sharply, dark eyes narrowing. There was no emotion on his face, but she still shivered slightly, as though afraid of all the things she could not longer see in his eyes. The rebel alien that had killed Maria might believe that humans were weak, but it was that utter lack of humanity in Michael's eyes that terrified her now.

And yet, she had already begun to speak, and there was no going back now. He needed to hear this, needed to hear what she had to say. And she needed the chance to say it...

"Do you actually think I would have just stood by and let Maria die? Do you really think that I care so little about all of you that I wouldn't do everything I possibly could to make sure that you all were safe? That I haven't already grieved enough for my friends? That I'd just allow another to die?"

Michael looked away, his gaze snapping back towards the sky.

"I've lost people, Michael. Alex, Jesse. Maria, too. And I've killed. You do not have a monopoly on pain!" Isabel snapped.

Michael did not reply.

"Stop ignoring me!" Isabel hissed, reaching out and grabbing his arm.

To his credit, Michael did not attempt to yank his arm from her grasp. He flinched, ever so slightly, slanted a look towards her, but the silence remained between them. Isabel dropped his arm and turned away.

"Sometimes, I hate you so much," she murmured. "How can you think these things about me? Why aren't you blaming Max for not defeating the alien sooner? Why aren't you blaming Tess for not being able to hold the mind-warp longer? Why is it _my _fault?"

"It isn't," Michael said finally. "I didn't mean why I said. I was just... upset."

Isabel rolled her eyes and did not look at him. She could feel his gaze piercing into the back of her head, but the burning in her eyes was an indication of just how close she was to tears, and she did not want to cry in front of him. So she channeled her hurt into frustration, and answered, "Of course you meant it. I know you, Michael, and I know when you are actually mad. Those things you said to me... it wasn't grief behind the words. It was anger."

"That's not true. I was upset and you... you were there. So I yelled at you. I didn't mean..."

"Yes! Yes you _did_. Stop saying that you didn't. Stop saying that it was all just a mistake. You _hated _me! I saw it, I saw that in your eyes." Now that she had started, she couldn't stop, "I never said those sorts of things to you. Or to Max. For God's sake, I didn't even say them to Tess, not once we knew the truth about Alex's death! But you... you can say it was easy to use me as a scapegoat, but it isn't that. We both know that there is something else... _Why_? Why do you blame me for this?"

"I don't," Michael answered stoically. "You were just a scapegoat, Isabel. That's it."

Isabel turned and glowered at him as she replied coldly, "Don't insult my intelligence by claiming that."

"I don't know what you want me to say. I don't know what would convince you."

"The truth, Michael. Tell me the truth."

He clenched his hands into fists, then slowly relaxed his fingers as though it took great effort to do so. He studied the palms of his hands for a moment, before saying softly, but in a voice underlined with uncompromising steel, "That is the truth. This isn't about you, Isabel. It doesn't all revolve around you."

Isabel shook her head slowly and turned towards the glass sliding door. Max and Liz were talking softly, each sitting on the edge of the bed. A few steps away from them, Tess hovered awkwardly, clearly trying to participate in the conversation. But she looked uncomfortable with her position, and Max and Liz both just looked tense. The tension had seemed to spread to Kate and Charlie, who stood in the doorway of the other room, clearly arguing over something. Jim sat by himself in one of the chairs, his head down, resting on the fingertips of one hand. Nick and Alex were still absent.

The divisions among the group were obvious, like cracks along the sidewalk. They were fractured, broken, unable to move past the most recent tragedy and focus on the problems at hand. It had been several years since Prom, since the last night before everything seemed to fall apart, but Isabel could still so easily remember that one photograph that they took, with everyone together, smiling... happy. Was that the last time that they had ever been whole?

"Isabel?"

Michael was facing her now, giving her his complete attention.

"What?" she demanded, her voice little more than a sharp snap.

He frowned, dropped his eyes. "Nothing."

"What?" she asked again, a little more gently this time.

"Are you going inside?" Michael asked, nodding towards the door. It was clear from the look in his eyes that he wanted to be left alone right now, and his question was really more of a subtle hint for her to go.

But she shook her head. "Wasn't planning on it."

"Isabel..."

"What?"

This time, when he met her gaze, the emotions swirling in his dark eyes were suddenly so strong that she could not look away.

But when he spoke, his words were toneless. "Nothing. Do what you want." He turned away from her, leaned out over the balcony railing, stared up at the sky. She hesitated, then stepped over to his side and stood next to him, leaning forwards, resting her hands against the cold metal railing as well. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder, she waited, knowing that he could keep silent for an eternity, but knowing that she wasn't going to leave until he spoke.

It took several minutes. But she didn't leave.

"I'm sorry," Michael said finally. "For blaming you."

"Why did you do it?" Isabel asked.

"Why won't you leave me alone?" Michael retorted.

Isabel considered this for a moment. "Because I love you," she said finally.

"And you way of showing that love is to pester me?" Michael asked sarcastically. He rolled one shoulder, his sore muscles expanding and contracting underneath his shirt. "By telling me what I believe and why I've acted the way I did? By ignoring my explanations?"

"By refusing to let you lie to yourself. Or me."

"You don't care about how I feel," Michael argued. "If you did, you wouldn't be pushing this. You just want to make sure that you're clear of all the blame..."

The resounding sound of flesh hitting flesh echoed in the air, and Michael's head reeled back, jerking away from Isabel's open hand. Her slap left an impression on the side of his face, five finger-shaped marks outlined red against his skin. But even as the mark started to fade and the heat drained from his skin, the anger in Isabel's eyes remained.

Michael gaped at her. In all his years of knowing Isabel, she had never raised a hand against him.

She'd done a lot of other things, including mocking him, teasing him, annoying him, pestering him, lying to and about him, breaking promises to him... But to actually, physically slap him...?

It was all it really took for him to realize how much she was hurting inside. And the words came from his mouth before he had a chance to stop them, to think over the consequences of what he was about to say.

"You aren't supposed to be the one who holds it together!"

"_What_?"

"For God's sake, Isabel, after Alex died you started _hallucinating _him! When Khivar crashed your wedding, you panicked over it. When you killed Whitaker, you threw a temper tantrum in the pod chamber. You don't hold together, Isabel. You get emotional, you cry, you yell, you scream... you come damn close to falling apart! It's always Max and I who have to hold things together until you can figure out how to... how to deal with everything. We're the ones who take care of you, and you..."

"What, Michael? What?"

"You're not supposed to be better at this than I am!"

A complete silence met those words, and Michael spun on his heel and marched to the other end of the balcony. Isabel stood where she was, frozen, rooted to that exact spot. It was a tableau, this moment caught in time, an echo of the divisions, the pain, the fragmented fury that they were all feeling.

"Better at what?" Isabel whispered.

"Fighting. Surviving. Dealing. You... Jesse's dead, and you can still think about... about what we need to do. Maria is dead and I can't even... I'm supposed to be the one who holds it together, Isabel. Not you. _Not _you."

"That's why you're mad at me?" Isabel asked incredulously. "Because I've found the strength to keep fighting, and you're... you're _jealous_?"

"Maria's dead because I wasn't able to..."

"Maria's dead because someone else killed her. Not you, Michael. Not us."

"But it is our fault. If we... if we hadn't... She was fighting this war because of us, Isabel. It isn't her fight, it isn't... it _wasn't_ her fight. Wasn't her war. And... I dragged her into it. I..."

"She had plenty of opportunities to turn away," Isabel reasoned. "And she didn't."

"She should have. I should have protected her. I... I'm supposed to protect everyone. Her, Alex... and..."

"Me?"

"Yeah." Michael sighed, ran a hand through his hair, drew another shaky breath. "And you."

She gave a dry chuckle, bitterness filling her voice, "War isn't over yet. You'll have plenty of chances to protect us."

He didn't even try to smile. "You should probably go back inside."

"No."

He gave a weary shake of his head. "Why not?"

Isabel raised an eyebrow and answered pointedly, "I already told you, Michael. I won't leave because I love you." She pointed back towards the hotel room. "Look at that, Michael. Look at them."

He followed her gesturing hand, frowning at the aliens and humans inside the room. "What about it?"

"Liz looks like she is about to fall apart. Or attack Tess, I'm not sure which. Max is on the verge of collapse, and Tess seems perpetually ready to surrender. Jim isn't even bothering to join them, and they're not attempting to include him. Charlie and Kate are arguing, and are not sharing their debate with Tess. We're all falling apart. It's like someone has tried to smash us, and all it is going to take is another small blow, even just a gentle tap, and we're going to be nothing more than broken shards scattered on the ground. Khivar will win!"

Michael swallowed uneasily.

"I am falling apart, Michael. Every single second of every single day... The reason it seems like I'm still holding it together is that this time it is more than just me falling apart. This time we're all crashing."

"Isabel..."

"I love you. And Max. And Liz. And... if we need Tess, then I will tolerate her as well. You know what, I'll take Kate, Charlie, and Nick, too. And Alex. My _nephew_. I'm not leaving you out here to mourn alone, or them in there to destroy themselves. We are in this together. And we need to start acting like it."

Michael nodded slowly, but the guilt did not leave. Still, he followed Isabel back through the sliding door and into the hotel room, and prayed that one day he would be able to forgive everyone, including himself, for everything that had gone so incredibly wrong.


	23. The Triangle Complex

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Nineteen: The Triangle Complex

It will take years before Liz can find the courage to see Tess for who and what she really is. Alex, the brunette accepts without hesitation, despite knowing that, due to the cancer, she and Max will probably never have children of their own and that Tess' son will always be a reminder of what she could not do. There is something about the boy, and innocence indescribably sweet, and Liz cannot help but love him. But his mother?

She knows, intellectually, that very little of this is Tess' fault. They made mistakes, all of them. And Tess is a victim of circumstance and war. And she will learn to work with Tess, to be civil as they fight towards their common goal. And she'll stop expecting to find Tess making moves on Max, stop worrying that she'll lose him... again.

But still...

It will be years before the bitter resentment, the suspicion, and the fear fully fades.

* * *

"So... the consensus seems to be a road trip to Roswell."

Tess looked up from where she was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her son sleep. Nick hovered in the doorway, looking weary and exhausted, and she realized abruptly just how draining this entire experience had been for him. While he had not known Maria long enough to form any sort of bond with her, and while it was unlikely Maria would have ever allowed such a bond to form, her death had still managed to tear apart every single member of the group, including the reluctant Nick.

She gave a single, slow nod. "Yeah. Last place I thought I'd ever go."

Nick tried to offer a few reassuring words, a gentle, "It can't be so bad," even though he knew that, in all reality, it _could _be that bad.

"Yes it can," Tess countered in a low murmur. "And it will."

"How many people do you even know there? You only lived in Roswell for a year."

Tess looked back at her son. "Max and Isabel's parents, Liz's parents, Maria's mother... and Kyle."

He did not miss the brief pause, the catch in her voice as she said Kyle's name, nor did he miss the sudden presence of glistening tears or the tension in the lines of her face. "Kyle is Jim Valenti's son," he said.

It was not a question, but Tess answered anyway. "Yes..." She trailed off and, after a moment, continued, "I lived with them, after Nasedo... died. I went to Prom with Kyle. Which ended with him telling me that he thought of me like a sister, not a girlfriend." She gave a dry chuckle, "Just what every girl wants to hear at Prom."

"Did you think of him as a boyfriend?" Nick asked, curious. He had never really felt threatened by the men he knew must have been part of Tess' life at some point, but that did not stop him from being slightly jealous.

"Not really. But I was... I was so focused on Max. I think Kyle and I might have been good together, if I'd ever given him a chance. I did love him, in my own complicated, misguided way." She reached out and brushed a few strands of dark hair out of her son's tightly closed eyes. "I doubt he loves me, though. Not now. Not anymore." She let a silence fall, studying her son's chest, watching the way it rose and fell with every breath he took. After a moment, however, she found herself speaking again, the words coming softly, "I mind-warped him. Convinced him that Alex's body was really just luggage and made him..." She stopped, took a shaky breath, and tried again, "I made him carry Alex's dead body to the car."

"Your enemies made him do that. Not you."

Tess shifted on the bed, raising her eyes to meet his steady gaze. "Do you think that distinction in going to matter to him?"

Nick opened his mouth to answer, then shut it with a snap. He had no idea how to respond to her pointed question or to the look in her eyes. She was daring him to give her an honest, truthful answer, and, if he were Kyle... well, the mind-warp hadn't been Tess' fault. But she had not gone back to Roswell, not confronted him, not told him everything... and Nick could only just imagine how hard it would have been for the Sheriff's son to accept to the truth he thought he knew about his so-called sister.

"I'm not Kyle," he said finally, "so I can't speak for him."

She gave a ghost of a smile, a look tainted with resignation. "No, I don't suppose you can." She rose to her feet then, moving slowly, wearily. "If we are going to leave, it will need to be soon."

"Tess..."

She faced him then, turning her back on her sleeping son. Her eyes, a dark, almost navy blue, met his steady gaze. "Yes?"

"How does this end?"

"We kill Khivar," Tess answered simply, because there was only one other way it could end, and she refused to even consider the possibility that they would fail to protect her son. It was him or their enemy, and she would see to it that Khivar was the one who fell, even if it cost her everything else in her life. Alex always came first.

"Yes, you have practice with that, don't you?" Nick said heavily, running a hand through his hair. Her eyes widened, just a fraction, but he caught the movement and took it for what it was. But instead of letting the fear pull her out of the conversation as she might have done only twenty-four hours ago, she continued to stare at him, waiting, and he continued, "How many people have you killed?"

"Alex Whitman, one of the guards in Khivar's prison, two rebels in the camp, and a soldier who was protecting the ship I stole, the one that brought me back to Earth," Tess answered softly. "That's five. Although, then there are all the people who died protecting me... I don't know if that counts." She folded her arms over her chest and watched Nick shifted uncertainly on his feet. "Are you afraid of me?"

"No," Nick replied. Then, after a moment's pause, he added, "But I am afraid of what you can do."

"Good," Tess answered with a decisive nod. "You're starting to understand."

"That's the thing, Tess," Nick retorted gently, but in a tone that brooked no argument from her, "I'm really not understanding it. I mean... I am terrified of what I've seen everyone do with their powers. Terrified that this war will kill me, that your enemies will use me to get to you. But... But I'm not afraid of _you_. And if I am not scared of you, then why are you so fearful of yourself?"

She didn't answer right away, and when she finally spoke, it was not to provide any explanations. Instead, she said, "You know, you don't have to come to Roswell with us."

"Where else would I go?"

"Far, far away," Tess muttered with a sigh.

"I can't," Nick replied honestly. "I can't just leave you or Alex."

Tess licked her dry lips. "I know," she admitted slowly. "If you could have left us, you would have done it a long time ago. But you didn't... you're a good person. An idiot, maybe, but a good person."

Nick smiled, and although the expression was slightly forced, it did cause the exhaustion in his face to fade just a little bit. "Thanks." He moved to her side, catching her arm in his hand and added, "You are too, you know."

"An idiot or a good person?"

"Both."

"Hmm... guess we were made for each other, then."

"Do you really think so?" Nick whispered.

"Well, technically I was made for Max," Tess said, dropping her arms and taking his fingers in her hand. "Created by scientists. It's really creepy, when you think about it like that."

"You still love him."

"Always will. But I've told you that already." She stared at his hand, studying the way the lines in his skin ran from his palm, over each joint, and to the tips of his fingers. "Although, I really have no idea how much of that was me and how much was Nasedo and Destiny and what I was taught to expect." Life would have been so different if she had been found by someone else, someone more human, someone who had taught her about Earth and what humanity was really like. It had taken her so long to learn that humanity wasn't weak, that humans could be good friends and strong allies, that she could find a place to fit in this world. For all that he had taken from her, she doubted she would ever forgive Nasedo.

She was still sorry he had died.

Then she gave a bitter chuckle and added, "And he loved me, too. Not like Liz, but... he did care about me. That wasn't a mind-warp. And I managed to screw it all up. God only knows what any of them feel for me anymore. Even Kyle."

"For what it is worth, I still love you."

She tilted her chin up, smiling. "That, Nick, is worth the entire world. And every other world out there."

"Is it?"

She leaned forward, resting her head against his chest. "I've screwed up, Nick. A lot. In more ways than you probably realize. And I can't promise that I won't screw up again in the future. That I won't say or do the wrong thing, that I won't make the wrong decision. But I can promise you that I am interested in that future... the one with you in it, by my side."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Me, too."

"Am I interrupting?" a voice asked, amused. Isabel was standing behind Nick, watching the two of them with a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Her gaze moved back and forth between Tess and Nick as the two of them pulled apart, and Tess flushed darkly.

"No. Uh... how's Michael?"

"I think he is doing better," Isabel answered honestly, "but I don't know how long that is going to last. We're going to have a small memorial service for Maria here, and then the FBI will buy her body and we will hit the road. To Roswell." She paused, shrugging stiffly and adding, "It is the best plan we could come up with on such short notice. I think... I think it is a good one. I..." She stopped, shook her head, and lapsed into silence.

"Will the memorial service be for... uh, Jesse... as well?" Tess asked softly, biting her bottom lip.

Isabel nodded, the tears welling in her eyes. "Yes. It will..." She swallowed anxiously, bitterly. "The FBI will take care of his body as well. I... I really can't go to Boston now."

Tess slipped her hand into Nick's and pulled him past Isabel, intent on walking out of the room. There was nothing she could say to Isabel, no words of comfort that could ease the pain. She knew what it was like to lose someone, to lose multiple people, and she knew that no one was going to recover from this all that quickly.

"Tess..."

The sound of her name, the sudden pressure of Isabel's fingers on her arm, and she stopped, frowning at the other woman. "Yes?"

"Are you with us?"

Tess blinked, eyes widening slightly. It had been a long time since she had thought of the Roswell group as somehow including her, but now that Isabel was standing before her, posing that very important question, she found she could not even form a coherent answer. She wanted to be, so desperately, but she was no longer innocent enough to believe that she could go back in time and right all the wrongs. Alex Whitman's death, and the resulting five years of isolation, would always fill the space between them, a reminder of everything that they had all done so completely wrong.

"Tess, I need an honest answer. I need to know that you, Nick, Kate, and Charlie are with us. Completely. That there will be no more lies, that you won't hide anything from us. We are all facing the same enemy, and as you told Maria before... before she... died... for good or ill, we are in this together. Neither of us can change the past, but if we stand together, maybe we can save the future. I need to know that I can trust you... and I need to know that you will trust us. "

And that was it, that was the topic on which the entire past and future rested. Trust. It had never been her strong point before, and too much had happened to her to pretend that she could trust easily now. But Nick was standing beside her, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, and Isabel was standing before her, offering her a chance to repair what she had broken.

Could she trust them? Could they trust her?

The skins had used her once, and she had no doubt that they would try again. She could very easily become a weapon to be used against those she loved. Trusting them, and having them trust her, might simply end the way it had in the past, with heartbreak and death and loss. But if she did not trust the other hybrids, then she was truly lost. Because, although she did not like admitting it to herself, she was not strong enough to fight Khivar on her own.

And her son's life depended on the outcome of that battle.

What would she do for Alex?

Anything.

"Promise me you will pay attention," she said, looking between the two. "Promise me you will notice when I start acting strange, when I seem out of character. Promise me, if the skins get me, you'll notice. And you will stop them. Or me."

"I promise," Isabel whispered, and Nick nodded his agreement.

"Then, yes, Isabel, I am with you. All of you."

* * *

"Dad?" Kyle sank onto the sofa, cradling the phone against his shoulder. "Did you hear the news?"

"What news?"

Even Kyle could hear the surprise in Jim's tone, and something else. Anticipation, or fear, or... _something_. It gave the younger Valenti pause, because if his father had not heard about the Parkers, then why would he be calling? And why would he sound so... agitated?

"About Jeff and Nancy Parker? Hasn't anyone called Liz?"

There was a silence, then Jim answered, "She's on the phone with Diane Evans right now. Why? What happened?"

Kyle frowned, torn. This was not the sort of news he wanted to give his father over the phone, and it certainly was not the type of news he wanted Liz to have to hear over the phone either. On the other hand, if this was alien-related, he could not hold off on telling his father, no matter how much pain it would cause.

All his original anger at the group, while it had not yet faded, was pushed to the side, and all he could truly feel for them at the moment was sympathy. He took a deep breath and said, "Jeff and Nancy Parker are dead."

A pause. Complete and total silence. Then...

"So is Maria."

"_What_?"

There was no need to even ask how this had happened, because the answer was obvious. It happened the only way anything ever happened with this group, somehow related to the aliens. Although the Parkers' death had not yet been understood by all the many nosy people in the town, Kyle knew it was only a matter of time before questions were asked. The way they had died was strange, mysterious even, but they were dead now, and there was no use dwelling on what could have been done.

"I'm sorry," Kyle offered, not because his father cared much for Maria DeLuca, but because once upon a time, she had been close to the family. He wondered for a moment how Amy would take the news, and had anyone told her yet?

"We're coming back to Roswell."

Kyle nodded numbly, even knowing that his father could not see the movement. "Okay," he said after a moment, then floundered helplessly for something else to say. So far, they had managed to avoid the subject that still filled the tense silence between them. He felt no desire to ask about Tess, to even think about her, but his father had seen her, and so it seemed as though it could not be ignored...

The thought came with a rush of horror, and he stuttered out the question, "Did Tess kill Maria?"

Another pause, then, "No, Kyle, she didn't."

"Oh."

"And... she didn't really kill Alex either."

Kyle gaped, unsure how to respond. "But... but I saw... she admitted..." He stopped, shaking his head as though to clear his troubled thoughts. "That's not... this is a lie. A trick, Dad. Can't you see that?"

"It's not, Kyle. It's not a trick. She really... she was... it's complicated."

He snorted, shifting on the sofa. His gaze moved towards his daughter, who was sleeping peacefully in the playpen he had brought into the living room so he could keep an eye on her while he sat awake during the nights, unable to sleep. She was so innocent, so unaware of the horrors that had plagued her father and his one-time friends, so protected against the reality of this world. One day she would grow up, and start asking questions about her mother, about why people had to die. He wondered what he would tell her.

"With Tess, everything was always complicated," he snapped, spitting out the hated name.

"She was being controlled by the skins. She... they used some mind-trick against her. She didn't want to kill Alex, she tried to save him... All that stuff she said to Max... it was the skins talking. It was a lie. She's not... she's not a traitor, not a killer."

Kyle switched the phone to the other hand and looked up at the window. It was pitch black outside, but the sun would be rising soon. He yawned, suddenly exhausted. "Dad... why are you saying all this? You know it can't be true."

"It is true, Kyle. If you could just see her... she's not... evil."

"I don't believe that."

And once again, another pause. This one was longer, and filled with a sudden stiffness. Then Jim said, "Kyle, we're all coming back to Roswell. That includes Tess."

He tried not to care. He tried to ignore the flicker of hope that lit up his face at the thought that he might see her again. He tried to ignore the equally strong swelling of pure hatred, of rage. He tried to ignore the bewildered confusion, the weary thought that this would never end for him, he would never be able to escape. Even after all this time...

"And Tess' friends, too."

"She has friends?" Kyle asked incredulously. "More aliens? Is she bringing the entire planet back?"

"No. It's just three, and they are human. One is her boyfriend."

"How did she have time to find a boyfriend?"

"Kyle... she's been on Earth for five years."

It didn't take all that much effort to come up with the calculation in his head. She had come back to Earth around the time of graduation. She had come back to Earth, and she had not sought them out, not tried to tell them the truth... if that even was the truth. With righteous indignation, he fumed, "If she's been hiding for five years, how can you possibly believe that she is innocent? Innocent people do not hide!"

"I don't know. Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"I'm not going to see her. Max and the others can come back and do whatever it is they need to do, but I don't want Tess anywhere near me."

There was a time when he would have given anything in the world to hear the words that she was innocent, to know that he had not made such a huge mistake about trusting this girl, about accepting her into the family. But that time had passed, and the idea of facing Tess now only left him with a feeling of fury and bitter neglect.

Five _years_?

"Kyle..."

"No, Dad."

It took Jim a moment to finally respond with a simple, "Okay. If that's what you want. So... how's Emily?"

And just like that they switched to safer subjects, trying to ignore the weight of what was hanging over them, left unsaid.

* * *

The memorial service had been quick, pleasant. They'd left the hotel, packing their few belongings into two different cars that the FBI had managed to provide, and then gathered in a small park near downtown. It was dark and it had started to rain again, a light drizzle that fell over each of them, adding a ambiance of misery to the entire proceedings. Michael said a few words about Maria, and Liz buried her face in Max's chest, trying to block out the image of her best friend's unseeing and lifeless eyes. Isabel tried to talk about Jesse, but every time she opened her mouth, it was sobs that issued forth. Finally, Max spoke up, offering a story about his conversations with Jesse right before Isabel's wedding, about how much he had clearly loved the hybrid princess. About how he had accepted her alien half, all their alien halves, when he discovered the truth. About how he was a good person.

The FBI had arranged for his funeral to happen the next day, and Maria would get her own little burial, done in secret, with no one but a few agents present. It was not what either deserved, but in these times, it was the best they could offer.

As they left the park, Michael chanced a quick look at Liz. She had told them the news about her parents' deaths, breaking down into hysterical tears, and Max had held her close. He had spoken briefly to his mother, confirming the story. Another two deaths now hung over them, more pain and grief and regret. Liz looked extraordinarily pale, and Michael wondered how she had even managed to stay standing upright throughout the memorial service, knowing that she had now lost both best friends and both parents to this war.

A war she was not even part of, except that she had fallen in love with Max.

_"You wonder if she regrets this now, don't you?"  
_

He turned towards the phantom, this strange ghost that had appeared out of nowhere. She was standing next to him, staring up at the stars with an expression of mild wonder on her face. But when he looked at her, she met his gaze, tilting her chin to the side and raising her eyebrows.

_"It's alright, Space Boy," _she confided_, "I wonder that as well. She married Max because she loved him so desperately, but now... what does she have to show for it? Two dead friends and no parents."_

Michael twisted, looking at the others. They were giving him space, letting him grieve on his own. Nick was leading Tess back to the car to join Charlie and Kate, who had opted not to intrude on the privacy of the service. Liz was clutching at Max as though the world might stop spinning, and the alien king was trying to simultaneously comfort her, himself, and Isabel, who stood next to him. Jim stood a few feet behind Max, watching Isabel and Liz as they nearly fell apart.

None of them were looking at him.

He looked back at the ghost. "You're dead."

_"That's what they tell me."  
_

"This is... not possible," Michael muttered, rubbing the back of his head in an absent-minded gesture. "I'm seeing things. Great."

_"What's the matter? Don't you want to see me?"_ Her tone was teasing, but the amusement did not reach her eyes. She glanced past him, towards Max and Liz. _"I used to think they were perfect for each other. Still do. But you've got to wonder what Liz thinks now."_

"Why?" Michael whispered, his voice hoarse. "Why did you have to jump in front of Liz? Why did you have to die?"

She smiled. _"No use getting mad at me for something you would have done yourself, had you been in my position. I made a choice. Liz isn't dead. That's enough."_

"Not to me."

She walked away from him, towards the cars. He followed her, squinting through the drizzling rain. Every now and then, she'd look up at the sky, at the stars that just barely shone through the misty clouds. A sudden burst of wind pushed away one cloud, revealing the silver moon.

_"You'll have to tell my mother that I love her. I'm sure she'll want all the details, but don't give her too many. No reason to upset her."  
_

Michael rolled his eyes. "It's not the details that are going to upset her. Of course, they might make her dislike Liz..."

_"Like you do?"_ She turned towards him again, a pointed glare. _"Not her fault. Not Isabel's fault."_ She hesitated, then said gently, _"Not your fault."_

Michael shook his head and did not respond.

_"You'd better believe it, Space Boy,"_ she said fiercely, _"because I'm just a figment of your imagination. Which means all this," _she gestured towards herself with both hands, _"and everything I'm saying to you, it's all in your head."  
_

"Are you calling me a head case?"

She laughed. _"Even if your head, you can't give in to any of my reasoning without a fight. You always have to have the last word, don't you?"_

"Only when I'm right. Which is all the time."

_"Hmph. Yeah, right. Keep telling yourself that."  
_

He walked away from her, leaving the phantom standing behind in the rain. She didn't follow him, and he didn't look back as he opened the car door and slid into the passenger's seat. But just before he could close the door, she called out to him, her voice echoing slightly, as though it had traveled a long distance to reach him.

_"Oh, come on, Michael, you know you love me."_

He glanced at her, the words catching in his throat. "I know," he whispered.

* * *

They drove in silence. Max sat behind the wheel, his eyes fixed on the road before him, his expression tired and gloomy. Liz was in the passenger's seat, leaning her head against the window, trying to stay awake even though the events of the past few days were pulling her into an inescapable weariness. Nick sat in the back, next to Tess, with Alex in between them. The little boy was asleep, and Nick was drifting in and out of consciousness, but Tess stayed wide awake, staring out the window at the passing landscape.

Liz frowned as she looked back at Tess and Nick. She had not particularly wanted to ride with the petite blonde hybrid, but Max had been determined to keep his son close, and Tess would not let Alex go anywhere without either her or Nick by his side, so that had left Kate and Charlie to take the other car with Michael, Isabel, and Jim. Agent Thompson had stayed behind, promising to check in with them later, after he had arranged for the necessary funerals.

She had spoken to Agent Thompson about Jennifer Valenti and received an affirmative answer. The other woman had not lied. She was not sure if that made her feel any better or worse about the situation. She was still lying to those that she loved, pretending to mourn her parents while knowing they were still alive, neglecting to mention that Kyle had not actually lost his wife. When Max had wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed over her parents' "death," she had felt so incredibly guilty that the tears ended up being more for him than for her parents. He was hurting, they were all hurting, and she... she was lying.

But then she thought of Jennifer, of a woman who had given up everything to keep her own child safe. That sacrifice seemed almost unfathomable, but she had seen, both through Tess and through Max, just how far people were willing to go for their children.

She wondered briefly, had she been in Jennifer's position, would she have had the strength to fake her own death, to know that she would never see her daughter or her husband again?

Max had not been able to make that sacrifice. Perhaps it was because he truly believed that Tess was a danger to his son. When they had all believed Tess to be a murderer and a traitor, it was only logical to assume that she would fill her son's mind with twisted lies. But still... part of Liz knew that Max had also gone on his wild-goose-chase out of a selfish desire to find his son. She knew she shouldn't call it selfish, knew she shouldn't dislike that he had wanted to find the boy so badly, but...

She sometimes wondered, in the dark of the night, what would have happened if Kal had been able to shape-shift successfully, to control that UFO, to take Max back to Antar. He would have just left, without a thought to everyone he was leaving behind. What about her, what about Isabel and Michael? What about his parents?

"Is he still asleep?"

Max's voice, soft and tired, broke her from her thoughts, and she looked over at her husband. He was staring in the rear-view mirror, trying to catch a glimpse of his son, before switching his gaze back to the road before him.

"Yes, Max," Tess answered, running a hand over her son's hair. "He's been asleep for most of the night. He doesn't know what's going on."

"Does he usually sleep through the night?"

The blonde shook her head, curls bouncing. "Depends. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. But he's tired now. It's been a confusing few days."

Liz twisted enough in her seat to be able to watch Alex. He was dreaming, she could see his eyes moving underneath the closed lids. Tess was smiling as she looked at her son, and had not yet noticed Liz's scrutiny. The brunette bit her her lip as she watched the scene. It was so... family-oriented. Gentle. Beautiful. The protective love reflected in those brilliantly blue eyes could not be mistaken for anything other than the look of a very devoted mother.

And Max wanted to be a very devoted father.

As long as Nick stood in the way, it was hard to know exactly what would happen. But Max had finally found his son, and Liz knew he would not let go, not risk losing the boy again. Which meant that, for good or ill, Tess had just become a very important part of Max's life. Once again, she was back, and this time, she wasn't ever going to leave. Max wouldn't let her.

The sun was rising. A new day.

Ahead of them, the other car pulled over. It was time to switch drivers. They would need to drive straight through the day and the next night in order to avoid being caught and to reach Roswell in time. That meant frequently changing who was driving, and now it was Nick's turn.

"Nick? Wake up," Tess murmured, and Liz watched the man's reflection as he slowly opened his eyes and yawned, stretching.

They all got out of the car, and Max instantly went to Tess' side, reaching across her and cautiously lifting his son into his eyes. Alex muttered in his sleep and twisted his Max's arms, cuddling close to the warmth given off by the hybrid. Tess made no protest, and Nick reluctantly seemed to give in to the inevitable, that Max was now a firm part of his son's life. Liz leaned against the car, watching them, feeling the regret and bitterness coalesce into a hard ball in the pit of her stomach.

The brunette took a few steps away from the car. She studied the sun as it rose over the horizon, a great ball of yellow-orange fire hanging in the sky.

"Liz?"

She turned sharply, both eyebrows raised in question at Tess. Behind the blonde, Nick and Max were talking quietly, and although she could not hear the conversation, she knew Alex must have been the subject. She could not help but wonder if they would ever reach some kind of agreement on the boy.

"I..." Tess stopped, looking nervous. She drew another breath, anxiety written on her face, and said, "Max loves you."

Liz blinked, surprised. "What?" She knew that Max loved her, there had not been doubt in her mind about that for many years. But she had never expected to hear it from Tess' lips.

"Max loves you. Whenever we kissed, he'd have these flashes. They... they were always of you. You were always the first thing on his mind." She shifted a little, crossing her arms over her chest. "I just thought you should know that."

"Thank you," Liz murmured, but it did little to ease her pain. Because she knew what Tess did not, that she was no longer the first person Max thought of each day. That honor now belonged to his son. And that was the problem, because if she was honest with herself, she did not want Alex to be so important to him, because that meant that Tess was important to him as well. And yet, at the same time, if Max became the type of father who did not do everything possible for his son, then he would no longer be the person she had fallen in love with all those years ago.

"And I'm not... I love Nick."

Liz let a tiny smile, bitter and cold, pull at her lips. "You're trying to convince me that I don't need to fear you?"

"You don't," Tess said firmly, but her voice then started shaking as she added, "I never wanted to hurt you."

"But did you want to avoid hurting me?" Liz countered softly. She knew that, when Tess had first arrived at Roswell, she had not purposefully tried to steal Max out of any personal spite, but she also knew that the hybrid had been too focused on her own desires to pay much attention to the pain she was causing the others. It had taken a long time for Tess to throw of Nasedo's detrimental influence, and that had caused them all incredible grief.

"I _am _sorry," Tess answered. "And... I am trying to do something good with my life."

Liz sighed. What could she say to that? How could she admit to her rival that she still feared her? That she still worried about what Tess' presence could do to her relationship with Max? She was no longer the innocent girl who thought that love could somehow overcome any huge obstacle. She knew better now.

She turned, looked at the other car. Kate and Charlie were standing side-by-side, talking to each other. "Shouldn't you go check in with your fan club?" Liz asked pointedly.

But Tess shook her head. "They're not my fan club, Liz. And they're not doing this because of me."

"Aren't they?"

"No. Nick is coming because he has no choice. He won't leave Alex, not now that he knows just how much danger my son is in. Kate is forced to come because now Serena has been drawn into this mess, and we are the only ones who can keep the two of them safe. And Charlie is coming because he's not stupid enough to stay behind and face the skins if they should come looking for him. They are not here out of any free-willed decision of their own. They're here because they have no other choice." She paused, scrutinizing Kate and Charlie carefully. "And they're not happy about it."

"How can you tell?"

"Because I've known them for a very long time," Tess answered noncommittally. They were both silent for a moment, and then Tess turned and walked away, heading back to Nick and Alex. Liz watched her for a moment, then ran a hand through her hair and let her gaze wander around the highway.

They were alone in the middle of nowhere, running for their lives.

Whatever guilt Tess might be feeling about dragging her friends into this mess, Liz knew better. Sure, they had not chosen this path willingly, but neither had anyone else. Max, Isabel, Michael, and Tess had been born into a life defined by power struggles and war, and Liz herself had been pulled into it by fate and chance. No one in their right mind would ever choose this, but it had been forced upon them, and they had to deal with that as best they could.

She looked at Tess again. It was impossible to miss the underlying fear in those eyes, or the way Tess always seemed to shrink from those around her, to pull into herself. Beside her, Nick walked about as though constantly concerned that Tess would pull away from him again, and Max's shoulders were always hunched over with the knowledge that two worlds rested on his leadership abilities.

"Penny for your thoughts, Liz?"

Isabel had come to her side. The statuesque hybrid looked tired, but beyond that, there was something dark and haunted in those eyes. Further behind Isabel, Michael was standing, watching the others with the air of someone just waiting for another catastrophe to hit.

"I was thinking," Liz answered honestly, "about what war does to people."


	24. Bury Your Dead

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Bury Your Dead

Many years in the future, Max will think of Alex Whitman, of how quickly they forgot him. In the few weeks after his death, all they did was grieve, each in their own way. But then came the revelation of Tess' supposed betrayal, and Alex was forgotten. Only Isabel remembered, clinging desperately to the past right up until the moment Jesse proposed.

In the future, Max will think of Alex Whitman, and wonder. Maria's death forever altered Michael and Liz. It broke the group, and even though they did their best to pull together, the cracks remained. The loss of Alex Whitman had hurt them as well, but not the way Maria's death, or any of the other deaths that would follow, had.

And that question will always remain, lingering unanswered.

Why?

* * *

Whatever they had expected, it was not this.

The city of Roswell was in shambles. Houses were blown apart, debris and shattered glass littering the streets. Trees were charred, twisted lumps of dead wood that no longer offered shade from the scorching sun. The ground had been trampled, grass bending underneath the feet of soldiers, dirt repeatedly driven into the ground. The air was heavy with a strange fog, a combination of smoke and smog and something not quite human.

Liz sagged against the hot metal of the car, her mouth wide open in instinctual horror. Max was by her side, staring blankly at the place he had once called home, while Michael took a few shaky steps forward. They were standing on the outskirts of the town, far enough away that they could not see their own houses, but that stopped no one from wondering…

Who had survived?

"What… what happened?" Kate stuttered.

Isabel shot her a withering look. "What do you think happened?" she retorted sarcastically as a gentle gust of wind blew scraps of burnt leaves into her face. She wiped them away with an impatient movement, her eyes moving towards Max. She could see plainly on his face that he was thinking the same thoughts that were currently plaguing her.

Were their parents alright?

"Liz, Kate, Charlie, Nick, Jim. You five stay go to the cliffs and wait there," Max ordered tersely. "Isabel, stay with them, and keep an eye on Alex." He paused, then added, "If you see anything suspicious, get in the car, drive, and do not look back."

"Max, I won't just…"

"Yes," Max interrupted before Isabel could finish the argument, "you will. Because I am entrusting you with two of the most important people in the world to me, and you will keep them safe."

Isabel swallowed uneasily, glancing between Liz and the young boy currently being held protectively in Nick's arms. It was a little daunting, she reflected idly, that Max was asking her to make sure nothing happened to his wife and his son.

"And keep yourself safe," Max added in a whisper as he crossed to her side. Placing both hands on his sister's shoulders, he said, "If anything happened to you, I wouldn't… I wouldn't even know what to do."

"Keep yourself safe," Isabel answered, resting her forehead against his. "Keep Michael safe as well." After a pause, she muttered, "And Tess."

"Always," Max promised. "But I mean it about getting out of here. Anyone comes after you… you drive. _Fast_."

"What do you want me to do?" Agent Thompson asked, the taciturn FBI agent interrupting the sibling-bonding moment.

"You're coming with us," Max replied. "Tess, Michael, you, and I will scout out some of the town. See if we can locate our parents… and Kyle."

"If Khivar is here…"

Max nodded firmly, eyes darting back and forth. "I know," he answered Michael gravely. "All the more reason for Isabel to stay behind."

"If Khivar is here, Isabel is not going to be his main target," Tess countered. "And neither are we. One more alien should stay behind to keep Alex safe."

Michael gave her a look of grudging agreement, and said to Max, "She's right. If we leave the boy unprotected, Khivar will be after him in a second."

"Or, here's a thought," Kate interjected sarcastically, rolling her eyes at the others, "we could just leave! Get out of here before this power-hungry alien you all seem to be terrified of comes and attacks us. Look at the place! _Why_ would you willingly walk into it?"

"Because my parents are there," Max answered calmly. "Maria's mother, Jim's son. They're all in that town, and I am not leaving them behind."

"Assuming they're still alive," Kate retorted. "Do you really think they survived? The place looks like a war zone."

"It is a war zone," Isabel snapped irritably. "But Max is right, we can't just leave our families there. Not if there is even the slightest chance they are still alive." With a slight sneer, she concluded, "You're the social worker. Aren't you the one who is supposed to care about people?"

"Yeah. But I'm also the one who believes you have to face reality and not live in some dreamland of denial. Look at the place, Isabel! You _actually_ think anyone is still alive?"

Isabel turned away, her gaze inadvertently roaming over the road that wound out of sight beyond the desert hills. The houses along the pavement were nothing more than shells, and she could see through the gaping holes into deserted living rooms filled with overturned chairs and tables. Further along the way the houses circled a park, but the grass was brown and dead, and clumps of dirt lay strewn along the sidewalk.

"Khivar is most likely somewhere in that town, waiting for us," Max agreed as Isabel lapsed into a depressed silence. "But what other choice do we have? Wherever we go, he will follow. I am done hiding. He wants a fight… fine. I'll give him a _war_."

"It won't bring Maria back to life," Kate murmured softly, flinching slightly at the glares she received from Michael and Liz. "Or your husband, Isabel, or Alex Whitman. You do realize that, don't you? It won't save them."

"No," Tess agreed softly, "it won't. But it just might save us."

The redhead nodded, letting out an exhale of breath. "If you are sure about this," she said, speaking directly to Tess, "then okay. Go, and I promise you we will outrun anyone and anything that comes after your son."

"Alright," Max said, "it is settled."

"I still think another alien should stay behind," Tess protested gently.

"No." This time it was Jim Valenti who spoke, his single word filling the air and hovering in the middle of the group. They all turned to look at him, surprised by the firmness in his voice. But he continued without backing down, "Khivar does want your son, Tess, but he wants all of you as well. And it is you three who are walking straight into danger. You're stronger together."

"He's got a point," Michael grumbled, a little annoyed that he was finding himself forced to continually agree with the people he truly disliked at the moment.

It took a little while longer before Tess finally gave in, but when she accepted the verdict it was with some good grace. She took a few steps away from the others, gesturing for Nick to join her.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Don't," Nick said, catching her arm. "Don't do this. Don't treat this like it is goodbye." He shifted Alex in his arms, gazing hard at Tess. "You are going to come back to me. To us."

Tess nodded, although she looked less than convinced.

Nick smiled reassuringly, but wondered silently what he would tell little Alex if she did not return. He had managed to sleep through most of the trip, missing the tension, the arguments, the stress, the anticipation. And now it looked like he would miss what could end up being a defining moment in his life. It was a good thing, too, because he had no idea how any of them would be able to explain this scene – this destruction – to the innocent boy who still believed his mother could fix all the problems in the world.

And then they were gone, Max, Michael, Tess, and Agent Thompson getting back into one of the cars and driving along the street, disappearing into the war zone.

Whatever they had expected, it was not this.

_

* * *

Keep your friends close_, Max thought, _and your enemies closer_.

It was perhaps not the most charitable thought, but the hybrid king knew that he could not afford to bestow trust on anyone besides his family right now, and Agent Thompson was not in that category. Maybe the FBI agent wanted to help, maybe he was just biding his time before striking against them. Either way, Max had no intention of leaving him with Liz, Isabel, and Alex.

They parked the car in front of his parents' house and stepped out onto the street. It was eerily silent, no voices raised in laughter or anger, no footsteps echoing on the sidewalk, no engines sputtering along the street. It was a ghost town, and Max knew, deep down, what that meant for his parents.

They had to be gone. There was no other explanation.

"It is too quiet," Michael said slowly, scanning the scene even as he fell into a reflexively-defensive posture. Thompson drew his gun, ready to attack anything that moved, and Tess narrowed her eyes at the Evanses' house.

"Do you want us to go in first?" she asked, glancing at Max.

He looked at her, but shook his head, even knowing what she was implying. If his parents were dead, if their bodies lay sprawled on the floor, did he really want to see it?

No, of course not. But they were his parents, could he really let someone else go in after them? He was the one who had dragged them into this mess, put their lives in danger. His very existence was what had brought them to this war, and now it might have also been the thing that killed them. Either way... he had to know. He had to be the one to discover their fate.

But it was too quiet.

He did not like it. And judging from the looks of apprehension on the faces of everyone else, they were just as worried. But if Khivar was here, he would have made a move already. Right?

Too many unknowns.

Max started walking towards the house.

The front door was not locked. It was partially open, a tiny sliver of light passing through into the room beyond. He reached out, placing his hand flat against the wood, feeling it give under his slight pressure. The door slid open, swinging inwards to reveal an empty room. The signs of a fight spread out before their eyes, the overturned sofa, the scorched rug, the shattered coffee cup still wet with now-cold liquid. "Mom? Dad?" Max called out, even knowing that they would not answer. He could not sense anything from the house. Well... nothing alive, anyway.

"Maybe they escaped?" Tess suggested, feeling sympathy she had forgotten she still possessed. "Maybe..."

Max did not reply. Instead, he walked further into the house, towards the kitchen. The pristine white floor was covered in dirt and mud, the once-spotless window cracked. The table was set with dishes, left-over scrambled eggs, and a half-empty glass of orange juice. Whatever had happened, it had happened quickly, and it had taken his parents by surprise.

Still, he would not believe they were dead until he saw the bodies.

The phone was hanging off the hook, dangling by its cord down the wall. He picked it up, forcing back the urge to melt the thing in his hand. It would do no one any good to lose control of his powers now.

There was no sound from the phone, not even a dial tone.

"The phone lines are down," Michael said as he appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. "The phone in the living room didn't work either." He took a few more steps inside. "Tess and the FBI agent are upstairs, looking around there. I don't think there is anything in the house, though. It looks..."

"Abandoned," Max agreed in a murmur. "I know."

"I don't get it. Where are the skins? Where is Khivar? Do you think Tess was right, did they go after Alex...?"

Max shook his head slowly. "No... I might not be fully bonded with him yet, but I would still be able to sense if he was in danger. So would Tess."

Michael opened his mouth to argue, but then snapped it shut. If Max was sure that Alex was safe, he would have to trust the hybrid king. After all, the only person more devoutly devoted to protecting Alex was Tess herself, and if both of them thought he was still fine...

But then where was Khivar?

"What do you think of Thompson?"

Max exhaled slowly, weighing his words cautiously. "I think he truly wants to save the world. And I think he's willing to sacrifice anyone and anything to do it. He's not an enemy... but he is dangerous." He ran a hand through his hair, thoughts rushing back to the moment he had seen Nick standing outside the door of his hotel room. Before he'd known the truth, before he'd learned that Nick was only human, and not one of Khivar's men. He might have killed Nick then, or seriously wounded him, in an attempt to protect himself and his family from the supposed threat. And Thompson, if he knew as much about the aliens as he said he did, had to have known that sending Nick to the three hybrids was tantamount to signing his death certificate.

He'd done it anyway, taking a chance that Tess would show up in time. Because he'd been desperate, because somehow he'd known that the four of them together were the only possible chance the world had at surviving Khivar's plots.

But what if Tess hadn't come in time?

Nick would be dead... and Max would have one more innocent person to add to his ever-growing list of lives they had ruined.

"There's no one upstairs, Max," Tess' voice floated towards him from the living room. "Should we check on Kyle and Amy DeLuca now?" She poked her head through the doorway, fixing him with a questioning stare.

Max nodded reluctantly. The last thing he wanted to do was leave, particularly when he still had no idea what had happened to his parents. It was unlikely they had survived, but... How could he walk out on them now?

And yet, what other choice did he have?

He turned, prepared to leave. "Come on," he muttered to Michael, passing by the hybrid General and stepping into the living room once more. His eyes roamed over the destruction, but then he pushed the images from his mind and walked from the house, knowing there was no reason to look back.

They drove to the Valentis' home in silence. Max saw no reason to speak at all, and Tess looked deathly pale as she faced the possibility of finding Kyle's body and never getting the chance to say... something. Anything. Michael stared out of the window, lost in his own thoughts, memories of Maria playing across his mind. The heaviness of the silence settled upon them, yet another reminder of what they had lost, and what this war would continue to take from them.

The house looked similar every other house on the street. Broken windows, shattered glass. Burnt trees, brown grass, the door hanging off its hinges.

Tess did not hesitate. She walked straight to the door, Michael and Max following closely behind. Thompson stayed out a moment later, staring at the rest of the block, but then he too joined the others, and they entered the house together.

The living room was almost completely untouched. Nothing was destroyed, nothing ruined, nothing broken save for the window that looked out at the front yard. Max gaped, trying to wrap his head around the fact that Kyle and his daughter had apparently not been attacked in the same way as the rest of the town. But there was no denying the fact that the inside of his house had been left alone, as though the skins had not bothered to look much further than the first room.

Max reached out towards the window, his fingers resting on the jagged pieces of glass...

And the flash hit.

_Kyle grabbed Emily, holding her close as he rushed towards the front door. The sound of screaming filled the air, and he paused mid-step, seeming to realize that running that way was a bad idea. He turned, looking around, and a sudden rush of white light filled the room. The window shattered, glass falling onto the floor, and Emily began to cry, high-pitched wails that would not stop._

_Kyle turned and ran towards the back door. It swung open just as he reached, and he froze. But the look of fear on his face turned into something akin to absolute relief as he recognized the person standing there._

_"Dad?"_

_"Come on, hurry!" Jim ordered, gesturing for Kyle to proceed him out into the lawn. "We need to get out of here."_

_Kyle did not need telling twice. The two rushed out into the dark night, the light of the half-full moon offering their only means of seeing the area around them. "Where are the others?" Kyle demanded, feeling restless and fearful. Although he did not like them anymore, that did not mean he wanted them to die. He still knew that, if he was forced to choose, he would certainly not be choosing Khivar._

_"I don't know," Jim answered. "We split up at the edge of the town. They said they would meet up with us later." The two of them slipped through the shadows towards a side-street, leaving the empty house behind. "But I don't know where they would go! I don't know how to find them."_

_Kyle glanced down at Emily. Her eyes, filled with glistening tears, stared up at him. She was so young, so innocent, so sure that he would keep her safe._

_If only she knew..._

_All around him, he could see sudden bursts of light, of flame, of energy. The screeching of tires, the echoing thud of crumbling houses, the abrupt snap of breaking branches, of splintered wood and exploding brick... The massacre none would survive. He paused, now at the entrance to an alley, wanting to turn and go back, wanting to fight these inhuman monsters. But part of him knew he needed to keep Emily safe, no matter what._

_"Kyle? What are you waiting for, son?"_

_He looked back at his father. "Where are we going?"_

_"We need to find the others. Where would they go?"_

_Kyle frowned thoughtfully. "The cliffs, probably. After they rescued as many as they could... but Max would not let Isabel come, and he'd want to keep his son safe... so they'd probably be waiting at the cliffs... Pod chamber isn't there anymore, but still..."_

_"So then, let's go there."_

_"Just a second," Kyle replied, shifting Emily's weight and freeing his right arm. The ground around his feet was littered with crumbled pieces of stone, and he bent down, staring at them carefully._

_"Kyle?"_

_And without warning, he wrapped his hand around a stone and lifted it easily, then sent it flying through the air, striking Jim directly in the forehead. The older man crumpled to the ground, knocked unconscious._

_"If Khivar is going to send shape-shifters after me," Kyle sneered at the still body, "he should at least send convincing ones."_

_Emily was crying again._

_Kyle turned, and started walking towards the cliffs._

Max found himself, quite suddenly, back in the untouched living room of the Valentis' house, the rest of the flash fading around him. He rubbed his temples, exhausted, but found the slightest bit of vindication crept into his words as he said triumphantly, "Kyle and his daughter are alive."

"How?"

"Khivar sent a shape-shifter here. Tried to convince Kyle that it was Jim, tried to get Kyle to lead him to us. But Kyle figured it out... stopped the shape-shifter." He shivered a little, realizing that Khivar's plan had been a good one. Kyle had known exactly where Isabel and Alex would have been waiting, and had he not somehow discovered that the shape-shifter was not really his father, he might have lead all the skins right to the cliffs.

"Let's check on Amy DeLuca. Then we should get back to the others," Michael suggested, and the four of them walked back out into the daylight.

* * *

The DeLuca residence had looked pretty much like the Evanses' home, and there was no sign of Maria's mother. So they had left that place to, still unsure why Khivar had not attacked them yet, and drove towards the cliffs, towards the rest of their small group.

But twenty minutes before they arrived, three others had made it there, bringing with them news of the painful events of the previous night.

Jim, and Isabel both turned to stare in open-mouthed shock at the figures that had appeared out of the rocks, casting long shadows across desert ground. Alex squirmed impatiently, having woken up and not understanding in any way what had happened, where his mother was, or why he could not see her right then. Nick placed himself quickly in between the strangers and the young boy, and Kate and Charlie both prepared themselves for any possible attack. But nothing happened, nothing but complete stillness, silence, and surprise.

Then Isabel broke into a shuddering sob of relief and threw herself forward, crying, "Mom!"

Diane Evans enveloped her daughter in a hug, but did not return the expression of relief. Instead, her faced was filled with pain and grief and fury, and it was not long before Isabel noticed the conspicuous absence and asked, in a faltering tone, the inevitable question.

"Where's Dad?"

Diane did not answer.

Kyle spoke up bluntly, "He's dead. So is Amy."

And Isabel crumpled to the ground in hysterical sobs, shaking with inconsolable grief.

Jim stepped forward, patting Kyle on the shoulder and pressing a kiss into Emily's hair. In a low voice, he said, "I'm glad you two are alright. But... did anything else make it? Besides the three of you?"

Diane dropped to her knees by her daughter, wrapping her arms around Isabel's quivering shoulders. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I think some people escaped, got into their cars and drove... It was... chaotic." She looked at the others, then turned to Isabel and asked worriedly, "Isabel? Sweetheart, where is your brother?"

Isabel's gaze traveled back to the city of Roswell spread out across the desert below them. "He went... back there... Oh, God, _Dad_..." The guilt wrapped itself tightly around her. This was all her fault. She had done this to Roswell, to her father. She had brought this war to them, and it had ruined their lives. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." If only she had been strong enough to fight Khivar when he had shown up at her wedding. Instead of killing him like she should have, she'd let him go, let him return to Antar to plan yet another attack. She had convinced herself at the time that it was the right thing to do, that she wasn't a killer. And yet... she had simply been too weak to stop him, too weak to keep him from killing others...

"It isn't your fault," Diane said, rubbing circles on Isabel's back, trying to console the distraught young woman even as her own heart broke for all that she had just lost.

"Yeah, right..." Kyle muttered, shaking his head.

"Kyle!" Diane scolded, twisting to look up at him. Isabel, too, raised tearful eyes to his face, but she seemed to sink inwards, accepting his words as truth and not bothering to argue against the sentiment.

Kyle stared coldly back.

Alex chose that moment to pipe up, and asked innocently, "Daddy? What's going on?"

Diane turned, seeing Alex for the first time. Her jaw dropped. There was no mistaking the parentage of that boy. The miniature-Max gazed at her curiously, looking like her son in every single way, save for those sky blue eyes. "Is that...?"

"Yes," Jim answered when it became clear that no one else was going to say anything. "Max and Tess' son. Uh, and that's Nick, Tess' boyfriend. And Kate and Charlie, two of Tess' friends."

Diane nodded slowly, cautiously. On their walk over to the cliffs, Kyle had told her all about Tess. About what they had supposedly discovered. It was a long walk, and neither of them had wanted to speak about what they had seen, what they had just experienced. So she knew, in a way, that Tess was innocent of all the pain and suffering Alex Whitman's death had caused the group. And yet... it was hard to forgive someone, even if it was not entirely their fault, when she could still so clearly remember Isabel's heartbroken expression at the funeral of her first love.

Alex, Jesse, Philip... how many more of the men in Isabel's life would die?

But though this was Tess' son, and though she had not fully given up her dislike of the fourth alien... this was also Max's son. Her grandson.

"Hello, honey," Diane said softly, leaving Isabel's side and scooting forward to greet the boy.

Alex clung to Nick's side, but answered, "Hello. Are you also a friend of Mommy's?"

"He... uh... doesn't really get his relationship to Max," Nick offered in a low tone.

Isabel rose unsteadily to her feet. She stared at Alex for a moment, watching as her mother introduced herself as a friend, watching as Alex's obvious curiosity brought a slight smile to her mother's face. Then she turned and looked at Kyle. And at the little girl in Kyle's arm.

"Your daughter?" she said.

Kyle nodded. He had not seen Isabel in a very long time, and so much had happened to both of them since then. But he found that he had no interest in speaking to her about any of it. She might have been able to understand the pain of losing a spouse, but he did not care. He wanted nothing from her, from any of them. He wanted only to be able to let go of his fury and his anger and move past the memories that still plagued him. He wanted to forget.

They were not his friends anymore.

But he could not escape the alien mess. Not now, not with this war taking over every aspect of his life.

He had been targeted. Khivar had sent a shape-shifter to him specifically. There was no way out.

"She's... beautiful."

He gave Isabel a hard look. "She resembles her mother," he answered simply, then turned away.

Isabel said nothing in response to his obvious dismissal, but she did flinch slightly at the coldness of his tone. She looked back to her mother, watching as the older woman rose to her feet and stepped away from Alex. "How did...?" she stopped, unable to finish the sentence, but Diane understood the question.

"Your father..." She wiped away a few tears, "was trying to protect me from the ones who attacked. He was... killed... They said... the house was surrounded, but I still managed to get out the back door alright... I, uh... I wanted to go back for your father's... body... but I ran into Kyle and he... convinced me not to..." Her voice broke and she looked down, too upset to continue.

"How do you know Amy is gone?"

Diane swallowed as she faced Jim. He was staring at her, obviously wanting the answer, but at the same time reluctant to hear confirmation. Even after all these years, even after all the burnt bridges between the two, Jim still cared a great deal for the single mother, and her loss would be difficult to take.

"We saw," Kyle explained when Diane did not answer the question right away. "We went by her house trying to escape, and..." He stopped abruptly as Jim's hand tensed on his shoulder. He should have offered something, a few words of sympathy or comfort for his distressed father, but he could not find the sentiment to do so. Instead, he shrugged awkwardly and held Emily closer, pressing his lips to her forehead in a rare display of open affection and concern.

"So... Michael is with Max? And so is Tess? And Maria?"

A complete silence met Diane's questions, and then Isabel said in a quivering voice, "Maria's dead."

"_What_? But... how?"

Liz, who had remained quiet this entire time, not speaking even through the revelation of the deaths of her best friend's mother and her own father-in-law, suddenly stumbled backwards, leaning against the rocks to keep herself upright. Her skin had grown clammy and gray, and shutters seemed to drop over her brown eyes, closing off all the emotion within. She could not face what had happened, could not stand to hear anyone say what she knew was true - that Maria had died for her, protecting her.

"Liz?" Diane asked, moving quickly to her daughter-in-law and offering as much support as she could. It was obvious that the trip to Seattle had not provided Liz with any extra strength to fight the cancer spreading through her body. But she could not even begin to image the other horrors of the trip, so she did not know how close Liz had come to death, how her mind had been destroyed, how she had awoken to find Maria's lifeless body splayed across the bed. It was still obvious, however, from Liz's heartbroken expression that Maria's death, and everything else that had happened, had nearly destroyed them all.

She knew the feeling. She had no idea how she was supposed to carry on without her husband. Without her friends. With nothing but this war and the knowledge that her two children had to fight, had to risk their lives over and over, to save the world.

And then the roar of an engine jolted them all from their own thoughts, every single set of eyes turned towards the approaching car. It parked only a few paces away, and Max jumped out of it, his expression breaking into pure joy at the sight of his mother standing there. But it did not take long for him to see Isabel's tear-streaked face, to notice his father's absence, and his knees nearly gave out beneath him at the realization that Khivar had already won this battle.

"Mom..." He reached his mother's side, pulling her into a tight hug, and soon Isabel joined them, the three brought together in their grief.

Michael approached Jim and asked quietly, "Amy?" Jim shook his head, and Michael lowered his gaze slowly, mourning yet another they had been unable to save.

But Kyle ignored both these scenes. Just as he ignored Liz coming to his side to smile at Emily, and just as he ignored the strange man who looked suspiciously like a federal agent moving over towards Kate and Charlie. His eyes were set instead on the last person to get out of the car, the blonde woman with blue eyes who froze as she caught sight of him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

"Hello, Kyle," she said softly.

"Hello, Tess," he answered, the words only barely making it out of his suddenly dry mouth.


	25. Forgiveness

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: The lyrics are from _Not Ready to Make Nice_ by the Dixie Chicks. Also, this is a relatively long chapter with quite a bit of action. And fighting. And character death. And, towards the end, you might start to think that this is the last chapter. It isn't. There are actually a few more chapters after it (each probably pretty long as well).

And... just a warning. This is not a happy chapter. Not at all. Not in any way, shape, or form. So... yeah. Be prepared for that.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-One: Forgiveness

_Forgive, sounds good._  
_Forget, I'm not sure I could._  
_They say time heals everything..._  
_But I'm still waiting._

In the future, Kyle will willingly admit that forgiving was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. To forgive Liz for the lies and Max for the whole alien takeover of his life, to forgive Jennifer for what she had not told him, to forgive Tess for the mess she had left behind.

To forgive himself for all the things he could not do.

Forgiveness was supposed to help the healing process. And although it had come far too late for him, he will always hope that his forgiveness is enough to help heal the others, the ones he loves.

* * *

The silence was filled with tension.

Kyle and Jim Valenti stood to one side, Emily held tightly in her father's arms. Diane Evans was hovering between her children, grief etched into every line of her face as she watched the others try to cope with all that had happened. Max held Liz in a protective embrace, and continually sent quick looks to his sister, trying to gauge Isabel's emotional state. Michael stood separate from the others, his eyes haunted as he let his gaze wander over the others and note Maria's still painful absence. Tess, too, stood apart from the others, but Nick and Alex joined her, and Charlie and Kate waited a few feet behind her, unsure if they should intervene.

Only Agent Thompson seemed completely unaffected by the stressed atmosphere.

"What now?" Jim asked finally, when it became clear that no one else could think of what to say or do.

All eyes turned to Max, waiting for an answer.

The hybrid king let out a heavy sigh. "We fight back," he answered quietly. "Michael, Isabel, Tess, and I. The rest of you leave."

"No." It was Liz who answered, and while she had agreed to stay behind on the first expedition, the look in her eyes indicated that she was not going to let Max dictate this one. "We're in this together, Max. I'm not leaving you to fight."

"I can't fight if you're there," Max argued.

"Yes, you can," Liz retorted, flushed. "You fight with Isabel by your side all the time. I have powers too, you know. I might not use them much, but I can do things. I'm not a liability anymore."

"You're sick," Tess murmured, and as Liz spun to face her, she lifted defiant eyes and said firmly, "You are a liability as long as you're illness keeps you weak."

"You're a liability as long as your fear of the skins keeps you from being able to fight off their control," Liz shot back. Tess flinched, her eyes moving to Max in what was clearly a silent question of _why did you tell her about that?_, but Liz did not notice. "Isabel is a liability because of the Vilandra within her. We all have weakness, Tess, but we are in this together, and I am _not_ going to let Max face Khivar alone."

"She's right," Michael muttered, shaking his head. "We're stronger as a group."

Max frowned, but seeing that he was outnumbered, he bowed his head with heavy resignation. "Fine. Liz can stay. The rest of you…"

"What about Kyle?" Michael demanded suddenly, giving the human a searching stare. "Max healed you as well. What are your powers?"

Kyle sneered in reply, "I never developed them. Guess I didn't turn into a freak like the rest of you."

Liz looked at him for a moment, as though finally seeing him for who he really was. The hurt in her expression changed quickly to one of anger, but before she could speak, Max was talking again.

"All the better for us," Max said firmly, tightening his grip on Liz to reassure her that this was not the time or place for a fight, but that he would speak to Kyle later if she wished. She gave him a watery smile, and Kyle turned away, almost disgusted by the show of affection. "So Kyle, his daughter, Jim, Mom, Nick, Alex, Charlie, and Kate will all stay behind."

"And how exactly do you plan on finding this alien king?" Nick asked pointedly. "You all thought he would be waiting for you here, but he wasn't. What are you going to do, fly around the world looking for him?"

"He's here," Isabel said, and she said it with such sudden assuredness that Nick did not argue the point. He cast a slanted look at Tess, but she was frowning at Kyle and did not see the question in his eyes.

Diane Evans watched the proceedings with a heavy heart. She could so easily see the fault lines among the group, and though she knew her children had made mistakes, they were _her_ children and she could not keep from feeling a little bit of frustration at the pain Kyle was causing by his harsh words. Neither could she look at Tess for more than a few seconds without wanting to grab the girl by the shoulders and shake her until her teeth rattled, demanding an explanation for her prolonged absence.

But even more than that, she felt frustration at herself, and her inability to help them. They were her children and she was supposed to protect them. And yet here they were, trying to figure out a way to protect her, to keep her safe. They were preparing for war, and she was helpless to do anything at all but stand by and watch them make their plans.

"Uh… Mrs. Evans?" Tess spoke up, a little unsure of herself around Max's mother.

Diane looked at her. "Yes?" she asked. Her voice was not particularly unfriendly, but neither did it contain any warmth. It was as though she was completely ambivalent to Tess' presence, and the petite blonde could not fault her for that.

"Did the skins say anything to you when they attacked? Anything that might be important?"

Diane shook her head. "Not really. They didn't talk much. They just came after Philip and I…" She stopped short, trailed off with a sigh. The tears pricked in her eyes and she licked dry lips, trying to force herself back into the nightmare, wishing there was something she could remember that might help her children.

"How many?" Tess asked, pressing forward gently.

"Five," Diane answered readily enough. "Um… I think the leader's name was Jorguin… or Jorjin… or something like that. I don't really remember."

"Did any of the others have names that you heard?"

"Not that I remember. They weren't speaking English more of the time."

"What else do you remember?" Tess pushed.

Isabel glanced between her mother and her brother, wishing Max would intervene and stop Tess from asking these questions. She did not want her mother to have to relive this moment any more than she herself wanted to hear the details of her father's death. But though Max had moved to his mother and was now standing with an arm wrapped around her shoulders, his expression indicated that he recognized the importance of this information and he did not have the luxury of avoiding the unpleasant questions.

Kyle didn't really seem to have a problem arguing with Tess, however, and he snapped irritably, "Isn't it enough that she lived through it? Do you really want to force her to remember?"

Tess looked at him. "I never meant to hurt you," she whispered.

He met her gaze and answered in a glacial tone, "You're too late."

To forestall the inevitable argument, Max interrupted, asking, "Mom? Do you remember anything else?"

Diane wiped away a few tears and said, "Not really. There were a lot of flashes of light. It got really hot, and the air felt heavy. Your father pushed me out of the way of an attack and…" Again, she stopped, a sob catching in her throat, and was unable to say anything more. Max pulled her into a hug as Isabel doubled over, trembling, trying to hide her own tears from her distraught mother.

"Does that mean anything to you?" Liz asked Tess.

Tess pulled at a loose strand of hair. "Yes. It does."

"Well?" Michael prodded impatiently.

"Jorjin is not a name. It's a title. It means king."

It did not take long for anyone to understand exactly what Tess was implying. A horrified silence met her words, then Isabel asked incredulously, "It was _Khivar_ that attacked my Mom?"

"We knew he was here," Michael countered. "I suppose this should not come as a surprise."

"You're lucky to be alive," Tess whispered, gazing at Diane. "People don't usually escape from Khivar."

"You did," Diane replied.

Tess blinked, then turned and looked over at the destroyed remnants of what had once been the city of Roswell. "Yes," she agreed. "And many people had to die to make that happen as well."

The sound of voices drifted past him, but Michael was no longer paying attention. The conversation had dissolved, and now everyone stood around in small groups, the Evans together, Tess with her friends, Kyle and Jim standing separate. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Isabel look at him a few times, but his attention was on the phantom that had appeared and was now standing on the sloping desert floor, watching them.

"_Not the welcome you were expecting?"_ the phantom asked. "_Well, I wasn't really expecting to die either. I guess we don't always get what we want."_

It took all of Michael's willpower not to answer aloud as he wanted to. But he knew it would be difficult to explain to the others that he was seeing ghosts, and he did not want to distract them with worries about his own sanity. He might not know why he was being haunted by this phantom, but he knew it was _not_ because he had completely lost it. He was still sane… sort-of.

_I should have been able to protect you_, he thought bitterly.

"_Well, of course you should have, Space Boy. It is certainly what we both would have liked. But, like I just said, we don't always get what we want."_ The reply was almost immediate, and she grinned at him with a smugness that he thought might be attributed to her sudden ability to read minds.

_She can hear me think?_ Michael wondered silently, shaking his head. _Okay, maybe I have lost it_.

"_I've always known what you were thinking, Guerin. You've got a very one-track mind."_ She flushed slightly, a light pink tint covering her cheeks. _"Now, now, now… get your mind out of the gutter. I'm dead, you should not be imaging _that_."_

Michael glowered at her, opening his mouth to say something. Then Isabel was suddenly moving towards him, and he shut his mouth quickly, turning away from the ghost.

Isabel gave him a thoughtful look. "Are you alright?" she murmured. "You look… distant."

"_Isabel, he's always been distant," _the phantom announced.

But, of course, Isabel did not hear.

"All of Roswell just got destroyed because of us," Michael said sharply. "Of course I'm distant! You weren't there, you didn't see the way everything looked… so empty…"

"_And there you go again, Guerin, yelling at poor Isabel just because you're in a bad mood. And worried that you might be crazy."_

_Shut up! And I'm _not_ crazy._

"_Well, you are talking to a voice that only you can hear," _she drawled, rolling her eyes._ "But hey, if you don't think that makes you crazy, who am I to say any differently? I'm just a lowly human, after all, and I couldn't possibly understand how the great alien mind words."_ Even dead, she could use sarcasm well.

"Michael?" Isabel murmured. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply…" She trailed off, shook her head.

"No, I'm sorry, Izzy. I shouldn't have…" He, too, did not finish the sentence.

"_Hey! How come you can apologize to her when you've never apologized to me?"_

_Like you ever apologized to me._

"_I never had a reason to apologize to you. I was never wrong."_

He rolled his eyes, and too late realized that this was a gesture Isabel could see, and one that would puzzle her. Sure enough, she was looking at him with confusion and something akin to worry in her wide eyes.

He wondered what he could tell her. How could he possibly explain any of this in a way that would not make her fear for his sanity and for all their safety? He was seeing things, arguing with someone who was dead. Someone he knew was not actually there. He was talking to his own imagination.

And yet, to his surprise, Isabel just gave him a sad smile and said, "It's okay. After Alex died… well, I saw him… or his imaginary ghost… a lot, too."

* * *

"Kyle, please… just hear me out," Tess found herself saying as Kyle turned away from her, wanting to ignore her insistence that they speak.

He spun around to glare at her. They had left the cliffs and now gathered in a roadside motel, trying to gather their wits and come up with a plan. The two one-time siblings stood alone in Kyle's room, Emily lying asleep on the bed across from them. Neither were entirely sure where Jim had gone, but when Tess had shown up in the doorway of the room, the ex-Sheriff had quickly excused himself, opting to be elsewhere.

"What can you say, Tess? What could you possibly tell me that would make anything okay again?"

"I never wanted to hurt you!"

"But you did hurt me," was Kyle's firm retort, laced with anger and pain. "You did hurt me, more than you seem to even understand."

"If I could have saved Alex, if I could have not done any of this to you…"

"Then why didn't you come back and tell us?" Kyle demanded heatedly. "Let's pretend, just for a moment, that I actually believe you, that I think you might not be entirely responsible for Alex's death. That still doesn't explain what kept you from me for five years!"

"I was scared. I was hurting."

"_You_ were hurting? How the hell do you think I was feeling all those years? God, Tess. We took you into our house, we made you family. I gave you my room, my bed. Do you remember when I told you that you were the only good thing that had resulted from this mess? That you made it worthwhile? Do you remember any of that, Tess, or did you conveniently forget it over the past five years?"

"I'm _sorry_! I wish I could take it back, but I _can't_. I can't change what happened, I can't rewrite the past five years. But… Kyle, you were my family and you turned on me. You accused me of cold-blooded murder and betrayal. Of course I was afraid to go back. How could I face all of the people who had done that to me?"

"What was I supposed to believe?" Kyle shot back, face flushed. "After what I saw… if you had just told me…" He paused, lowering his voice as Emily began to stir in his sleep. Running a hand through his hair in an absent manner, he said, "If you had come straight back to Roswell after returning to Earth, if you had come to me and told me the truth… I would have believed you. I wanted to believe that things were different than what they seemed, that you hadn't really done all that… But you didn't come back, did you? You ran. You left us alone with all of the consequences. You left my Dad and me to suffer. And why? Because you were _afraid_? We were your _family_, Tess. How could you let fear stop you from coming home?"

"Kyle…"

"Do you know what happened to us after you left? Do you know what it is like to watch your entire life crumble around you?"

"_Yes_! Yes, Kyle, I know what that is like! I know exactly what it feels like when suddenly everything turns upside-down and you realize you have no escape. When you see yourself spiraling into destruction and you just can't stop it. It happened to me, Kyle. It tore me apart!"

Kyle froze, eyes wide, then asked, "Then how could you knowingly stand back and let that happen to me?"

This time, it was Tess' turn to go silent.

"My Dad had his life ruined. He lost his job, his reputation, his everything. He started drinking, started getting depressed, and I was left by myself to take care of it because you were gone and Max and the others were too busy trying to help each other to help him. I used to have nightmares about you, Tess, and about what had happened. I used to be completely unable to move on from the fact that I had carried Alex's dead body out to the car and helped stage a phony accident."

"I never wanted to…"

"But you know what the worst part of it was?" Kyle continued, speaking over her. Now that she was here, standing in front of him, he desperately needed to talk, to force her to listen to everything he had kept inside for so long. "I still _missed_ you!"

Blue eyes widened in surprise.

"You were never gone. You could never just leave me alone. Everyone else hated you, but I couldn't. I hated what you had done, but I couldn't stop thinking about you. I couldn't stop wondering where you were and if you were hurt or captured or in danger. I didn't _want_ to care, but I _did_. For over five years, Tess, I cared about you and what might have happened to you, and I didn't have a single damned person I could tell that to because you were too busy being _afraid_ to come back home!"

Kyle drew a shaky breath, watching as the tears pooled in Tess' eyes. It should have made him feel happy, should have fed the small vindictive voice that wanted her to suffer… but it didn't. It just made him even more upset.

Even now, she still had an impossibly firm grip on his heart, and she didn't even know it.

"I couldn't tell Max or Liz," Kyle continued, now speaking in a normal tone once more. "I couldn't tell Maria, who hated you, or Isabel, who would burst into tears for Alex every time your name was mentioned. I couldn't tell Michael, who would have accused me of being on the wrong side, or my Dad, who was so close to falling apart that it was all anyone could do to keep him together. But even on the other side of the universe, you managed to dictate my thoughts, my actions, everything… and you don't even seem to care."

His feelings for Tess had always been somewhere in between romantic and brotherly. At Prom he had told her that he thought of her as a sister. Before that, he had often wanted her as a girlfriend, and had been annoyed and disappointed that she had been so focused on Max. But whatever the exact nature of the relationship, there was no denying the fact that she was the first girl that he had ever truly loved… regardless of what type of love it was.

So when she had left, it had been that much more difficult to deal with everything he felt about her departure. Sometimes he had wished that he could simply hate her, that the vestigial concern and love would fade and he would be left in peace. But that had never happened, and it was not until he had met Jennifer that things had started to slowly heal. Jennifer had been the one to help him see the good in people again, to move past all that had happened and to begin to rebuild his own life.

But, of course, if anything he had learned from his father and Michael was true, then it would appear Jennifer had not been entirely honest with him either.

"I'm sorry, Kyle," Tess breathed, tears making tracks down her pale skin. "I'm so sorry."

He held her gaze for a beat, then said emotionlessly, "That's not enough," and watched with no feeling in his eyes as Tess turned and rushed from the room.

* * *

The attack would have come without warning, except that they had been expecting it all along. But the sudden rush of heat, the sound of wood cracking, the shattering of glass, was enough to inform them that the battle had now begun in earnest, and it would not end until the war was finally over.

Diane and Jim had left only a few hours earlier, taking Emily with them. Tess was reluctant to send Alex with Nick, without any of the aliens there to protect him, but as Kate had reasonably pointed out, if they failed to defeat Khivar in this battle, it would not matter if Alex had protection or not, he would still be as good as lost to them. So Kate, Charlie, Nick, and Alex had all left about an hour after Diane and Jim.

Only the four aliens, Liz, Agent Thompson and Kyle remained behind.

Kyle was supposed to leave as well, separately from his father and daughter, but the attack had come far too quickly for any of them, and so he was stuck within the motel even as the place was surrounded by skins.

Max, Michael, and Liz were in Michael's room, and the blast that cut through the motel effectively split the floor in two, separating them from Tess, Isabel, Kyle, and Agent Thompson. Smoke filled the air, drifting into the room through the remains of the now destroyed door. The smell of charred wood followed, mixed with flashes of light and the guttural scream of someone dying on the floor below.

"Well, well, well… what have we here?" came a sneering voice.

Max moved instinctively in between Liz and the sound coming from the doorway. Michael fell into a reflexively-defensive stance, prepared to fight.

And a man stepped out of the smoke.

They did not recognize his physical appearance, nor did they recognize his voice. But the aura of power that circled him, heavy and thick like a strong perfume, was unmistakable. There was something so familiar about him, about the coldness of his eyes and the smirk of his lips, that for a moment, Max felt as though he was back on Antar, as Zan.

"Hello, Khivar," Max said, throwing out the line like a hero is some clichéd science-fiction movie. As though at any minute, he would save the day and get the girl and ride off happily into the sunset, content in the knowledge that he had, once again, thwarted danger.

But this was not a movie, and Khivar was backed by at least eight other skins, each one prepared to battle until death if need be.

"Zan. It will be a pleasure to kill you. And this time, I will see to it that you stay dead."

There was little else to say. Unlike the fables that Max had heard growing up, unlike the stories on television and in the movies, the hero and the villain did not throw insults at each other or discuss their respective master plans. There was no exchange of mocking pleasantries, no plea to turn away from evil, no attempt to somehow work everything out. This was a war that had been fought since long before Max Evans had been born, and it was a war that Khivar had been fighting his entire adult life.

They both just wanted it to end.

Max conjured a shimmering shield of blue energy, wrapping it around himself, Liz, and Michael. Khivar's attack bounced harmlessly off the force-field, as did the efforts of his soldiers.

Then Max dropped the shield, and everything seemed to happen at once.

Michael twisted his hand expertly, and the wall behind the skins exploded, sending pieces of plaster raining down upon them. In the confusion that reigned immediately, Max forced Khivar back with a burst of his own energy, and Liz focused on the ground in front of them, causing flames to appear. This joint attack, however, was not enough to stop Khivar, knocked Michael off his feet with a telekinetic slice of his hand. Liz cried out, worried, even as several skins converged upon her and Michael tried his best to rise back to his feet.

And then the air was filled with bullets.

Three skins went down, blood spilling across their bodies as Max turned towards the door and stared in shock at the four men who entered. They were all wearing black suits and bullet-proof vests emblazoned with the letters FBI. Each held a gun and had another strapped around the waist.

Another volley of bullets brought Max out of his shock, and he waved his hand, sending one of the skins attacking Liz flying backwards. The skin in question smashed against the far wall, cracking the plaster and slumping to the ground. His husk broke, and he disintegrated into nothing more than a pile of skins.

One of the FBI agents fought his way to Max's side. "We think some are husks and some are possessed humans. But the possessed humans seem to be able to channel alien powers."

"Right," Max answered, unsure what else to say. Was the FBI really on his side?

Liz looked pale as she gazed down at the three dead bodies by her side. They must have been possessed humans, she realized, and killing the aliens possessing them had required killing the humans as well.

The FBI agent who had spoken demanded hoarsely, "Where are the others?"

"Others?" Max repeated.

But the rest of the conversation was cut off by the appearance of even more skins, and the battle began again, this time with Michael and Liz jointly facing Khivar. Max tried to scramble to their side, but was pulled back by several skins. Something hit his jaw, and he delivered a kick of his own, satisfied by the heavy thud as his foot collided with his attacker.

Liz, meanwhile, was not faring quite as well. Already, Khivar had forced her to her knees, her back up against the wall, and even Michael's support and assistance could not help her slow the repeated blows that landed on her shoulders and chest. She tasted blood in her mouth and bit back the urge to cry out in fear.

Khivar lifted his hand, and it glowed green with energy. He drew it back, prepared to deliver the final blow that would end the life of his human opponent…

And something caught his arm, twisting it backwards and pulling him down to the ground. He rolled over to find himself staring directly into the eyes of one of the FBI agents, who had just barely managed to save Liz's life. With a snarl of rage, Khivar pressed his hand against the man's chest, using his powers to kill him instantly.

The FBI agent fell to the ground, lifeless eyes staring blankly at the ceiling around him. Liz flinched, Max turned away briefly, and Michael let out a heavy exhale. But the other three FBI agents did not even pause to take note of their fallen comrade, but instead continued fighting with a ferocity beyond most anything Max had ever seen.

"The others!" the first FBI agent yelled at Max again. "Your sister, Ms. Harding, Agent Thompson. _Where_ are they?"

"Come on," Max said as he seized Liz's arm and forcefully dragged her from the room. "We need to find them!" And they raced into the hallway before Khivar could rise back to his feet and stop them.

* * *

When the fighting had started, Isabel and Kyle were both in Kyle's room, discussing the details of where he would go and how they would locate him once the battle was over. Tess had decided not to join in that conversation, knowing that Kyle did not want to see any of them, least of all her, once this was over.

Which had left her alone in her room, without no one else to turn to when the attack started.

She had jumped to her feet, ready to rush into the hallway and seek out the others, but any thought of escape was forgotten the minute her door swung open and a figure stepped inside.

Tess' jaw dropped. "Lonnie?" she whispered.

"Surprise!" the Isabel-lookalike smirked. "Did you miss me?"

She did not look much different than the last time Tess had seen her, all those years ago. Her hair was still short and spiky, her make-up and many piercings still giving her an exotic and rather terrifying appearance. But scariest of all for Tess was the expression of gleeful anticipation on her face.

Tess had seen that expression before, and she knew it did not bode well for any of them. It was the look Lonnie had worn every time she had used her powers to seize control of Tess' mind, every time she had made yet another step towards her ultimate goal of ruining the lives of the Roswell Royal Four.

Tess lifted her head and prepared to blast the hybrid.

The flash burst into her mind with such an intensity that she knew, in a detached and vague sort of way, that it was being forced into her mind by someone else.

Lonnie.

"_How much longer is he going to be?" Rath demanded impatiently, striding back and forth with a frustrated countenance._

"_You got somewhere to be, sweetheart?" Lonnie retorted with a sardonic grin. Her eyes moved towards Tess, who sat on the floor of the sewer in front of them. "He'll come when he does. You keep your eyes on that pretty little thing until her Zan shows. I ain't risking a screw-up just because you got bored."_

"_Oh, please. What she gonna do? You got a good hold on her."_

_Tess' face was glazed with beads of sweat as she tried with all her might to fight off the force keeping her still. But Lonnie seemed barely affected by her efforts, and she couldn't understand how the hybrid had enough power to keep her so completely trapped._

"_Yeah, well…" Lonnie grinned, switching her gaze back to Rath. "God, I feel pathetic pretending to need that Max. Like I couldn't take him in a fight. They're all so weak. No one would ever believe they're actually royalty. They oughta be the rejects, not us."_

"_Yeah, well… they're gonna learn now," Rath answered._

"_And I can't wait to see the look on their Zan's face when he realizes his precious Ava's gone and betrayed him to Khivar."_

_"Pity it wasn't that brunette. She's the one he's got the hots for," Rath remarked casually. "Looks like he's got some pathetic puppy-dog love thing going on. And with a _human_. Still... betrayal is betrayal, no matter the source. The guy's a wimp. He'll crash before he figures out anything."_

_"_If_ he figures out anything."_

"That's the beauty of everything, ain't it, sweetie?" Lonnie sneered with a mocking grin as the flash faded and Tess found herself back in the present. "It didn't have to be you."

Tess licked dry lips and glared at the hybrid Princess, wondering what had gone so wrong for her. It was hard to believe that Isabel shared the exact same genetic make-up as this twisted alien, and yet she did. It made Tess wonder, sometimes, if Isabel might have ended up this way, had she been raised differently. Were they all walking that fine line between good and evil? Were they all possible of becoming part of the other side?

Lonnie pressed on, eyes glittering maliciously. "Any chick can have the King's son. Don't need to be you to make the kid the next ruler."

Tess shook her head, eyes wide. She had always known on some level that it had not been about destroying her life. It had been about ruining the lives of all four of them, and she had simply been the one they chose to carry out the plan. Maria had not been a viable option since she possessed no alien powers of her own, and Tess doubted that the skins realized that Liz had inherited a few tricks of her own until it was far too late to consider using her. Isabel, of course, would not work because Max would never sleep with her. And Tess, with her obsession towards destiny, her memories of Antar, and her mind-warping abilities... she had been the perfect target. But it wasn't anything personal. It didn't have to be her.

Just like it didn't have to be Alex that was killed, or Kyle who carried his dead body.

There was a way out of this. Tess knew she'd never be strong enough to stop Lonnie if she relied only on her lesser powers. But she remembered the fireball she had used to kill the skins, the way her entire body had been nearly torn apart from the inside as she let go of all her control and let the fire consume. After that, she had been more wary of her mind-warps, more hesitant to use them without preparation. And then, with Alex's death...

But this was different. She _had _to kill Lonnie, even though she was hesitant to do so. She _had _to kill her...

But could she? Even without bothering to control the mind-warp, she might not be strong enough...

"Tell me something, sweetie," Lonnie continued gloating, "did you have fun on Antar?"

Tess swallowed back the bitter retort, the fear and the pain, and took a few steps forward. Then, without preparation, without warning, without _thinking_, she closed her eyes and imagined the fire. Instantly, something tugged at her insides, twisting in the pit of her stomach. Her instinct was to fight it, to fight for control, but she let the instinct pass, and instead focused on making the fire burn brighter, burn with an intense heat that consumed anything it touched. With her eyes closed, she could not see the sudden panic on Lonnie's face or the way the flames traveled so quickly across the space between them, burning the ground, surrounding the Isabel-lookalike with their orange glow. But she could feel the power in the air all around her, crackling like electricity.

Despite the fear, Lonnie still had a few tricks up her sleeve, and she was not about to go down without a fight. Flinging both hands out in front of her, she smiled with satisfaction as the fire seemed to hesitate, unsure if it could proceed forward. For all her training, Tess still could not hope to match Lonnie in strength, a fact that both hybrids knew well. If it came down to a battle of wills, Tess would not win.

The fire flickered, getting smaller.

Then Lonnie gave a choked cry and crumbled to the ground, her eyes rolling into the back of her head.

Tess looked past the fallen hybrid and found Isabel and Kyle both standing in the doorway. Isabel had her hand stretched out before her, and her eyes had hardened into a look of disgust. She glared at the fallen dupe even as she moved towards Tess. Her body was still tense, coiled like a spring ready to explode should Lonnie attack again.

"Tess? Are you alright?"

Tess blinked at Isabel, still dazed by the sudden rescue, but nodded slowly. "Yes... I'm fine. Max? Michael? Liz?"

"I don't know..."

"What is she doing here?" Kyle interrupted, his words harsh and filled with dislike as he gazed at Lonnie. "I thought she and Rath were dead."

"Guess not," Isabel muttered uneasily. "Did you see Rath? Is he here as well?"

"I didn't see him," Tess answered worriedly. "He could be here. I don't know..." She didn't bother asking about Ava, since the last of the dupes had never been a threat. All her thoughts were a jumbled mess, however, and she could make little sense of what was happening. She moved past Isabel towards the hallway, towards the sounds of fighting. Max, Michael, and Liz were somewhere out there, and the only thought that managed to penetrate the fog around her brain was that they had more of a chance of surviving if they fought together.

Her abrupt exit was halted by Agent Thompson, however, who hurried in through the door. The FBI agent held his gun loosely in one hand, and his eyes roamed through the room, taking in the three shocked faces and the unconscious body on the floor. "That's your double," he said in a shaky voice, frowning at Isabel.

Isabel nodded mutely, and Tess wondered what Thompson could have heard about the dupes to make him look so distraught over her appearance.

He lifted his gun and pointed it at Lonnie. Isabel closed her eyes briefly and turned her head away, unable and unwilling to watch the death of someone who shared her genetic makeup. In a different time and place, and under different circumstances, she might have become Lonnie.

Agent Thompson was not fast enough to kill her, however, and before he could pull the trigger, the entire room began to shake. Tess fell to her knees, barely managing to keep from crashing completely to the ground. Kyle stayed upright, using the wall for support, and next to him, Isabel stumbled and lost her balance, hitting the ground hard. Lonnie groaned and rolled to her side, and Thompson tried to adjust his aim on her but could not keep himself steady long enough. As they all attempted to recover from the movement, the door flung open once more and several skins rushed into the room.

Thompson twisted and started firing, paying little attention to his aim. His bullets flew in all directions, shattering plaster from the wall and breaking the lamps and the television screen. Several also managed to hit the intended targets, and two skins dropped to the ground almost instantly, while several others cried out in pain and stopped mid-rush.

There was a blinding flash of light, a brilliant burst of whiteness that momentarily blinded Tess, and when she slowly forced herself to see once more, the room was filled with even more skins, and Thompson lay at her feet, his body broken and bloodied, his eyes glazed over in death.

She almost screamed in horror.

Then Isabel had seized her arm and dragged her from the room into the hallway, Kyle close at her heels. The air was heavy with smoke, and the ground shook beneath their feet, testament to the battle that was raging all around them. She blinked through the haze of panic and smog and caught sight of Max and Liz coming towards her, with Michael and several FBI agents behind.

"We need to get out of here!" Max hissed. "There are too many, I don't think we can fight them all."

"Where are we supposed to run, Max?" Isabel countered breathlessly. "Wasn't the whole point of this that we stay and fight?"

Another volley of bullets exploded through the air but for every skin that fell, another seemed to take his place.

"You're surrounded," one of the FBI agents shouted. "We will hold them off. Get to the first floor and put the main doors to your backs. You stand a better chance of fighting there!"

Tess wasn't entirely sure what happened after that. Isabel still had her by the arm, and she was being dragged through the hallway and down a flight of stairs, away from the sounds of fighting. She could think of little else besides Thompson's lifeless body collapsing to the floor. She could not honestly say that she liked or trusted the FBI agent. He had been far too willing to manipulate them to suit his own needs. But in the end he had been willing to sacrifice his life to protect them, so that they could fight the cause he believed in so much.

The thoughts were pushed from her mind as she found herself in the main lobby of the hotel. Liz, pale and exhausted, leaned against the sofas and turned her attention towards the elevators and the stairwells, waiting. Michael and Isabel both looked around worriedly, their attention drawn to the windows and the set of glass sliding doors that opened into the front drive. Max was constantly shifting his weight from foot to foot, prepared for whatever would come next. And Kyle was standing completely still.

They did not have long to wait.

While on the floors above them the FBI was just barely managing to keep the majority of the skins at bay, at least three of the enemy aliens had slipped by unnoticed and made their way to the lobby as well.

Khivar, Nicolas, and Lonnie.

"I see you recovered from all those bullet holes Thompson put in your body," Max sneered, forcing himself to appear brave.

Nicolas gave a cold chuckle. "Too bad Thompson won't be recovering from the energy hole we burned in his chest." Max visibly flinched, and Nicolas grinned with even more glee. "So… who wants to die first?"

"Leave them out of this," Max ordered tersely, striding forward, his eyes on Khivar. "Your fight is with me."

"My fight is with all of you," Khivar answered. "But don't worry, I'll do you the favor and make sure to kill you first. Then you won't have to see your precious wife die." He turned to Liz, his eyes raking over her body with an appreciative grin. "Maybe we will have some fun before that happens…?"

Tess slanted a look at the hybrid King, watching as his rage nearly boiled over. He was just barely managing to stay in control of his fury, to keep his emotions checked and not rise to Khivar's bait. Liz, too, was struggling to keep a straight face even as the disgust and repulsion shone in her eyes.

Isabel apparently had also sensed how close Max was to losing it, and interrupted the conversation. To Lonnie, she said, "Looks like you're back from the sewers. I guess it was too much to hope you'd rot into nothingness. But hey… where's your reject boy-toy?"

Lonnie smirked, "Ain't that sweet? You're all concerned for Rath. Well… let's just say I ditched him. Permanently." She looked over at Michael with a cocky grin. "I'm more interested in this one, anyway. You for sale, sweetheart?"

"Why'd you kill him?" Max whispered, horrified. He knew that she had been partially responsible for Zan's death, and had certainly threatened Ava on more than one occasion, but she and Rath had seemed like to peas in a pod. Why would she dismiss him? What did she stand to gain from it?

"Khivar asked me to do it," Lonnie replied callously.

Isabel winced. "So that's it? You just… you just killed him?"

"Yep. Just like that." Lonnie gave a long, drawn out sigh, then added, "Wanna see how easy its gonna be to kill you?"

A second later, Lonnie was forcefully thrown back against the wall, her head hitting the wood with a resounding crack. Max stepped forward, one hand stretched out in front of him, power rippling up and down the length of his arm.

His eyes were completely black.

"Well, well, well…" Khivar drawled. "Look who finally decided to play."

Nicolas smirked. "This would be quite a lot easier, Zan, if you just gave in to the inevitable."

_Tess closed her eyes against the pain, trying to ignore the feeling of helpless dread that settled in her heavy limbs. The baby twisted in her womb and she gave a short gasp. Her forehead was lined with beads of sweat, her lips trembled as though she wanted to scream out, but could not find the energy._

_Nicolas watched her dispassionately from the other side of the cell. "This would be quite a lot easier, Ava darling, if you just gave in to the inevitable."_

_She squinted at him and shook her head. "Never, Nicolas. You cannot have my son."_

_He laughed. "Sweetheart, I already have him." He gestured to the stone walls surrounding him. "You're not going anywhere, my Queen," he sneered, "and your precious son will be born here. Accept it."_

_A wave of pain swept through her body once more. "No," she hissed._

"_You're only hurting your son," Nicolas countered. "Why would you do this to him? Can't you see he is in pain as well?"_

"_You are the one hurting him," Tess gasped. "Just stop it!"_

_Nicolas turned away from her and the pain faded just a bit. "You know how to make it stop."_

_She knew what he wanted, but she would not yield. To have the Queen lend her support to Khivar? She was not foolish enough to think it would stop the war. The rebels wanted the skin king dead, and the skins wanted to completely wipe out every last remnant of Zan's family. She could travel throughout the planet, shouting from every mountain, every tower, every high point in the entire land, begging people to put down their arms and accept Khivar, and the war would still not end._

_It would only serve to make the rebels even more distraught, more hopeless, more disinherited._

"_I will never publicly acknowledge Khivar's right to rule!" _

_Nicolas shrugged. "As you wish."_

Tess forced the memory away and watched in horrified fascination as Max brought both hands together in front of him and channeled a continual stream of shimmering electricity down his arms. It crackled at his fingertips and jumped into the air, exploding towards Khivar.

Khivar lifted his hand and conjured a shield that absorbed the energy. He stumbled back a few steps at the force of the blow, but stayed upright.

Michael moved quickly to Max's side, lending his support and strength, while Lonnie rose to her feet and walked determinedly forward to face Isabel. Liz hovered between the two, unsure who needed her powers more, while Tess and Nicolas locked eyes, each waiting for the other to make the next move.

And then the three fights broke out in earnest.

Khivar and Max exchanged blows, each digging deeper and deeper into their energy reserve. Max's black eyes seemed to widen in size, and his body was filled with a dark glow. The fury that fueled his powers was spiraling all around him, slowly pushing the Max Evans aside and replacing the void with pure Zan. Khivar still had the upper hand, his power almost too great to believe, but with Michael standing beside Max, joining in the fight, the two sides were fairly evenly matched.

"You really are pathetic," Khivar mocked. "The Zan I knew was stronger than this. The Zan I knew didn't have to rely on backup from his General just to win a one-on-one fight. After all these years of fighting, killing you is going to be rather anti-climatic."

Max did not answer, just continued to focus all his attention on destroying the enemy who had brought so much pain and destruction into their lives.

Meanwhile, Tess was not faring as well. She had never been strong enough to stand against Nicolas, none of them had. He easily blocked her attacks and struck his own blows. So when he put his hands on either side of her head and prepared for the mind-rape, she had neither the energy nor the determination to keep him out of her mind.

"Oh…" she groaned in pain, struggling weakly to pull away.

"_When this is all over, Nick, I'll meet up with you," Tess whispered, kissing her boyfriend on the cheek. "Enjoy Santa Fe."_

"_Promise me you will come," Nick answered, taking her hands in his own._

"_Always."_

"Interesting," Nicolas laughed as he roughly pulled the memories from her mind. "So you sent that darling boyfriend of yours and your son away, thinking it would keep them safe? Well, don't worry, I'll find them. Tell me, what else is in that brain of yours?"

"_I'm sorry, Kyle," Tess breathed, tears making tracks down her pale skin. "I'm so sorry."_

_He held her gaze for a beat, then said emotionlessly, "That's not enough," and watched with no feeling in his eyes as Tess turned and rushed from the room._

"Oh… heartbreaking," Nicolas said sardonically, shaking his head. "Anything else to share, my Queen?"

"_You're sick," Tess murmured, and as Liz spun to face her, she lifted defiant eyes and said firmly, "You are a liability as long as you're illness keeps you weak."_

"_You're a liability as long as your fear of the skins keeps you from being able to fight off their control," Liz shot back. Tess flinched, her eyes moving to Max in what was clearly a silent question of __why did you tell her about that?__, but Liz did not notice. "Isabel is a liability because of the Vilandra within her. We all have weakness, Tess, but we are in this together, and I am __not__ going to let Max face Khivar alone."_

"_She's right," Michael muttered, shaking his head. "We're stronger as a group."_

_Max frowned, but seeing that he was outnumbered, he bowed his head with heavy resignation. "Fine. Liz can stay. The rest of you…"_

"_What about Kyle?" Michael demanded suddenly, giving the human a searching stare. "Max healed you as well. What are your powers?"_

_Kyle sneered in reply, "I never developed them. Guess I didn't turn into a freak like the rest of you."_

"You all have some rather interesting weaknesses," Nicolas mused thoughtfully, dropping his hands and letting Tess fall to the floor in an exhausted heap. "Did you really think you could win against us? You're too terrified of killing again, your Vilandra is afraid of reverting to her past self, Zan's new wife is dying of cancer, and the human boy has no powers! You're all useless."

His words were cut off by Liz, who had crossed to Tess' side. The brunette glared at Nicolas before flicking her wrist at him and catching him off-guard with her assault. He fell backwards and Liz instantly knelt down and struggled to pull Tess back to a standing position.

"Come on," Liz ordered, her voice filled with determination, "this isn't over yet."

And it wasn't.

"Why are you fighting this?" Lonnie demanded as she parried blows with Isabel. "Don't you know this ain't the right life for you, sweetie?"

Isabel gasped for breath, but retorted fiercely, "I am nothing like you. I will never sell out my own brother or Michael just to please Khivar."

"But doll, we've got the same DNA," Lonnie countered. "You're _exactly_ like me. Ain't that right?"

"No!"

"We both come from Vilandra. And she did sell out her brother. She did turn her back on her betrothed. She did let Ava die. What makes you think things will be any different for you?"

Isabel, momentarily forgetting her powers, reached over and slapped Lonnie. "_Shut up_!"

"What's the matter, precious?" Lonnie sneered. "Don't like admitting to the truth?"

"The truth," Isabel spat, her fingers curling into Lonnie's hair, "is that I love my family. More than anything. And you… you pathetic…" She yanked hard on her double's hair, pulling until Lonnie cried out in pain and hit her back. The dupe's hand collided with her cheek, splitting her lip.

Isabel spat the blood back into Lonnie's face.

Lonnie pushed her hard in the chest, knocking her to the ground. Then the dupe kicked her in the stomach, knocking the wind out of her, and she curled into the fetal position, lungs frantically wheezing for oxygen. Twisting slightly, she caught sight of Max finally being overpowered by Khivar, who forced the hybrid King to his knees and knocked Michael unconscious with a single blow. Tess was leaning heavily against Liz, but Nicolas was advancing on them, his eyes glistening with triumph.

Kyle hovered in the background, unsure what to do.

"You're worthless," Khivar laughed, his eyes running over the group and landing finally on Kyle. "The only one left standing is a useless human. I never did like anti-climatic endings… but this will have to do." He turned to Tess. "You've been a thorn in my side for too long, Ava. I want that son of yours, and I know as long as you are alive you will stand in my way. So…" he paused, drawing out the statement to build the tension, "you'll be the first to die."

And then Kyle stepped forward. "I'm not useless," he said in a soft tone, although his words were underlined with pure steel.

Khivar laughed. "Little human, you haven't got any powers. Nicolas saw it in Ava's mind, and you must know she can't lie during a mind-rape."

"No, she can't," Kyle agreed. "You learned exactly what she believed to be true." His eyes narrowed and his voice raised just a little bit higher in volume. "But that still doesn't make it true. Because she's not the one who was lying."

And before anyone could even respond to the statement, Kyle lifted his hand and pointed it directly at the ceiling above Khivar. The ceiling exploded, huge chunks of stone and wood raining down upon them. Lonnie dove for cover, barely managing to get out of the way. Nicolas was struck on the back of the head and knocked out instantly. Max raised a shield, protecting himself, Michael, and Isabel, while Tess pulled Liz out of the way. Khivar was battered by several smaller stones, and though he dropped to his knees, dazed, he remained conscious.

"What…?" Liz gasped, shocked not only by the knowledge that Kyle had lied to them about not having powers, but also by the fact that he had learned how to control his so well that he could react to Khivar with such force and power. He had not gone to any of the aliens for help, which meant he had to have figured it all out on his own.

It was rather impressive, actually.

"That was stupid," Khivar snarled. "I might have let out daughter live, given that she is no threat to me. But if you want to join this war… well, I'll just have to kill your precious Emily. After I've gotten rid of you, of course."

"Stay away from my daughter!"

Khivar shook his head. "You signed her death warrant, human. It is your fault, not mine. And none of your little tricks can save her. Not anymore." He crawled back to his feet, still dazed. But still incredibly dangerous. "It's a pity, really, that you would sacrifice so much for people you don't even care about anymore."

Kyle and Tess locked gazes for a heartbeat, then Kyle answered, "I still care. I might hate them all, but I never stopped caring. That's what family is, that is what family does. But you will never understand that, will you? You'll never get why people you love deserve second chances."

He thought of Tess, of her wide blue eyes, frightened and filled with longing as she gazed at him. He thought of Jennifer, of her laugh and her smile and the way she managed to light up his life. He thought of Emily, the most important person in the world to him.

Forgiveness was not easy to give. But he was so tired of hating them.

And he was a father. There was nothing in the world he would not give for his daughter. Nothing at all.

"Giving me a lesson on emotions?" Khivar asked sarcastically. "When will you realize that human emotions are just a weakness? That they prevent you from surviving, from thriving. All that idiotic praise of love and sacrifice is just a pathetic way to make your species feel better about what is cannot do. Those emotions will kill you."

Kyle took a shaky breath as everything fell into jarring alignment, as it became clear what he needed to do. There was one way out of this, one way to ensure that Khivar never hurt his daughter or any of the other people that he loved ever again.

"You're right," Kyle answered. "Human emotion is a weakness. It is what will kill me." And then he moved, launching himself across the room. He grabbed Khivar by the collar of his shirt and slammed him back into the hotel wall. His eyes narrowed into slits of fury, but the fury did not quite cover the triumph that flashed through his face. "But it is also what is going to kill you."

And then he was surrounded by a brilliantly bright white light, a flash that momentarily blinded them all.

Khivar was too smart to lose any type of fight. He never showed his face unless he was sure he had the advantage, and often preferred to let others do his dirty work for him. Like many tyrants, he was a coward, terrified of what would happen if his faithful servants turned on him. He had instilled fear or loyalty in most of them, and was content in his ability to maintain the status quo. He did not bother to study anything he thought was weak, and so he could never fully comprehend just how far someone might be willing to go to protect a their own child. That type of love was far beyond his understanding.

And so he was not prepared for Kyle's actions. He was not prepared for the intensity of electricity and energy that left the human's body and filled the air around them. He was not prepared for the hands that held him tightly, preventing him from moving away from the heat. He was not prepared for the sacrifice he knew Kyle was making.

When the light finally faded, it was all over.

The skin King, the alien who could never have been killed in a simple fight, the enemy who had hunted them for decades, the one who had been almost unstoppable… he fell to the ground with the slightest of gasps, his eyes widened in surprise. He fell, just like anyone else, lifeless and unmoving, destroyed by the simple fact that he had never been able to understand humans.

But for Tess, the irony was not amusing. It was horrifying.

Because Kyle fell as well, the force of his attack draining his life. She rushed to his side, her blue eyes filling with tears that spilled down her cheeks even before she frantically began to search for a pulse.

He moved, his eyes focusing on her for a heartbeat.

"Forgive you," he whispered.

And even as Max rushed towards him, hand stretching out towards their fallen ally, Kyle's eyes glazed over in death. Too late, the healer King fell to his knees, trying to reconcile himself with everything that had just happened. Liz came to kneel beside him, pulling him into a tight hug as she rested her head on his shoulder and let the tears fall.

Tess buried her face in Kyle's unmoving chest, sobbing.

Only Michael and Isabel were left standing. Both looked around the destroyed lobby of the hotel, eyes frantically searching for the other two. But Lonnie and Nicolas were already gone.

Isabel suddenly shivered. "Michael?"

"Hm?"

"Do you… do you think this is… it?"

He looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"I just…" Isabel shook her head slowly, not quite able to explain. "I just have the weirdest sensation. Like… a feeling. A feeling that this isn't over yet."


	26. The Sound of You Walking Away

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two_:_ The Sound of You Walking Away

People walk away. I know that. I've seen it happen to me, to others. Over and over again.

I learned how to deal with it, how to get over it, how to pretend that I just don't care. I was not the only one who learned that lesson. Michael faced it with Hank, Maria with her own father, Kyle with his mother. People who should have loved us, but didn't. People who should have been there, forever, and yet weren't.

When Max turned on me, I felt fear. Grief. Loss. Desperation.

Fury.

In his position, I know I would have done exactly the same thing. The evidence piled up against me, and my own testimony, words that fell from my lips with bitter coldness... how could he ever believe anything else? I cannot blame him for what he did, and I will be forever grateful for the fact that he did _not _kill me, that he still valued our child enough to let me go. That was how I knew that Khivar could never win against us, because, unlike the skins, we still valued love over hatred.

But despite all that, I was furious. Filled with rage and wrath and spite. And, in truth, I know that is part of the reason I did not return to Roswell. There fear and there was confusion involved in that decision, but I will not lie and say that there was no anger.

I learned how to the deal with pain of being left behind. But even so... it still hurt every time I heard yet another person's echoing footsteps as they walked away from me.

* * *

And it wasn't over for them, not really. Even with Khivar gone, it was nearly impossible for them to move on with their lives. There were still enemies out there, and still far too many loose ends for them to fully tie up this mess. So though they wanted, desperately, to move on with their lives, to forget the past and this war that had cost them so much, they found that they couldn't.

It was as though they would be forever stuck in the past.

And one by one, it was tearing the group apart.

"You're leaving?" Tess asked incredulously, watching with wide eyes as Jim slowly shoved the last of his belongings into his suitcase. "You're just going to… go?"

He looked at her, his eyes unreadable. "Tess," he said gently, "it has been two weeks since…" He stopped abruptly and lowered his gaze, and Tess knew that he was having trouble saying the words. Two weeks since Khivar was defeated. Two weeks since they were forced to flee Roswell and the ruins of the motel. Two weeks since they had met up with the others in Santa Fe and Las Vegas, trying to form a group once more.

Two weeks since Kyle's death.

"But…" Tess, too, was unable to finish her thought and she lapsed into silence, still watching him.

Jim gave a long sigh. "It has been two weeks, but is anything actually over? The press is all over what happened in Roswell, questions are flying about the destroyed motel, and the footage of what occurred in Liz's hospital room has been shown on every single television channel there is. You all are still hiding, unable to show your faces anywhere."

Tess bit her lip anxiously. "Michael isn't happy with your decision," she murmured quietly. She had a feeling Max and Liz were both annoyed about it as well, but it was Michael's anger, more volatile and unpredictable since Maria's death, that worried her.

Jim shrugged. "I know," he answered. "Just like he wasn't happy with our decision to leave the group before, after we thought that you had… you know…"

"Killed Alex and betrayed you all to Khivar?" Tess murmured. "Yeah… I know."

"I don't expect Michael to understand my decision," Jim continued with a sympathetic look. "But I have to do what is best for Emily. Both her parents are… gone… now, and that makes her my responsibility. And what is best for Emily is certainly not growing up on the run." He paused, then added, "Besides, it isn't as though Los Angeles is the other side of the universe. We can still stay in touch."

Tess knew, on a logical and rational level, that she could not be upset with Jim for his reasoning. She would have done the same thing for her own son, if she had had the chance. But Alex needed the Royal Four around to keep him safe, to make sure that all their enemies did not get the chance to harm him before he was old enough to protect himself.

Could she blame Jim for giving Emily what she was not able to give Alex?

And yet… knowing that Jim was making the right choice for his granddaughter did not in anyway ease the hurt and anger Tess felt as she watched him zip closed his suitcase and turn towards her once more, ready to leave.

Michael did not even bother showing up to wish Jim a safe trip, and Max and Liz exchanged only the barest civil words. Isabel was a little bit warmer, and even gave Jim a quick hug, but it was clear that her heart was not in it. Diane Evans just smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning away and walking back towards her son and daughter-in-law. As for Nick, Kate, and Charlie, they had never really known the ex-Sheriff, and so could not have been expected to feel much of anything when he left.

It was only Tess, watching silently as his car disappeared into the distance, who grieved for what they had just lost, and for all the seconds chances it seemed as though she was not destined to receive.

* * *

A week following Jim's departure found Liz alone in her bedroom of another shabby roadside motel, clutching a cell phone to her ear as a familiar voice greeted her.

"Ms. Parker-Evans."

Liz did not even bother pretending not to know who was calling. "What do you want, Agent Valenti?"

"We are doing our best to clean up all the various problems left scattered about because of this war," Jennifer Valenti said briskly, "but there are some I fear we won't be able to fix."

Liz felt a sudden welling of fury at Jennifer's words. "Just _some_ problems?" she sneered. "Our lives are completely ruined because of this war and all you have to say is there are a few problems left? Like they aren't even a big deal?"

"I understand that you are upset…"

Liz gave a hollow laugh and said viciously, "You don't understand a damn thing about how I feel!"

There was a dead silence, then Jennifer said coolly, "Fine. If you want to act like an overemotional toddler, go ahead. But I did call to impart some information to you, so I suggest you pay attention. I don't like having to repeat myself."

Liz gripped the phone even more tightly. "So, go ahead. Talk."

"We have done our best to clear Isabel's name. It was not easy, but we did manage to… _convince_… the other agencies to stop investigating her husband's death." Liz did not bother asking what Jennifer meant by the word convince – she had the feeling she didn't actually want to know – and the FBI agent continued smoothly, "However, it would still be unwise for her to return to Boston. Ever."

"Well, she doesn't have much of a reason to go back, does she?" Liz retorted. "Jesse's dead and buried and she didn't even get to go the funeral."

Jennifer continued as though she had not heard Liz speak, "We cannot undo what happened with Ms. DeLuca's death, nor can we turn attention away from Roswell."

"So, basically you can't do much of anything," Liz snapped.

"We can, however, give your parents a new life… and Diane Evans as well. We can arrange for them to enter Witness Protection. You would never see them again… but they would be alive."

Liz felt as though someone had dumped ice water over her entire body. She had not thought about her parents much, except with a mixture of guilt that she could not tell Max the truth, and relief that she knew she had not lost them yet. But now… now Jennifer Valenti was giving her a way to save them… and to do it, she'd have to lose them forever.

"We doubt they would just agree to that plan. Given the danger you are in, even now. Your parents are simply far too… noble. They would want to help you. Unless you could convince them otherwise."

Liz inhaled sharply. "I…" She did not want to tell her parents to start over. She wanted, desperately, to convince them to stay by her side, to never leave. But her own selfish desires were not enough, not if her parents had a chance at a new life, a safe life. "Can I speak to them, then?" she asked finally.

There was a silence, then a new voice spoke. "Lizzie?"

"Dad?" Liz breathed, relief flooding through her veins. "Are you alright? And Mom?"

"We're fine, sweetheart," was Jeff Parker's answer. His voice was reassuring, but still she wished she could see him before her, could reach and take her hand, needing that tangible reassurance that he had survived the brutal attack on Roswell.

"Dad," Liz practically whimpered, "they destroyed Roswell."

"Agent Valenti told me," Mr. Parker replied. "Lizzie, I am so sorry about Maria. I…" He paused, unable to finish the thought, and Liz could plainly hear the tears in his voice.

"And Amy," Liz whispered. "Philip Evans. Kyle."

"Agent Valenti says the war is over. Your enemy is dead."

"Yes," Liz answered, running a hand through her hair and staring at her pale reflection in the mirror on the wall. Her skin lacked all color, and the dark circles under her eyes had grown even more pronounced in the past few days. More troubling was the continued weight-loss, the sign that her cancer was still creating havoc for her tired body. Khivar might be dead, but it was far from over and she was far from safe.

"But the news has been filled with clips from… from when Maria…" Again, her father did not finish the statement, and Liz felt a burst of fresh tears threatening to cascade down her face.

"Yes. They've seen… the press… it looks like we're out in the open, now… I can't… We can't really prevent it." Liz chewed her bottom lip and glanced at the door to her bedroom, but she was still alone. "Dad… you and Mom have a chance. You can… start over."

The only answer from the other end of the line was silence.

Liz continued determinedly, "Witness protection. Jennifer can get you a new life. One where you are not living in constant danger, where… where you have a chance to be happy."

"Without you? No, Lizzie. That won't make us happy."

"But it would keep you alive," Liz replied in a stubborn whisper, her voice breaking slightly. "That is what matters most to me."

"Your mother and I want to see you…"

Liz nearly laughed, but managed to refrain at the last second. Her parents had not seen her since she had flown to Seattle in the hopes of new and better cancer treatments. They had not seen her since before Maria's death and the destruction of Roswell, since before Tess' reappearance and the battle with Khivar… They would hardly recognize her now. She looked less like herself than she ever had, instead adopting the appearance of a walking skeleton, a pale imitation of what she had once been.

She did not want them to see her like this.

"You can't," Liz said finally. "You're dead. Everyone except me thinks that. And… it is better if you stay that way. You will be safe."

"_You_ aren't safe."

"I don't have a choice. You do."

"Liz…"

"Maria and Kyle are dead. So is Max's father and Maria's mother. So is Isabel's husband. I can't… Dad, please. I can't lose you, too."

"If I go into Witness Protection, you will lose me. And we will lose you," Mr. Parker countered.

"But I'll know that you are still alive. Even if I can never see you. Please, Dad." It was one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, but she knew right then that it was the right thing, and that she would forever regret it if she put her parents in any more danger. "For all our sakes… please do this."

"If you are sure…?"

And Liz, thinking of the pain they had all been through, thinking of Isabel's sobs and Michael's distant gaze, of Max's heartache and Tess' fear, of her own helpless bewilderment, forced herself to say the only thing she could, "I'm sure, Dad. I am sure."

After she had wished her father a tearful goodbye and repeated the exact same argument with her mother, Jennifer Valenti got back on the phone.

"Thank you, Liz."

Liz rolled her eyes, even though she knew the FBI agent could not see it. "I still don't get why you care so much. I was not under the impression that we meant anything to you."

"Honestly? You don't. I'm just doing what I have to do to keep Earth from being completely destroyed. I'm trying to save humanity."

"Then why do you care what happens to my parents? Certainly they aren't going to affect the outcome of this war. Khivar is already dead."

Jennifer spoke slowly, as though cautiously picking her words as she answered. "The war is not over. If you think killing Khivar was enough, then you are sorely mistaken. Battles don't end just because one leader has died. Particularly not when the battle was actually a civil war." A pause, then, "And I don't care about your parents. They mean nothing to me. You mean nothing to me."

"Thanks," Liz spat sarcastically.

"But," Jennifer continued as though Liz had not spoken, "you meant something to Kyle."

Liz accepted the sentiment for what it was, a confession that Kyle had been more than just a cover, more than a means to an end. On a whim, she said, "Jim and Emily went to Los Angeles."

"I know. I've been… discreetly… keeping an eye on them."

"Are you going to go see them? Reveal yourself to Jim?" Liz questioned.

"No. I'm dead, Liz. And it is in everyone's best interest for me to stay that way. Just like your parents."

Liz shook her head and flopped back on the bed. "Don't you want to see Emily?"

"Yes. I want that. I want it more than almost anything else in the world."

It was an honest answer, and it took Liz by surprise. She reflected, ironically, that she simply did not understand Jennifer. The FBI was the strangest mixture of coldly practical and emotionally open. The longing in her voice was obvious, but just as clear was the blatant fact that she was driven by logic and rational, and that she could somehow dismiss anything that got in her way.

"Almost?" Liz prompted, her tone vaguely mocking. "What do you want more than to see her? World peace?"

"No. The only thing I want more than to see Emily is to keep her alive." A silence, then, "Goodbye, Ms. Parker-Evans. I will place your parents somewhere nice. Somewhere safe. And then, with any luck, I won't ever be speaking to you again."

And the phone line went dead, permanently cutting Liz's ties to her parents.

* * *

A few days later, Diane Evans was contacted by another FBI agent, who gave her the same offer. A chance to start over, a new life, a different identity. She resisted, but after much urging from Max and Isabel, she slowly, reluctantly, gave in to their arguments.

And then she was gone.

* * *

A few days after Diane's departure, Max looked up from playing with Alex to find Nick hovering in the doorway, watching him with wary eyes. Alex was, as usual, completely oblivious to the tension that stretched between the two men, and continued to push his cars back and forth across the spotted carpet of the motel room. Max, however, rose to his feet and crossed quietly to where Nick stood.

"What do you want?" Max asked without preamble.

"Just watching," Nick answered quietly, giving a little shrug. He glanced around once, then added, "Where is Liz? She's usually with you."

"Lying down," Max said, and he did not need to elaborate because they had all seen what he did not want to admit. Liz was dying, and without a hospital, a doctor, and a lot of medical attention, this was a battle the cancer would win. He looked down at the floor as he said the words, unable to come to grips with the fact that his healing gifts simply were not enough to save Liz.

"I see," Nick muttered.

"Where is Tess?" Max asked, giving the human a slight frown. It was rare to see Nick without Tess by his side, particularly given how closely she had been following her boyfriend for the past few weeks. Since the fight in the motel, it was clear that she almost expected to lose him at any second.

"Talking with Kate. They think they might have located Serena."

Max nodded and looked back at his son. Alex's dark head was bent over his cars, and he paid no attention at all to the two talking adults, not caring about the subject at hand. Max hadn't really thought much about Serena, hadn't known anything other than that she was Kate's sister and had worked at the same law firm as Jesse. But the investigation around Jesse's death had forced her to flee Boston, and she was supposed to meet up with them in Roswell.

Until they discovered just what Khivar had done to Roswell, and all their plans went up in flames.

"Kate must be relieved," Max said, thinking how panicked he would feel if it had been Isabel who was forced from her home and work and on the run, all alone.

"She will be more relieved when they actually manage to get in touch with Kate," Nick answered honestly. He fidgeted slightly as he looked past Max at the boy he thought of as his son. "Look, Max…"

"Yeah, I know," Max said quietly. "I agree."

Nick blinked a couple times, taken by surprise. "You don't even know what I was going to say," he protested with a wary frown.

"You were going to say that we got off on the wrong foot, and for Alex's sake you'd like to try to be civil."

Nick's frown deepened, but he nodded reluctantly. It was exactly what he had been planning to say, although he was still a little distressed that Max had been able to read him so easily.

"Not just for Alex's sake," he said after a moment. "Tess', too." Because, much as he did not like to admit it, he knew Tess' life would forever be tied up with Max. The four aliens would be together, always. It was fated to be that way, and if he did not want to lose Tess or Alex, he had to accept it.

"I spent so long searching for my son," Max murmured. "And so long hating her for what she had done, for taking him away…." He glanced back at Alex, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He could never have imagined that anything would be as wonderful as finally finding his son.

Nick watched Max's expression, accepting it for what it was. Max loved his son, that was obvious. And the fact that he had not been a part of his son's life for the past five years was not for lack of trying.

"It won't be easy, trying to work this out," Nick said quietly. "But, for Alex's sake, I am willing to try."

Max nodded thoughtfully. His father's death and his mother's departure still weighed heavily on his mind, as did Kyle's sacrifice and Maria's untimely demise. With all that they had lost over the past few years, and particularly over the past month, he could not now turn away from a chance to mend a broken relationship and find a way to reconnect with his son.

It might be the only good thing that would come out of this mess, and Max was not going to let it slip through his fingers.

"I'm willing to try, too," he said finally.

* * *

In times of war, when a despot leader dies, his followers have two choices. They can turn upon themselves, fighting viciously for control and lashing out at anyone perceived to be a threat. That method is often self-destructive and sometimes, only very rarely sometimes, can the followers throw off their leader's shackles and create their own way of living. More often, they ruin themselves.

The other option is to turn the anger outwards, towards the original enemies. Then, the battle continues to rage, but with no coherency, no consistency, no predictability. There are no plans, and the sides become blurred, and all that is left is rash emotion and the furious will to survive.

As for the others, the enemies of the despot leader, they too are faced with choices. Because the war still rages, and they have to decide if they will fight it, or if they will lay down their weapons and declare that it is enough that the leader is dead.

And, of course, different people make different decisions.

And then everything erupts into chaos.

They should have seen it coming. Lonnie and Nicolas had survived, that much was true. But there were other enemies out there, other people who were willing to kill for what they wanted. After all, it was not one of Khivar's followers who had killed Maria.

They should have remembered that they had other enemies. They should have known that nothing would ever end simply for them.

They should have seen it coming…

…but they didn't.

Tess glanced around the crowded shopping mall, a little nervous. Although she tried to remain calm, she could not keep the anxiety at bay. She had been opposed to the idea of coming to a city, but, as Max and Michael had pointed out, they needed supplies, medications and other things that they could not get in a roadside motel.

Beside her, Michael moved brusquely, ignoring the others around him. Max had given him a fake ID and a fake prescription for some of the drugs Liz needed, and the only reason he was here was to make sure that he brought them back. He did not care about anything else.

It was easy enough to find a pharmacy, and easier still to get the medication. They had called the order in ahead of time, and so it was waiting for him the moment he arrived to pick it up. He was in and out in under five minutes, and he felt confident that he had not been recognized as a threat.

Still, it was hard to know, and so he and Tess picked up their pace slightly as they walked back to the parking lot. A faint drizzle of rain had started to fall over them, and Tess glanced once at the gray sky as she loaded the trunk of the car with food, clothing, first aid and emergency supplies, a few books for Alex, and disposable cell phones. It reminded her of all those weeks ago when the FBI had first showed up in Seattle, interrupting her shopping date with Kate and demanding to speak to her.

It felt like that had happened in some whole other lifetime. It seemed like just a distant memory, a long ago event that was now almost forgotten.

"Tess?"

She was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of Michael's voice. He was standing by the driver's side of the car, watching her cautiously. She tried to flash a reassuring smile, but thought it probably came out as little more than a grimace.

"Just thinking. Let's go." She walked around the passenger side of the car, and reached out with one hand until her fingers were lightly resting on the door. But some sixth sense stopped her, and she jerked upright, her gaze scanning the parking lot.

"What's wrong?" Michael demanded swiftly.

Tess swallowed uneasily. "I… I don't know."

Michael gave her a skeptical look. They had not spoken for most of the trip, an arrangement that had suited him fine. He did not like Tess, and doubted he ever would. She was the mother of Max's son, and for that reason he was certainly going to do his best to be civil to her. But too much had happened for him to want her as a friend, and Maria's death had taken so much of his energy that he no longer felt the compulsion to even try.

Still… if she thought something might be wrong, he was not going to make the mistake of not listening. He walked around the car, coming to her side. "Tess?" he prompted again.

She looked past him, back towards the shopping center. "We're being followed."

"By who? Do you see them?"

Blue eyes lifted to meet his dark brown ones and she shook her head. "I don't know. I just… we're being watched. I can tell."

Michael scanned the immediate area once, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. On the other hand, he reflected worriedly, it was too crowded for him to be able to identified anyone who might look suspicious. And the misty rain did not help matters.

"Can you tell anything? Human? Alien?"

Tentatively, Tess closed her eyes and reached out with her mind, trying to locate the source of her unease.

And then she felt something shifting, the pull of a memory on her consciousness.

"_They make you weak, your Majesty. Human traits are pathetic. Useless. Why do you insist on clinging to them?"_

_She frowned at the men before her. It was unusual that anyone would speak so bluntly to her, and with tones not infused with respect and awe. She might have been only a child, but in their eyes she was the Queen. And yet these three men did not treat her with deference or reverence, but rather with something close to contempt._

"_What difference does it make if I choose to remember?" she demanded, trying her best to sound confident even though the pregnancy was wearing on her body and her limbs felt leaden and heavy._

_The man who had spoken bared his teeth in a callous sneer, "How can you lead us if you do not let go?"_

"_I am here, aren't I? What more do you want?"_

"_You did not come willingly," the man spat. "We all know it was Khivar who dragged you here. You would not have come back if he had not…"_

_She turned away from him then, her eyes filling with anger and her body tensing at his accusation. It was true, she would not have come to Antar, not ended up at the rebel camps, if not for Khivar's tricks. But it was not because she did not care about them or their plight._

"_Enough," she snapped. "I will not let you take away my memories of Earth. Nor will I willingly stand back while you plot the deaths of all whom I care about." After a moment, she added, "Besides, it will do you no good. Your beloved Zan will not return to you if you murder Liz Parker. Trust me, I know."_

Tess was brought slamming back into the present with a sudden jolt, and she started, turning to Michael as realization dawned on her horrified features. "We need to get out of here. Now!"

For once, Michael did not question the command. He hurried to his side of the car and threw open the door as Tess scrambled into her own seat. The keys were in the ignition a moment later, and he pulled the car out of the parking space and maneuvered it quickly from the lot.

When they were on the street, Michael asked, "Tess? What was it?"

Tess bit her lip. "You know the faction… the one that killed Maria…?"

Michael's features hardened. "The ones that wanted us to cut all ties with Earth? Including your son? Yes, I remember what you told me about them."

Tess looked out the window. "I didn't tell you everything. I said I killed two of the extremist in the rebel camps."

"Yes?"

"There were three."

Michael blinked and slanted a look at her before turning his attention back to the road. "You killed three of them?" he asked, a little confused. Although the fact that she had yet another death on her hands should have bothered him, it didn't. He had killed, too, after all, and he knew exactly what it was like to be forced to make that final decision, to end another's life. It tore him apart inside, and he knew Tess faired no better dealing with what she had done.

But Tess's answer surprised him. "No. There were three extremists. I only killed two of them." She looked down at her hands as they lay folded carefully in her lap. "The third… he was the most outspoken of the three… he got away."

Michael did not need to ask why she was telling him this. He knew from her fearful expression just who she had sensed in the parking lot.

"Why would he be following us? We're not the ones he wants to kill."

"No, but we are the ones he can sense," Tess replied slowly. "He is an alien, he has alien powers. He can track us. But humans… he wouldn't be able to locate Liz."

"But if he found us he could follow us back to her?" Michael pressed his foot down on the accelerator and raced through a yellow light. "Then we can't go back to the hotel."

Tess didn't reply right away. Finally, she said, "They found Liz once. They can do it again. Even if we don't go back… it doesn't mean she's safe."

Michael frowned at her comment, but did not argue with it. He knew, better than most, not to underestimate these aliens. They had killed Maria, they would kill again. Still…

He gave Tess a pointed look as he questioned, "Why are you only worried about Liz? They will go after Nick, Kate, and Charlie as well. And your son."

Tess shot him a quick look, then turned back to the window. It was true that they had wanted to end her pregnancy before her son was born, to rid themselves of the child of two hybrids. With little Alex out of the way… There plan had always been to bring Max back to Antar, to remove the human memories from both hybrids, and then to start over, to have the King and Queen conceive a child on Antar, a child who would not be influenced by the human halves of his parents.

It had been the threat against Alex that had forced her to kill two of them. But that had not been where their plan had started. For the extremists, everything was about Liz. She was the one tying the King to Earth. He might have been able to leave his human parents, might have been able to leave the life he had known… but Liz? It was unlikely that he'd be able to leave her.

It was why they had targeted Liz when she was sick. Not simply because she was an easy target, unprotected by the other aliens. But because she was their biggest hurtle. They desperately needed Max… Zan… and she still stood in the way.

"They won't hesitate to kill Nick, Charlie, and Kate," Tess murmured at last, "and they will probably plan on killing my son. But Liz… she'll be the first target. She is where it will all begin."

* * *

So they returned to the others and told them what had happened. And Max reacted predictably, growing very worried and hovering around Liz as much as possible. Nothing happened, not for a few days, but Tess could not shake the unease that formed a hard ball in the pit of her stomach. She knew, better than most, just how dangerous these extremists could be, and she did not want to deal with the very real possibility facing her.

The war was not over.

Somehow, in the midst of everything, as their group slowly fell apart despite every effort to keep that from happening, one good thing managed to come to pass.

Serena arrived.

Tess didn't know the details, and didn't ask. She had no doubt that Kate had been frantically trying to reach her sister, and was relieved to see that it had all worked out well. But Serena brought with her the disturbing news of just how badly the East Coast was faring, and Tess found herself dismayed to realized just how little attention she had paid to the world outside her own little group.

Serena was almost exactly like her sister, with red hair and bright eyes and a quizzical expression. Michael reacted warily to her presence, refusing to speak to her at all unless absolutely necessary, and even then only with bitter, acerbic remarks. Max did not pay her any attention, he was far too busy worrying about his wife and his son and the extremist rebels who wanted them both dead.

But Serena refused to be ignored.

Two days after her arrival, in yet another motel on another road outside another town, everything erupted.

"We need to talk," Max said without preamble, walking into the room Tess shared with Nick and her son. Nick wasn't there, and neither was Alex, but Kate and Serena were sitting on the bed, speaking softly with Tess.

The hybrid Queen looked up sharply, her gaze moving past Max to Liz and Michael who had entered the room as well. "What's wrong?"

"We've been talking," Max said, "and Michael and I agree. We don't want to run. We want to take on the extremists. We want to stand and fight."

Tess' objections were immediate. "We don't even know what we are up against. Besides, what happens if some government agency shows up? We're already in enough danger as it is…"

"And running isn't going to stop that," Michael countered. "This is our best chance at getting a normal life."

"We're never going to have a normal life." Tess answered softly.

"Can we talk… privately?" Michael asked, jerking his head towards the two humans in the room.

"You don't think this has anything to do with us?" Kate asked harshly, temper obviously flaring.

"You're not going to fight. You can't," Michael retorted, shaking his head at her. "So it really doesn't have anything to do with you."

"Nobody is going to fight," Tess said, her words firm and strong even though her eyes showed her worry and fear. "This is a bad idea. You don't understand…"

"We can't run forever," Liz whispered.

Tess glanced at her. The brunette looked exhausted, there were dark circles under her eyes and her face glowed with a sheen of sweat. There was a bruise at the base of her throat and another on her leg, common signs of cancer progression. More troubling than that, however, was the tint of red around the whites of her eyes and the lack of color in her lips.

She was dying.

Tess looked away. "You think if you stop the extremists, it might be safe to settle down long enough to get Liz to an oncologist."

Max expelled a breath. "And maybe Charlie, Kate, and Serena can start a new life somewhere. Maybe we can all settle down and just…" He paused and glanced back at his wife, then at Michael. "We think it is the best plan."

"Unless we die," Tess countered.

"Which might happen anyway," Liz pointed out logically. "You're the one who told Michael… told us… that the extremists were going to come. That it wouldn't all just stop. We have to fight back, it is our only chance."

"Running didn't do us a whole lot of good in the past," Max added softly. "You weren't able to outrun everything before. What makes you think we can do it now?"

Tess knew it was true, knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that they could not outrun this, that the only chance to save themselves was tied closely to this idea, to the willingness to stand strong and fight back. But she had been running for so long, and the very thought that they might stop now… Maybe it was fear, maybe she really was every bit a coward, but she could not bring herself to utter the words of agreement, to give her consent to their plan.

She lowered her gaze.

"Where's Isabel?" the blonde asked instead, pulling at her curls with one hand.

"She's with Nick and Alex," Max replied. "She wanted to spend some quality time with her nephew."

Tess heard the other words he did not say, the sentiment conveyed between the lines. Max was not comfortable leaving his son without an alien present at all times… just in case.

Tess nodded slowly. She understood and appreciated his concern, and it was good to know that Isabel obviously wanted Alex safe as well. But she also knew that, if her son was in any real, immediate danger, she would feel it. For now, he was safe.

_For now…_

"I really think this is a private conversation," Michael said again, his tone insistent.

"Michael… they're in this as well," Tess murmured softly, glancing over at Kate and Serena. The two stared back, Kate's expression defiant, Serena's almost resentful. They had both turned their angry looks towards Michael, but, as was to be expected, the hybrid General appeared completely unfazed by their emotions.

"They don't have to be," Michael replied firmly, unwilling to compromise. "And we don't even _know_ Serena."

"And I don't know you," Serena snapped back. "But that didn't stop your war from ruining my life, did it?"

"So now you think you can just join our group and act like you know exactly what is going on?" Michael hissed.

"Michael," Max said, his tone a clear warning.

Tess glanced back at the man who had been her husband in a past life. It was obvious he did not want to argue about this, and equally obvious that he also silently agreed with Michael's point of view. Tess supposed she couldn't really blame them, they had learned the hard way that trust was not something to be easily or lightly given. But Serena was not the threat.

"What?" Michael demanded, turning to Max. "You think they should add in their two cents? Maybe we should all sit around and have a little pow wow? Take a vote? Maybe if we waste enough time, the extremists will kill us all before…"

"Michael, stop it!" Liz interjected sharply. "This argument isn't getting us anywhere."

"They killed Maria," Michael said after a momentary pause. "And I don't see why we should sit back and let them kill us, too."

"Michael… you don't know what they are capable of. You haven't… you just don't…" Tess faltered and stopped, unable to form the right words, unable to convey her fears. She knew they had to fight back somehow, but she also knew that they were up against a group of aliens far stronger than they even realized. This could all end in disaster.

"I know what they are capable of," Michael countered softly. "I know what they are willing to do."

And in the silence that followed that statement, Tess thought of Maria and gave a slow, hesitant, reluctant nod.

Michael did know what they were capable of, did understand the risks.

"I think we should talk about this as a group," Kate offered, turning her gaze to Max. "With Charlie, Nick… Isabel. All of us."

"There is no us," Michael replied. "You are not one of the group."

"Not one of the group?" Serena said furiously, breaking in before Kate could answer. "If I am not one of your group, why did the federal government show up at my office? Why did they try to arrest me? Why were all my possessions seized and my files searched? Why was I forced to run?"

"Serena…"

"Did any of you know what is happening to the rest of the world? Do you even _care_?"

"Of course we care," Liz answered softly, tiredly. "But we… the only way we can fix any of this is to…"

"You can't," Serena interrupted bluntly, her words brutally honest. "You can't fix this. Do you remember the epidemic that suddenly spread through New York City, that wiped out thousands? Do you think it stopped with just that? This is a war, isn't it? People's lives are being destroyed, have been destroyed and you can't… you can't _fix_ that."

"Maybe not," Max agreed with a resigned sigh, "but we can stop it from continuing to happen to others."

"Can you?" Serna asked sharply, clearly disbelieving of that statement.

"Why do you think we can't?" Michael spat.

Serena rolled her eyes and rose to her feet. "Because you still don't understand. You don't know how big this is. You act like just fighting a few aliens is enough. But it isn't. Our own government has turned against you… against anyone related to you… and the world is going up in flames!"

"You're the one who doesn't understand," Michael retorted, face flushed. "You act like you have some inside knowledge on this…"

"I'm not the one trying to shut out the people who lives I've ruined," Serena hissed.

"Serena," Tess murmured, trying to stop the argument.

"Don't tell me to stop it," Serena warned, glaring at Tess. "Don't tell me to calm down! You don't even know… you haven't seen…" She trailed off, her rage making her almost incoherent. "They arrested several of Jesse's friends. A lot of people at the law firm just… disappeared. Didn't come back to work, and no one knew… no one knew anything. People were scared. They started… they practically began tattling on each other, running to the police with lies or secrets or… People were terrified, and they just dissolved into a panicked mass. You didn't see it, you did not witness the way friends turned against each other. You did not see…"

"Yes, we did," Liz said suddenly, her gaze fixed on Tess. "Not there, not in Boston, not in New York. But we saw… we witnessed firsthand the way fear and grief and uncertainty can… can cause people to turn on each other. To believe lies. Or to… to run, to hide, to not want to face the past. We saw… we know…" She paused, still looking at Tess with a contemplative expression, then turned her eyes back to Serena. "We know what it is like. All of us."

Serena didn't say anything, but Tess could practically see the anger simmering in the other woman's eyes. She could not fault Serena for her frustration, the woman's life had been turned completely upside-down without her consent or knowledge. In one day, her life had changed.

How many other people were in that position? How many others were dying all around them? How many lives had this war ruined?

"Tess…?"

She jerked her gaze back to Liz, surprised that the brunette was speaking to her. She and Liz had managed to get along fairly well during the time they were forced together, but neither had really initiated conversations with the other unless absolutely necessary. There was too much in their past to pretend they would ever be friends, to act as though somehow it was all unimportant.

"Yes?"

Liz licked her lips. "I don't want to fight either. But… what other choice do we have?"

And that, Tess knew, was the crux of the matter. This was a disaster waiting to happen, a chance for them all to die in some great bloody battle. But what other choice did they really have?

* * *

So they made a plan. They worked out every detail they could, covered every possible permutation that came to mind. They prepared for the best case scenario, and for the worst.

But they knew even all the preparation might not be enough.

Twelve hours before the plan was supposed to begin, Tess and Kate found themselves alone in Tess' room, and the blonde hybrid forced herself to ask the one question she needed to ask, even knowing she probably did not want to know the answer.

"Have you thought about leaving?"

Kate nodded slowly. "I spoke to Charlie and Serena about it. Now that my sister is here, it wouldn't be that difficult to…"

"Go into witness protection?" Tess murmured when Kate stopped talking abruptly. "Start over?"

Kate nodded silently. "Yeah," she said finally. "Before Serena came, we couldn't go into witness protection or she never would have been able to find us. But now…"

"You should," Tess said finally. "You should… you have a chance to… it would be… right."

Kate gave a half-hearted shrug. "I don't know. I just… I haven't really had a chance to think it over in any great depth. I thought about it a little, but not… not a lot. Not enough to make any real decisions."

"What do Charlie and Serena think?"

"Serena wants to," Kate answered. "Charlie is less sure. It is… he doesn't want to… walk away from this. From you and Nick. And Alex."

Tess bit her lower lip. "It would be safest for you. And Serena… she doesn't even know us. She doesn't have anything to lose by…"

"Except her whole life. Our parents. Friends."

"She's lost that already," Tess countered with a heavy sigh. "She can't go back… and she knows that. And so do you."

"The others don't want us here," Kate continued as though Tess had not spoken, not wanting to dwell on all that she had lost, all that her sister had lost, because of this. "Max, Michael, Liz, Isabel…They don't want Nick here, either, but at least they'll put up with him."

"Kate, you have to understand. They're not… they don't… they don't trust easily. It took them forever to tell their own parents the truth and…"

Kate crossed the room and glanced out the window. A faint drizzle of rain fell from the cloudy sky, covering the world in a blanket of dampness. Of gray. The silence was almost unbearable, almost impossible to handle, and both she and Tess held their breath, waiting for the other to speak.

Finally, Kate asked, "Do I have a reason to stay?"

Tess opened her mouth to answer, and then closed it. She wanted to say _yes, stay because you are my friend_ and _I don't want you to go_ and _I'd miss you_, but the words caught in her throat and she only let out a long breath that filled the room with even more tension.

Mara was dead. Kyle was dead. Jesse was dead. Liz was dying. Michael was falling apart without Maria to hold him together. Serena had become a fugitive. If there was a chance for Kate to live without all this hanging over her, a chance to start over…

"No," Tess answered finally. "There's no reason for you to stay."

Kate studied Tess for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I didn't think so."

"You should contact the FBI. Get out of here as soon as possible," Tess said, suddenly brisk and businesslike. "No reason to still be here while we're fighting."

Kate agreed with a curt nod. "You're right."

The redhead walked towards the door, but Tess called her back a moment before she could leave the motel room. "Kate?"

Kate paused, turned around. "Yes?"

"I… I'm sorry."

Kate didn't ask what she was apologizing for, it didn't really matter. It was the emotion that made the difference, the indication that this was not at all what Tess wanted for them. The redhead blinked a few times, her lips pressed into a thin line, wishing there was something she could say, anything at all to ease the tightening around her chest.

The friendship had been strained since the very first appearance of the FBI in the parking lot outside the shopping center in Seattle on that rainy day. It seemed like a lifetime ago, although it was more a matter of weeks than years. But all the secrets and half-truths and back-stories had made time stretch on forever, and Kate wasn't sure how they were supposed to get back to where they had been before.

And yet… Tess was her best friend. And despite everything, that never changed.

Without warning, she moved forward quickly and pulled Tess into a fierce hug. "Be careful," she whispered into Tess' ear. "Please. Be careful."

Tess returned the hug, feeling the burn of tears welling in her eyes. "I will," she promised, and prayed with all her strength that this was a promise she could keep.


	27. The Halfway Point

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: Just in case it isn't clear, the first little section is from Nick's POV. It isn't quite as obvious who is speaking, so I thought I would make sure that everyone knew…

Also, there is more character death in this chapter. And lots of angst. Did I mention this wasn't going to be a happy story?

And, lastly, in response to a review a got - yes, there is an end to this story. Sort of... It is complicated. But what I can tell you is that there are only two more chapters after this... although again, it isn't really the end. Hmm... vague enough for you?

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Halfway Point

Every course of action has a half-way point. A point when it suddenly becomes just as hard to go back as it is to move forward. And once we step over that point, once we cross to the other side, it becomes nearly impossible to turn around and retrace our steps. In some ways, it is like the point of no return. You can turn around if you try hard enough... but why would you? You've already come so far, and there's very little left behind to which we might want to return.

I crossed the point without knowing it. I crossed that point the moment I realized I thought of Alex as my own son. I could have left Tess, if I really needed to. I could have walked out on her, no matter how much I loved her, if things got to the point where the frustration and pain was no longer worth it. But Alex? I could never walked out on him, no matter how miserable I was, no matter how much I desperately wanted to leave.

You do not abandon children, and you certainly do not do it in their hour of need.

So I passed that half-way point without ever realizing just what I was getting myself into, without knowing what was ahead. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had known beforehand how this would all turn out. Would I have stayed? Would I have left?

Do I even want to be honest enough with myself to answer that?

Because, for good or ill, I crossed that line and I can never go back.

* * *

The plan should have worked perfectly, but nothing in their lives ever worked perfectly, and in retrospect, Tess knew that this was exactly what they should have expected all along.

Serena stood up and turned away from Max, her expression filled with a mixture of hatred and heartbreak. She ran a hand through her hair, trying to come up with the right words to say what she wanted, but whether it was an accusation or an expression of grief she intended to throw at them was never clear. She couldn't form a single sentence.

Max himself seemed unmoved by the emotions in the room. His face was a mask, a cold façade that blocked out the world and kept him looking like little more than stone. A robot, devoid of anything human.

But Tess knew. She could see the cracks in his mask, thin and almost hidden, tiny fissures that spread out like a spider's web across his barricaded emotions. The mask was only there because when it finally broke, Max would break with it.

Serena turned back to the others. She looked at Max, then at Michael, then over at Charlie. Finally, she looked back at Max. "How?" she asked, and although it was only one word, it encompassed all the things she wanted to know.

_How did this happen? How do we stop it from continuing? How do we make it better? How do I get through it? How…_

_How did my sister die?_

_How did _your_ sister die?_

Max stared at her, then lowered his eyes and began to speak.

"We drew them out into the desert, just like we had planned. But they… I guess they were… well-informed. We didn't… We didn't reach the place we were going. They attacked while we were still on the road."

Serena nodded distractedly, almost not caring why it had all happened. She just had to know how. How had everything fallen apart so quickly?

"Why was Kate even with you?" she asked finally, her words choked with emotion.

It was Michael who answered. "She was going to meet the FBI agent. To talk to him about witness protection. They were meeting at a roadside gas station. We took Kate out there to drop her off, but before we made it…" He stopped and did not finish. Did not say that the extremist rebels had been waiting at the gas station. That they had killed the FBI agent and taken his place, weaving their trap tightly around the unsuspecting aliens.

Serena heard the explanation anyway and shook her head. "That's not… but she… she can't be… gone."

"She is," Charlie said, his words blunt and filled with fury, the anger directed at everyone and no one all at once.

"You don't know that!" Serena spat, spinning towards Charlie. "You _weren't_ there, you didn't _see_…"

_You didn't see her die._

"But we were," Max interjected, and Serena reeled back as though his words had physically assaulted her. She bit her lip as tears of grief and rage threatened to stream from her eyes and glared back at him, but Max was beyond caring.

He had his own grief to deal with, his own problems to overcome.

They had no way of knowing that this would happen, and he knew he couldn't blame himself for everything. But it didn't change anything, didn't even begin to absolve him of his sins. He was supposed to protect them all, and he had failed.

He could still smell the smoke, feel the burn in the back of his throat from the dust and dirt and the tingle on his skin from the harsh rays of the sun. One arm was covered in blisters, the other had a slight burn, but he could not remember how he had sustained the injuries? Had it been fighting the extremists? Had it been when the gas pump exploded, spewing flaming liquid into the air? Everything was such a blur…

Everything except Isabel. She stood out in his mind, every detail in vivid color, every second stretching on forever so that he could analyze every single move they had made.

"_Isabel! NO!"_

His own words, a guttural cry of pain and panic, echoed in his head. When had he screamed them? Had it been before or after Isabel had fallen, her eyes wide with horror even as the final breath was forced from her lungs? He couldn't remember the tine sequence, couldn't remember anything except…

Her. Isabel. And she was dead.

* * *

"_Kate, get away from him!"_

_The warning had come too late, and Liz watched with helpless horror as the supposed FBI agent turned his deadly powers towards the redheaded human. The flash of white that left his palm crackled through the air, colliding heavily with Kate's chest, incinerating her clothing and her skin, killing her instantly._

_She fell, her lips parted, a cry of shock forever frozen on her lips._

_They seemed to emerge from everywhere, extremist aliens sliding through the spaces between the gas pumps, eyes flashing dangerously, moving with inhuman and feral grace._

_It took Liz a moment, and then she realized that they were all looking at her._

Brown eyes snapped open as the nightmare faded, and Liz shot straight up in bed. Her heart was racing and her breath came in uneven gasps, but when she turned to look for Max, she found that she was alone in the room.

She wearily shoved the covers off of herself and struggled to place her feet of the floor. Everything took longer now and her energy was draining fast. Soon, she would not have the energy to fight the rest of their enemies. And with Lonnie and Nicolas still out there…

Soon, she would be nothing more than a liability.

The air was cool against her skin, something that surprised her. It was warm outside, and she had been sweating under the covers. Now she was cool… a sign that her body could not regulate temperature. Another sign that the cancer was progressing, that she was dying.

A sliver of light came in through the crack underneath the door leading to the adjoining room. She walked towards it, running one hand along the wall in an effort to keep herself upright. Blinking warily, and with an exhausted yawn, she pushed open the door and stepped into the hallway of the motel room.

Max was sitting on the floor in the hallway, his knees pulled into his chest, his entire posture slumped over with defeat. He looked up as she took a seat next to him, slowly lowering her body to the ground, and she saw that his eyes were rimmed with red and tear tracks made their way down his cheeks.

All the comfort she could have offered sounded trite and pointless in her own mind, and simple words like _I'm sorry_ and _I loved her_, _too_ would not provide anything to ease the grief or guilt.

Isabel was not supposed to die. None of them were, not Alex, not Jesse, not Maria, not Kyle, not Kate. And not Isabel. And yet it had still happened, she had still been snatched away from them, and there was nothing left behind, nothing in her place that could have possibly lessoned the pain.

"Did I wake you?" Max asked after a moment, his voice thick with tears.

"No," she whispered. "I woke myself." She didn't mention the nightmare, didn't see any reason to bring it up now when it would only cause more concern. But the memories swirled in her mind, a jumbled mixture of flashes and emotions, leaving her breathless and exhausted.

"We have to leave soon," Max said after a moment. "We can't stay here any longer."

Liz nodded, knowing his mind had latched onto the practical details in an attempt to stave off dealing with what had happened. He would hold tightly to that until they were all safely away from this place. "In the morning," Liz agreed. "What… what about Charlie? And Serena?"

Max shrugged. "They can come with us if they want," he answered, even though they both knew it wasn't really an answer. Charlie and Serena most certainly did not want to be with the group right now, but what other choice did they have? Kate's death had proven that even the FBI couldn't help them anymore, and there was nowhere left for them to hide.

Liz licked her lips and sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, Max was watching her with a mixture of fear and concern, and she knew he was thinking about the time in the not-so-distant future when she would no longer be here as well.

"Liz, I…" Max stopped, shook his head.

She slid her hand into his. "Don't worry about it," she murmured.

He gave a sort-of strangled chuckle, tawny eyes darkening at her words. "How can I not?" he countered. "This isn't… this isn't what you deserve."

"None of us deserved this," Liz countered. She rested her head on his shoulder, staring up at the white ceiling, watching as the faint illumination from the flickering yellow ceiling light cast soft shadows towards the corners of the hall.

"No," Max muttered after a long pause, "none of us did."

"At least… the extremists won't be an issue any more," Liz offered finally. One enemy had been defeated, although that was hardly enough to keep them safe.

Max's gaze darkened even further, and she knew he was contemplating the extremes that they had been forced to go to, all the things he had done to keep them safe. His display of power during the fight had been almost beyond comprehension, but it had come too late to save his sister. In fact, he'd only found the energy and strength to do what was necessary after Isabel had died, her broken body crumpling to a heap on the cement.

"Nicolas and Lonnie are still out there," Max said finally. "As are the rest of the skins. We're still not safe."

Liz stared down at her right hand. A faint bruise spread across the palm and onto the wrist. Slowly, she traced the pattern of the bruise with the fingers of her left hand, wincing slightly as the pressure cause a tiny wave of pain. Then she dropped both hands into her lap.

She couldn't help but wonder if they would ever be safe.

* * *

_Tess had been right, Michael realized, as he watched the extremist rebels slowly filing forward, surrounding them like cats surrounding a group of mice. All eyes were focused on Liz, and little attention was paid to any of the others…_

_So Tess had been right._

_In the end, it all came back to Liz._

_A man stepped forward, and he was the first to look away from Liz. He stared instead at Tess, who was gaping in horror at Kate's still body, her blue eyes filled with tears._

"_We meet again, your Majesty."_

_She snapped her gaze to his face and hissed, "I should have killed you when I had the chance."_

_He sneered. "You are a disappointment. But don't worry, you won't remember any of this anyway, not once we take your memories."_

_It was the one remaining extremist, the one who had gotten away while Tess killed his two companions. Michael studied the man for a moment, noting the flashing eyes and dangerous aura of power that hovered about him. He was clearly willing to do whatever was necessary to get what he wanted –Kate's unseeing eyes, glazed over in death, were proof of that._

_And then the fighting began._

Michael rolled onto his side as he opened his eyes, forcefully shoving the dream away. One arm fell to the empty half of the bed next to him, and somehow, for a split-second before reality caught up with him, he wondered where Maria was.

Then he remembered.

Sunlight poured in through the window of the motel room. Michael shoved himself upright in bed and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was nearly seven-thirty. He ran a hand through his hair and yawned, then swung his legs onto the floor and stood up.

He could hear movement from Max and Liz's room, and turned his attention towards the connecting door. For a moment, he debated not entering, just waiting a few more moments before forcing himself to face the day and everything it would bring. But though he was at times reckless and rash, he was not a coward. He shook away the thought with an angry gesture and walked determinedly towards the door.

Liz looked up when he entered. She was sitting on the bed, wrapping in a blanket, watching as Max stood near the window and stared at the rising sun. Max, however, barely turned to focus on Michael, only gave the slightest nod of his head as acknowledgement.

Michael, never one to beat around the bush or waste time avoiding painful subjects, jumped in without pause. "What now?"

"We leave," Max said stonily.

Michael raised an eyebrow. "You want us to run? That isn't going to work. Lonnie and Nicolas are still out there, and we have the federal government to worry about as well…"

Max whirled around to face him, expression furious. "Well, fighting didn't really work well either, did it?"

"We destroyed the extremists," Michael countered, unable to keep the bitter triumph from his voice. They had effectively ended the threat that had killed Maria, but the cost had been so high… still, he could not keep at bay the vicious thought that at least Maria had been avenged.

"And who will we have to sacrifice to destroy Lonnie and Nicolas? And the remaining skins?" Max hissed. "We traded Kyle for Khivar, Isabel for the rebel leader…" He stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. Running his hand through his hair, he turned away from Michael. "I don't see a reason to stand and fight. Better to run."

"We can't outrun them," Michael countered, growing irate. "We can't just…"

"Then what is your suggestion?" Max snapped irritably.

Michael was silent, unsure how to answer the question. In all honesty, he did not have a suggestion. He had no idea how they were supposed to pick up the pieces and move, but he did know that there was nowhere left for them to run. They could not run forever, no matter how much they might want to.

"We should talk to the others," Liz said quietly, speaking up for the first time since Michael had entered the room. But her words only served to increase the tension that hung heavily in the air because they served as a reminder that the "others" was now limited. Without Maria or Isabel…

"Tess is talking to Charlie and Serena," Max said after a moment. "I think she's trying to figure out what they want to do now."

"Who cares?" Michael muttered under his breath. Max rolled his eyes but said nothing, and Liz gave a huff of disapproval but remained quiet. Michael knew his words were harsher than they needed to be, but he could not pretend to care about Kate. He had known her for only a few days, and he had not particularly liked her. Now she was dead – and for that he was sorry – but still… she wasn't Isabel. She wasn't Maria.

And he had used up all his grief on the two of them, he did not have any left to spare.

"Are you sure Lonnie and Nicolas are still out there?" Liz asked finally, when the silence had nearly threatened to overwhelm them all.

"They're not going to just give up," Michael said harshly, firmly. He might not know much else about the situation, but he knew that. He knew, beyond all doubts, that those two sorry-excuses for life would not rest until they had achieved what they wanted.

Liz lapsed into silence, shooting a concerned look over at Max. The hybrid king said nothing, and Michael forced himself to remain calm, though part of him wanted to grab Max by the shoulders and shake him until he somehow found the courage to lead.

_You know, you really aren't helping the situation, Michael._

He did not bother answering the comment. The phantom of Maria did not appear before him like she usually did, a mesmerizing reminder of what he no longer had. But her words echoed in his head, her voice refusing to leave him in peace.

_This is exactly what Khivar always wanted. For us to fall apart. He's winning. He is still managing to destroy us, and he isn't even here._

The anger that still coursed through his veins like venomous poison grew stronger.

Isabel had told him that she had seen a ghost of Alex after he had died. That her first love had followed her around, staying with her even as everyone else moved on with their lives. Eventually, his spirit had left her, and she had replaced him with Jesse in an attempt to move forward.

Now Isabel was dead.

Michael wondered vaguely, would he see her ghost as well?

* * *

"Get out, Tess!"

"Serena, please just listen to me…"

"There is nothing you could say that would interest me. Kate is _dead_."

"I know."

"Then get out!"

"Not until you at least hear me out. Serena, you need to…"

"I don't need to do anything. And I certainly do not need to listen to you!"

Tess turned her attention from Serena to Charlie, silently praying that he would somehow have more patience for her. He was sitting in a chair by the window, his head resting in the palm of his hands. His eyes were rimmed with red, and he looked so utterly weary that Tess knew he had been up all night, unable to sleep.

He did not meet her gaze.

She inhaled slowly, then let out a long, measured breath. "Serena, Charlie… I am just trying to protect you."

"Like you protected Kate?" Serena asked, biting off the words.

Tess flinched and lowered her eyes.

"Tess…" It was Charlie's voice, low and gentle, but underlined with pure steel, that caused Tess to reluctantly lift her gaze and meet his eyes. "I know you cared about Kate. But I also know that if you had not lied to us for so long… five years… then things might have turned out differently."

"You blame me for Kate's death," Tess murmured softly. With a little shrug, she said, "It's alright. I blame me, too. If I hadn't dragged you all into this mess… I should have known better. People die because of me."

She said the words so simply, so carelessly, as though there was no point arguing any other truth. It was her fault, all of it. She should have protected them better. Kate had been her best friend, and there was nothing in the world that she would not have given to keep those she loved alive and safe, but…

People died because of her. That was the simple truth of life, and she could not change it.

This time, it was Charlie's turn to look away.

Finally, he spoke once more, his words measured and cautious. "I don't blame you. Not really. But I… I'm not sure I can absolve you of it all, either."

Tess licked her dry lips. She supposed she really couldn't ask for more than that.

But Serena spoke, bitter words laced with wrath.

"I blame you. This is all your fault."

And Tess nodded slowly.

How had this happened?

How had she let it happen?

_Tess saw Max place himself in between Liz and the extremists, saw the darkness in the hybrid king's eyes as he faced the enemy. The hybrid Queen herself was still reeling from the shock that Kate was dead, and as the fighting started all around her, she was still unable to comprehend that she had just lost another friend._

_She reacted instinctively to the attacks that came her way, fighting without thinking, without analyzing the situation. Her emotions had been slammed back behind barriers and walls, and she did not want to dwell on anything…_

_Until a particularly vicious attack sent her stumbling backwards, and she tripped, falling over Kate's dead body._

_She hit the ground with a heavy thud, the wind knocked from her. Sprawled on her side, she saw the pool of blood seeping from underneath Kate's body. And it hit her, with the force of a tidal wave. The tears came, flooding from her blue eyes, and all that was left was the sensation of being buried, forced down to her knees underneath the weight of the entire world and all that they had lost._

_All that she had lost._

"_Oh, God… Kate…"_

"_She was just a human," came a cold, sneering voice, and she pushed herself back into reality long enough to look up at the rebel looming over her. The one from the camps, the one she had failed to kill._

"_She was my friend," Tess spat._

"_She was weak," came the simple answer, so blunt, so uncaring. "She was nothing. In the end, Ava, you will be better off without her. Without any reminder of this world."_

_And in that one split-second, Tess saw red. Everything around her narrowed into that one moment. The past, the future, and all the things in between. It was suddenly thrown into a jumbled mess, and all she could feel was pure, unadulterated loathing that rushed through her veins like fire._

"_You bastard," she snarled, leaping to her feet and flinging her hands out at him. "You arrogant, cruel, bastard!" Energy sprung from her fingers as though it had taken a life of its own and raced across the short distance separating them._

_The rebel lifted a hand and absorbed the blow into a shield. But the force was enough to throw him backwards, to force him to his knees._

_Tess pressed the advantage, the world a simmering haze of red. She focused on him, only on him…_

_And when he was dead, she stood above him, feeling suddenly stained by the metaphorical blood on her hands and the knowledge that, no matter how hard she tried to escape the bitter truth, she would always be a killer._

_This was what war did to people._

"It wasn't all her fault."

Liz's voice pulled Tess from her thoughts, and she frowned as the brunette appeared in the doorway of the room.

Liz gave Tess a quick look, then said, "We're all to blame. Tess screwed up… a lot. But so did we. You can't lay the blame at her feet."

Serena rose unsteadily to her feet, her hands jammed into her pockets. "Fine," she said coldly. "I'll blame all of you, then. All I know is that this was not Kate's fault. She did _nothing_ wrong. All she wanted was to be a good friend, and look what happened."

There was really no arguing with that, Tess reflected glumly. Despite their arguments, despite their disagreements over the way Tess had handled everything, Kate had still done the best she could with what she was given. It wasn't much, of course, but she had helped Tess, supporting her when it seemed like everything would fall apart.

And what had she gotten in return?

Death.

"That was not what we wanted," Liz argued, trying valiantly to appear strong and firm despite her wavering stance and the tiredness seeping into her bones. "That was certainly not what Tess would have wanted. She loved your sister."

"Yeah, but Kate wasn't _Tess'_ sister. She was mine."

"Oh, cut the sob-fest crap," came Michael's gruff voice and he pushed past Liz and into the room, Max following only a few steps behind him. He whirled to face Serena, his eyes flashing with passionate fury. "Do you think this is what any of us asked for? We certainly didn't go asking for this life. It isn't fair to anyone, so don't act as though somehow you have an entitlement to all the grief."

"My sister is dead," Serena spat.

"Yeah, well, so is mine," Max answered softly.

Serena hesitated for a moment, looking almost abashed. Then she just shook her head and looked away from Max, her eyes still filled with defiance.

"Tell yourself whatever you want, if it makes you sleep easier at night. But Kate is still dead. And it is still _your_ fault."

"I never meant for it to happen…" Max whispered, and Tess wasn't sure if he was thinking of Isabel or Kate. "I would have saved her, if I could. If I'd known…"

"What you might have done, would have done, doesn't matter. And why should I believe you, anyway? Your track record for protecting humans isn't all that great, is it?"

Michael was seething, his hands twisted into fists. "How dare you…?"

Max reacted more quietly, lowering his gaze as his expression filled with pain at the truth of her words.

Tess studied Max for a moment. His anger was mostly turned inwards, threatening to tear him apart. Michael and Serena, on the other hand, had turned their anger outwards, lashing out at everyone around them in an effort to take away the pain. And somehow, Tess found herself stuck in the middle, watching, completely powerless to do anything at all.

_This is how the world ends_, Tess thought. _Nicolas and Lonnie do not have to destroy us. We'll manage to destroy ourselves._

* * *

The argument had erupted into yelling, and Max had left the room, unable to listen. He did not want to hear Serena's accusations, did not want to have to face the truth that maybe, just maybe, she was right. Even more than that, he did not want to listen to Michael's outraged replies or Liz's soft-spoken attempt at keeping the peace. It was suddenly so much more than he could bear.

There had been a handful of other times in his life when he had felt completely helpless. When he had found out Tess was pregnant, when Liz had been diagnosed with cancer, when his mother had told him his father was dead…

But Isabel had always been there. And now she wasn't, and he…

He wasn't sure if he could do this without her.

He pushed the door of his room open and stepped inside, flicking on the light with one hand and giving a yawn.

And then he froze, mouth hanging open.

Because standing there, in the middle of the room, staring at him with bewilderment in her pretty eyes, was Isabel.

At first he thought he was hallucinating. But some sixth sense told him that the woman standing before him was no hallucination, that she was real.

Isabel was here.

And then his brain kicked in, reminding him that something had to be wrong, that Isabel could not be here because Isabel was dead.

He had seen her die.

Hadn't he?

_Max barely had time to note that Tess had killed the alien who was most likely the leader of the extremists before another attack came his way and he snapped his attention back to the fight at hand. Liz was fighting by his side, doing her best to hold her own, but it was obvious that she could not hold on for much longer. But the aliens kept coming, pressing forward, fighting with deadly intent._

_Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Isabel deflect an attack and respond with one of her own, killing the alien that had attacked._

_One down… many, many more to go. _

_A moment later, and Michael was by his side, flinging his powers left and right in a brutal, animistic fight. The hybrid General's face was glistening with sweat and his eyes were filled with something not quite human. His survival instinct had kicked in, and he would kill anyone who tried to hurt him or the people he cared about._

_Max knew the feeling. It was currently pumping through his body, wrapping around every single cell._

_These aliens had killed Kate. Had killed Maria. Had tried to kill Liz._

_He would kill them all._

_And then it happened. Liz fell, the last of her strength giving way, and Michael rushed to her side, physically dragging her to her feet. Max turned towards them both, fear pressing his heart into his throat…_

_And he did not see the rebel extremist creeping up behind him until it was too late._

_Tess screamed a cry of warning, her words reaching him just moments before the burst of energy did. He ducked instinctively, and what would have been a deadly attacked ended up only grazing his side. But the pain was enough to momentarily blind him, and he collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath as he vaguely heard Liz and Michael frantically call his name._

_He tried to focus on fighting, but several extremists suddenly stood above him, blocking out the intense desert sun, sneering coldly._

"_Don't worry," one of them said, "you won't remember the fight when this is all over. You won't remember your wife, or her death."_

_He spun towards Liz, noting that she was surrounded as well, and that Michael and Tess were both too busy holding off their own attackers to come to her aid._

_He saw an extremist lift a hand and clenched his fist, saw tiny flecks of green and white light spiral in the space around the man's arm, power racing from his body in the air, saw the attack being thrown forwards… _

"_We might need to get rid of the traitorous princess as well."_

_The words were whispered in his ear, just enough to tell Max that Liz was not the intended target…_

_And then time seemed to slow down._

"_Isabel! NO!"_

_The words were out of Max's mouth before he was even really registering what had happened. Isabel's eyes went wide with horror and she crumbled to the ground, blood staining the front of her shirt. She gave a final, panicked, painful gasp for air, and then her chest stopped moving and her eyes glazed over in death._

_Afterwards, Max would never quite be able to explain what he had done. But the sight of Isabel falling to the ground was enough to make something inside of him snap, and the world around him blurred until he could see nothing. Through the dim fog that had settled over his mind, he was only just able to grab hold of his raging emotions, and then something suddenly burst out of him, exploding in all directions. _

_A wave of something… pain, grief, hatred, fury… left his body and swept through the surrounding area, passing harmlessly over Michael, Tess, and Liz, but annihilating everything else it touched._

_When the fog drifted away and he could see clearly again, Max found himself standing amidst a heavy layer of dust and ash – remnants of the enemy – while a shocked Michael, Tess, and Liz stared speechlessly at him. But he did not really care about any of it. All he could do was stare at Isabel, at the broken body that had once held his sister's fiery spirit._

_The eyes, still open, stared unseeingly at the sky, devoid of any signs of life._

_She was dead._

But if she was dead, Max wondered as he stared at the phantom before him, how could she be here? How could she be standing in his motel room, looking at him so innocently? How could any of this be real?

Was it real?

"Did you miss me?" Isabel asked.

Except that her voice wasn't right. It still sounded like Isabel…

Except for the accent.

The New York accent.

And Max knew, it was not his sister. It was not Isabel.

It was Lonnie.

She smirked and gave him a suggestive wink. "I hear you lost my double. Pity. But hey, at least you've got a replacement now. Wanna have some fun with me? I've got quite a few ideas of things we could do, brother dear."

Max waved his hand at her, and she went flying through the air and crashed heavily into the far wall. For a moment, she stayed on her hands and knees, gasping for breath. Then she lifted her head and he saw that she wore the same smile, cruel and mocking. Triumphant.

"Is that the best you've got?"

Max took a threatening step forward. "What are you doing here, Lonnie? And where is Nicolas?"

Lonnie dragged herself back to her feet. "What do you think I am doing here?" she retorted with a grin. "You and I, brother, have some unfinished business to attend to."

"And Nicolas?" Max pressed.

Lonnie shrugged. "He's around." She dropped her gaze to her hands, studying them carefully. "Hmm…" she drawled. "Looks like I broke a nail."

Max looked down at his own hands. They were glittering, electricity dancing at his fingertips, just waiting to be thrown at the rejected version of his sister.

"I gotta proposition for you," Lonnie said.

Max jerked his gaze up to her and let out a bitter laugh. "Why would I care?"

Lonnie ignored the question and continued smoothly, "You got rid of the extremists. Good move, by the way. One less faction to worry about. And with Khivar dead, the skins ain't so well organized. Some want you back, some want you dead, some don't really give a damn as long as the war ends. Nicolas could unite them, turn them all against you. He could take Khivar's place, become the next skin king. But he is really the only one who can. If he were dead… well, you might just be safe."

Max narrowed his eyes. "Why are you telling me this?"

Lonnie flashed a feral grin. "Because I know where he is. And I could tell you, and you could take care of that little threat. And ain't that sweet of me?"

Max was not stupid, he knew Lonnie could not be trusted. Sensing a trap, he asked, "And what would you get out of it? What do you want?"

"You're the king, Max. You rule an entire planet. I want your power." Max did not answer right away, and Lonnie added, "Of course, if you say no, I can always kill you, help Nicolas unite the skins, and get power that way. Really, it's a win-win situation for me."

"What makes you think I won't kill you right now?" Max asked.

Lonnie just smirked. "How about 'cause you haven't yet?" Max opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. "I'm not sayin' you can't, though God knows you ain't strong enough anyway. I'm sayin' you _won't_. 'Cause I remind you too much of your precious sister. You know, the dead one?"

Max lifted his arm, but couldn't bring himself to release the deadly energy. He knew she was not Isabel, knew she was not even remotely like his sister. But she shared the same DNA… and it hurt too much to stare at her face – Isabel's face – and want her dead.

Why was he so weak?

Human emotions. Nasedo had been right about that after all, they did make him weak, did take away his ability to do the one thing he needed to, the one act that might finally bring an end to this.

"So? Do we have a deal or not, sweetheart?"

He shook his head. "No, Lonnie. I'm not going to give you anything. And certainly not my power."

"Hmm… pity. Oh well."

Max instinctively lifted a shield to deflect Lonnie's attack. He stepped backwards, absorbing the shock of the blow. He retaliated with his own, flicking his wrist and sending a wave of energy at her. But it was low-voltage, not enough to seriously hurt her, and she laughed.

"Still pathetic. Even with all this death, you never learn." Eyes narrowed, voice taunting him. She advanced slowly, predatorily, tensed with feral grace.

"We defeated Khivar and the extremists," Max retorted through clenched teeth. "We will defeat you and Nicolas as well."

Lonnie paused, then stood before him, arms outstretched. "Then kill me!" she sneered, waiting for him to move. "If you are so strong, go ahead and prove it. _Kill_ me."

Again, Max hesitated.

Again, Lonnie laughed.

Then the door behind Max swung open and Michael stepped into the room, looking angry and exhausted. He froze at the sight of Lonnie, and for a moment indecision played across his features. He, too, seemed to fall into the trap that this could be Isabel.

Except that she wasn't. She glanced past Max to Michael, eyes lighting up. "Oh, did the big bad General come to play?" she asked in a sing-song voice.

Michael flung his arm out and sent her flying across the room. Once again, she sprawled to the floor, winded. But this time, as she rose to her feet, all mirth was gone from her eyes. It was replaced by something harder, colder, and far more vicious. She retaliated against Michael, snapping her fingers at him and sending sparks cascading through the air. Michael hissed in pain as burns appeared on his chest.

"Did you think you could beat us?" Michael demanded harshly, striding forward and grabbing Lonnie by her shoulders. His hands started glowing, and she twisted as pain rushed through her body. She tried to pull away from him, but he held on tight, rage reflected in his eyes.

She bit her lip to keep from screaming.

"Did you think you could taunt us by coming right after Isabel died? Did you think we wouldn't kill you? Did you lead Nicolas here? Are there more skins behind you?"

Lonnie said nothing, and Michael shoved her backwards, releasing his hold on her as she slammed up against the wall.

Max watched the entire scene as it played out before him. He was torn, a mixture of horror and vindication pulling at him. While Lonnie gasped for breath under the onslaught of Michael's attack, Max couldn't help but flash back to Isabel's horrified expression as she fell to the ground.

He wanted to stop Michael. He wanted to save Lonnie. He also wanted to kill her. He just wasn't sure which one he wanted more.

Lonnie pressed the palms of her hands flat against Michael's chest and shoved him away from her. He stumbled and fell, gasping for breath, obviously far more wounded than just a simple shove. Lonnie's fingers were glowing.

"You ain't been able to kill me yet," Lonnie spat, advancing slowly. "You precious king is too busy being a pathetic wimp to do what is necessary. And even you can't manage it."

And then Michael had fallen to the ground, and Lonnie was standing over him, ready to kill. Max wasn't entirely sure what he had done or how he had done it. As with the extremist rebels, Max acted emotionally, without thinking, and the power exploded uncontrollably from him.

And then Lonnie was dead, her face frozen in the same horrified expression that had graced Isabel's features in her last moments.

* * *

Alex yawned sleepily and rolled onto his side, eyes fluttering.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep, buddy?" Nick asked as he took a seat on the edge of the bed. He had stayed out of the way throughout the day, not wanting to be dragged into the arguments that waged between the group. Kate's death had hit him hard, and he grieved just as much as Charlie and Tess. But his concern for Alex, for his safety and his happiness, had been the first and foremost on his mind.

Alex yawned again and replied, "Mommy said same thing."

Nick raised an eyebrow and asked in a casual voice, "When did you see Mommy?"

"Uh… dunno. Before you came?"

That vague answer caused Nick a sudden flaring of concern. For some reason he could not quite identify, worry clenched tightly in the base of his stomach, forming a heavy ball of concern he could not ignore. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he ran a hand through Alex's hair, brushing it away from his face, and said, "What did Mommy say to you?"

Again, Alex's eyes fluttered as sleep encroached upon him. "Mommy said she loved me."

"And she does. So do I." Nick rose back to his feet, and glanced towards the door of the motel room. When had Tess been here? Just a few minutes ago, or an hour? Before or after Lonnie came, before or after Max had killed her, before or after Michael had told them all of it?

Only a few hours ago, the deaths of Kate and Isabel had shook the very foundations of the group, threatening to destroy them. Serena's bitter accusations and Michael's anger, Tess guilt and Charlie's grief… at the time, Nick had taken it all in stride, dealing with it as best he could while most of his concerns rested on the wellbeing of the five-year-old child he thought of as his son.

And then Michael had told them all that Lonnie was dead. Nick had only seen Max once since the announcement, and it was obvious that the hybrid king had other thoughts on his mind. Killing someone who shared the exact same DNA as his sister, who might have actually been his sister in a different life… Nick did not envy Max that.

And so Nick had not dealt with Max or with any of the repercussions of Lonnie's death, preferring instead to focus on the uncertain future.

A future that had become even more uncertain by this one simple fact…

Tess had told Alex that she loved him.

_Mommy said she loved me._

A simple, innocuous, harmless comment.

Or a way of saying goodbye.

Alex had already fallen asleep, and Nick gave him one last look as he hurried from the room. The worry intensified into panic as he rushed towards the nearest motel room. Yanking it open, he found Liz lying in her bed and Max sitting on a chair by the window.

"Have either of you seen Tess?"

"No," Max answered, his words detached, his tone distracted. Lonnie's death still seemed to weigh heavily on his mind. He obviously paid little attention to the question, lost in his dark thoughts, and Nick gave a frustrated sigh and turned hopeful eyes to Liz.

The brunette shook her head. "No, I haven't seen her." At Nick's crestfallen expression, she pressed, "Is everything alright? Did something happen to Tess?"

Nick hesitated, torn. Part of him did not want to reveal his concerns to Liz, worried that she might dismiss his fears as groundless. After all, he had no actual proof that Tess was in any danger, just the strange sensation in his stomach that would not let him ignore the possibility of her taking some dangerously brave action. But another part of him wanted her input, wanted help from someone who might have a better understanding of what was happening.

Finally, he said, "I can't find her. I don't know if anything is wrong, but… I can't find her."

Max looked at him, blinking. Then he asked, "Alex?"

"She's not with him," Nick answered. "He's sleeping, though. I'm going to keep looking for Tess. Can one of you stay in Alex's room in case he wakes up again? Or in case…"

He didn't finish the sentence, not wanting to put his fear into words. But Lonnie had found them, snuck into Max's room and almost killed him, and it wasn't until Michael's life hung on the line that the hybrid King had managed to fight back. That meant that there could be other dangers out there, Nicolas or other skins, just waiting for the right moment to attack.

"I'll go," Max said, rising to his feet. He looked over at Liz. "Are you going to be okay on your own?"

She replied with a tired nod. "Yeah. I just need some rest. Go be with your… with Alex."

Nick smiled inwardly at the way she had almost said "your son." But she had corrected herself, and Nick knew it was not because she did not think of Alex as Max's son. But because Nick was standing there, in the room, Liz did not want to start an argument, did not want to lead them into a conversation about who really got to be Alex's father.

Max flinched at Liz's words, a small movement that almost went unnoticed by the others. But Nick caught sight of it, of the way Max shivered and swallowed uneasily.

He wanted to offer another olive branch to the hybrid king, but he was far too worried about Tess. Without another word, he hurried from the room.

He met Charlie in the hallway.

"Have you seen Tess?"

Charlie shook his head. "No. Serena and I have been talking for the past couple hours. We haven't seen any of them. Not since Michael told us that the Isabel-lookalike was dead."

Nick paused. "How is Serena?" he asked softy.

Charlie gave a half-shrug. "Bitter and angry," he muttered, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He seemed to have aged over night, suddenly becoming years older. He inhaled slowly, and expelled the breath, shaking with pent-up emotion.

Nick felt a wave of sympathy for the other man. "And how are you doing?" he asked.

Charlie shrugged again. "I don't know. Ask me again when I have time to process this. Maybe then things will start making sense."

They _wouldn't_ start making sense, of that much Nick was certain. Their entire lives had been turned upside-down in a matter of moments, and nothing could ever return to normal.

Kate was _dead_.

But Tess was missing, and the wave of grief at his friend's death was held at bay by the notion that he might soon lose his girlfriend as well. If he didn't find her…

His last stop was Michael's room. The taciturn alien looked up at Nick entered.

"Have you seen Tess?"

"No. She's probably talking to Serena, uselessly wasting her breath on that ungrateful…" Michael trailed off, his words bitter, his tone laced with a cold fury.

Nick ran a hand through his hair. "She isn't, I already checked. When was the last time you saw her?"

Michael shrugged. "A couple of hours ago, maybe. I don't remember."

His answer was not particularly helpful, and Nick turned and walked from the room, every step increasing his dread.

Two hours ago, Michael and Max had come to the others and told them that Lonnie was dead, and that they thought Nicolas was nearby. Two hours ago, the arguments between Michael and Serena had resumed. The deaths of Isabel and Kate hung so heavily over them that no one was thinking clearly and the stress and strain were only growing stronger. Two hours ago, that had become abundantly clear with Michael's harsh words and Serena's accusations, with Charlie's indecisive grief, Max's twisted anguish, and Liz's exhausted silence.

Two hours ago, Nick had come to the conclusion that no one was acting, let alone even thinking, in any rational way.

Nicolas was probably the biggest threat to Alex, and as long as he was out there, he was a serious threat that could not easily be dismissed.

Two hours ago, Michael and Max had told the others that Nicolas might be nearby.

And now Tess was missing.

The fear at Tess' absence was complicated by something else, and it took Nick a moment to identify it as anger. Tess had left, walked away without so much as an explanation to anyone. Why? She might be convinced she was doing what was best for everyone else, but Nick had already gone several rounds with her about keeping secrets, acting without consulting him and…

"Damn it!" he hissed, slamming his hand, palm forward, into the wall of the motel hallway. Hadn't they already settled this? Hadn't Tess already agreed to start telling him the truth?

"_You did a very good job of compartmentalizing everything."_

_Nick frowned at the unwanted intrusion into his thoughts and glanced up from where he was sitting on the floor, playing with Alex, to find Liz standing behind him. He raised an eyebrow and demanded, "What are you talking about?"_

_She shrugged. "You seem rather unmoved by everything… Like you aren't falling apart inside. Kate and Isabel are dead and you…"_

"_I had to take care of Alex," Nick answered, and the rest of his comment – that Tess and Max had been far too busy dealing with everything else to have time to care for their son – lingered in the air, unspoken but just as present._

"_I know," Liz murmured, dabbing at her teary eyes. "Like I said, you're very good at compartmentalizing." She looked down at Alex. "Which is good. Because Alex definitely needs someone right now."_

_Only moments before, they'd been informed of Lonnie's appearance and death. Only moments before, everyone else had reacted with passionate anger, or uncontrollable grief, or overwhelming fear. Everyone except Nick, who had silently excused himself to look after Alex._

"_Did you want something?" Nick asked, rising to his feet and muttering to Alex, "I'll be right back, buddy."_

"_You might be good at compartmentalizing," Liz said softly, keeping her voice low enough so that Alex would not be able to hear, "but Tess is not."_

"_Tess will be fine," Nick replied._

_Liz smirked coldly, lips quirking upwards at the corners. "If Tess was fine, she would have come back to Roswell when she first returned to Earth. If she could compartmentalize…"_

"_I'm not compartmentalizing," Nick said firmly. "I'm just trying to do the best I can for my son."_

_Liz let out a long breath. "Fine. Call it what you will." She glanced over her shoulder back at the motel hallway, obviously debating something. Finally, she said, "I'm worried about Tess, alright? But I can't do anything for her, because I've got Max falling apart in front of me, and God only knows what is happening with Michael…" She trailed off and shrugged. "You love her, I just thought you might be interested in how she was doing."_

"_I know my girlfriend. I know how she is doing."_

_Defeated, Liz gave a weary nod. "Fine. Suit yourself." And she turned and walked from the room, her steps slow and measured, her breathing slightly uneven from the exertion of the day._

But Liz had been right, Nick realized with trepidation. Maybe he should have paid more attention to Tess, to how she was dealing with this. Maybe he should have demanded that they talk, instead of telling her that he would look after Alex and she could worry about the war. But he couldn't take care of her and Charlie, he was too busy with Alex.

Maybe he'd focused too much of Alex. But after all this time on the run, he'd started getting frustrated with the aliens, with the lies and the secrets. Even Tess… he loved her, he really did. Loved her more than anyone else in the world… except Alex.

He bit his lip and glanced towards the staircase leading down to the first floor of the motel.

He wanted to go back for Max and Michael, but he had a feeling they would be more of a liability than anything else right now. But he also couldn't just let Tess wander out there to face the very enemy that she had been running from for five years. If he could find her, if there was any chance that he could talk her out of whatever she was attempting…

He started towards the staircase, intent on finding Tess before it was too late.


	28. This Side of Heaven

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: I have no idea why this chapter was so difficult to write… and yet it was. So, sorry for the delay. Also, the first part of this chapter is in the POV of Alex Whitman. I had no intention of bringing in people after they had died, but I made an exception for him.

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Four: This Side of Heaven

Surprisingly, death did not hurt.

The time leading up to death – that was excruciatingly painful. When your brain is practically dissolving and you are losing control over everything… yes, that does hurt. So does thinking that someone you trusted, someone you accepted into your screwed-up group of really strange friends, betrayed you. Used you. Killed you.

But then you die, and… well… that is pretty much it.

People are so afraid of death. And, of course, they have every reason to be afraid of it. It is scary. And permanent. It is the end, and there is no way to go back, to undo anything, to make changes. You are dead. Game over.

Dying might not be easy. It certainly wasn't easy for me. It was long and drawn out and filled with suffering. And nothing could make it right now that I was gone – though Tess' decision to name her son after me was a nice gesture – because nothing could undo what had been done.

But no matter how difficult dying is… it is not easy to be the ones left behind, left alive, either.

* * *

By the time Nick found Tess, he had already started to panic. She was walking determinedly along the highway away from the motel, the stars offering only a faint light to guide her movements. Nick, driving in one of the cars, had easily managed to reach her, but the panic had still settled into his chest, filling him with a mixture of overwhelming fear and simmering anger.

"Are you _insane_?"

Tess stared at him as he stepped out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him and striding towards her. She considered his question for a moment – really considering it – and then gave a half-hearted shrug.

"Maybe. I don't know."

Nick exhaled slowly, trying to get his temper back under control. "What are you doing here? You are safer back at the motel."

Tess responded to his comment with a dark laugh. "Yeah. Really safe." She looked back the way she had come, towards the motel she could just barely see outlined against the dark sky. "If Lonnie can find us, so can anyone else. It was stupid to stay there. We should have left the minute Max killed her."

Nick hesitated, unable to completely dismiss the logic of her words. They had remained because Serena and Charlie were reluctant to just leave, because Liz was too weak to keep running all the time like this, because Max was in shock over what he had done and what he had lost. They were tired and scared… but Tess was right. They were still in danger.

But that thought only served to make him angrier, "So you decided to risk your life by leaving? You are safer with Max and Michael then you are on your own."

"I wasn't worried about my own safety," Tess answered simply.

Nick ran a hand through his hair. "You're looking for Nicolas," he said. It wasn't a question, but a statement of fact. And though Nick said it with a resigned tone, it was clear that he was not happy with Tess' decision and was prepared to argue with her on it.

Tess did not want an argument. She was terrified enough as it was, the idea of facing Nicolas left her nearly shaking with dread. But the idea of letting that man anywhere near her son… _That_ was unthinkable.

"Lonnie said he was nearby, and I don't think she was lying about that." She bit her lip, hesitated, then added, "I can sense him. I know he is close. And he can probably sense me as well. He'll come and…"

"And what, Tess? Kill you? Is that what you want?"

"Of course not!" Tess hissed in response, flushing darkly. "How could you think that?"

Nick swallowed back his angry retort and forced himself to remain calm, to speak rationally. "What am I supposed to think? This is a suicide mission."

"You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me, Tess," Nick snapped. "Because I'm getting tired of you using that as an excuse to…"

"It isn't an excuse," Tess interrupted, her own anger rising at Nick's words. "It is the truth. You don't understand, you weren't there. None of you know what Antar was like, was Nicolas could do…" She trailed off, shook her head, then said, "For which I am grateful. I never want you or any of the people that I care about to experience that. And I am more than willing to risk my life to make sure you and Alex and the rest of them stay safe."

"You have a better chance of defeating Nicolas with support from Max and Michael."

Tess nodded, but her eyes filled with bitterness as she answered, "I also have a better chance of adding them to the list of people I have to bury. I think Alex Whitman, Maria, Kyle, Isabel, and Kate are enough." Looking away from him, she added, "You should go back to the motel. You aren't safe here."

"I'm not leaving you," Nick argued defiantly.

She slanted a quick look at him, then immediately lowered her gaze. In a weary tone, she said, "Nick… Kate is _dead_. She was getting out, she was leaving… she was supposed to go somewhere safe. And now she is… now she will never have that chance and I…" Tears pricked at her blue eyes, filling them. Kate was dead, and there was nothing anyone could do to change that. But the idea that Nick might join her…

Nick stepped closer to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Tess, I love you. And you told me that you loved me, that you trusted me. That we were in this together. What changed?"

"I love you," Tess murmured. "And I always will. But… Kate changed this, Nick. Her death… I can't… won't…" Once upon a time, Tess had been naïve enough to think that she could overcome any obstacle. But now she was smarter, and she knew better.

"Do you really think it will be any easier for me to get over _your_ death?" Nick asked pointedly.

Tess blinked twice and shivered, wrapping her arms around her chest. She had not yet had time to grieve, to face what had happened. Kyle's death was still too raw, too fresh in her mind. She could easily close her eyes and remember his face, the way his eyes sought hers just moments before they fogged over in death. And Kate… she had fallen so gracelessly, crumbling like a rag doll, broken and limp. But the full reality of it all had not settled over her, had not suffused her with a sense of hopeless grief, had not left her leaden and anguished.

It would come, though. She had experienced enough loss to know what would happen next., to know all the different stages she would pass through before she came to the supposed acceptance. But the final stage wasn't true acceptance, not for her. It was lack of sensation, the inability to feel, and she pretended that it was acceptance, that she was coming to terms with what had happened.

But if she were honest with herself, she had never accepted anything, and what she felt was actually just a void, a lack of emotion that left her numb.

Sometimes, she found it remarkable that she was able to feel anything at all.

She met Nick's gaze and found herself forced to face the inevitable question – could she inflict that pain on him?

"I can't let you die," she whispered finally. "I just _can't_."

"You know," a cold voice drawled as another figure emerged out of the darkness, "you might not have a choice."

It was the pinnacle of Nicolas' arrogance that he had come alone. There were no skins with him, no other soldiers to join his fight. He stood alone, at the edge of the road where the cement faded into the desert sand, and smirked at them.

Tess inhaled sharply and cast a scared look at Nick. She wanted him gone, far away from this place, but it was too late to help him escape. Nicolas was standing there… and obviously intending to kill them both.

"You know," Nicolas commented casually, walking forward, "I find it interesting that you ended up falling in love with someone who shares my name."

Nick flinched and shot back, "I am _nothing_ like you."

Nicolas inclined his head. "As you wish. But you must admire the irony of it. Her great love and her great enemy… both Nicolas. It _is_ ironic."

"Names mean nothing."

"Names mean everything, Ava, darling. Names are title, descriptions. Names give categories, explanations, understandings. Names are power. And that which does not have a name is powerless."

_The first cell she had been thrown into was cleaner than this one. But Nicolas had ordered her move, and although she did not know why, she assumed it was because he wished to have her always unease, always expecting the next day to be her last. She was not sure how long she had been on Antar, although she thought it was likely only a few days. Maybe less._

_The other cell had been cleaner. But this one had another occupant, and Tess was so relieved to find herself no longer alone that she did not mind the stench that hovered in the air._

_The occupant, a woman many years older than Tess, was huddled in the corner, leaning against the wall. Her expression was blank, dazed, and when she turned gray-blue eyes towards Tess, her gaze was unfocused._

"_Hi… I'm Tess," Tess said. It was trite, almost comical. But she did not know how else to greet her fellow prisoner, and the words, simple and to the point, were the best opening lines she could imagine in her present terrified and exhausted state._

_The woman smiled vaguely, but did not answer. She was not unaware of Tess' presence, nor was she unable to hear Tess' words. But her attention seemed to float about, unable to rest on any one person or object for long._

_Tess rested her hands on her stomach, feeling the child moving within, and said to the woman, "Do you have a name?"_

_Again, no response._

"_You won't get anything out of her, your Majesty."_

_Tess turned towards the door of the cell, glancing at the guard who stood there. She could just see his face through the thin slits in the stone, the only ventilation in the place._

"_What do you mean?" Tess asked, intrigued that the man had called her by her royal title. Most of the guards she'd met had followed Khivar and Nicolas' lead, calling her Ava with derisive or mocking scorn. But there was no disdain in the face of this guard._

"_She has been here a long time. She's forgotten everything. How to speak, probably even how to think. She does not remember her own name."_

"_Who is she?" Tess questioned._

_The guard shrugged. "She is nobody now. What can she be, when she has no memory of her life?"_

"_Who was she?" Tess asked, rephrasing the question. "Before… this?"_

_The guard gave her a long look, then shook his head slowly. "Nothing." Tess opened her mouth to argue, but the guard continued briskly, cutting off her words. "She has no name. Without a name, she has no sense of self. Who she was in the past does not matter because it has no influence on her now. For all intents and purposes, she has no past."_

Tess pushed away the memory and stared hard at Nicolas. He was looking back at her, and it was obvious he was thinking of the same person. That was the fate they had wanted for her. If she would not give her support to Khivar's regime, then they wanted her to be nothing at all. If she had no name, no memory, no identity, she could not be a threat.

"Tess?" Nick asked, his voice a soft murmur of concern and fear.

Before she could respond, Nicolas took several more steps forward until he was right before them. His eyes swept the scene, pausing on the diagonally parked car, then drifting over Nick and Tess. His gaze fixed on the hybrid Queen, hardening, and she stumbled and stepped back.

"Tess!" This time, Nick's cry of concern was louder.

Blue eyes lifted towards him, but there was something else in them. Something dark and dangerous, something he didn't like.

"Tess? Are you alright?"

She smiled at him, a smile that did not reach her eyes, did not melt the icy that had surrounded them. "Sorry," she said in a voice that sounded off. "Tess doesn't live here right now."

And everything clicked.

Tess had killed Alex Whitman because she was under the mind-control of the skins. Of Nicolas. For several weeks they had invaded her mind, wrapping tightly around her thoughts and controlling her actions, and no one had noticed.

Looking at her, he couldn't help but wonder how the hell anyone could look at those calculating eyes and that vicious gaze and not think something was wrong.

And then, as suddenly as the coldness had seeped into her expression, it was gone, and Tess fell to the ground, gasping for breath as she rested on her hands and knees. She was shaking, and Nick knelt by her side, looking between her and Nicolas.

"I'm okay," Tess muttered, lifting her head and staring hard at Nick. She tried to force a comforting smile, tried to look reassuring, but only managed to looked pained and distraught.

He reached towards her, resting one hand gently on her shoulder and the other supporting just below her elbow.

And without warning, she turned on him, throwing him against the ground.

"It isn't always easy to see if someone is being possessed, is it?" Nicolas taunted.

Something entered Nick's mind, seeping in before he could even register what had happened. He rose to his feet unsteadily, but the motion was not something he had initiated, not something he had even expected. It was the strangest feeling, to not be in a control of his actions and yet somehow still entirely conscious of what was happening around him.

In vain, he tried to fight back against the other force, but he could not even begin to understand how this was happening or how he was supposed to stop it…

Next to him, Tess straightened and looked over at Nicolas, the fog in her mind clearing slightly. It felt like moving through quicksand or trying to swim in Jello, but with a tremendous effort, she was able to launch a blast of energy towards the skin, momentarily breaking his concentration on his two would-be victims.

Nicolas stumbled backwards, although the blow was not enough to knock him off his feet. Nick gasped for breath, turning a shocked gaze to Tess, but she was not looking at him. Her eyes narrowed and fixed on Nicolas, watching him with a calculating gaze.

Somehow, she had to keep Nicolas out of her mind long enough to get Nick out of there…

But Nick, now free of Nicolas' power as well, seemed to have other thoughts. He glanced around the desert, searching for a weapon of some sort, anything that he could use against the other man.

Nicolas laughed. "You really think a pathetic human like you can stop me?" he asked mockingly, walking towards Nick.

Tess flung out both hands, attacking Nicolas with all the energy she could muster. He created a force-field in response, but it wasn't quite enough to block the full force of her attack. He stumbled, falling to his knees. It did not prevent him from countering her blow, however, and as he held the force-field in place with one hand, he twisted the other through the air and conjured a burst of flame that spiraled outwards, flowing across the ground towards the hybrid Queen and her human love.

Nick tackled Tess out of the way, and the two of them went rolling head over heels. The flames passed by them, missing them only by inches, and the moment they stopped moving Tess was on her feet again.

She knew that mind-control required concentration. And the only way to stop Nicolas from using that power against them was to keep him busy constantly, to prevent him from taking a moment to breathe, to gather his energy and thoughts. But that would not work indefinitely, and she honestly didn't know if she was strong enough to kill him.

Of course, if she did not kill him, he would kill her.

And Nick.

That thought was enough to drive her on, push her forwards. She attacked again, another burst of energy, another desperate attempt to end the war that had taken so much of her life.

Nicolas countered, drew closer, his eyes gleaming with vengeance.

"You can't stop me forever, Ava," he sneered. "And once I had rid the world of you and your devoted human, I will take your son and return to Antar, triumphant. You may have stopped Khivar, but you will not stop me!"

The threat to her son registered just long enough for a fresh wave of fury to break over her body, and she was moving forward, the air around her crackling with electricity and rage.

"But don't worry, sweetheart," Nicolas continued, dodging and parrying her attacks. "Death might be easy. It might be painless. It might give you a chance to see all the people you've lost, to be with them again. And won't that be sweet?"

Nick came to his feet suddenly, his hands gripped around a heavy stone. He threw it with all the strength he could muster, and Nicolas, caught by surprise, only managed to lift up a hand to block it. The stone hit his arm, snapping the bone, and though pain coursed through his body, he ignored it and continued on.

The ultimate power was within his grasp, and nothing, not even a broken arm, would prevent him from taking it.

Tess watched the determined glitter in her enemies eyes, and knew that this would not be an easy end for either of them.

"_It isn't as simple as just destroying Khivar, your Majesty," the old man explained, leaning over the table and peering through eyes made bleary with age at the charts that were spread before them._

"_I understand," Tess said softly, shifting weight from foot to foot. She was exhausted, she was probably only hours away from giving birth, and she had been dragged into a meeting about strategy. She wanted to lie down, but that wasn't an option, not with the entire rebel camp looking to her for guidance._

_Not for the first time, she wondered what exactly she was doing here. She was not qualified to lead a battle campaign, and it was ridiculous to expect anything from her._

"_I am not sure you do," the man continued grimly. He looked up quickly, eyes widening as he realized his words could be seen as incredibly disrespectful, and opened his mouth to amend the statement. But Tess just waved him on, dismissing his need to apologize for his impertinent comment._

_He spoke the truth, after all, and truth did not need to be tied up in pretty phrases and flowery praise._

_The man continued, "Nicolas is second-in-command to Khivar, and has enough support to lead even after Khivar is dead. They must both be killed, and since they are rarely in the same place at the same time, it cannot be done in a single, brutal strike. Yet we do not have enough manpower to win in an all-out war."_

_Tess considered this for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I see. What about two coordinated strikes?"_

"_It is possible. We do not yet have enough inside information to successfully plan an attack such as that, though our spies are working on gathering more intel. But rest assured, your Majesty, that this will not be easy. We all know the danger of Khivar, but Nicolas is not to be underestimated either."_

_Tess bit back a ironic smile as she replied, "Believe me, I know just how dangerous she is."_

And she did. But she also knew just how far she was willing to go to make sure he never went near her son.

Her vision blurred around the edges, the rest of the world fading out of focus so that all she could see was Nicolas. Something twisted sharply in her chest, a sense of pain and anguish from all her losses. She used the feeling, letting it grow, letting it seep into her blood and fill her with bitter wrath. It overtook all her other emotions, and her powers began to feed on it, to sap the strength from her body.

The explosion that tore out of her outstretched arms was enough to turn the area around her a brilliant white.

Time stood still, each second hanging in the air. The stones that littered the desert ground turned to dust, and the air hummed as millions of molecules were knocked around and out of the place, unsettled by the power she had displayed.

Then time sped forward, passing Tess by and everything became a strange haze. She fell to her knees, unable to register anything except the pressure of Nick's supporting hand on her shoulder, and Nicolas' dead body stretched before her, sprawled out across the sand.

She knew she should be happy. He was dead, the last of their great enemies, and the skins would not fall into disarray. They would fight among themselves, each in a bid for power, and Antar would continue to be caught in the middle of a brutal struggle. But the war would turn away from the Royal Four, turn inwards on the skins themselves. Without Khivar or Nicolas to lead them, the skins would not come back to Earth.

Still…

How many people had she killed?

It was inevitable. It was war, after all, and that involved death. And she knew, better Nicolas be the one to die than yet another person that she cared about, yet another person that she loved.

Nicolas' body turned to dust, the skin disintegrating before their eyes.

"Come on," Nick murmured, "let's go back to the motel." And she rose to her feet and followed him, feeling exhausted and numb.

For good or ill, she would always be a killer, always be the thing that, five years ago in the pod chamber, the others had accused her of being.

* * *

And then, quite suddenly, it was over.

Nicolas, the last of the skin leaders, was dead. Lonnie was gone, as was Khivar. The rebel extremists had been defeated, Diane Evans and, unbeknownst to the others, Nancy and Jeff Parker, had been placed in witness protection, safe from the media and the federal government.

It was over.

Alex Whitman, Jesse, Maria, Philip Evans and Amy DeLuca, Kyle, Kate, Isabel… all dead as well.

Somehow, that thought brought Liz little comfort. It did not matter that it had ended. It only matter that she was still alive… and that they were not.

She stood at the edge of the road, a single flower in her hand. The motel rose behind her, and she knew Max was watching her from the balcony of his room. Tess and Nick were probably talking, and Michael was most likely pacing back and forth across the floor of his room, alone. She did not know what Charlie and Serena were doing, and she did not care.

She looked at the flower in her hand.

It was actually several small flowers bunched in between the thin leaves of a single stem. It was fragrant, sending a sweet scent into the air.

Rosemary.

For remembrance.

She had laughed with Alex, gossiped with Maria, dated Kyle, become friends with Isabel. And one by one they were taken from her, pulled away by fate and bad luck. And war. And she was still here, left behind, standing at alone in the desert, mourning them.

She placed the flowering herb at the edge of the road, just where the cement met the sand. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I am so sorry."

* * *

_Stop pacing, Space Boy. You're making me dizzy._

"Maria?"

_Were you expecting someone else?_

Michael stopped mid-step and looked over the phantom. She was smirking, her hands resting on her hips, her gaze pinned solely on him.

"I don't know," he admitted slowly, sinking on the edge of his bed. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to take a deep breath, but his throat did not seem to be working properly, and he only succeeded in a short gasp.

_Oh, now I'm hurt. What's the matter? Am I not enough for you?_

He didn't answer Maria's teasing question. There wasn't really a point, she was just a figment of his imagination after all.

_Did you want it to be Isabel? See if you two could have another go at Destiny?_

Michael rolled his eyes. Maria folded her arms over her chest and lifted one eyebrow demandingly. Even after all this time, even with her _dead_, Destiny still lingered between them. It wasn't that she was jealous, and it certainly wasn't that he had ever wanted to be with Isabel – or, in fact, to be with anyone other than her – but it was another reminder of the past. A past that had been torn apart by broken promises and lies.

"It's over," Michael said finally, bitterly, "but we still can't go back to our lives."

_That's because it is only over with the skins. You still have all the humans to deal with, and they aren't as easily stopped._

Michael almost laughed at Maria's answer. "You think that was easy?"

But Maria's answer was simple and straightforward, and brutally honest.

_No. But this will be harder. Every television station in the country has clips of you all using your powers in Liz's hospital room. The truth has been blown wide open, and not even the FBI can help you with that. How are you going to fight the enemy when you can't even control the flow of information?_

Michael stared towards the window. The sun was a flame of yellow, the sky an endless stretch of blue. Roswell had been a sleepy little town, a place where nothing extraordinary was ever supposed to happen. And now the place was destroyed, left in flames and ruins by Khivar's skins. Danger followed them wherever they went, and there was no hiding anymore.

It wasn't supposed to end like this. They had defeated Khivar's skins, they had won. Victory was supposed to taste sweet, but it seemed as though it only left a bitter aftertaste behind.

He hadn't seen Tess since she had returned to the motel. She had been pale, so pale and her eyes had been brimming with tears. He didn't know what she had had to endure during the battle, didn't know what the cost of victory would be for her. It didn't really matter, though, because he knew what price the rest of them had been forced to pay.

He wasn't sure he could do this without Maria or Isabel.

He'd always had a purpose. First his life had been built around questions, finding out who he was and what was expected from him. When that had been answered, he'd focused on navigating the complex interactions between what was expected of him and what he could actually do. He'd been motivated by a desire for justice, for revenge. And he'd been striving towards an end, towards a distant point when the war would be over and he would have his happily-ever-after.

The war was over, at least the alien part of it. But what reason did he have to fight against his human enemies now? There would be no happily-ever-afters. Not for him, maybe not for any of them.

Except…

_You have to find a way for you to return to your life. You can't live on the run, it will destroy you. And Liz needs a doctor, she's running out of time._

Michael snorted disdainfully, "I'm already destroyed, Maria." He looked back at the phantom before adding harshly, "And Liz might be beyond help anyway. The trip to Seattle was a desperate attempt, a last resort for them. Who knows what she will need now."

_She has a chance, and you're going to throw it away?_

"There's no way out of this mess," Michael snapped, irritated. "We can't go back, and no amount of wishful thinking will ever change that."

_Fine. Go ahead and give up. I guess it doesn't really matter to me anyway!_

She pulled back from him, half-walking and half-drifting. Her eyes were clouded with disappointment, and though Michael tried to logically remind himself that she was only a figment of his imagination, that she wasn't real and couldn't possibly have emotions, he still could not quite bring himself to meet her accusing stare.

Had she been alive, he would have argued like he always did. He would have countered every single point she made, even if she was right. He would have debated with her, not because he disagreed, but because that was simply what they did.

But she wasn't alive.

He remained silent.

But she spoke.

_She's my best friend. You owe me this._

Soon after, Maria was gone, but her presence still lingered in the room. Michael stared thoughtfully at the place she had been standing and wondered if there was anything he do to make her happy. But she was dead, and Liz was dying, and no matter what Maria said, the fate of the brunette was _not_ in Michael's hands.

* * *

But despite Michael's determination not to let Maria's words influence his actions, it was only an hour or two later that he found himself marching into Max's room with the beginnings of a crazy plan.

Max looked up. Liz was sleeping sprawled out on the bed, and he was sitting in the chair by the window, just watching her. The dark circles under his eyes, testament to how little sleep he'd gotten over the past days, seemed to deepen and grow every second.

"I have an idea," Michael said without preamble. "I'm not sure if it is possible, but I figured it was worth a shot."

Max looked up eagerly. "What is it?"

"Molecular modification," Michael replied. "We can change the appearance of other objects, so shouldn't we also be able to change our own looks?"

It wasn't like shape-shifting, it wasn't an ability that would come easily to them. It would be using their own powers on themselves, and Michael knew it would most likely be painful. But it would also be permanent, and that would give them a chance to start over, start fresh.

No one would ever have to know who they were, who they had been before all this. Before the war.

* * *

It was painful. Excruciating, in fact. Because while Nasedo, and all other shape-shifters, had no natural shape and so could change their appearance easily and at will, the hybrids and the humans did have a shape, a native form. And the body did not like releasing its hold on that form, did not like being molded into something else.

It was painful.

But it worked.

Charlie and Serena refused, bluntly, completely, and without hesitation, to change their appearance. But Tess became brunette, changed her eyes to a dark brown, covered her face with a light sprinkling of freckles, and gave herself more prominent cheekbones and a rounder chin. Liz lightened her hair to a dusty brown-blonde, changed her eyes to blue, made herself even more tan, and sculpted the lines. Michael changed his hair to black and his eyes to green, Max went completely blonde and gave himself gray eyes. And after the two had reworked the bone structure of their faces, they no longer resembled the people they had once been.

Tess carefully changed Nick's appearance, making him blonde and blue-eyed, all the while trying to ignore the way he bit his lip to keep from screaming in pain.

He was doing this for her and for Alex.

When it was over, she kissed him, and whispered, "I love you."

* * *

Charlie looked up as Tess entered, and frowned thoughtfully at her now brown hair and brown eyes. She did not look like herself, and he wasn't really sure if he would ever be comfortable around this new person. It was just one more blatant reminder that Tess was different, and that so much of their friendship had been built on lies.

He didn't blame Tess for that, not really. Kate had always been the one to say that the best route to take involved telling the truth, being honest. She was the social worker, after all. But he had simply shrugged off all the revelations with a tired sigh and let it go at that.

Now Kate was dead.

And while he didn't blame Tess for her lies, he was not sure he could ever really like her again.

She folded her arms nervously over her chest and stared at him, then look past him to Serena. The redhead was sitting on the bed, sorting through a pile of papers, and did not even bother sparing Tess a single glance.

"Do you know what you are going to do yet?" Tess asked finally.

Charlie gave a dark chuckle as he replied, "How can I even begin to think about that?"

Tess reached out one hand, as though to reassure him, but seemed to think better of it. Her arm fluttered in front of her for a moment, then dropped to her side and she lowered her gaze.

"You're going to have to think of something, Charlie. And soon."

He chewed his bottom lip for a moment. She was right, of course, but that didn't make her casual words any easier to take. He turned away from her and sank onto the bed, glancing over at Serena. She looked up and met his gaze.

"You don't need to stay and watch over us, Tess," Serena said, turning to the hybrid Queen. "We're adults, we can take care of ourselves."

"I just want to make sure that you are safe," Tess countered. "I can help you. I can get anything you'll need. A different identity, money…" She trailed off with a slight shrug, but Serena's cold gaze did not soften.

"You can't protect us," Serena snapped. "We've learned that lesson already, haven't we?"

Charlie watched with some interest as Tess flushed a deep red and closed her eyes for a moment, obviously trying to regain her wits and poise. But her resolve was crumbling, that much was evident from her nervous expression, and Serena's bitter retort and icy tone were not helping.

To Charlie, she said, "Can't we at least stay in touch?"

"I don't know, Tess," Charlie answered reluctantly. He didn't want to stay in touch with her, didn't want to remember any of the past couple of weeks. He wanted everything to fade, to become a distant memory, and nothing more. He wanted to somehow move on with his life.

But Kate's absence made that impossible.

Still… would Tess' presence in his life make things better or worse?

And then there was the issue of Nick. He had no doubt that Nick would follow Tess to the ends of the Earth –in part because he loved her, and in part because of Alex. If he unceremoniously shoved Tess out of his life, he would lose Nick and Alex as well.

But hadn't he lost them already? Hadn't he lost everything? Kate was dead, Tess had turned herself into a stranger, and Nick and Alex were caught in the crosshairs of this tug-of-war.

Tess licked her lips and nodded as Charlie continued to remain silent, unable to figure out exactly what to say, how to answer her question.

Serena pulled a sheet of paper from her pile and scanned it. "You can do what you want, Charlie," she said sharply. "But I don't want anything to do with these people."

"Is that the one?" Charlie asked, holding out his hand. She nodded and handed the paper to him.

"What is it?" Tess asked, curious.

Serena's tone was positively glacial as she replied, "My new choice of careers. Since you've destroyed my first pick." Tess didn't say anything, and she elaborated, "I can't go back into law. I don't think I really want to, anyway. Not after this…"

Too many reminders. Charlie understood.

What he didn't quite get was why Serena was so interested in physics. But she was apparently planning on pursuing a degree in astrophysics at the University of California in Berkeley.

He looked at the application form in his hand. "This is where you will apply?"

"One of the places," Serena said casually. "It's probably my top choice at the moment."

Tess came to his side and looked at the application form, then at Serena. "It's a good school," she offered.

"I know," Serena replied contemptuously.

Tess wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. Charlie did not see the tears that had formed, but when she drew her hand back, her currently dark brown eyes were rimmed with red.

"I know you blame me for this. And I wish I could have saved Kate. But I… I loved her, too. You aren't the only ones who… lost her."

"She was my sister," Serena hissed, "and she was innocent in all of this."

Tess ran a hand through her hair. It was straight, and that made it fall strangely around her face, framing it in a different and unusual way. She stared at her newly-brunette locks for a moment, then said, "I know. A lot of innocent people got hurt. A lot of people who were only trying to do the right thing… we all ended up suffering."

"Don't pretend to be a victim, Tess. You're hardly innocent."

"We are all victims," Tess countered, her voice taking on a slight edge. "You don't have a monopoly on pain, Serena. I did the best I could with what I was given. I made mistakes, and I am sorry…" Here, she glanced at Charlie quickly before looking away, "but I never meant to hurt anyone."

Charlie studied Tess, then Serena. The two were so different, and yet he could see the underlying similarities. The stubbornness, the temper…

He had been cast together with Serena by an unwelcome twist of fate. Though he had known her for a few years now, he had hardly ever interacted with her. In his mind, she did not have her own identity. She was always _Kate's sister_, nothing more, nothing less. But now the two of them shared secret, and shared a mutual grief, and he knew how tightly bonds could form under those circumstances.

The door behind them slid open, and a small face poked around the corner. "Mommy?"

Tess turned, surprise written all over her face, but held out her arms to her son. "What is it, sweetheart?"

Alex ran forward, his steps hasty and wobbling, and hugged her tightly. "Missed you, Mommy," he said, his voice muffled by her chest. "Are you gonna come play with me soon? Daddy says you're doing impo'tant stuffs, but I wanna play."

She kissed his hair. "Soon, sweetie."

"Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Why can't you be normal-looking 'gain?"

Tess sighed and dropped to her knees beside her son. Charlie wondered briefly how she had explained the identity problem to her son, how she had told him that she needed to look like someone completely different. He was glad that he hadn't been a part of that conversation, that he hadn't been the one who had been forced to explain it to the five-year-old child.

"It isn't safe, baby. There are dangerous people in the world. And they want to hurt us. So we've got to be disguised. But don't worry, we're safe like this."

"I don't like it," Alex muttered sullenly.

Tess smiled and drew back from him. "I don't either, Alex. But this is the only way that we can stay together. You don't want to leave me and Daddy, do you?" Alex shook his head solemnly, and she continued, "And you won't have to. Not as long as I stay like this."

"Pwomise?"

"Promise."

Even Serena's expression had softened slightly as she watched the exchange. That was Alex's gift, that everyone loved him almost immediately. His innocence and his sweet nature could charm even the hardest of hearts, and not a single person could remain unmoved by his smile.

In that moment, Charlie made a decision. "We'll stay in touch, Tess."

She returned his words with a tentative smile and a nod of her head.

* * *

Charlie and Serena left two days later, Serena with a bitter smile and a caustic remark, Charlie with a sincere goodbye for Nick and Alex, and a faint smile for Tess.

Tess watched until their rental car disappeared into the distant horizon, then she slid her arm into Nick's and walked back to the motel.

* * *

They settled in a small town in California, near San Francisco. With the ability to turn twenty dollar bills into hundreds, money was not an issue. They lived close, Nick and Tess taking an apartment a few blocks from Max and Liz's house. Michael found a bachelor flat of his own further from them, but bought a motorcycle to improve his ability to get around.

They forged papers, created new identities, new names. Started over.

Or, at least, tried to.

"Max? Are you… are you alright?"

Max looked up as Tess entered the house. "Shouldn't you be calling me Jason, _Emilie_?" he snapped angrily.

Tess didn't flinch, knowing the anger wasn't actually directed at her. "There's no one around, Max's. It is your home, and just the two of us. I don't need to call you by your fake name."

Max snorted and flopped onto the chair, refusing to meet Tess' gaze. He could not stop the hatred and fury that welled within him, although he had no one to direct it at. But it raced through his veins, turning everything into liquid anger.

Tess didn't need to ask any questions. One look at him, and she knew what was wrong.

"Liz isn't doing well, is she?"

"Her name is Shiri now," Max said. He knew he was being pointlessly stubborn, that Tess was right, and it really didn't matter if they used the adopted names or not. But he couldn't keep the words at bay.

"The doctor's appointment…" Tess prompted gently.

He rose to his feet and started pacing, even as Tess slid onto the sofa.

"Chemotherapy isn't working. They tried a couple new drugs, but it still… it's still spreading."

Tess nodded, and the room was silent.

"It isn't over," Max said abruptly. "The war…" he stopped and turned towards her. "Khivar and Nicolas are gone, so is Lonnie. And the extremist rebels. We've dodged the federal government. We're safe. But the war… it isn't over. There are still skins out there…"

"Without a leader, they'll fight amongst themselves," Tess said softly. "Factions will split apart, treaties and truces will break. They'll be too busy fighting themselves to launch any form of attack on us."

"I know," Max agreed. "But the war won't be over. Antar will still… it will still be stuck in this brutal struggle, still… death and destruction…" In frustration, he slammed his fist into the wall. "They're all dead. Alex, Maria, Kyle, Isabel… And for what? We might be safe, but the war _isn't_ over!"

"I know," Tess whispered finally, because what else could she say? Everything Max said was true.

She watched him. He was blonde now, and with gray eyes, and that seemed so odd. But, she reflected, she probably looked just as odd to him, with her dark hair and dark eyes.

She wondered what would happen if Liz died. Without Isabel, Max was lost like a ship without a sail, drifting forever uselessly in the middle of the ocean. Without Liz… she didn't even want to imagine that.

"I'm sorry," she offered.

Max didn't bother pretending not to understand, not to know that she was already offering her condolences for his future grief. There was still a chance, and he wanted to cling to hope as best he could. He wantedto pretend that everything would work out, that together they could defeat anything, even cancer. But he just…

He just wasn't sure if he believed that anymore.

"Yeah," he said softly, "me, too."


	29. Epilogue: Get Back Up and Do It Again 1

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Summary: Five years, and she's still struggling just to survive.

Author's note: IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ! Have I got your attention? Good. So, here's the deal – there are two epilogues. Or, rather, there is one epilogue, but it is in two parts. This first part officially ends the story. It ties everything together with ribbons and a nice bow. And if you want that kind of ending, stop after you have finished reading it. I won't be upset, I promise. I kind of like this ending better anyway.

Then there is the epilogue, part two. It will be posted in a couple days. It doesn't exactly change the story… it just sets up for the sequel. And yes, there will be a sequel, but it might not be the kind of sequel you are expecting. Unless, of course, you are Magali, in which case you figured out where this was going a long time ago… Anyway, to warn my Rebel readers – you won't like the sequel. It isn't anti-Tess, it just happens to be a very strongly Max/Liz and Maria/Michael focused story, and so you might just want to end with this chapter. You can read the second part of the epilogue, just to see what happens, and then, if you want, disregard it and pretend the story ends here.

Got it? Good.

* * *

Epilogue: Get Back Up and Do It Again (part one)

This is what it feels like when you realize you are a murderer. Your heart stops beating and your lungs start burning and everything seems to go into slow motion and speed up at the same time, and the volume rises and falls like an old out-of-tune radio, while the air thickens and you want to start screaming in horror, but you've forgotten how to make any sound at all.

Alex was crumpling at her feet while Kyle stood in the doorway, confused and unsure, and she thought the world might actually stop spinning.

* * *

A year passed.

Seasons changed, spring bursting into summer, summer fading into fall, fall rolling into winter, winter melting into spring once more. Some things changed. Some things didn't.

Tess pushed the mug of coffee back and forth between the palms of her hands, eyeing the dark liquid. She had dumped in several tablespoons of sugar, enough sweetener to make her teeth rattle when she took a slow sip. Nick said it was the nearly sacrilegious destruction of a perfectly good cup of coffee.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She looked up, startled at the sound of Nick's voice. She had not heard him enter the small kitchen, but he stood behind her, leaning against the doorway with a faint smile on his lips.

"I spoke to Liz today," Tess answered casually. It wasn't strange for her to speak to Liz, although the tension and awkwardness of those conversations did leave her a little unsettled. Despite it all, some things could never really be fixed, and she and Liz would never be friends.

"Shiri," Nick corrected automatically, using Liz's pseudonym.

Tess just rolled her eyes. "You guys are insane, you know that? Insisting on calling each other by your fake names when there is no one else around…"

"How is she?" Nick asked, matching her casual tone with his own indifferent reply. It wasn't that he didn't care about Liz, it was simply that he did not need to ask the question to know the answer. She'd started treatments, and she improved a little. But not enough. Not enough to stave off the eventual end. They were still hopeful, but…

"She spent the day with Serena."

Nick rolled his eyes, and Tess bit back a smile. She still had no idea how it had happened, but despite Serena's acrid remarks and snide comments, Liz had persistently stayed in touch with the other woman. Tess' belief was that it was most likely due to Liz's insatiable need to fix things. But eventually Serena had caved, slowly and reluctantly at first, until finally forming some sort of odd friendship with the one-time waitress.

Nick walked past Tess, around the table to the cupboards. He pulled out a mug of his own and poured some coffee into it, swirling the liquid around for a moment.

"I'm taking Alex over to Jason… sorry, _Max's_… tonight," he said.

Tess nodded. "I know. Alex is excited." She chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully, reflecting on her son. They were still trying to figure out the relationships between each other, fumbling uncertainly in the figurative dark. Max wanted to be part of Alex's life, and Tess could not blame him for that. Nor could she blame him for the obvious hurt he felt whenever Alex turned to her or Nick. But they were trying, all of them, to make this work, and for that she would be eternally grateful.

She could not deprive her son of the chance to know his biological father, a chance to have multiple sets of parents who loved him. Reluctantly, and with ill grace, she had accepted the fact that she simply had to trust Max and Liz. Trust that they loved Alex enough to never do anything to hurt him.

Nick sat down across from her and took a sip of his coffee. He drank it with cream, but no sugar.

She knew how he drank his coffee. Just like she knew what kind of shampoo he used, and that he didn't like raw tomato or cucumber, but would eat them both cooked or processed. He didn't like the color green, at least not in clothing. And he hated butterflies.

She didn't know any of those things about Max.

"Sometimes," Tess murmured, "I can't quite believe that it is over."

"But it is over," Nick answered. "It was a high price to pay, but… you did save the world."

Tess nodded thoughtfully. They hadn't saved Antar, and at this point, she was not entirely sure that they ever would. But they had prevented the skins from destroying Earth, and that was something to be proud of.

"Do you ever think about the future?" Nick asked curiously, quietly.

Tess blinked, then shrugged. "Not really," she admitted. She'd spent ten years with Nasedo, and in those ten years, all she ever thought about was the future. A future with Max by her side, a future where they returned to Antar and triumphantly destroyed Khivar and saved the planet. She knew now that she had been naïve, a fool to think it would ever be that simple. But at the time, she had dwelt so much more on the future that she'd nearly forgotten the present or the past.

Then everything had changed. For the last six years, since her forced departure from Earth, she had thought about the past. She'd never been able to forget it, never been able to push away the memories of Alex Whitman's terrified face as he collapsed to the ground. The horror stayed with her, and she remembered it, never letting go, never moving past it. She tore it apart in her mind, studying every angle, always wondering if there was something, _anything_, she could have done differently.

She had spent far too long living in the past and in the future. For the moment, she was content to think about the present.

"I used to think that we could do this without losing anyone," Tess confided after a moment. "I used to think… that it would be easy. I forgot… or maybe I just never really knew… what war was like. I should have known it wasn't that easy."

"Nothing worth having ever comes easy," Nick muttered, and Tess gave a faint smile of reply.

It was ironic, though, how things had worked out for them. Despite the horrors she had seen and endured on Antar, her life had turned out… well, not particularly pleasant, but still… she _hadn't_ died. And neither had Nick or Alex.

The others had not been as lucky.

Michael, she knew, was still drifting about, lost with Maria to guide him. Sometimes she wondered vaguely to herself how he had ever survived before he'd met Maria. Of course, he'd had Isabel then, but Tess knew that it wasn't the same thing.

"Why did you ask about the future?" Tess questioned finally.

Nick shrugged in response. "I guess I just wondered where you see yourself in twenty years."

Tess pulled idly at a strand of hair, then frowned. She was not used to having straight hair, even after a full year of looking like this. The brown strands hung loosely around her face, and though most mornings she did not mind the fact that it took only a minute or two to style her hair, every now and then she missed the blonde curls.

She missed looking like herself. She missed being Tess Harding.

She'd been a lot of other people before. Ten years with Nasedo, and she had assumed every identity he had wanted her to become, every disguise he'd given her. But she'd been Tess the longest, and she missed it.

She pushed the coffee mug away from herself and rose to her feet, glancing towards the window. In Seattle, it had almost always been gray and overcast, a drizzling rain that fell from the sky and covered everything in soggy dampness. Here in California, the sun shone bright, illuminating every corner of the room, pushing away the shadows.

She missed Seattle.

"I don't know," she answered at long last, her thoughts coming around to Nick's previous question once more. "Twenty years from now… who knows? Things will be different, I suppose."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

She accepted his answer in silence. Twenty years from now… it was a long time. How could she possibly expect to know what it would be like then?

Still, there was one thing she hoped would not change. "Twenty years from now," she said softly, "I see myself with you."

* * *

This is what it feels like when you realize you are lost. The world still turns, sometimes speeding up so that everything moves in a blur, like a VCR or DVD player continually stuck on fast-forward, and life rushes past while you are stuck, sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand, disappearing a little bit more every day, and no one even notices becomes no matter how much you want to cry out, you cannot make any sound at all.

Maria was gone, her eyes glazing over in death as she crumpled across the bed, and Michael felt as though someone had ripped his heart right out of his chest.

* * *

He never did start seeing Isabel.

Michael wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. Maria continued to haunt him, although the frequency of her visits slowly lessened until she came only a few times a month, and always only when he was thinking about her. But Isabel he did not see, and her absence was both a relief and a torment.

He could not stand seeing visions of yet another person he had lost. It would have torn him apart, and his fragile grip on sanity was already starting to fade as the others settled into their routines.

Stop sulking, Space Boy. You're not that cute when you're sullen.

He sat on his sofa, legs propped up on the coffee table, and stared across the room at the phantom. She was leaning against the wall, her eyes narrowed slightly, a mischievous smirk touching the corners of her lips.

It was Saturday.

He worked a dead-end job in a dead-end factory, but it had decent pay and benefits and money was not really the issue anyway. He just needed to spend his time doing something, interacting with other people, so that the ghosts of his past would leave him alone.

Of course, on the weekends, he did not have that distraction.

Are you going to get up any time soon? You look like a slob.

"You know," he answered dryly, "Isabel at least would have been nicer to me."

It's your head, Michael. If you want to see her… well, it's not my fault you're stuck seeing me.

He closed his eyes, a memory coming to the forefront of his mind, playing across the backs of his eyelids.

"_I have to work tonight, Maria," he snapped, exasperated. "I can't just ask for a night off every time it suits you."_

"_This is not some small, insignificant thing," Maria hissed in reply, anger making her voice rise in its pitch. "This is our anniversary."_

"_You say it like it's a wedding anniversary," Michael replied with a roll of his eyes. "It's the two year anniversary of dating, and it isn't a big deal."_

"_You don't get it at all, do you?" Maria nearly shrieked before turning and stalking from the room._

_He showed up three hours later under her window with a bouquet of roses and a reservation at the fanciest restaurant in town. It was as close to an apology as he would ever make, and Maria knew it._

_Despite his faults, she loved him. Despite her faults, he loved her. And they were happy._

Were_ happy._

_Past tense._

_The sun is setting_, the phantom commented casually, glancing towards the window. _The sky lit up red and orange, the horizon a hazy purple. And every shade of yellow you could possibly imagine._

Michael grimaced.

_Oh, right. You don't like yellow_. That comment was accompanied by laughter, soft and mocking.

"It's an ugly color," Michael replied, but he glanced towards the window all the same, staring through it at the sky, at the distant sinking sun. "Who would ever want to wear something that looked like that?"

_I think it's pretty._

"Well, you never did have good fashion sense," he sniped.

_Oh, please. Like you're one to talk. You wouldn't have worn anything other than ripped jeans and the same black t-shirt if I hadn't made you change._

"God, you were so controlling." Michael rose to his feet, striding away from her, away from the living room, in a huff of frustration.

Her voice followed him, echoing in his wake.

_Come on, you know you miss me._

He paused at he doorway to his bedroom, unable to fight off the truth of those words. "Yeah," he whispered. "I do."

* * *

This is what it feels like when you realize you will be left behind. The entire world fades to nothing, slipping through your fingers, and every time you reach out to grab something, you find you can't feel it at all. You're running a race and there is no end, no finish line, nothing at all, and your legs are aching and you gasp for breath but you can't stop sprinting because then the world really will end.

Liz is turning away from him, following her doctor through the hallways of the hospital, and for a moment he thinks he's forgotten how to breathe.

* * *

Liz sat on the floor of their family room, stacking the uniform blocks into the tallest tower she could manage. Alex, his brilliantly blue eyes aglow with delight, jumped up in down in excitement, waiting for her to finish so that he could destroy the tower, sending all the blocks scattering to the ground.

Max watched from the doorway to the kitchen, a faint smile gracing his features.

Alex still looked so much like him. Or, rather, like what Max had looked like before he had changed his appearance. He had the same face-structure, the same dark hair, the same expressions. But still Tess' eyes. The rest of them had changed, hiding their past behind their painful reconstructive powers, but Alex would forever remain a mesh of the past of his two parents.

Liz finished, pulled back, and the blocks went flying, tumbling to the ground amidst Alex's laughter.

With a look of mock outrage, Liz said, "You knocked them all down!"

Max turned and walked back into the kitchen, listening to the sounds of the two floating on the air.

His _son_.

Even after all this time, he could not wrap his mind around the fact that he had a son. Alex was six, and so he had known for a long time that he had a son. Had known for over six years, since the moment he had placed his hand on Tess' stomach and felt the child moving within, reaching out to him. But to actually see that child now, to watch him as he grew…

It made him think of miracles.

A miracle he doubted he would ever have with Liz.

She had been to a doctor, started treatments, and now it was just a waiting game, waiting to see what would happen… But in the mean time, her body was so destroyed she would never be able to carry a child. They could adopt, but given how much the cancer had sucked from their lives, it was doubtful they would have the energy to take care of another child.

So much time lost to this disease…

A moment later, he head the soft thud of footsteps and Liz came to his side, a grin on her tired face. "Alex kicked me out of the room," she confided. "He wants to build a giant tower, and it has to be a surprise. I promised I wouldn't peak."

Max smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. He was glad Liz and Alex got a long so well. At first, he had been a little worried about it. After all, how would Liz take to playing stepmother to her rival's son? But the fact that Tess was Alex's mother had not been enough to change Liz's opinion of the boy.

_After all_, she had told Max once, _he's your son, too. And I love you, so I love him_.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Liz asked gently.

Max rubbed his eyes with one hand. "Remember what it was like before all this?"

"No," Liz answered honestly. "Was there a before?"

Max blinked, accepting that in silence. The war had raged since long before he had hatched, and hadn't his life always revolved around being half-alien? There were always secrets to keep and enemies to fight and people to fear. Nothing had changed in that regard.

"I mean, before the skins found us. Sophomore year of high school."

"We still had the FBI to worry about," Liz pointed out logically. "And anyway, that was a long time ago."

Max nodded slowly, hesitantly. "What about before I healed you? Before you knew who we were? Do you remember that?"

It took Liz a moment to answer, and during the time she remained silent, Max found he could not read the expressions that flickered through her eyes. She pulled at her hair, now a pale brown with blonde highlights, and finally said, "A little. But not much. When I think about it… I think about them…" She trailed off, but Max knew who she meant.

Maria and Alex. Her two best friends, killed by a war that wasn't even theirs in the first place.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Liz nodded vaguely. "Yeah. Me, too."

Max ran his hand over her hair, smoothing down a few wayward tresses. It was odd, seeing her in a form that he barely recognized. Even after a full year of their disguises, he did double-take when he passed himself in the mirror, unused to the reflection that was staring back at him. He wasn't sure he would ever get used to having to call her Shiri in public, to having to respond to the name Jason.

But underneath it all, she was still Liz. It wasn't the looks or the name that the had fallen in love with, and they were minor changes to make if they would save all their lives.

"I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow," Liz said abruptly.

Max nodded, a little distractedly. She always had appointments.

Neither of them said it, but the truth lingered in the air between them. They didn't know what would happen with Liz's cancer, didn't know if she would live for a hundred years or die tomorrow. There were just too many unknowns, too many confusing variables that made it impossible to determine anything at all.

But Liz always had doctor's appointments. She always had classes or support groups or something to go to. And while Max did his best to share her burden, it wasn't the same thing. Even if she lived longer than him, she was still drifting away from, leaving him behind. She was always walking, each day a step further, into a world he could not understand, could never be part of.

The world of the chronically ill.

"Okay! Okay!" Alex came tearing into the room, grabbing Liz's hand in excitement, his little face glowing. "You can see now, Liz! You can see now."

Liz laughed and ruffled his hair, and allowed herself to be dragged behind him towards the family room.

And Max watched, once again, as Liz was pulled away from him.

* * *

This is what it feels like when you realize you are a family. Nothing ever really stops hurting, nothing gets easier, and the pain and problems and fears are still there, but someone it is so much more bearable. Bearable enough that you can keep moving, keep struggling through a never-ending cycle of confusion and hurt. You fall, you get knocked down and pushed around and somehow…

You get back up, and you do it all again.

* * *

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy, Mommy!"

The adults were talking again. And Alex was not happy. Why weren't they paying attention to him? He'd made them a drawing!

Finally, the woman he knew was his Mommy turned and looked down at him, smiling. She didn't look like his Mommy, not anymore. Her hair was dark and straight, her eyes brown instead of the sparkling blue that looked like the sky. They weren't _his_ eyes anymore, and sometimes that made him sad.

He wanted to share his eyes with his Mommy.

So she didn't look like his Mommy… but she still felt like her. And that was how he knew that, despite the different appearance, that woman _was_ his Mommy.

"Yes?" she asked in that tone she used when she was Very Tired.

He held out the drawing proudly. "I made a drawing for you!"

She took it, eyed widening slightly. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said gently. "It is beautiful."

Daddy came to stand next to Mommy. He looked at the picture as well, and smiled. "Great job, Buddy," he said. "Can you draw a picture for me too?"

Alex rolled his eyes and put one hand on his waist. "I already did, Daddy!" he said, and with his other hand he held out the second drawing. Silly adults, not understanding. Of course he had made a picture for Daddy also.

"Oh… thank you," Daddy said in his Surprised Tone.

But Alex couldn't tell if it was a Good Surprise or a Bad Surprise tone. It wasn't the Really Really Bad Surprise Tone, like Daddy had used a year ago when Mommy had gone after the Bad People. And it wasn't the Really Really Good Surprised Tone, like Mommy used when Daddy gave her flowers or other presents.

It left him a little confused. Why was Daddy surprised? Didn't his Daddy know everything?

The man that Alex knew was his second Daddy came to look at the pictures. He didn't really know his second Daddy… no, that was confusing, he decided, and he would start thinking of his second Daddy and his Papa. He didn't really know his Papa, or his Step-Mommy. They were new, just like his Uncle Brennan, and he wasn't entirely sure where they had come from.

He also didn't understand why his Mommy sometimes called his Uncle Brennan by the name Michael instead.

Adults, he decided, were weird.

But his Mommy had said that he was lucky to have a Daddy and a Papa. After all, most kids only had one, and some kids didn't have any. He had _two_!

"Can you make a drawing for me?" his Papa asked.

He nodded happily. "I can make lots of drawings!" he announced, and scurried back to the crayons. As he settled on the floor of the kitchen, spreading the paper out before him, he let the snippets of conversation pass over his head, only catching a few phrases here and there.

"…not insane, Michael. It's just your way of grieving…"

He drew a large blue circle. He wasn't sure what grieving meant, but he thought it might have been like the Very Sad look Mommy and Daddy had worn after Auntie Kate had gone away. Mommy had said she'd gone to heaven. He didn't know what heaven was like, but Mommy said it was really nice.

He wondered if it had ice cream. He liked ice cream. Chocolate was the best.

"…wait until you start talking to dead people, Nick. Or until they start talking back to you. Then you can tell me you feel perfectly normal…"

"…feels weird. I guess I just… don't know how…I really miss her."

"I know. I miss her, too."

He gave the blue circle a head and some legs. He'd make an elephant, he decided, like the one in the book that his Step-Mommy had read to him yesterday. His Papa would like that.

He looked up, glancing at the five adults. His Mommy was leaning against his Daddy, resting her head on his chest. His Daddy was playing with the ends of his Mommy's hair, one arm wrapped around her shoulders. His Papa was standing at the stove, stirring something, and his Step-Mommy was seated at the table, resting her head on her hands. His Uncle Michel was standing across the room, watching his Step-Mommy and his Papa with a look of Great Concern.

He knew Bad Things had happened a while ago. He remembered it, very vaguely. He remembered some Bad People, and Mommy being Really Scared. And even though he was only Six (which was so much older than the Five that he was when all the Bad Things happened), he could pick up on the interactions between the others.

Every now and then, his Mommy would get a look in her eyes, like she wasn't seeing anything around her. He knew that look, and knew it meant she was thinking of Auntie Kate, or of the other people that he didn't remember. It was Remembering Look. It was a Sad Look.

Sometimes, if his Mommy was late getting home, his Daddy would stare at the door. Times like those, Daddy wore his Scared Look. And Alex didn't really know why or what had happened all that time ago, but that Scared Look meant that Daddy was remembering the times when he thought Mommy wasn't coming home ever.

And then there were days when his Step-Mommy didn't have any looks. She'd be confused, or disconnected, and he'd try to talk to her but could see that she wasn't listening. He knew those days were Doctor Days, although he didn't really understand what that meant. He just knew that he had to wait a few hours before his Step-Mommy would be able to play with him again.

On Doctor Days, his Papa get Very Scared also. He was scared for Step-Mommy, although again, Alex did not understand why. On Doctor Days, Papa would sometimes tell him about Aunt Isabel, who had gone to join Auntie Kate in heaven. He didn't remember Auntie Isabel, but his Papa had said that she liked chocolate ice cream also, so Alex figured that she must have been nice.

And then there was Uncle Brennan. Uncle Brennan talked to a Ghost. It wasn't happy talking, and Alex didn't remember Maria at all, so he didn't know why Uncle Brennan talked to her so much. But whenever Uncle Brennan talked to her – or _about_ her – he got a Remembering Look on his face also. And Like Mommy's Remembering Look, it was Not Happy.

Alex bit his lip and stared at his picture. He didn't quite get his Uncle Brennan, but he thought it was cool that he could talk to Ghosts. Even if it was only Maria.

"Almost done!" he announced to the room, and as one, all the adults turned to look at him. They were all wearing Not Happy Looks, but he grinned at them, and they began to smile in reply, the tiredness fading from their faces.

He liked it when they smiled.

"Can we see?" Mommy asked.

Alex nodded, put the finishing touches on his elephant, and around him, his family came together.


	30. Epilogue: Get Back Up and Do It Again 2

Title: On My Knees

Disclaimer: I don't own anything

Author's note: And here we are, the second part of my epilogue and the end of the story. Be sure to read my Author's Note at the end...

* * *

Epilogue: Get Back Up And Do It Again (part two)

_Nine years later…_

Fifteen-year-old Alex Ravin stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked sulkily along the path leading up to the house, kicking his feet against the pavement. His mother, Emilie, turned back towards him with an exasperated glare, but he met her gaze defiantly and refused to let go of his annoyed mood.

"This is ridiculous, Mom," he snapped. "Why do I have to see him?"

"He's your father," Emilie answered sternly. "And it is the seven-year-anniversary of your stepmother's death. Don't you want to be supportive?"

"No. I want to go the baseball game with Chris and Steve! Our coach said…"

"I don't care what your coach said. You aren't going," she answered in her tone that indicated there would be no more discussion on this point.

He lapsed into a sulky silence.

They entered the house, and Alex immediately made a bee-line through the room towards the hulking figure by the fireplace. "Uncle Brendan!"

"Hey, squirt," Brendan replied, tousling his hair.

"Hello, Emilie."

Emilie glanced away from her son and towards the redhead standing before her. "Hello, Serena," she said politely. "I didn't realize you were coming tonight. How are you?"

"I'm doing well," Serena replied. "And you?"

"Fine, thank you."

At that point, she was saved from having to continue the strained conversation by the appearance of another man. He gave her a smile, his gaze moving past her towards her son, then centering again on her dark brown eyes. "Hey, Em."

"Jason," she greeted, and excused herself from Serena to follow the other man into the kitchen. Once they were safely out of earshot of the others, she let a frown mar her face and placed her hands on her hips. "What is she doing here?" she asked without preamble, rolling her eyes in frustration.

"She wanted to come, Emilie," Jason answered. "Serena was friends with Shiri."

"This is ridiculous, _Max_," she replied, stressing the name. "There is no need to refer to me by my pseudonym when there is no one around."

"You can never be too careful, _Tess_," Max answered with a nervous glance towards the kitchen door. Then he shrugged and crossed to the stove, giving the pot of soup a stir with a spoon. "Like I said, Serena was friends with Shiri…" he paused at Tess' glare, then corrected himself, "friends with _Liz_."

Tess couldn't very well argue that point. She and Charlie had stayed in touch, and Serena had ended up being accepted to Berkeley, putting her in relative proximity to the others. Somehow, although Tess wasn't entire sure how, the bitter redhead and Liz had forged an odd friendship, finding some reason to get along despite Serena's dislike for the royal aliens.

"Brendan is here, right?" Max asked. Tess didn't answer right away, and he sighed and said, "Fine. You want to use real names? Is it enough for me to ask if Michael is here, or do you want me to refer to him as General Rath?"

"He's with Alex. Nick should be here shortly, he's picking up Charlie." Tess folded her arms over her chest and gave Max a scrutinizing stare. "How are you doing?"

Max chewed his bottom lip and stared at the soup. When he answered, his voice was hoarse. "Today is a hard day. It is always a hard day. The anniversary…" He trailed off with a sigh and a little half-hearted shrug. Then, apparently unable to continue those thoughts any longer, he asked, "Have you spoken to Jim and Emily?"

"Yes. They were sorry they couldn't make it. But they're doing well. Nick and I are going to visit them next week. I think Alex doesn't really want to come, he hates missing games during baseball season."

"He can stay with me," Max said.

"Yeah," Tess replied with a laugh, "I already assumed that much." Although they had easily worked out an arrangement in which Alex spent an equal amount of time at both houses, Max was always eager to spend more time with his son. And Tess could not blame him for that, particularly given that he had made no effort at all to separate Alex from Nick, or to convince Alex to stop calling Nick "Daddy." He had seemed to accept the other man's role in his son's life, and Tess was grateful for that.

It made everything so much easier.

Of course, it had been partially due to Alex himself, who had no problem accepting the idea that he had more than one father. She smiled inwardly, her son was a remarkable child.

Although, she reflected, he wasn't a child anymore, and he wasn't always a delight.

As an afterthought, she added, "And I'm sure you guys will have a great time. He's going through his sullen teenage stage."

Max answered with a faint smile of his own. "Yeah," he drawled sarcastically, "lots of fun."

* * *

After dinner, Serena cornered Tess in the kitchen, an intense expression on her face.

"Is everything alright?" Tess asked immediately, concerned. She could not understand why Serena would want to speak to her unless something was wrong. The two had only just been able to tolerate each other's presence, and never actively sought out the other.

"Everything is fine," Serena answered. "I just had a question."

"Um… okay."

"About the Granolith."

Red flags and warning bells went off in Tess' mind, and she gazed hesitantly at the human, wondering why she would be asking about something like that. She knew that Liz had explained a lot about the aliens to Serena, and no doubt they had talked about the Granolith, but why mention it now?

"What about it?" she asked cautiously, suspiciously.

"It is made up of energy, right? A pure energy source?"

"It was," Tess answered. "It's gone now."

"It isn't gone," Serena countered thoughtfully, shaking her head.

Now Tess was truly confused. "What do you mean?" she demanded sharply.

"Energy cannot be created or destroyed," Serena answered. "That is one of the fundamental laws of physics. Conservation of energy. It might have shifted form or location, but it was not destroyed." Her gaze turned past Tess, her expression becoming vague and unfocused as she drifted into other thoughts. At last, she said, "And if it is still here, perhaps it can be gathered…"

"Gathered?" Tess echoed. "I don't understand. And anyway, wouldn't it be back on Antar? That is what I used it for, after all."

"No. The energy would have stayed here. Gravity, combined with particle acceleration and thermodynamics…" Again, she trailed off. Then she murmured, "A power source begin enough to tear through the time-space continuum, to pulse basic dimensionalities…"

"Serena," Tess interjected sharply, "what _are_ you talking about?"

Serena looked up at Tess, meeting her gaze. "Time travel," she said simply, but would elaborate no further.

* * *

Tess didn't think about the conversation again until three weeks had passed. Then she received a phone call from a very concerned Michael, and thoughts of the Granolith, Serena, and time travel jumped to the forefront of her mind.

"I just spoke to Serena," Michael explained, and she could hear the distaste in his voice even across the phone lines. The two of them had never been able to patch over their differences, and so the bitterness had remained between them. No doubt Michael had been astounded to discover that Serena had contacted him of her own free will.

"What did she want?" Tess asked, a hard ball of fear knotting in her stomach.

"She was talking about the Granolith."

Tess sucked in a sharp breath. "Have you spoken to Jason?" she asked worriedly. Although it was unlikely that anyone had gone to the trouble of tapping their phone lines, they still made a point of using fake names when communicating via the phone, just in case. It was frustrating, and at times confusing, because Tess would never quite get used to thinking of the others with names other than what they had been given by their human parents. But for safety's sake, Max would be Jason for the duration of the conversation.

Nick, she reflected, had been lucky in that he had only needed to change his last name. She almost wished she could have kept Tess, but it didn't really matter anymore. It would have been too dangerous, they had learned a long time ago not to underestimate the federal government.

"Yeah, I called him right before I called you. Has Serena spoken to you about any of this?"

"Only briefly," Tess replied. "A few weeks ago. I didn't even think about it, she was so vague. What did she tell you?"

"Let's not talk over the phone," Michael answered. "Can you swing by right now?"

Tess glanced over at Nick, who was reading the newspaper, and then at Alex, who was doing his homework. "Yeah, that should be fine," she said, and the unease continued to grow.

When she arrived at Michael's apartment twenty minutes later, she found that Max was already there, sitting n the sofa and drinking Snapple.

They did not waste time with pleasantries.

"What did Serena say?"

Michael sat down in the chair across from Max, and answered grimly, "She thinks the ruins of the pod chamber will hold enough energy to somehow… I don't know. I didn't quite get it. But she thinks she can manipulate the remnants of the Granolith to allow one of us to travel back in time."

"To do what?" Tess asked sharply. "Save the world?"

"That is kind of what she's thinking," Michael replied grimly.

"The world isn't in any danger," Max replied pointedly. "Serena just wants to save Kate."

Michael hesitated, then asked, "Don't you want to save Isabel? And Maria?" He nodded his head to Tess and added, "And Kyle of course."

Under her breath, Tess whispered, "And Alex Whitman."

There was an awkward silence. It was the one topic they did not discuss, the one subject that would always stand between them, causing a rift. Thought Max and Michael had both agreed that this was not her fault, that she had tried to save the sweet-natured computer geek, there was some lingering animosity that would never go away.

And Tess accepted that. What else could she do?

Michael cleared his throat and said, "If it is possible…"

"The logistics and details can be discussed some other time," Max interrupted. "Some time when Serena is here to explain it to us. Right now, I think we need to focus on whether or not this is even a good idea. It is the moral and ethical implications I am worried about."

"What is the worst that could happen?" Michael demanded.

"We completely destroy the future," Max replied sarcastically. "We could make it worse." He hesitated, then said in a softer, slightly hurt, tone, "And yes, of course I want to save Isabel. And everyone else. How can you even ask me that?"

Tess noted silently that he did not mention Liz, but the shadow in his eyes was enough to tell her that he was thinking of her, wondering if somehow her fate could be changed as well.

Michael sighed. "Antar hasn't been saved. We might be safe here on Earth, but on Antar…"

"We don't know that," Max countered. "We don't know anything about what is happening on Antar. We've had no communication from them in ten years."

"Civil wars of that scale do not end in ten years," Tess murmured.

Max sighed. "Look, I agree with what you are saying, I really do. But I also think we need to be a little bit more… cautious. We need to really think this through." After a pause, he added, "And we need to talk to Serena."

* * *

And so they talked. And debated. And asked question after question after question. They hesitated, they refused, they argued. Weeks passed, and then months, and Serena grew impatient, upset, angry. And still they talked.

But in the end, the action that prompted the final decision was not what they had expected.

They were attacked.

* * *

Eight months after Serena had originally mentioned the plan to Michael, he was cornered by three skins in the grocery store parking lot.

"Ten years, General Rath," one of the skins sneered as he walked forward. "Ten years you have managed to hide from us. But did you really think you would escape completely?"

Michael glanced sideways, his eyes landing worriedly on the people leaving the grocery store. The last thing he wanted was to be shown using his abilities in broad daylight. The speculation over the attack in Liz's hospital room all that time ago had taken years to die down, to fade to another unexplained mystery.

Except that not all of it had faded. Though the three remaining royals had been left in relative peace the country itself had suffered under the totalitarian policies of the more unscrupulous agencies. Tapping phone lines had become commonplace, as had the occasional _disappearance_ of anyone thought to be suspicious. It was subtle, almost unidentifiable, but it was still there.

And Michael did not want to make it worse.

In vain, he attempted a plea for reason, "Do you really want to fight here?"

The first skin, the one who had spoken, gave a derisive laugh. "Why would we care about your pathetic need to hide from the government? The more people who want you dead, the better for all of us."

Another skin strode forward and said icily, "Civil war has torn apart our planet. Turned it to nothing more than a broken land, with no prosperity and no hope for the future. We have had no good leaders, no strong leaders, since his most royal Majesty, King Khivar, died. But by killing you, our faction will further its strength. I will bring your head back to Antar, and we will seize the throne. And who knows, General. One day we might just take over this pretty little planet you seem to love so much."

It was clear, then, that the talking was over.

And Michael had only one option left.

He trained his powers downward, focusing on the ground beneath his feet. It was easy enough to make it shake, to cause the ground to tremble as though an earthquake had hit. And no one would suspect anything different – this was California, after all.

The skins were thrown momentarily off-balance.

All around him, people shrieked and rushed to stand in doorways and crawl underneath tables. The parking lot was quickly abandoned, and Michael used that moment to cause the ground beneath the three skins to crack, to burst open, rocks spewing into the air.

Then he turned and ran, not bothering to look back.

He didn't know if he'd been seen by the wrong people, if news of is powers would somehow end up all over the media. He hoped the earthquake would be enough to explain the strange phenomenon of an exploding parking lot, but it didn't really matter.

The skins had found them again.

* * *

The meeting was brief and to the point, and the grim expression on the faces of those gathered in the living room was enough for Alex to know exactly what they were talking about. His mother did her best to hide her fears from him, as did both his fathers and his uncle. But he had heard whispers of Serena's plan, and he knew what it meant.

He knew why they were meeting.

He sat on the stairs, half-hidden behind the banister, and listened as the same tired arguments played back and forth through the tense room.

"Even if it is possible, we still don't know what the outcome will be."

"Does it matter?"

"Are you willing to risk everything for this crazy plan?"

"What have we got to lose?"

"Our lives."

Alex listened, and he knew that they had more to lose than they realized. His mother hadn't thought about it yet, but she would, soon. And she would come to the conclusion that if they stopped the past from happening, they would irrevocably alter one thing very, very important to him.

His birth.

After all, he was a product of the skins' effort to destroy the Royal Four. Perhaps he had never been unloved, never been unwanted, but he certainly had not been planned. And if they changed the past, they would possibly erase him, erase any chance he had at existence.

Right now, the entire discussion was theoretical. Right now, they had no idea if it was at all possible to harness the remnants of energy, to utilize it the way Serena wanted. But if it was possible…

"I don't know about this, Michael. What if it was just three skins? They might not even be much of threat."

"What if it turns out to be an entire legion? An army? Who knows how big their faction is. Do you really want to take that risk?"

Alex did not remember his Aunt Isabel. He did not remember Maria, or his Uncle Kyle, and he had only very vague memories of Liz. But he saw the haunted look in his Uncle Brendan's… no, _Michael's_… eyes every time Maria was mentioned, saw the way his biological father flinched and lowered his gaze at the mention of Liz or Isabel, saw the pain reflected in his mother and grandfather's expressions when they spoke of Kyle.

He did not remember war. But he saw the effects of it in the way they always clung to the background, wanting to blend in. Despite the ten years that had passed, there was still an air of unease that hung over the group, a reminder of just how quickly everything could fall apart.

If there was another war, they would not survive it.

They could not lose another person.

But there would always be the threat of that war, of a continuing attack. Nothing would change that, nothing would make it better. The FBI had left them alone, but what of the others? The CIA, the NSA, the Military?

His mother had told him once that the FBI did everything they possibly could to prevent this from spiraling out of control. That was probably part of the reason that the government hadn't found them, that they had been able to live in relative peace for ten years – because a small faction within the FBI was helping them.

What happened when that faction could no longer work? What happened when the secrets could no longer be contained? The FBI had smoothed things over once – not all the way, but good enough – and yet Alex knew that it was impossible to predict if they would be able to do it again.

He was fifteen, almost sixteen. He was supposed to have his entire life stretched out before him, He was supposed to be thinking about girls, not war.

He was the same age his parents had been when they had discovered who they really were and what was expected from them. He was the same age when they were forced to stop thinking about their own lives and worry instead about the lives of millions of others, destroyed by this war.

He rose to his feet and walked down the stairs. All eyes turned towards him. He ignored the others and stared directly at his biological father, the one-time King of Antar.

"If there is a chance to fix this, to stop this future from happening," he said softly, firmly, "I think you have to take it."

* * *

My mother used to tell me all the time that I was lucky. Lucky to have two fathers who cared for me. Lucky to have an uncle, a cousin, and a grandfather, all of whom loved me. Lucky to have a family, a place where I belonged.

And I knew I was lucky. And I knew I was loved.

But I also knew this world was not the way it was supposed to be.

When I looked in my father's eyes and told him to fix this, I knew what I was saying. I knew I might never be born, I might never have a chance to live, to laugh, to love. I knew the sacrifices I was making, the sacrifices we were all making. And I knew how hard it would be for all of them to let me go.

But I also knew there was a chance. A hope. A possibility.

Every time we fall, we get back up and fight again. And again. And again. Every time we make a mistake, we learn and we fix it and we start over, stat anew. Start fresh.

And maybe, this time, we just might get it right.

* * *

Author's note: Alright, people, here's the deal - This story is actually a companion piece to my other story _Paradise_. And there will be a third story, primarily focused on the Conventional Couples, called _Dimensionality_ that will tie together the entire trilogy. I should start posting that story sometime within the next week or so. See below for a description of the story...

Dimensionality: What if Future Max had come back in time more than once? What if he had already attempted to save the future, but only ever made it worse? _How many more times could he screw this up_, he wondered, _a__nd just how many more times until he finally got it right?_


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